This is going to be great! I'm sure I'll have a new one by this weekend :)

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Susan Harrell
http://www.endurancezone.com

   
"I will love you forever...unconditionally".

Dumbest thing I ever said to a woman. :-)

"Can I be your second boyfriend?"

I said no.

My ex-boyfriend went away for three weeks and when he returned he told me that I "looked less fat" than when he left.

I was walking down the street in LoDo Denver when a guy comes running up to me and opens with "Are you afraid to talk to strangers?"

Me: No, not normally
Him: I saw you and I just had to run to catch up to you to meet you. You want to get coffee?
Me: My husband doesn't like me having coffee with other men, but thanks for asking (said with a smile)

At that point he got huffy and wanted to know why I wasn't wearing a wedding ring... which I explained was really none of his business (I don't wear one because I have RA and it's too hard to get it on/off when I ride my horse.) Now keep in mind, this guy looked like Mario Batali and was puffing and sweating from jogging 1 block to catch me. Overall, an odd encounter.

Hubby as he picks me out in a crowd from behind (after my first half marathon) "I would recognize that waddle anywhere."

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No coasting in running and no crying in baseball

I was in "transition" in labor with my first child, I had no drugs on board, had just puked, and my husband said, "You're doing fine."

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

This is a great thread. A friend once hit on a woman by introducing himself and asking "Do you like to do things?" She said "what sort of things?" He says "Just things." Ha ha....I was embarrassed for my gender.

I'm glad to see that there are some men reading this! Mens, please feel free to post the dumb shit you've said and dumb shit your friends have said. This could get good ;)

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Just remembered this little gem from a few years ago. I was in the weight room at the gym and I asked this guy if I could work in on an incline bench (there weren't any others available). So after my first set of flys, I went to go on to my next thing and he said, "You look like you could beat me up, and I think I like that." WTF? Didn't do any more sets of fly that day.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

"Mens, please feel free to post the dumb shit you've said "

I met my (2nd) wife at a scuba diving social. I was divorced and my girlfriend of two years had broken up with me several months earlier so I was a bit of a sad case. A (male) friend of mine had been trying to set me up with the gal who would later become wife #2. I had never met her and at his urging, went over and introduced myself. Unfortunately I had a few drinks by this time. The conversation seemed a bit flat and as she was leaving said to me "we should go for a dive sometime". To which, like an idiot, I replied "Hey baby, I could dive on you any time".

The next day my friend called me up and told me that I should ask her out for a date. I wasn't so sure and told him that she must think I'm a total A-hole for what I said. He responded "well that too, but I think she also really likes you, so give her a call". I did and the rest is history.

*hand smacking forehead* OMFG, no you didn't say that! Wow. The fact that she even spoke to you after that is to her credit (and I guess, in a weird way, yours too). Guys, if you're reading this, DO NOT SAY THAT!

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

"no you didn't say that!"

Yes I did. Duh. What was I thinking, but hey, it got me a date.

No, no, no. You got the date in spite of saying that. :)

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Guess I must be irrestable to the opposite sex. :-)

I teach fitness classes and when I left my old gym because I was moving, a participant (guy, of course) came up to me after class.

He wished me good luck and told me 'You really lost weight over the years. When you first started here, you were so fat it was a joke.'

Um, I had lost about 20 pounds over 3 years, yes, but still! Sadly, he thought he was paying me a compliment.

That's sort of like "You look pretty good for your age". Give a compliment and take it away at the same time.

Wow. Yeah, any guy fucktarded enough to refer to a woman's weight in a conversation with said woman is a sterilization candidate. There is no excuse for being both that dumb and that rude.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

"well, you're no oil painting, but neither am i so that's ok i guess"... Ex-boyfriend... you should have seen him squirming to get his foot out of his mouth after that one....needless to say, after a series of similar gaffs, I'm far happier single now (with healthier self esteem funnily enough)! LOL

Lol. I particularly like how he specified the medium. Awesome. I mean, maybe you're a pastel and he's a watercolor. WTF? Glad to hear you're happy and single!

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Ha.. yes, this is the same ex, who after my 2nd Ironman comp (he didn't see the first one) said at the conclusion of the race, "can we go home pretty soon because i'm really tired, it's been a really long day". umm, yah! hard day sitting in the car, playing on his phone, snoozing, occasionally cheering me on... NFI. but at least he has given me some entertaining stories to recount!

Holy balls! That's my favorite so far. Please tell me you dumped his ass after ingesting some fluids, yummy salty food, a shower and a nice long sleep.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Now that is really funny. LOL!! Even I couldn't come up with something that stupid.

that i did! :P

I dated a guy once who told me "your legs are like logs." He thought it was a compliment.

When I responded with a :| face, he tried to explain... "I mean, they are so thick and sturdy. You know, strong, like a log. That's good."

Not helping. Stop talking.

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mmm-mmm-Momo Charms
Handmade beverage charms, jewelry, and miscellanea
http://momocharms.wordpress.com

"Now that I've met you, I'm complete"
Runaway runaway runaway NOW.
If this is not a red flag (said on a second date, no less), I don't know what is.

Oh shit. Did you excuse yourself right then or what? I like my men "complete" too.

I just had a fucking awesome one. At my LBS picking up my new trainer (KK Road Machine bitches!) and this guy from my morning coffee joint walks in. (This guy, though I think pretty harmless and relatively well intentioned, is just clueless; his comments could be their own thread.) He starts chatting, asking what I'm getting, etc. and then asks if I'm going to do any tts or cross races. I say maybe a tt but no cross cause I'm too worried about getting hurt, and I don't want to fuck up my tri season. (Notice I said season.) Then he says, "Oh, you could do a tri. You could do it, especially a sprint," at which point the LBS guys just started laughing.
Wow, cool, good to know, dude.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Nice! Really, Womens, there is so much material here, the thread almost writes itself.

Men, when talking about women's legs the terms we like to hear are: strong, cut, ripped, sexy, rockin, fast, badass, beautiful, etc. Save things like logs, sturdy, thick, beefy, big for talking about things like your truck, large pieces of furniture, and the lies you tell about your nether regions.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Kinda on the same topic. The asshole I WAS dating until recently had the most awesomeness words of encouragement after REV3 Anderson. Here let me prefise this though. We broke up, got back together a few weeks before, I traveled up there by myself, totally not prepared for that bike course, had GI issues on the run, but I finished that son of bitch in 6 hours. Now, as I'm talking to him on the phone, laying in bed bc my legs are shredded and there's no standing, he tells me (not good job) but "it's ok, you have next season to make up for the disappointments of this one"
I was happy I finished and didn't give up bc that would have been a lot less painful

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Susan Harrell
http://www.endurancezone.com

So jealous!

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Reminds me of the time my husband (yes, husband, not ex) was supposed to fly out to watch me race IM Hawaii. He was supposed to arrive mid-morning the day of the race, settle in, and the only thing I had asked him to do was stand outside the condo I rented (along the run course) so I could see him and get a boost of energy on the run. Then we would meet up after the race and enjoy a few days of R&R before heading back to work. He wasn't outside the condo on the run course, which was a bummer, but I just figured I'd look for him at the finish line. Didn't see him there, and was just getting some ice for my knee in the med tent, when he walks up to me and says, "You will not believe the day I had. I am exhausted!" Turns out he'd missed his flight, managed to get on a later one, and had only just arrived a short time earlier.

It gets better, though. I wanted to watch the later finishers, so we found a place in the stands and watched for awhile. Around 11PM, he says he has to go back to the condo. "I'm too tired to stay up." Never mind the fact that I've been up since before 4AM and just raced an IM. He was too tired to stay. But, we only had one car, and I was not about to walk the 2-1/2 miles back to the condo alone, so we left.

That was 7 years ago, and he never has lived that down. But, to his credit, he has been incredibly helpful to me during two subsequent IMs, and it's really not his job to watch me race.

After knowing I have done triathlons, some stupid ass clown asked if I rode a bike? The same stupid ass clown told me I am skinny. Shit, what a dumb thing to say.
One thing that really gets me that both sexes (especially men) say is "How are you GUYS doing?" When I am with my girlfriends and no males are present.

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DISH is how we do it.

I was at a bar and met a guy who when we got up to dance said, "you look much better standing up."
Fortunately I really dug his friend and not him.
That happened about 18 years ago and it's the only line I ever really remember any guys giving me.

My EX husband once introduced me as his first wife. We were still married at the time.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

This is a language issues - English doesn't really have a set second person plural (comparable to "vosotros" in Spanish or "jullie" in Dutch) - we do have "you all / y'all (south) ... I think that's where "you guys" comes in. 'You guys' is just becoming a neutral second-person subject.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

but you'd probably had all kinds of caffeinated gels!

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Ha! No, just uncaffeinated Infinit. But I am ALWAYS wired after IMs. I can't get to sleep for hours, then wake up early and can't get back to sleep. Five IMs, all different time zones, and it's happened every time.

I agree which is why people should use you all rather than you guys.

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DISH is how we do it.

I thought I replied to this but it seems my post was eaten. I don't like the use of "you all!" I would say "How is everyone?"

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

This was more of a dumb thing boys say. Back in High School, I was an awkward kid, real shy around girls but had been hitting it off nicely at school with a pretty brunette named Gwen. One day she asked me "Watch doing after school"? The response I gave that I regret to this day: "Going deer hunting". Groan.

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Pete Githens
Reading, PA

A guy told me last night that I was well preserved for my age. He was 33, I'm 32.

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Susan Harrell
http://www.endurancezone.com

TC, it is so awesome! Everything I wanted it to be. I have no excuses now, lol. Thank you KK!

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Grrrr. I don't know if he is an athlete or not, but when anyone (other than a coach or a pro) tries to tell me something like that, especially in the immediate post-race emotionally raw period, I find it incredibly annoying.

Great job on your REV3 Anderson, btw. GI issues f-ing suck.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Wow. What the hell? That is just cruel. I'm so glad you're rid of that asshole Jen.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Hi Eileen :)

What is up with these guys saying they're tired, or in this case "exhausted," to someone who just did an IM? Have they lost their minds? Men, has your SO ever said that to you after a race? I'm guessing that doesn't happen very often. Just out of curiosity Eileen, did he offer to walk back and leave the car for you?

BTW, I think the set-up you had arranged--him arriving the day of the race and planning on being on the run course to cheer--is brilliant! I've often wondered what I would do about family if I qualify for Kona because I'd definitely want them to be there afterward, and I'd love for my kids to see the event, but I don't want anyone in my physical or mental space before a race. Great, great idea--thanks!

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

See, Mens, do not comment on a woman's weight to that woman. Never. Many people would think that calling a woman "skinny" would be a compliment, but many triathletes do not think so. Of course, this dude asked if you rode a bike after talking about tris, so he's probably not firing on all cylinders.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

32? WTF? Is that "old" by anyone's standards? Seh, you have a target rich environment for douchebags. What is the deal?

Mens, age--don't touch that one with a ten foot pole, unless you want to go home alone or perpetually chase 22 year olds, cause I'm sure they'll dig you forever.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Sorry Mr. October, while a missed opportunity, this is not a dumb thing to say. Many women would be even more attracted to a guy who didn't jump at the first opportunity to be with her, you know, a little proverbial hard-to-get. I, for one, like a guy who is passionate about something and doesn't let things--including me--get in the way of his passion. If a guy doesn't have something in their life they're passionate about, I think that's a personality red flag.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Exactly this.

Besides, "watch-doing" makes no sense anyway, and I'm not sure there is a "correct" answer when one is asked about doing watches.

"it's really not his job to watch me race"

I assume he's not a triathlete? Most triathletes don't realize how unexciting IM is to watch. I watched my wife race an IM, was there rooting at the finish line and pretended that I had a really exciting day seeing her enter/leave T1, and then go by once on the bike course and a couple of times on the run over a 13 hr period. Another time she was racing a half but I decided to just do the sprint. There was a nice pub with an outdoor cafe along the 1/2 bike course. I went to the outdoor cafe for lunch after the sprint and as she rode by I lifted my pint of beer and rooted for her. She told me later she should have done the sprint. LOL!!

I introduced him to triathlons. He had finished his first Oly that morning (swim was canceled) and finished 2nd (there were only 3 ppl in his age group) Asshole

And thanks! Bathroom stop at every porta potty. Leg muscles were seizing up bc of it too

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Susan Harrell
http://www.endurancezone.com

Oh fucking hell, that is the worst! Super impressive that you toughed it out and finished. That's some strong work right there sista.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

A guy told me last night that I was well preserved for my age. He was 33, I'm 32.
32? WTF? Is that "old" by anyone's standards? Seh, you have a target rich environment for douchebags. What is the deal?

Mens, age--don't touch that one with a ten foot pole, unless you want to go home alone or perpetually chase 22 year olds, cause I'm sure they'll dig you forever.


You have no idea... My friends inform me a book should be written. At least it leads to funny conversations over wine

And yes guys - stay away from age

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Susan Harrell
http://www.endurancezone.com

I'm beginning to have a girl crush on you

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Susan Harrell
http://www.endurancezone.com

It's mutual ;)

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

ok, keep it going :) My story is regarding my ex-wife . Years ago I asked here to ride her bike (she doesn't run) whilst I ran along beside her. It was a flat stretch of road and needless to say I was pretty much out of air trying to keep up with her when all of a sudden she says" well, if your not going to talk I'll just turn around and go home" and she did, too!

No, he's not a triathlete. He'll occasionally come out on bike rides with me (he'll turn around after a certain point; I will keep going), but he's not a swimmer or a runner. We do, however, have a good understanding of each other, developed over many years. He understands how much working out and competing means to me, and he lets me do my thing without bitching about (for example) my being out on the bike all day or our laundry room being full of wet lycra. I, in turn, do not expect him to be my cheerleader, sports psychologist, or tri sherpa. He is welcome, but not obligated, to come to my races. If he comes, he is encouraged, but not expected, to spectate. I totally get how unexciting it is to spectate a tri.

I will occasionally ask him for favors related to my racing, but they are always couched as favors, not as expectations. He has never refused. He will occasionally ask me to refrain from signing up for a certain race, because he wants me to do something with him, instead. That's fine. I've never refused.

I know that a lot of people who are really into tri or other sports want spouses or significant others who are into the same types of sports. I, frankly, am happy I'm with someone who has other interests. It's also worked out well, as I've been battling a series of injuries that have sidelined me from any real racing for over a year. It's tough enough not being able to properly train or race; it would be almost unbearable if I were living with a triathlete, who was happily doing the things I'd give almost anything to be able to do.

'it would be almost unbearable if I were living with a triathlete, who was happily doing the things I'd give almost anything to be able to do."


I hear you. I "retired" at the end of 2011 and didn't race at all in 2012 but my wife is still racing local sprints/olys and I'm starting to get the bug again. Triathlon is something my wife and I started together close to 15 years ago. For many years we mostly did local area sprints/olys. What we liked about that was that every weekend if not a near by short course tri there was a 5/10 km run or a century roadie ride available. On other weekends we'd scuba dive together. My wife took it to a different level however. She started to get into longer course doing the occassional 1/2 while I stuck to short (and posting on ST:-). It's nice to have the same interests but that's certainly not a deal maker in any relationship. We're a bit older, both been divorced and my kids from my 1st marriage have grown up (almost) so we don't have the young family stresses that many triathletes would have. She would never have done IM if not winning a lottery spot at Kona. I'll never forget the first reaction - "oh shit, now I have to actually train for this damn thing". That was the year that we both qualified for the ITU world's AG short course and the plan was to go together, but with winning the Kona lottery it was a no brainer.

Back to the OP. When you think about it, an IM is also a long day for the supporters. You're there two hours before the race starts with your sig other and stay until the very end but don't get the adrenaline rush that the competitors have. It really is a long tiring day for those watching, but for different reasons. I understand why the boyfriends were tired and wanted to go home because that's how I felt, but saying so would have been raining on the parade, so it was a "dumb shit" thing for them to say.

I have raced 2 ironmans and spectated 4. I can 100% honestly say that I was more exhausted after spectating every one.

Jodi

Haha...so hilarious that we have a live example of this in the main forum right now. That guy is a gem!

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Here's a 1st date contribution:
"Can I stay over tonight? I think I'm too drunk to drive home, nothing has to happen, we can just cuddle..."
Angry Response:
"Um, I think you'll be fine. You just drove ME home. Bye!"

My last date, I had broken up a couple of times with this girl, she asked why I came back, my response "because you are the only one who will take me back...", and that is why I am alone, what a dumbass!

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"You do what you have to do , so can do what you want to do."

You are right, this stupid ass clown is not firing on all cylinders. He was looking to come up on something more than a bike ride. I cannot be bothered with such crap. As for my size and weight, I am just as skinny as an obese person 20 pounds lighter calling his/herself "skinny." I just don't look like most people wandering around a county fair.

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_____________________________________
DISH is how we do it.

Eeeeeeeewwwww.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Duron, good job owning the dumbness of this, but why would you want to be with someone "because [they're] the only one who will take [you] back..."? Wouldn't you rather just be alone?

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

"This, my friend, is the heart of the dumb-shit-guys-say problem."

May I suggest a new thread called "Nice shit that guys say (sometimes)"

Would be interesting to see if the same posters would respond. :-)

So my "ex" had too many to even think of...by my favorite by far -

a (male) friend in college had his girlfriend in the car with him. They pull up to a red light. He looks from the driver side across his girlfriend to the car next to him. It is an attractive female. He then leans over his girlfriend and says..."how you doin'?".

Still love it!

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________________________________________________
Don't Just Live, Thrive!
Thrive Kinematics Physical Therapy - http://www.facebook.com/...8178667572974?ref=hl

Yes, that is a great idea for a thread. Damn it, Cerveloguy! ;)

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

I know the term "LOL" is overused, but really, I am laughing so hard thinking about that. Oy!

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

The best part about this....we are from the West Coast...he said: "how you doin?" in the worst fake NY/NJ accent! Just hilarious!

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________________________________________________
Don't Just Live, Thrive!
Thrive Kinematics Physical Therapy - http://www.facebook.com/...8178667572974?ref=hl

My name is Victoria and every so often when I meet a guy they will say "What's your secret!" Every guy says it as if they just came up with something super creative and it is the first time I have ever heard it......

if i had a nickel for every time i'd heard "hey k, whaddya say?" accompanied by a look-how-clever-i-am grin, i'd be able to buy my pick of superbikes.

cheers!

-mistress k

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ill advised racing inc.

It wasn't a pick up line but the woman had clearly heard it many times before and wasn't amused. I was walking down the street in Washington DC where there was a women standing in front of fortune teller/palm reader store. She was handing out coupons for some sort of discount. As she handed me one, I said "I knew that you were going to give me this." She gave me a "I've only heard that line a hundred times today" look. LOL, I thought I was being very clever.

:) I don't think the get-together would have been anything more then an innocent high school romance but I can still remember sitting in my treestand that night over a field and saying out loud "Going deer hunting!?". LOL! It still sticks with me as dumb and funny.

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Pete Githens
Reading, PA

Before we started dating (but were interested in each other) I told my wife about my two day hike I once took. On said hike I drank stagnant water and spent the second day puking and shitting.

She later told me that she was thinking "why is he telling me this?"

Still managed to marry her though. Yup, I am awesome.

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How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?

I don't know if that qualifies. I think that would be mopre of a litmus test for your wife. I mean, would you really want to marry someone who couldn't handle a little talk of puke or poo? You had giardia; what were you supposed to do? Now, the real question is, does she know you crapped your pants trying to get that fart out in your thirties?

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

I decided to not tell her about that one. Although she likely would have laughed her ass off.

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How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?

From my soon to be former boss when discussing a future job interview he knew I had.
"I don't know why you're so worried. You're husband has a good job and anything you make is just gravy."
Yes, gravy. Yippee for me.

From another guy at the same place.
"Why are you keeping your classes and mine are cut? I have a wife and kids to support and you don't."
Oh, I forgot we were hired on our personal life issues. Yes, married women should be home in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant. Asshole.

From another guy at the same place.
"You know the guys don't mean to be sexist around you. The problem is you're too much like one of the guys so they forget you're a girl and just say things."
Um, okay.

I don't talk to them about sports. Lord knows what they would say.


Because I think some of you will enjoy it, I present you mansplained.tumblr.com While "academic" focused, I'm sure you'll enjoy the dumb shit guys have said.

See, it's cause she passed the puke and diarrhea litmus test. You married well :)

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Good God! What field do you work in? That's a whole lotta crazy sexism right there.

"I have a wife and kids to support and you don't" What? Did he say that with a straight face?

I continue to be astounded at some of the dumb shit guys say in the workplace. At my institution, also academic, we all have to have regular sexual harassment training, so, at some basic level, these guys are at least aware that this stuff is not OK to say.

When I first started working here (12 years ago) I was working with a bunch of surgeons and one them asked me if I had a boyfriend. We were all--six guys and me--standing around the OR table. I said no. So then this guy (we'll call him Dude #1) is like, well so and so is single (one of the guys in the room), maybe you guys should go out. I said, "Um, I have a girl friend" (I did have a girl friend at the time). Dead silence for a very long two minutes. Then Dude #1 said, "So are you guys the kind of lesbians that keep a double ender on your mantle?" At which point all the guys started cracking up (keep in mind we were at the beginning of a 4 hour surgery). Surgeons are infamous for this kind of banter, and I was not about to cave. I said, "I feel sorry for your wife; you're one of those guys who still thinks you need a penis and penetration to have an orgasm." To their credit, all of the guys cracked up again, including him.

I had to work with that guy every day for a year. He has been "rehabilitated" and we are now very good friends, but I still give him shit about saying that. Unbelievable.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

My current husband story, I just finished my first marathon. I went out too fast, and my quads were screaming as I struggled to the finish line. Not two minutes later my husband is at the finish line. Says, "nice job". He hands me our sleeping 2 year old and says "I am going for a run, see ya in an hour". Let me tell you, it was really hard to hold the kid, but it was absolutely impossible for me to bend down and lie him on some grass...not to mention that my four year wasn't too helpful". finally, as I am walking like Frankenstein down the road, I saw someone I knew, that helped me out. the good part was my first marathon time was 24 seconds faster than his first one 6 months earlier!!!

Oh it was all said with a straight face. Always is and in the few times I have told them they were being pigs, they are shocked. "What? But it's true! I have a family to support and you don't. My wife doesn't work and you have a good job!" When pointing out that that stuff shouldn't matter, they don't get why not. The kicker? Aussie, Canadian and American guys in their 30-50s are making these comments, not crusty old guys.

A bit of background that might help explain things. I live in Japan. All those snide jokes about zero to hero white guys in Asia is 95% true. Most of these guys are "trapped" here with wives, kids and no hope in hell of finding a decent job "back home" because they have pretty much zero qualifications or skills. There is a pecking order and foreign guys are at the bottom, just above the foreign women. So they try and bully the few foreign females who are here I assume to make themselves feel better. The "funny" thing is that things are changing and with the population drop people are being let go as student numbers drop. The foreign women, mostly all well qualified, are keeping their jobs, getting promotions. The word is out that it is now "reverse" sexism because these guys are being let go. Um, no. And even if it was, you had your turn, why not give us ours?

If you work in academia you know it's "publish or perish". Most of these guys have done jack in terms of papers, presentations or professional development. The women run circles around them in terms of qualifications and publishings. But.... They have kids. My husband has a good job. Um, reality check jackasses. Many are thinking of packing up and "going home". Not too sure what to as they are so behind the "race" it isn't even funny.

Oh, and I did get the job. And have faced more nasty comments from the men that I thought possible. I obviously know someone, have slept with someone or did "something" to get my job. Certainly I wasn't hired because I was the best person and a man wasn't.

Please tell me you don't work with such assholes on a regular basis! I wish we had sexual harassment training. The "wife and kids" guy got accused of sexually harassing a Japanese female prof and you know what happened? He walked around and openly called her a bitch within ear shot and thought I should talk to her. Um, no. His word against hers so nothing happened. Reverse of you. This guy was a friend until he had a kid and started telling me I needed to have a baby to make my life complete and all that other shit above. No idea where or why it happened but he went from being a decent guy to a pig in the matter of a few months.

" it appears that there Is a need--and want--for a thread dedicated to the stupid shit guys say."

I've really enjoyed reading and participating on this thread, but wow, there seems to be some very angry womens out there.

Perhaps the women seem to be angry because stupid shit men sy is constantly on repeat and gets old.

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_____________________________________
DISH is how we do it.

Although I've had may fair share of idiotic comments thrown my way by unenlightened males over the years, I am so thankful for my guy friends. Life would be so boring without their input (useful and otherwise)! Case in point: While looking very fit and buff way back in my tree-planting days, one guy says to another - "I bet she could take a round out of you" - which basically meant from then on I was getting NO dates that summer...thanks, pal... ;-)

"Perhaps the women seem to be angry because stupid shit men sy is constantly on repeat and gets old."


I have four female cousins. Three of them are chronically angry towards men. Two are divorced without kids and the other has never been married but has a string of failed relationships and has recently announced that she's "given up" on men. They're not young chicks any more, all are in their early 50's. According to these three, its always the man's fault. If I was to tell them something like that it sometimes works both ways or it takes two to tango or both could be at fault, I'd no doubt be material for this thread if they posted here. :-).

Yikes! They must not be wrapped tight.

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DISH is how we do it.

Goes without saying that this is yet another fine example, right? Or does pointing this out make me "angry"?

Can we include excessive foul language on this list?

We could, except I'm a woman. So we would probably need to start a different thread for that.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Then Dude #1 said, "So are you guys the kind of lesbians that keep a double ender on your mantle?"

Situations like that are ripe for smart-ass responses as in, "No, we just use your wife's."

Hahaha! That would have been awesome!

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Being the sarcastic smart-ass that I am, these type of responses come easily to me.

I thought I did OK;) This was, afterall, 12 years ago...I've fine-tuned my inner smartass since then.

I always think of 20 better things afterward, still.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

I think of this as a venting thread. I bet most of us aren't angry Womens :) I think there is a BIG difference between being angry as a state of being and getting angry. I have a low threshold for douchiness, but I wouldn't characterize myself as angry. Quite the opposite, actually. And make no mistake, I do not hate men. Again, quite the opposite. Most of my good friends are guys.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Congratulations on getting the job! Yay!

I still work with guys like this, but if things get out of line now, then I just lay down the law. I have no problem looking at them and telling them they're crossing a line, and to knock it off. When I was younger I was too afraid of the repercussions that might stem from that, and now I just don't give a shit. It's very liberating, actually :)
Interestingly, I now kind of have a "don't mess with her" reputation, so the problem has mostly solved itself. I do, however, find myself mothering/protecting some of the younger womens who are not comfortable speaking up. I have no problem with this either, I just wish it wasn't needed. It does get a little old, you know, after years and years of the same bs :)

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

hahaha.

OK, that makes me feel better;)

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

I think Winston Churchill needs to be quoted here...heard during a social function some 70 years ago,during introductions and preceded by more than a little imbibing.
Churchill: You, Madame, are ugly!
Madame: And you, sir, are drunk!
Churchill: That my be true, but at least I'll be sober in the morning.

Churchill: You, Madame, are ugly!
Madame: And you, sir, are drunk!
Churchill: That my be true, but at least I'll be sober in the morning.

LOL!!. Now that was just plain mean.

Yeah, and it's completely hilarious if you look at this and imagine him saying it.
He is sooooooooooooo hot!

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

I can't figure out why not having kids is relevant. Would they be less angry if they did? Seems they'd be more pissed since they are likely essentially single mothers now.

This is a venting thread. We all hear dumb shit. I'm sure there could be a thread stared about dumb shit women say but I wouldn't see it as angry. I see it as bonding over common experiences.

I think we'd all be surprised at how little we talk about the opposite sex when we are together. Men rarely come up in conversations I have with my women friends, even single ones without kids.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

"I can't figure out why not having kids is relevant."

Because in two cases they wanted kids but it was the husbands that didn't and talked them into not having them, only to leave them when past fertility. Sort of a double whammy. I certainly understand that some women genuinely don't want kids, but in these cases I can also certainly understand their anger, especially since one of the ex's "changed his mind" and then started a family with a younger woman. I must have been indirectly thinking about this when posting. Short of like shooting from the hip.

Thanks Tori! I'm looking forward to starting it in April! This week will be my last day at the penis party PT teacher's room - yippeee! Don't get me wrong, most of the times these guys are great but sometimes they say things that honestly shock me and make me wonder if they respect me and other other women based on some of their comments. I also find myself playing role of defender to some other women. No idea why to be honest. I guess I just feel that if they won't do it, the treatment of those of use with breasts might get worse.


And yes, women say some stupid shit too. Often I find women are the ones who make the most sexist remarks with regards to work and gender roles.

While mountain biking up a steep hill with my husband he said, "I didn't know you could ride that slow and still stay upright." He was serious.

At a triathlon club picnic, he loudly said, "Oh my God! Are you eating ANOTHER big hamburger?" to a really skinny runner girl.

We know a couple that is vertically challenged and he would call them Hobbits. To their faces. I'm not kidding.

I need to start writing these things down and make a book of ridiculous things my husband said. I think most women could write this same book.

Oh those are fantastic!!! He does have redeeming qualities, right?

There are a couple of guys I work with who will always comment on how much I can eat or drink (I have a pretty high tolerance for a woman). I think people who don't train hard have no idea how many calories it takes to maintain. I love food, so it's usually not a big deal, but some days I find myself just choking something down just to be fueled for workout #2 or #3. Regardless, weight and food volume are generally dangerous areas guys. I'm guessing few tridudes make that mistake though;)

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

He gets away with all of this because he is cute and charming. But just barely.

That is excellent.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

"Honey, I didnt Marry you for your looks."........ that didnt go over very well. I was trying to convince my then wife that I didnt mind her going to the convenience store with me....even though she had just woke up and felt underdressed. Trust me, it was an ongoing confidence issue with her that I had exhausted ALL other methods of conquering. I was desperate for her to just be happy with herself. BACKFIRE!

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"WHEW...I really regret that workout!"..............Noone

LOL!!

My mother was a teenage girl on the night in the UK when Churchill did his "we will fight them on the beaches" speech. She remembers that night very well. She's 88 now, but I'm sure she'll testify that Winston was the sexiest man on the planet at that moment.

Speaks volumes about what power, confidence, and a hard edge can do;)

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Ouch. OK, maybe not the nicest way to put it, but I can empathize with your frustration. I've had friends who were like that, and I didn't get it, but I'm a jeans and tshirt girl. Actually, I probably should put in a little more effort, but I just don't have the patience for it.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

"Do you know if they carry digestive enzymes in this aisle?"

So completely AWESOME! You deserve an award!

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Just today I was talking to a male coworker about cars. We have an Altezza - a car he's never heard of. He actually told me that there was no way I had an Altezza as they don't exist. Um, thanks google and iphone. It shut him up pretty quickly but seriously, I don't know what kind of car I have and am being told by some guy who has never ever seen it? Muppet.

I'm dating someone now with confidence issues like this. I'll be sure to not use that line.

Less than a year after getting married my wife was going to the basement to get the laundry out of the dryer and I was in the kitchen doing dishes. I hear a thud, thud and go over to the door to the basement where she is piled up at the bottom of the stairs. I ask her what happened and she replies that she fell. So I say, "How'd you fall? I mean you've done stairs before, right?" Oops. Somehow I convinced her to stay married to me but this one comes up anytime there is a conversation about saying dumb things.

I love it when guys post their own dumb shit. Those are some of the best.

Strong work.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Before we were dating my husband did the craziest thing to get my attention. We were both students in a class that was separated into two groups. His group finished early so he stood in the doorway watching me. When I caught him he jerked backwards and flashed his middle finger at me! I was so confused and annoyed I immediately chased him down and asked him why he did that. He flushed bright red stammered and stuttered and when he was finally able to speak he said "I was secretly watching you because i think youre hot and when you caught me I didn't know what to do." The "hot" part won me over despite the warning signs of the mild stalking. Turns out he is the worlds best Tri coach, Sherpa, race supporter ever. Besides being a wonderful husband and father. So I guess you can't always judge a man by horrible first encounters, sometimes they are just flustered!

Late to the game but I can add. Had a couple of girls come into my store this summer. Both of them I am attracted to and was single at the time. I was suprised they came into the store as they never do, I know them from other places. After a bit of small talk, the one asked me if I would like to go for beers with them after work? I was stunned, deer in the headlights stunned. My reply was "I have to pick up my truck from the shop" My truck was in getting an oil change. I didn't need it though as I ride to and from work. After some recovery talk I managed to fix it and did go for beers. Ended up dating the one girl for a bit, but "life" got in the way. Both of them still tease me about " I have to get my truck" every time I see them.

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Scott McNamee
Cranks Bicycle Shoppe

This is fantastic. Wow. I'm at a loss here. Is it really possible for someone to not know what kind of car they have? JFC, dude.
Shit like that either doubles me over in laughter or sends me to the heavy bag. It's such a fine line.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Hahaha. Yeah, as soon as they start acting like an 8th grader, you know they're into you;) Sounds like he made a good rally :)

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Sorry, cdnbiker, I'm not gonna let this one hang in the "dumb shit" category because it just isn't. Like the earlier post from the guy who told a girl who asked him what he was doing after school that he was going "deer hunting," it's not dumb to not jump at the first opportunity to be with a woman you're into. Too easy = lame.

Man, when you said you were attracted to both of them and they came into the shop together, I thought this post was going to go in a whole different direction. If you had messed up that opportunity we could have put it in the "dumb shit" category;)

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

The only one that I can think of is that I hooked up with a long-time friend...once the clothes were off I told her: "You have the best breasts I've ever seen on a live woman...."

We are still friends 19 years later and continue to crack up about that one.

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__________________________________________________________________
Eat right. Get lots of sleep. Drink plenty of fluids. Go like Hell.

That is quite fantastic. Hilarious :)

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

For the win, post of the week!

Quad's post is awesome, but, Recoverie, I'm still giving you the win for the double post. It was brilliant. Really.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Thanks, LTT. It just came to me when I saw two opposing threads. Thanks for the set up!

Ha, ha. Cue the music.

" Like the earlier post from the guy who told a girl who asked him what he was doing after school that he was going "deer hunting," it's not dumb "

Tell that one to my daughter. She's a vegan. It would be a really dumb thing to say to her.

No, it would be a "smart" thing to say to her. Vegans are weird.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Try researching it sometime. Vegan/vegetarian makes a lot of sense healthwise. We don't need that amount of animal products in our western diet. Why else do you think so many people are so obese and unhealthy? Even if you don't want to do it full time, cutting back on animal foods will help anybody's health. I still eat some animal products, but have really cut it way back over the past 15 yrs. I'm 61 yrs old, same B.P. and body weight as age 25, and look a lot younger with more energy than any of my same age friends. I contribute that to diet more than swimming/biking or running.

I have researched it; I just don't agree. I think meat is naturally part of a human diet. I think eating processed food is the problem. I think people are obese because they have a sedentary lifestyle, eat too much food, and much of it is processed.

I eat meat almost every day, and have read meat at least 4 meals of the week. I eat cheese and butter a lot. If I make mashed potatoes for 6, I'll start with 1/2lb of butter and go up from there. Bacon, sausage--yum! And we raise pigs, so that's something we have a lot.

BP is always <90/<50. Cholesterol, low. Triglycerides 114*, BF between 9-10%.

I credit it to genetics, minimal processed food, and lots of different strength and speed work.

*Edited to amend a stupid factor of ten problem--not 114, 14. Though I just had more bloodwork done, and they were at 38 this time; maybe I should cut back on the bacon, cheese, and butter.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Does it make it even better that he's the guy that bleats on about having a family to support?? Am thankfully done with him and that university!

I have found myself thinking about this story a few times since you posted it. It makes me chuckle every time.
I'm so glad you're out of there:) I hope the next environment is a huge improvement. Hugs to you.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

have read meat at least 4 meals of the week

You shouldn't do that. Reading at meal times takes away from quality interaction with your family.
Sorry, couldn't resist. :)

Squid! Are you picking on me? My fragile little ego can't take it! ;)

I totally deserve that. I make stupid mistakes like that all of the time. I should actually go through and read stuff before I post it.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

This really disheveled, older dude in a TRX class told me six-packs aren't attractive and he's never seen them look sexy on women. So, I should give up.

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kelly dunleavy o'mara
@kellydomara

And he thought you cared about his opinion because??? :)

What a dumbass thing to say. Yeah, dude, the only reason I workout is to look sexy for guys. Wow. Neat.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Wife, 34 weeks pregnant with twins, sleeping downstairs because she is unable to walk up the stairs. Me sleeping upstairs so that I can take care of our two year old.

Two in the morning, I her my wife downstairs calling my name. I go to the top of the stairs and she yells that her water just broke. I say " are you sure you didn't wet the bed?". Amazingly, we are still married.

Excellent. She's a kind, forgiving woman :)

My first baby came five weeks early; with no signs of labor, my water broke in the middle of the night. I woke up my husband and said, "Either my water just broke, or I just pissed myself, and either way, I'm gonna need your help."

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

I just have to share this, kinda fits the forum....My girlfriend of 3 years is totally awesome, much to smart for me :)

I've been nominated for runner of the year from our runners club. I told her that in a couple of weeks, good things could happen and she may be sleeping with a "Runner of the Year" award winner, basicly a major award!!! Without missing a beat her reply was " I sure hope someone good wins" then proceeds to pop me on the bum with a wet dish towel...

I hope guys can participate here...

I told my current girlfriend (who, by the way, is about 10x hotter than I am)
"Are you sure you don't like girls? 'Cause if you did, I wouldn't consider it cheating if you included me"
To which she replied, "The shit that comes out of your mouth!"

I was kidding, of course...mostly

Without missing a beat her reply was " I sure hope someone good wins"

Ha ha! that's witty. Reminds me of Rodney Dangerfield when he said "My wife told me that she wants to have sex in the backseat of the car, and she wants me to drive."

The saying we use in our house is "Just kidding...unless you're gonna do it" ;)

Great one, BTW. And I applaud you for owning the hotness disparity between you and your GF.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Yeah...the saying around work:

Women are crazy
Men are stupid
Somewhere in between, there's love

To which one of the women said,
"It's the stupid men that make us crazy"

I had nothing to say.

Haha! Excellent!

JFTR, women do and say PLENTY of crazy, dumb shit. Plenty.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Here's a nice little one from today:

One of the guys I collaborate with--in his mid 60s--turned to me today and said, "I like what you have going on with your hair and the clothes--you look like an Oakland Raiders chic."

Yes, it got weird.

"Raiders chic"??? I have on jeans, a black long sleeved, regular necked, fitted t-shirt, and a big (below the ass), wrap around, high collared grey/silver sweater. Other than the black and grey, I'm just not really sure where he was going with that, and why, oh why, he felt the need to utter that out loud. And my hair is short. I haven't watched pro football in a long time, but I don't remember seeing any short haired cheerleaders. Isn't that against cheerleading law or something?

Kinda like, "Hey, I know we work together on stuff that requires your brain, but you look like a bimbo cheerleader." WTF?

Haha...a pic!



Nope, not one short-haired, high-collared, big sweater wearer in the group.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

One week before a race I cared about, I was walking downstairs, slid and severely sprained my ankle. I'm in a heap at the bottom of the steps saying "ohmygodohmygodohmygod" My (now ex) husband calls down, "Is the cat OK?"

I was so confused. What the hell does the cat have to do with this?? I was yelling at him to get downstairs because I needed his help. Apparently he thought I'd tripped on a cat and hurt the cat. But, shouldn't he still be more worried about me?

We laughed about that one for a long time.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

Gotta join the fun after reading some of these hilarious stories. First off I have never been good at approaching the womens and probably never will be good at it but Ill give it my best until I find the right one. Two examples below...

First attempt at getting a girl friend was my junior year in high school (yeah late awkward bloomer). I had a crush on one of the cheer leaders so I bought some flowers to give to her after practice. I ran track and we usually finished up around the same time. I made sure to get to my car and get the mostly dead flowers I bought at lunch and left in my car for several hours in the summer heat before she was done with practice. As her and her friends were walking to the parking lot I started to approach them with said flowers, they all had this strange look on their faces, kinda like why is this nerd walking towards us with those nasty flowers??? As I was getting closer I stepped off a curb that I wasn't aware of and hit the ground face first after hyper-extending my knee and further damaging the effing flowers. I pick myself up determined to get a date out of this whole debacle, walk straight up to the laughing girls hand the one I like the flowers and said "I got these for you at lunch" she took them with a stunned look on her face and I immediately turned around walked to my car and went home. Two weeks later she asked me to the sadie hawkins dance and we dated for four years. Still cant figure out how why that worked out, she always said "it was cute"???


About a year after breaking up with the girl above I was with some friends at a bar on the more drunk than I should be side of things when this woman probably 10 years older than me (think cougar) walks in with a couple of friends. I was instantly infatuated with her and was pushed into going over and talking to her by my buddies (who dared not follow). I went over to her and said "I really want to have sex with you but I dont have any money to buy you dinner with because Im poor" to which she replied "well thats too bad because if you took me out to nice dinner I would rock your world............now go away". So I went back to my buddies with my tail between my legs. Later that night she did come over and talked with us guys and poked fun at my failed pickup but she did give me some great advice that I still use to this day. She told me that a pretty fool proof pickup line was to say "Hi my name is (insert name here) and I would like to buy you a drink" she said most women will talk to you while they drink that drink and if there is more to talk about when that one runs dry buy her another...

Noxious, welcome to the Womens.

Those are both excellent, only the second one qualifies as "dumb shit" though. The first one is completely endearing--and, hey, it totally worked! You can't be that much of a dork;) You got the girl, right?

I even think the second one, while smacking of drunken hubris, is still pretty awesome. I LOVE her response. Awesome. It's amazing that the whole "introduce yourself and buy a drink thing" hasn't taken off more, isn't it?

Just one question, do you still think you have to buy dinner to get laid?

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Guy from one of my maths classes, to whom I should not have given my number, texted today "home sick. Let me know how the quiz was." I texted back, "quiz was fine, hope you feel better." He texted back "come take care of me."

Not impressed.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Holly moly, do you get dizzy standing up? My BP is low but not that low and I have to be careful not to stand up too fast.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

I have horrifc orthostatic hypotention--yes, I get dizzy. Sometimes I have to bend over or squat down if I get up too fast. Some days are worse than others.
It's actually kind of funny...when I go to the Dr. and the nurse or assistant is getting my vitals, I just sit back and watch their face as they get my BP. Almost always, they retake it, and make some comment about it being freaky low or thinking I'm in shock or something.

The only time it was "normal" was when I was pregnant.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Ah, yes, the pros and cons of texting.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

There was once a girl that would very often ask me "what I was thinking about", which was really code for wanting to know if I was thinking about her. Drove me nuts, so I divorced her.

Awe, I think it's cute - though if he's suffering from man flu, stay away!!


I drive a manual (said car that I may or may not know the name of!) and it amazes me that guys make a big deal out of a chick driving stick. "Wow! You can drive stick". Is it because men have issues learning how to drive manual cars or am I missing something??

I think its a euphemism;)

I hate that...I wouldn't have been able to take that either.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Yeah Im surprised the be a normal person route hasn't taken off a bit more! It wasnt too long after that drunken debacle that I became a bar tender at a very popular bar in the city, I learned a lot over the two years just watching the miserable failed attempts and the successful ones, plus everyone loves the bartender;) If I had to sum up what I learned over those years in a sentence, it would be this. Confidence is different than arrogance, be more interesting than a bar stool, find something interesting to talk about (no that doesn't include yourself) and listen to what she has to say.

Oh yeah, and wrap that shit up! We don't need you contaminating the gene pool further!

Noxious, you're a wise, wise man. Most men would significantly benefit from your sentence. I'll repost for posterity:

Confidence is different than arrogance, be more interesting than a bar stool, find something interesting to talk about (no that doesn't include yourself) and listen to what she has to say.

I also tended bar for a number of years, and I learned many valuable lessons from that side of the bar. You'd be surprised with how many men and women significantly struggle with "be more interesting than the bar stool". I was often much more dumbfounded by the women than the men.

I just had a great one coming back with lunch. I had a cup of coffee in one hand, and a taco salad in the other (it's really just a vehicle for hot sauce), and this guy who works on my floor said, "You know, if you didn't eat so much, you probably wouldn't have to work out so hard." It's a very good thing I had my hands full, as the reflexive bitch-slap was almost over powering. My response, "Dude, don't be a dumbass. I eat this much so I can work out that hard." Douche.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

I was taking care of a drunk driver in the ER who had just injured a bunch of people. I walked back in his room to tell him about his injuries and that he was going to be admitted. I then noticed that he had his hand under the sheet and was jerking off. He then asked me to blow him. Um, no thanks dude.

You win.

There's no way anyone can beat that.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

I'm back ladies with a new one. Last night, sitting at a nice little bar with a guy friend talking tris, life etc. I had just finished telling that I'm not out much because I like to just hang out, bbq, drink wine and that I hate how guys are annoying when they are drunk and trying to hitting on you. I'd just rather not deal with it.... WIthin 5 effing minutes. Dude walks over and tells my friend he needs to slide over so he can talk with me because I'm so fine.

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Susan Harrell
http://www.endurancezone.com

One day my g/f and I ran into my ex g/f out on the town. Both girls got to meet each other. You could cut the air with a knife. Anyway, 3 days later my g/f and I wake up and she tells me she has been having dreams. She said it was of me and another girl being intimate and in a relationship. She wouldn't tell me who it was, so I guessed. In an attempt to be funny and lighten the situation up, I asked if the girl was Jennifer Anniston-
Me " Is it Jennifer Anniston?"
G/F " No it's not "
Me "Whew, for a second I thought we were having the same dream"

Definitely did not go over well.....

What up girl?

Still in douchelandia?

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

What? Oh, c'mon. That's just funny.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

2013 as sucked some serious balls... Kinda why I haven't been on. But yes, always in douchelandia it seems.

How about you?

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Susan Harrell
http://www.endurancezone.com

I'm glad you're back :)

I've had my share of stutter steps in 2013. Staring down a couple of gnarly work deadlines, and I hate, loathe and detest the pool in the winter, but other than that...

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

It wasn't a pick up line, but I still cringed inwardly when I had to ask a cute pharmacist where the cold sore medication is. Pretty sure the mere mention of cold sores is an immediate turn off no matter how clinically trained she is.

There's a group of us middle age guys that meet for happy hour every friday after work. One of the guys, about 57 years old, will always address a young female server (usually in her 20's) by saying "what's your name, darling?" and when asked what he would like, will sometimes say "For you to tell me when your shift is over." It even creeps me out! lol

You win! No way anybody could beat that! Hahaha

Reading it creeped me out!

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Susan Harrell
http://www.endurancezone.com

I'm a mechanic at a bike shop these days and a guy walks up to the counter and says, "Do you have any saddle recommendations, this one is chewing up my ass. Look..." He holds up a cellphone where he has taken a pic. He took a picture! Who does that? My boss did not say a word about my use of an expletive, and my refusal to wait on him. He has not been back.

Woah. That is hilarious.

Did he have a nice ass? I mean, aside from the chewed up part and all.

Of course, I'm joking. Guys seem to have a penchant for taking pics of their bits with their phones. Sillies.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

I don't know how I missed this one. What the hell?

Two things:
1) As somebody who worked as a waitress/bartender for many years, let me tell you, you do not want to say shit like that to whoever is the main interface between your drinks and food and you. I never did anything like that, but, oh hells yes, it is done.
2) It might be wise and a little less painful for you, if you'd like to continue going out with this on-the-surface-seeming-douche, to point out to your 57(how he has made it this long without a hefty bitch slap is a little beyond me) year old friend that his M.O. has never worked. NEVER. Does the waitress ever go out with him? Does he ever get the digits? And, the name she gives him? Nope, that's not her's either.

Squid, in all seriousness, you seem too cool and, um, you know, cognizant, to hang out with this guy. What's the deal?

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

The amount of shit wait staff have to put up with is gross.

I was mansplained today on facebook... Foreigners have a hard time getting credit cards in Japan due to well, racism/xenophobia... call it what you will. A bunch of us were explaining how we got rejected for cards when some jackass pipes up that "It isn't racism. You probably filled in the application wrong. I've never had a problem and I've been here X amount of years..." Yes, ALL of us idiots filled in the application wrong. My reply was along the lines of "Well, I guess my Japanese boyfriend must have made a mistake". Twat. Anyone else have 'that guy" who you aren't friends with, have never met but manages to pop up all over facebook and annoy the crap out of you because he knows it all?

I did have to laugh. The last time I read the thread the guys were all screaming at each other if it is discrimination, racism, xenophobia, nationalism, nationalityism....

Ok, so this new co-worker asked me to go with him to a happy hour. I had just met the guy for a few weeks and seemed like a cool guy to hang out and have a few beers. After we order our first round, this woman sits right next to us (at the bar) and my co-worker approaches her, and the very first thing that came out of his mouth was: " I like your nose...". When I heard that, I thought I was dreaming, having a nightmare. I wanted to run away from that place and never come back.

Now it's been over a year about the incident, and I still giving him shit about that. He's still single by the way.

you seem too cool

You don't know me very well. :)
In all seriousness, while I would never do that sort of thing, I do find it amusing due to the fact that he's making a fool of himself. He's not a bad guy (great tipper), though, and he doesn't do this all the time. Actually, I find his republican leaning comments more offensive (but that's a Lavender Rm topic). I wouldn't have any friends at all if I eliminated the one's that were imperfect.

"where is luckytotri these days, speaking of lithium deprived and all" is pretty inappropriate, IMO.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Sometimes the dumbest shit guys say is to not say anything at all.

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Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

Like when your Mrs asks "Does my ass look big in this?" and you say nothing?

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

No, the dumb shit thing here is her asking, "Does my ass look big in this?"

If a woman (or man) is asking this question she is:
a) insecure
b) doesn't know how to use a mirror
c) fishing for some sort of "compliment", and how that is ever satisfying, I will never understand
d) some combo of a, b, c or all of the above

Seriously, that is what mirrors and honest self evaluation are for; don't set your SO up to fail like that.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

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Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

Get a room, you two. :)

You beat me to it.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

Demented minds think alike. :)

Jeez, Squid, for a guy who prides himself in being a sarcastic smartass, that was kinda generic. I'm a little disappointed in you;)

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

ahaha just started reading this -- I was doing the same at my gym and some massively built guy wearing a 'trainer' t-shit (not the official one of the gym) said:

"You know doing that will make your boobies smaller. True fact."

Haha, awesome:) Great one. "Boobies." Gotta love guys who say "boobies."

This is a recurring theme, the whole, women-only-work-out-to-make-their-bodies-attractive-to-men thing. WTF? How about for health? How about to be a competitive athlete? What did you say to this guy when he said that to you? "How do your nuts look after all those roids?"

I have almost no tits. When I worked as a personal trainer I had MANY people say to me, in some form or another, "You would have a perfect body if you got implants/had boobs." Hmmm. OK. My body can't be "perfect" unless I have surgery? Well, that sucks. And, again, let's leave my ability to perform as an athlete completely out of the equation. WTF? I think breasts are beautiful. I COMPLETELY understand why they're attractive, but I am not about to get fucking implants. Again, I get why some women do that, and don't judge them (too much) for that, but I just would never do it. No way. Lucky for me, there are ass men;)

I was always a little baffled that people felt like this was an OK thing to say. Weird. Would you tell someone they should get a nose job? And, FTR, it was usually women, not men, who would make this comment:/ Again, weird.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

on the 'sturdy' legs issue --

in college, during a makeout session, my paramour said 'wow your legs are burly'

yep i repeat, burly.

I got that I have peasant legs

I didn't have my "A" game that day. :)

What a sweet talker...grrrr baby;)

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

That reminds me of the time when a guy friend told me I looked like I was "built to lift heavy weights."

My husband used to tell me that I walk like a trucker..

Cheers!

-mistress k

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ill advised racing inc.

Good one :)

When I was doing some training with the Marines in Quantico we spent an afternoon learning to call in artillery to different positions. There were about 250 of us in this particular exercise, and by "us" I mean 230 guys and about 20 women. The DIs were taking turns calling out individuals to use the mic and call in different things. OK, so lots of dudes in a room, and over the course of the afternoon ~20 people were on the mic. I got called on, and so I started "calling" in my directions. I was about 4 seconds in and my DI interrupted and said, "Did I just dial a 1-900 number? Try to make it sound like an order for Christ's sake."

Um, OK. I have a "raspy" voice. Always have. When I smoked, which I did then, it was worse. OK, dude, I'll just change my voice. I'll get right on that. And thanks a lot for calling attention to that in front of the other dudes, with which there is always enough inherent weirdness. Awesome.

The other thing that complicated this situation, is that I have a very unfortunate habit of uncontrollably laughing when I'm being reprimanded or in "trouble." Man, that went over like a dream in the military.

Yep, so there I was, now laughing, trying to change my voice and finish an artillery call. Neat.

I ended up doing a lot of push ups that afternoon.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

I might've once said "I'm fine waiting until marriage if that's what you want"

So dumb.

I think implants look good on very few women, especially muscular women. Some women do look great with them though, but to pressure women to get them or not get them is silliness. I think the gals with boobs should enjoy them and those without should enjoy that pleasure too. I consider it a great joy in my life to NOT have dudes staring at my tits.

p.s. can you believe how insane guys are over that swimsuit model Kate Upton? That woman could run for office and she would get elected on the off chance that she might have a wardrobe malfunction.

Haha, yeah, how'd that go for ya?

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

OK, I kinda live under a rock, so I had to look up who she is. She's lovely, and, well, they're lovely. No doubt. Honestly, if she could hypnotize the idiotic men of congress into doing something useful, I would vote for her tits in a heartbeat.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

I consider it a great joy in my life to NOT have dudes staring at my tits.

Well, how selfish of you! :)

As I was doing my anti-golf rant on the "Nice shit that guys say" forum I was reminded of this little gem. Brought to me by the same ex-boyfriend, of course. We had already broken up but stayed on good terms, and a few months later at my first sprint tri in several years I came out of the water and there he was on the beach. How nice! Since everyone is in a rush to get the hell out of the water and onto the bike it wasn't a good time to stop and catch up but he got a big smile from me. I said Hi then, and I said Hi nice to see you on my way out of T1. I actually looked forward to seeing him after the race. When I got back to T2 and out on the run he was gone.

When I spoke to him later he complained that he didn't really get to see me and I was busy, and since he didn't know how long it would be for the race to finish he just went home. I guess asking one of the 200 spectators there when we'd all be done didn't occur to him.

So, even thought it was my event and a fun morning I had looked forward to all spring, he put the guilt on and made it about himself. Nice move, dude. Thanks for that....and you wonder why I dumped you...?

I love the ones where the guy is complaining about the length/fatigue/boredom of waiting for the womens to finish a tri. Damn, man, STFU.

Here's my gem of the week;

Had to go get some blood work done. I sat down and the phlebotomist said, no joke, "Woah, have you ever heard of man hands? You have man arms!" I was in a good mood, so I just started laughing, which probably just encouraged him, but then he called over the other three phlebotomists to look at my veins, and then they were counting how many easily stickable veins I had, at which point one said, "I could even hit this one up here on your shoulder." Um, OK, guys, show's over.

I did end up saying to the guy that though I didn't mind, he really shouldn't do that. He apologized profusely and insisted it was a compliment. Yeah, OK, "man arms" just screams compliment doesn't it?

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Yeah, that's right up there with post #26 "Your legs are like logs". That one still makes me laugh!

Note to Guys: Comparing a woman's parts to that of a man's parts is rarely seen as complimentary...but hey if she brings it up first then it's Game On.

If you know they have implants they aren't done right. You'd be surprised at how many good boob jobs you see and just don't know it.

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Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

:/

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

My sister paid thousands for a natural looking boob job (she's 5'9 - was competitive swimmer HS/College - 36A to a 36C so very natural looking) with tiny scars in her armpits that eventually faded...when you hug her they didn't feel like two hard cantaloups.

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"Though she be but little, she is fierce" ~Shakespeare | Powered by HD Coaching | 2014 Wattie Ink Triathlon Team | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

This past month I spent a week in Oz for a wedding where I shared a house with a guy that has to be the one of the dumbest individuals I've ever met. A high school drop out so I think he feels the need to mansplain things to all females to make himself feel smart or something. Seriously, EVERYTHING! He knows everything. I've picked a few highlights...

I walk into the kitchen one evening and notice that there are large patches of sugar dumped on the counter. I ask the other three what the heck was going on with the sugar. Mansplainer tells me that he's put the sugar on the counter so that overnight he can attract the ants and they can come in and he'll kill them all for us and "solve the ant problem". No, I am not making this shit up. Needless to say I told he needed to get his ass in the kitchen and clean up the sugar.

One day while going snorkeling he decides to tell me how to swim by rays so they don't attack me. "Swim slowly over them but don't splash too much because then they might attack you and you'd die like the Crocodile guy".

He was commenting about how racist Oz was and then about two hours later started to complain that he hates all Asian food, how Chinese folks and other Asians are rude and demanded we have India for dinner. My husband is Japanese and thankfully has was not around to hear this tirade of stupidity.

On my last day I picked up my suitcase to judge how heavy it was. I had a 40Kg baggage allowance (Vietnam Airlines). I figured it was about 25kg. Mansplainer comes over, picks up my bag and declares it to be "too heavy". "It's at least 30kg and you won't be allowed to get that on the plane." When I tell him it's about 25 and I am fine, he starts on about union laws, back problems and law suits and there is no way in hell I will get that bag on the plane. I pull out my ticket and show him the 40kg limit written on it. He then goes on about how it means TWO bags. When I explain to him that I called and asked, he goes on and on about how I must have misunderstood them. Yes, "I" misunderstood it all. My bag actually was 24kg and one bag is fine.

Unreal that ONE man can be this dumb. And at 40 he wonders why he's not married.

Doofus. There's gotta be a word for somebody who thinks he's showing off expertise but it's at the expense of the person he's talking to. It's nice that you were gentle with him.

That is RUDE and I apologize on behalf of all men who say dumb stuff...

I've lost track of the number of stupid things I've said to my wonderful wife over the last 18 years of marriage. To her credit, she acknowledges my occasional stupidity and loves me anyway. :)

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- John
"Have courage, and be kind."

Getting into the pool at the local Y the other day: You are in great shape. Do you exercise regularly?

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Susan Harrell
http://www.endurancezone.com

Ha ha....that's funny. It's like the line from Dumb and Dumber- "are those your skis?" "yes." "Both of them?"

I think this is more proof, that if a woman likes you, you can say just about anything. And usually if she doesn't like you nothing a guy can say will change her mind.

My Mum has a great one.

She went on a date with a vet who got quite drunk, looked intently at her and said "You have eyes just like a heffer!"

Mum had grown up in farm country and knew that heffers have lovely brown eyes and it was intended as a compliment, but still wasn't thrilled at being compared to a cow. There was no second date.

I was working at a university and I had asked one of my students to come in to fill out some paperwork. She stuck her head in my office but I was tied up on the phone and told her it would be a few minutes until I could meet with her. She told me she would be in our computer lab and to just let her know once I was free. When my call was over I went to the computer lab and discovered she had her pant legs rolled up to her knees and she was getting a demonstration on how to tape up her shins because she was suffering from shin splints. I leaned against the door jam and watched for a few minutes before my mouth decided to engage without any input from my brain and at this point I proceeded to say "When you get done, why don't you pull down your pants and come to my office and I'll give you what you need." About 2 seconds after I said that my brain kicked in and I started stumbling through a very embarrassed apology to the laughter of everyone in the computer lab.

A group of us were doing some post run stretches and somehow the conversation got directed to facial hair. One of the women commented on how she had once kissed a guy with a mustache and how she hadn't enjoyed it. A friend of mine had a serious crush on this woman and sees an opportunity to bond with her and decides it's a good idea to relate by saying, "I dated a girl with a mustache once and you're right, it wasn't really fun to kiss her because it would always tickle my lips."

Same friend from above was having some people over to his house for a BBQ. My girlfriend and I arrived late in the evening and during our hellos, my girlfriend asked if one of her girlfriends was there. My buddy said she had been there but she had to leave and after a slight pause added "....I think she had to leave because of the full moon." I had no idea what he meant by that and my girlfriend looks at me so I can explain what this "bro code" meant. I asked my friend "What does the full moon have to do with with anything?" My buddy replies with "Well you know, it's a full moon....and women get their period during a full moon." After a long fit of laughter my girlfriend explained to him that menstrual cycles are not based off phases of the moon. I wisely kept my mouth shut and refrained from making any type of werewolf jokes.

LOL!
My husband is also a vet, and when I was pregnant (3 times already!) he used to tell me how cows looked down there ;-)) while expecting - just like mine looked, I suppose! In moments like these I really wanted to hit him with sth really HEAVY!!!
I adore my kids and here is a sweet present for all moms
http://www.craftskids.org/wreath-deer/
do it together with kids - he's so cute and funny - my children adore him, our poor Rudolpho - Christmas is coming!!!

Probably one of the dumbest things I ever said to a woman was when my ex was trying on a new dress and asked me "Honey, does this dress make me look a bit heavier". To which I replied "Yeah, I think it does."

Sometimes being honest is the dumbest thing a guy can say.

Or, perhaps assuming that women are too weak to handle your honesty, especially when they ask for it, is dumbest thing a guy can do.

Just sayin'

I feel sorry for guys who get asked this question. YOu can't answer it fairly in most cases without a shit storm. I have no idea why the hell any woman would ask such a question. Do you feel good in it? Yes? Wear it. No? Find something else.

At one point, my now ex girlfriend (not related to this) mentioned that she was quite fat in her undergrad days.

Since she was athletic this surprised me, and I said "Wow! I couldn't imagine you fat". You're thinking, that doesn't sound too bad, and you'd be right, except that I panicked and though to myself 'Shit! You just called her fat! Think of something quick you ass or you'll offend her!' so I brilliantly added "ter" to the end of that sentence.

We're good friends still and she still teases me about it every once in a while.

"You hardly need to lose any weight at all"

Holy shit that's funny!

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Susan Harrell
http://www.endurancezone.com

The funniest was his expression of sudden realization after it came out of his mouth. It was good for an easy 5 years of bringing it up and laughing about it.

At least he realized it after it left his mouth. Does make it funnier too :)

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Susan Harrell
http://www.endurancezone.com

 
The most memorable times where all after I gave birth.
After my first child, sometimes later we were talking to some friends who didnt have kids, and his response was to the effect, "I don't want to talk about it, it hurt too much."
His comment after our second child was born, was "Well, that was easy."
And our third was "I have to go to work now."


My husband says dumb stuff all the time I can't remember them all. I would be able to write a book thicker then a dictionary if I took notes, but I rather he say tactless things and be 100% honest with me then tip-toe around issues, otherwise I would never be able to have a happy and healthy marriage. Although, the 'hey honey look how big my poop is' gets old after 12 years of marriage. What is it with guys and bathrooms?!

"I want to bang the geek out of you" - ew ew ew. I /love/ being a nerdgirl!

"You're totally like a Botecelli model" - WTF?! I was a little curvy, but NOWHERE that big. Broke my heart.

A couple regulars at the bar I frequent have also taken to calling me "Little miss sunshine". I know they mean it kindly because I'm blond and generally positive/happy, but as a married 29 y/o in a competitive career and a badass sport, it feels demeaning.

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You. You make me stronger.

I have a well-meaning friend in Alabama that always comments on any photo I post on facebook, from pics of me spinning wrenches on motorcycles through mud-covered spring classic cycle races and iced-up, deep winter running photos - the stuff that makes you feel bloody badass - with "very pretty, K". I know it's just the effect of him being a man of a certain age from the south, but gawddamnit don't you pat me on the fucking head and try to reduce my abilities and accomplishments to some bloody china doll!

/rant

Cheers!

-mistress k

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ill advised racing inc.