I just finished a ride where I ran out of everything. Energy, water, MP3: all gone. I ran out of Mojo. I ran out of daylight and consequently I ran out of warmth as it got fuckin' cold here in the high desert. I even ran out of nuts to sit on.

Too many months now with too much riding ever since January to get ready for IMAZ and I just came to the conclusion today that I hate riding my bike. I even hate my bike itself. And it's a good bike! Nothing wrong with it. I just don't like riding it. Or any other bike either for that matter. And I'll tell you why! It fuckin hurts! And I'm not talking about legs or lungs hurting cause that I can take. No, I'm talking about my ass or my nuts or whatever part of my body it is that is rubbing against the saddle. Is there something wrong with me? I don't think so...I'm not packin' anything particularly big, just your average Swedish nutsack with accessories. But jeez, think about it, all 180 lbs smacked down on a 5 by 8 cm or whatever on the saddle and rubbing for hours on end. Not to mention all the candy-ass camel-toe bikeshorts I've ever worn not doing their job. None of them are sufficient. I need serious fuckin diaper in mine. And here's another thing; The chammy is all wrong! It goes way back over your ass as if we'd be riding sitting up knees out Zeb Macahan kinda' riding. But it doesn't patch up enuff on the front where we're all riding TT. I'm calling CRAFT today and have them do something about thing for the good of mankind or I'll start riding my bibs ass-front

Big gears? You better believe it! The lower cadence and more force the more "rise" out of the saddle do I get. I think big gear riding came to me a long time ago when I was riding one day needing serious fuckin relief. Anything over 80 rpm hurt so I just started riding in the biggest gear. Better lift and actually faster speed too. All those high cadence Lance wannabees are all 120 lbs mini-nutsacks

And don't even get me started on saddles. They are all shit! Tried em all....And don't tell me it's about positioning either. I've got a great position, signed sealed delivered by Dan the Man fitguru himself. No, bike is good and position is good. Ass is not good. Saddle is not good. saddle is bad, very bad

But wait, I'm not done yet. Let me continue my rant for no good reason. Yes, there are good riding moments also. Nice discwheel, high speed and others around suffering more than me. That's good. I can always rise to the occassion when others suffer more. That's why I can motivate myself to ride still. I'm sure some of you folks give more TLC to your bikes than to your significant others and basically bring it into the bedroom with you to make love to it or something(I've seen it happen!) Not me. I treat my bike like an evil pet that needs a good spanking once in a while. No TLC, just mutual hurt.

And for any of you right-wing Christians out there who find whatever "fuck" to be unfitting in this rant may just wanna read "rats, I don't like my darn bike" but it doesn't cut it here. I'm not a "Leave it to Beaver" kinda guy when describing this.

On another note, I had a run-in at the pool with some chick working there who had issues about nudity or sanity or something with -ity. I was doing my normal Swedish routine of changing on deck with a towel around my waist when this chick working there came up to me as was standing in my briefs (nice Craft-ones, look just like my swimtrunks..) and said that I was totally out of line and that I was in "a family environment". And not a single piece of white ass was showing! Sorry to break it to you honey but we're all kinda naked beneath the swimtrunks or underwear, even families!!! What's this issue with nudity and sex?? And don't even get me started on this "evolution is just a theory" gimmick they're pulling now. Theory my ass. Take it to the Flat Earth society!...We need more gay-marriages and more abortion rights! And bikebibs. And saddles.

Where was I? OK, how about this. Sidewind so strong it makes you drool cold saliva along your cheek. And my cromosomes are all intact. And is there any activity where a sunny day can look so warm but can turn out to be so cold? Well, I'm sure some of you always freeze in the pool but hey, it's only 25 metres to the showers, not four fuckin' hours!!

And cars. Jeez, why does every ride have to be a potential suicide mission? A suicide mission with a sore nutsack to boot! I have vivid images of how I'd like to submit some of these asshole drivers to driver's ed, strappin their sorry asses to a bike and have them ride crosswind on the highway. See how that feels!

And every ride worth mentioning is long. Not the "ride in a bunch' sit up talk bullshit, my HR is 108, stop for coffee, pretend I actually had a workout" ride. No, the serious solo IM-training. From the minute I start I can't wait til' I'm done. Sometimes I just turn around and go back in a and pretend I rode. That's when it's real fuckin bad. If it isnt great tanningweather. Than I'll ride with a lighter heart and get funky tanlines that makes people think I actually enjoy riding. It's kinda like swimming, suntanning incentives bumps up motivation 80%. Running though is always good. I'm a Kenyan in a Swedish fat-assed body.

I feel so much better now that I got that of my heart. My bike is looking at me. Sometimes I think it's kinda like that "Chuckie" doll. Evilspirited, wanting to hurt. It knows I've been writing shit about it. I'll still be riding it tomorrow. Memory is short. I lack cromosomes. I hope the sun is shining