Mother of all locker room stories ...

Feb 2, 07 18:51

Post #1 of 37 (4703 views)

OK, maybe not as entertaining as Record10's poo story, but ...

So Fri night is my swim night. Get to the Y and it is PACKED. Uh oh ... get inside and little kids swim meet. Damn - well, off to a 2nd run on the dreadmill. Do a quick 5 miles and hit the shower.

I noticed an older guy (like over 80 easily which is unusual at 9:15 pm) fumbling around with his clothes, bag, etc. even before I hit the shower. Get back, he is still fumbling around, but I'm just getting dried off, changing etc. Pretty cute old guy with one of those Elmer Fud style hats with the ear covers on. Sit on the bench and he waddles over to me, giggling, and asks if I can help him. I look up and he has crotch RIGHT IN MY FACE with his fly open. It seems he can't zip it! He says he has struggled before and says he should have thrown them away, but they are black cordoroy and very warm (it is damn cold out tonight). Ah, so what do you do? ...

Well, so I reach up and oblige - jeez. I'm half naked, hoping to hell no one I know comes in. But, I'm struggling too as it is pretty stuck. Christ. I call on all my surgical skills to finally get the damn thing up after what seems like forever - he chuckles and says thanks and then (and I quote) "didn't want my dick hanging out in this cold!" To make matter worse, I now just notice his sweatshirt that says "Michigan Alumni". Damn again!

I started to laugh, but held it back. Didn't really know what to say. He waddled off. On my way out the door, he was asking the girl at the front desk something about his car keys, fumbling around some more - I just wanted to beat him to my car as I really didn't want to see this poor guy driving.

Thanks for reading ...

____________________________________
Fatigue is biochemical, not biomechanical.
- Andrew Coggan, PhD

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 2, 07 18:59

Post #2 of 37 (4677 views)

bwahhahhaha Twould have been classic to have someone walk in as you're handling his zipper, and get that "deer in the headlights" look from you.

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 2, 07 19:03

Post #3 of 37 (4657 views)

that is great....i woulda zipped his dick in the zipper when I saw the michigan shirt though.

----------------------------------------------------
Striving to have sex more than 66 times per year

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 2, 07 19:18

Post #4 of 37 (4601 views)

LOL. Should have mentioned warm corduroy does no good with a bad draft!

______________________________________________
Outside of my bike, my running shoes are my favorite things. Inside my bike, it's too cramped to run.

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 2, 07 19:21

Post #5 of 37 (4584 views)

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [vikingstumps] [ In reply to ]

Feb 2, 07 19:27

Post #6 of 37 (4562 views)

LOL! I love Mr. Bean ... Now just put on an Elmer Fud hat, black courdoroy pants and a Michigan Alumni jacket and really give me the creeps!

____________________________________
Fatigue is biochemical, not biomechanical.
- Andrew Coggan, PhD

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 2, 07 20:04

Post #7 of 37 (4474 views)

does this mean you want an elmer fud hat now?

just kidding...

BTW, once i got on the scale at tri-health, thought i was totally alone (otherwise i never would have gotten on the scale in the first place, let alone with no clothes on). well, i didn't see that there actually was 1 woman in the room. when she saw me on the scale she RAN up to me, put her face close to my butt and squinted her eyes to get a good looksie at my tatoo. i said, "ma'am?" and she said "oh my son has tatoos and i just couldn't help coming up to look at yours."

i broke my 5K PR getting the hell out of there.

thank God i didn't have to help her put her bra on or zip her pants or anything like that though. i declare your "run in" much worse than mine!

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 2, 07 20:09

Post #8 of 37 (4454 views)

hey Doc, you've gotta give us wolverines a break. We haven't had much to be happy about in the way of football success of late. The least you can do you zip our elderly alums up and not post it on a public forum :).

dan
www.aiatriathlon.com

http://www.aiatriathlon.com

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [dtreeps] [ In reply to ]

Feb 2, 07 20:09

Post #9 of 37 (4451 views)

LMAO!

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 2, 07 21:11

Post #10 of 37 (4319 views)

This should be right up yours and Record10C's alley:

Updated:2007-02-02 15:13:53 Dutch Gym to Introduce 'Naked Sunday' By TOBY STERLING AP AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (Feb. 2) - Self-conscious about what you wear while working out? A Dutch gym plans to introduce "Naked Sunday" for people who like to huff and puff in the buff.

Patrick de Man, owner of Fitworld gym in the town of Heteren, said he got the idea in part from two of his customers who are avid nudists.

"I heard that some other gyms are offering courses on 'pole-dancing' as a sport, so I thought: Why not bring something new to the market?" de Man said.

He said the response had been overwhelming - positive and negative.

The 70,000-member Dutch Federation of Naturists was curious to see if Fitworld's plan would work, spokesman Bernd Huiser said.

"We recently conducted a large survey among our members, and most prefer to exercise with their clothes on," he said. "The most popular activities (for nudists) are things you do outdoors, like walking on the beach, or swimming in a lake, or maybe gardening."

De Man said the first question Fitworld customers were asking was whether it would be sanitary.

Nude exercisers would be required to put towels down on weight machines and to use disposable seat covers while riding bikes. All machines would be cleaned and disinfected afterward. "We clean them every day anyway," he said.

The first "Naked Sunday" is scheduled for March 4.

Behold the turtle! He makes progess only when he sticks his neck out. (James Bryant Conant)
GET OFF THE F*%KING WALL!!!!!!! (Doug Stern)
Brevity is the soul of wit. (William Shakespeare)

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 2, 07 21:18

Post #11 of 37 (4301 views)

Hummm... Michigan alum... can't manage to zip his own pants... sounds like the begining of a decent joke...

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 3, 07 3:34

Post #12 of 37 (4126 views)

You sir have been schooled by a crafty old homo dude.......you could get tossed from your gym if you had been busted doing that......

;-0

I shall never misuse Rex Kwon Do
I shall be a champion of freedom and justice

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 3, 07 5:51

Post #13 of 37 (4001 views)

They sort of did that on Jackass once. Johnny Knoxville put both arms in casts, and then went out on a street downtown and had his pants drop. He was walking down the street begging guys to pull up and zip his pants. Some just kept walking but a few guys helped. It was classic!

------------------
My business-eBodyboarding.com

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [Bladed] [ In reply to ]

Feb 3, 07 7:22

Post #14 of 37 (3839 views)

In Reply To:

You sir have been schooled by a crafty old homo dude.......you could get tossed from your gym if you had been busted doing that......

;-0

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'Ya know, that exact thought did cross my mind. But, the damn thing WAS stuck and he was flirting with the girl on the way out too so please let me believe that was NOT the case :0

____________________________________
Fatigue is biochemical, not biomechanical.
- Andrew Coggan, PhD

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 3, 07 7:33

Post #15 of 37 (3819 views)

Made me think of the scene from "There is Something About Mary" when Ben Stiller get busted at the rest stop........on his knees in front of a dude in underwear.....

;-)

I shall never misuse Rex Kwon Do
I shall be a champion of freedom and justice

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 3, 07 7:41

Post #16 of 37 (3796 views)

I would have given him my towel to hold in front of him. You've got to draw the line somewhere. I've heard of this scam before. The older gentleman, the unsuspecting endurance athlete.

----------------------------------------------------------
Someone once accused me of being swimfan. I miss that guy.

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 3, 07 8:01

Post #17 of 37 (3755 views)

Was he on Viagra or Cialis?

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Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 3, 07 8:48

Post #18 of 37 (3684 views)

At least he was "pretty cute."

You never know what you're getting into at the Y. And sometimes you just don't want to know. At my local chapter the other day, I noticed a memo that the management posted near the pool entitled, "Why diarrhea in the pool is a problem." I didn't read it, but it was apparently a full-page memo as to why one with potential to shit uncontrollably shouldn't get into a public swimming pool. There's a need for this??? I'll definitely be looking with suspicion from now on at my lane-mates.

***

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 3, 07 8:52

Post #19 of 37 (3667 views)

That is pretty damn funny...thank god I have never been asked to do that.

Spot

___________________________________________________
Taco cat spelled backwards is....taco cat.

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 3, 07 8:54

Post #20 of 37 (3663 views)

My last trip to the B.A. Y was the day before thanksgiving and I soooo do NOT miss that place!

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 3, 07 9:08

Post #21 of 37 (3633 views)

You'll start to wonder when you find a 5$ bill tucked in one of your pockets.

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [Erik Clark] [ In reply to ]

Feb 3, 07 9:09

Post #22 of 37 (3627 views)

you still alive?

____________________________________________________________
Link to my photography
http://davidsavoiephotography.blogspot.com/
http://davidsavoiesports.blogspot.com/

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [rroof] [ In reply to ]

Feb 3, 07 9:14

Post #23 of 37 (3616 views)

Why were you at the gym on a Friday night at 9:15.....................I think that is stranger that some old geezer having trouble with his fly!

http://theworldthroumyeyes.tumblr.com/

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [newbz] [ In reply to ]

Feb 3, 07 9:17

Post #24 of 37 (3608 views)

I work

----------------------------------------------------
Striving to have sex more than 66 times per year

Re: Mother of all locker room stories ... [ShoMyOFace] [ In reply to ]

Feb 3, 07 9:23

Post #25 of 37 (3593 views)

In Reply To:

Why were you at the gym on a Friday night at 9:15.....................I think that is stranger that some old geezer having trouble with his fly!

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Really? I'm usually there until 10pm. See - I'm a triathlete with a wife and kids. Get home, eat, play with family, put kids to bed around 8:30 then off to the pool (Fri night regimen for a while now). If I went to the pool after work from say, 6-7:30 I would only have a 45 mins. in the evening with the kids. Not good. Sat get up before daylight, run, home just after they are up and so on. Tough, but part of many of our lives on this forum I'm sure.

____________________________________
Fatigue is biochemical, not biomechanical.
- Andrew Coggan, PhD

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