Here's a nice little one from today:

One of the guys I collaborate with--in his mid 60s--turned to me today and said, "I like what you have going on with your hair and the clothes--you look like an Oakland Raiders chic."

Yes, it got weird.

"Raiders chic"??? I have on jeans, a black long sleeved, regular necked, fitted t-shirt, and a big (below the ass), wrap around, high collared grey/silver sweater. Other than the black and grey, I'm just not really sure where he was going with that, and why, oh why, he felt the need to utter that out loud. And my hair is short. I haven't watched pro football in a long time, but I don't remember seeing any short haired cheerleaders. Isn't that against cheerleading law or something?

Kinda like, "Hey, I know we work together on stuff that requires your brain, but you look like a bimbo cheerleader." WTF?

Haha...a pic!



Nope, not one short-haired, high-collared, big sweater wearer in the group.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

One week before a race I cared about, I was walking downstairs, slid and severely sprained my ankle. I'm in a heap at the bottom of the steps saying "ohmygodohmygodohmygod" My (now ex) husband calls down, "Is the cat OK?"

I was so confused. What the hell does the cat have to do with this?? I was yelling at him to get downstairs because I needed his help. Apparently he thought I'd tripped on a cat and hurt the cat. But, shouldn't he still be more worried about me?

We laughed about that one for a long time.

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

Gotta join the fun after reading some of these hilarious stories. First off I have never been good at approaching the womens and probably never will be good at it but Ill give it my best until I find the right one. Two examples below...

First attempt at getting a girl friend was my junior year in high school (yeah late awkward bloomer). I had a crush on one of the cheer leaders so I bought some flowers to give to her after practice. I ran track and we usually finished up around the same time. I made sure to get to my car and get the mostly dead flowers I bought at lunch and left in my car for several hours in the summer heat before she was done with practice. As her and her friends were walking to the parking lot I started to approach them with said flowers, they all had this strange look on their faces, kinda like why is this nerd walking towards us with those nasty flowers??? As I was getting closer I stepped off a curb that I wasn't aware of and hit the ground face first after hyper-extending my knee and further damaging the effing flowers. I pick myself up determined to get a date out of this whole debacle, walk straight up to the laughing girls hand the one I like the flowers and said "I got these for you at lunch" she took them with a stunned look on her face and I immediately turned around walked to my car and went home. Two weeks later she asked me to the sadie hawkins dance and we dated for four years. Still cant figure out how why that worked out, she always said "it was cute"???


About a year after breaking up with the girl above I was with some friends at a bar on the more drunk than I should be side of things when this woman probably 10 years older than me (think cougar) walks in with a couple of friends. I was instantly infatuated with her and was pushed into going over and talking to her by my buddies (who dared not follow). I went over to her and said "I really want to have sex with you but I dont have any money to buy you dinner with because Im poor" to which she replied "well thats too bad because if you took me out to nice dinner I would rock your world............now go away". So I went back to my buddies with my tail between my legs. Later that night she did come over and talked with us guys and poked fun at my failed pickup but she did give me some great advice that I still use to this day. She told me that a pretty fool proof pickup line was to say "Hi my name is (insert name here) and I would like to buy you a drink" she said most women will talk to you while they drink that drink and if there is more to talk about when that one runs dry buy her another...

Noxious, welcome to the Womens.

Those are both excellent, only the second one qualifies as "dumb shit" though. The first one is completely endearing--and, hey, it totally worked! You can't be that much of a dork;) You got the girl, right?

I even think the second one, while smacking of drunken hubris, is still pretty awesome. I LOVE her response. Awesome. It's amazing that the whole "introduce yourself and buy a drink thing" hasn't taken off more, isn't it?

Just one question, do you still think you have to buy dinner to get laid?

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Guy from one of my maths classes, to whom I should not have given my number, texted today "home sick. Let me know how the quiz was." I texted back, "quiz was fine, hope you feel better." He texted back "come take care of me."

Not impressed.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Holly moly, do you get dizzy standing up? My BP is low but not that low and I have to be careful not to stand up too fast.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

I have horrifc orthostatic hypotention--yes, I get dizzy. Sometimes I have to bend over or squat down if I get up too fast. Some days are worse than others.
It's actually kind of funny...when I go to the Dr. and the nurse or assistant is getting my vitals, I just sit back and watch their face as they get my BP. Almost always, they retake it, and make some comment about it being freaky low or thinking I'm in shock or something.

The only time it was "normal" was when I was pregnant.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Ah, yes, the pros and cons of texting.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

There was once a girl that would very often ask me "what I was thinking about", which was really code for wanting to know if I was thinking about her. Drove me nuts, so I divorced her.

Awe, I think it's cute - though if he's suffering from man flu, stay away!!


I drive a manual (said car that I may or may not know the name of!) and it amazes me that guys make a big deal out of a chick driving stick. "Wow! You can drive stick". Is it because men have issues learning how to drive manual cars or am I missing something??

I think its a euphemism;)

I hate that...I wouldn't have been able to take that either.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

Yeah Im surprised the be a normal person route hasn't taken off a bit more! It wasnt too long after that drunken debacle that I became a bar tender at a very popular bar in the city, I learned a lot over the two years just watching the miserable failed attempts and the successful ones, plus everyone loves the bartender;) If I had to sum up what I learned over those years in a sentence, it would be this. Confidence is different than arrogance, be more interesting than a bar stool, find something interesting to talk about (no that doesn't include yourself) and listen to what she has to say.

Oh yeah, and wrap that shit up! We don't need you contaminating the gene pool further!

Noxious, you're a wise, wise man. Most men would significantly benefit from your sentence. I'll repost for posterity:

Confidence is different than arrogance, be more interesting than a bar stool, find something interesting to talk about (no that doesn't include yourself) and listen to what she has to say.

I also tended bar for a number of years, and I learned many valuable lessons from that side of the bar. You'd be surprised with how many men and women significantly struggle with "be more interesting than the bar stool". I was often much more dumbfounded by the women than the men.

I just had a great one coming back with lunch. I had a cup of coffee in one hand, and a taco salad in the other (it's really just a vehicle for hot sauce), and this guy who works on my floor said, "You know, if you didn't eat so much, you probably wouldn't have to work out so hard." It's a very good thing I had my hands full, as the reflexive bitch-slap was almost over powering. My response, "Dude, don't be a dumbass. I eat this much so I can work out that hard." Douche.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

I was taking care of a drunk driver in the ER who had just injured a bunch of people. I walked back in his room to tell him about his injuries and that he was going to be admitted. I then noticed that he had his hand under the sheet and was jerking off. He then asked me to blow him. Um, no thanks dude.

You win.

There's no way anyone can beat that.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

I'm back ladies with a new one. Last night, sitting at a nice little bar with a guy friend talking tris, life etc. I had just finished telling that I'm not out much because I like to just hang out, bbq, drink wine and that I hate how guys are annoying when they are drunk and trying to hitting on you. I'd just rather not deal with it.... WIthin 5 effing minutes. Dude walks over and tells my friend he needs to slide over so he can talk with me because I'm so fine.

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Susan Harrell
http://www.endurancezone.com

One day my g/f and I ran into my ex g/f out on the town. Both girls got to meet each other. You could cut the air with a knife. Anyway, 3 days later my g/f and I wake up and she tells me she has been having dreams. She said it was of me and another girl being intimate and in a relationship. She wouldn't tell me who it was, so I guessed. In an attempt to be funny and lighten the situation up, I asked if the girl was Jennifer Anniston-
Me " Is it Jennifer Anniston?"
G/F " No it's not "
Me "Whew, for a second I thought we were having the same dream"

Definitely did not go over well.....

What up girl?

Still in douchelandia?

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

What? Oh, c'mon. That's just funny.

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

2013 as sucked some serious balls... Kinda why I haven't been on. But yes, always in douchelandia it seems.

How about you?

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Susan Harrell
http://www.endurancezone.com

I'm glad you're back :)

I've had my share of stutter steps in 2013. Staring down a couple of gnarly work deadlines, and I hate, loathe and detest the pool in the winter, but other than that...

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Trying to fight gravity on a planet that insists

It wasn't a pick up line, but I still cringed inwardly when I had to ask a cute pharmacist where the cold sore medication is. Pretty sure the mere mention of cold sores is an immediate turn off no matter how clinically trained she is.

There's a group of us middle age guys that meet for happy hour every friday after work. One of the guys, about 57 years old, will always address a young female server (usually in her 20's) by saying "what's your name, darling?" and when asked what he would like, will sometimes say "For you to tell me when your shift is over." It even creeps me out! lol