Kona moral conundrum

Apr 18, 14 11:41

Post #1 of 59 (8432 views)

Here is a moral quandary for the Twitchiverse to ponder:

Yesterday I got caught up on the phone with a buddy of mine who was like a brother growing up, but who, up until yesterday, I had not spoken to/seen in years. No particular reason - we grew up and drifted. During the conversation he told me he had recently gotten engaged and wanted me to be a groomsman in his wedding.

His wedding day? October 11, 2014.

Athletically I am right on the cusp of qualifying for Kona. It can be a crapshoot obviously, but qualifying was my plan for this year and I've really gone all-in on coaching, preparation, clearing my calendar, and getting the important people in my life on board. Kona will always be there but I was really planning on this year being "my year" to qualify.

So - what do I do? Anyone else been in this situation before? I think if I explained it to my buddy he would understand, but I am pretty sure his fiance would be offended, although I don't know her that well.

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 11:47

Post #2 of 59 (8397 views)

Just explain the situation now. Be upfront honest. You may not qualify.

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 11:48

Post #3 of 59 (8392 views)

UrsusMaximus wrote:

Here is a moral quandary for the Twitchiverse to ponder:

Yesterday I got caught up on the phone with a buddy of mine who was like a brother growing up, but who, up until yesterday, I had not spoken to/seen in years. No particular reason - we grew up and drifted. During the conversation he told me he had recently gotten engaged and wanted me to be a groomsman in his wedding.

His wedding day? October 11, 2014.

Athletically I am right on the cusp of qualifying for Kona. It can be a crapshoot obviously, but qualifying was my plan for this year and I've really gone all-in on coaching, preparation, clearing my calendar, and getting the important people in my life on board. Kona will always be there but I was really planning on this year being "my year" to qualify.

So - what do I do? Anyone else been in this situation before? I think if I explained it to my buddy he would understand, but I am pretty sure his fiance would be offended, although I don't know her that well.

I say go after Kona. Your buddy will understand and thats all that matters. If its anything like my friends wives, I'm sure if it isnt this that she will be offended by from you, it will be something else. :-)

Never know whats going to happen down the line with everything and if you will even have a shot to have another "my year".

side note- I think all my friends wives REALLY don't like me

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 11:49

Post #4 of 59 (8386 views)

"up until yesterday, I had not spoken to/seen in years"

It would be an easy choice for me. You set a goal and put an action plan around it.

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 11:51

Post #5 of 59 (8367 views)

Tell him you may only have one shot in your life to go to Kona, but there's no way in hell his marriage is going to last so you'll be more than happy to be a groomsman in his next wedding.

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 11:54

Post #6 of 59 (8341 views)

Go to Kona.
Edit: who are you asking?! :D Ask on weddingsbridesanddresses.info and I doubt they'd give you the same answer.

Last edited by: Dilbert: Apr 18, 14 11:55

Re: Kona moral conundrum [Supersquid] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 11:57

Post #7 of 59 (8320 views)

Supersquid wrote:

Tell him you may only have one shot in your life to go to Kona, but there's no way in hell his marriage is going to last so you'll be more than happy to be a groomsman in his next wedding.

That's awesome!

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 12:04

Post #8 of 59 (8283 views)

GO FOR KONA! You have rearranged everything in your life to go for this goal. If he is a REAL friend, he will understand. If he isn't then, well I need not say any more........again, GO FOR KONA!!!

Re: Kona moral conundrum [buck_shot11] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 12:16

Post #9 of 59 (8243 views)

You made the goal for Kona, if you make it, you don't go to the wedding. If you don't make it, you go to the wedding. He will understand. If not, then forget him and move on. I've lost touch with a few friends due to triathlon and that's just life.

Make Inside Out Sports your next online tri shop! http://www.insideoutsports.com/

Last edited by: BryanD: Apr 18, 14 12:27

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 12:19

Post #10 of 59 (8220 views)

Just tell him to have his wedding in Kona.

___________________
Twitter | Kancman | Blog

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 12:33

Post #11 of 59 (8153 views)

Before he could have asked you to be a groomsman, you should have told him about Kona and that you want him to be there to cheer you on. Make him feel guilty about not moving his wedding date...LOL.

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 12:40

Post #12 of 59 (8113 views)

Moral choice? Think about it this way, as you lay dying about to go off into nothingness alone, which thought would you like to have come into your head (1) going to friends wedding, or (2) going to Kona. Which thought will make you smile at that moment. In other words, do what will give you peace.

________
It doesn't really matter what Phil is saying, the music of his voice is the appropriate soundtrack for a bicycle race. HTupolev

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 13:04

Post #13 of 59 (8012 views)

If you qualify for Kona, go. Then commit to visiting the couple at the next opportunity. You'll get to spend some substantial personal time with them, which rarely happens during someone's wedding.

Re: Kona moral conundrum [departed] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 13:18

Post #14 of 59 (7952 views)

Your a groomsman, not a best man. Tell him you situation and how important and challenging you goals are. Just explain that you're a maybe. Send them a really nice wedding gift and a very personal card/letter, but carry on with your commitments.

TrainingBible Coaching
http://www.trainingbible.com

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

BrentwoodTriGuy

Apr 18, 14 13:21

Post #15 of 59 (7938 views)

I see a lot of "Go to Kona" ... you haven't even qualified yet.

Put in the time, qualify and then come back and ask again.

Also, Lake Tahoe is still open and qualifies for 2015.

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 13:23

Post #16 of 59 (7931 views)

You haven't seen him in years. I don't see why you'd even want to be part of the wedding. Tell him you have other plans.

Good luck in Kona

---------------------------
''Sweeney - you can both crush your AG *and* cruise in dead last!! 😂 '' Murphy's Law

Re: Kona moral conundrum [snackchair] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 13:26

Post #17 of 59 (7908 views)

snackchair wrote:

Just tell him to have his wedding in Kona.

That ^^

Francois-Xavier Li @FrancoisLi
"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing." George Bernard Shaw
http://www.swimrunfrance.fr
http://www.worldofswimrun.com

Re: Kona moral conundrum [Fix] [ In reply to ]

BrentwoodTriGuy

Apr 18, 14 13:39

Post #18 of 59 (7868 views)

Fix wrote:

snackchair wrote:

Just tell him to have his wedding in Kona.

That ^^

Your buddies wife to be would fucking flip because she's 20 pounds overweight compared to 95% of the island that week.

Re: Kona moral conundrum [coyote39] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 13:46

Post #19 of 59 (7844 views)

coyote39 wrote:

Just explain the situation now. Be upfront honest. You may not qualify.

This. Not sure why people want to make things like this so complicated.

"Hey, I'd be honored. But, I'll tell you now I've been really trying to get to the World Championships, and I have a good shot this year. If I qualify, I probably won't be able to make the wedding. If you can live with that, I think it'd be great being a groomsman."

John

Top notch coaching: Francois and Accelerate3 | Follow on Twitter: LifetimeAthlete |

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 13:56

Post #20 of 59 (7807 views)

UrsusMaximus wrote:

Here is a moral quandary for the Twitchiverse to ponder:

Yesterday I got caught up on the phone with a buddy of mine who was like a brother growing up, but who, up until yesterday, I had not spoken to/seen in years. No particular reason - we grew up and drifted. During the conversation he told me he had recently gotten engaged and wanted me to be a groomsman in his wedding.

His wedding day? October 11, 2014.

Athletically I am right on the cusp of qualifying for Kona. It can be a crapshoot obviously, but qualifying was my plan for this year and I've really gone all-in on coaching, preparation, clearing my calendar, and getting the important people in my life on board. Kona will always be there but I was really planning on this year being "my year" to qualify.

So - what do I do? Anyone else been in this situation before? I think if I explained it to my buddy he would understand, but I am pretty sure his fiance would be offended, although I don't know her that well.

OK, first of all, you are not the best man...in essence you're a replaceable second tier guy in the pecking order. Thus if you qualify for Kona, you go. Be up front with him and just tell him for his 10th anniversary, you'll throw a party in Hawaii for everyone in the wedding party. Or better yet, just tell him to move the wedding to Kona. If you are done by 5 pm (sub 10 hours) you should be able to wash up, put on a suit and stand around for a 5:30 pm wedding.

Personally I find weddings to be a pain. I'd much prefer if people just do a small thing with a few close family and friends and then when they have punched the ticket to the 10th anniversary, then throw a big party.

Dev

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 14:26

Post #21 of 59 (7710 views)

Why do you have to commit now? Which race are you trying to qualify at? If your qualifying race is early enough he could always mark you down as a "maybe" until you see how the race goes.

Re: Kona moral conundrum [Devlin] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 14:35

Post #22 of 59 (7691 views)

Devlin wrote:

coyote39 wrote:

Just explain the situation now. Be upfront honest. You may not qualify.

This. Not sure why people want to make things like this so complicated.

Exactly, on both counts!

/Howie Nordström

Re: Kona moral conundrum [BrentwoodTriGuy] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 14:50

Post #23 of 59 (7647 views)

BrentwoodTriGuy wrote:

I see a lot of "Go to Kona" ... you haven't even qualified yet.

Put in the time, qualify and then come back and ask again.

Exactly.

clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 14:56

Post #24 of 59 (7629 views)

Go to Kona if you qualify. Don't go to the wedding if you don't. ;)

I agree with Paul, weddings are a pain. Matter of fact I loathe them.

Re: Kona moral conundrum [UrsusMaximus] [ In reply to ]

Apr 18, 14 15:05

Post #25 of 59 (7602 views)

YOu don't have a problem until you qualify. If you assume you have a problem before you qualify I see bad Karma. I see no Kona and no wedding and no friend. Got the slot first and then deal with it. It's hard enough in life to solve actual problems--why add maybe or maybe not problems?

Randy Christofferson(http://www.rcmioga.blogspot.com

Insert Doubt. Erase Hope. Crush Dreams.

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