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I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It
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I did the Vineman Full last weekend. I loved the race and I had a decent day (for me). If I do 140.6 again, I think I will do this one again.

I wasn't planning on peeing while on the bike. I always told myself that pissing on yourself is for winners and fast guys. Why soil your shorts, socks, shoes, water bottles to save a few minutes?
But then I got about 2 hours into the bike and I was having a pretty good day. "If I stop to pee for a few minutes, it's going to hurt my pace." I went back and forth for a few minutes in my mind. "Too pee or not to pee?" One of the things I have been telling myself in races about things that start to feel funky (shoes, heart rate monitor, goggles, etc) is "Fix it or forget about it. Dwelling on in for too long is going to hurt your pace more than stopping for a second to fix something."

So there I was. I had bottle of EFS Liquidshot on the downtube and a bottle of water on the seattube. "Man, I'm gonna piss all over my nutrition. Screw it, I don't think the taste of my own urine is going to kill me. And I'll make sure to wash it off with water really good when I am done."

I looked around and I was in no-mans land. No one in front that I was threatening to pass right away. No one behind for a while. I was approaching a slight downhill.

I tried to "prime the pump" while sitting down, but that didn't seem to be working. Maybe I should stand up. Ahh, there we go. A few grunts and a little struggle and then I was a member of "the club". (Men, it was a little like trying to pee in the morning when you go to the bathroom a little "excited". Not impossible, but takes a second to get things flowing.) My shorts got wet and warm. Then my legs, socks, feet, shoes.

"Holy hell, that was nasty. BUT DAMN did it feel good." I grabbed my water bottle and emptied it all over myself and made sure to give my EFS bottle extra attention.

I probably didn't have to make sure nobody was behind me. It didn't really spray all over the place.

I repeated the "Bike-A-Potty" process 3 more times over the 112 mile ride. Each time, it was easier. And I was less and less concerned about washing myself off with water. Apparently I have the bladder of a small poodle, but I was pissing like a race horse. (That might have to be my signature line on here).

I don't plan to ride again for a few weeks, but I might take my bike out in the yard and piss on it just for fun.
Last edited by: timboricki: Aug 5, 11 14:05
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [timboricki] [ In reply to ]
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but I might take my bike out in the yard and piss on it just for fun.

Chris G or tetsuoni - picture please!! ;-)
(you know the one I'm talking about)


float , hammer , and jog

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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [timboricki] [ In reply to ]
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Ive been trying (unsuccessfully) to do this for so long now. I had to stop 3 times during IMFL (probably lost 5 mins or more) because I just couldnt do it on the bike. I'm guessing the 22 years I've spent teaching myself not to piss myself is sort of getting in the way.
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [timboricki] [ In reply to ]
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I managed this for the first time during the recent Rhode Island 70.3. I have tried but been unsuccesful in the past. But the right amount of pressure and the right amount of downhill all lined up perfectly for me at mile 40 or so. I yelled out an "OH YEAH!!!" afterwards (it was pretty amazing and worthy of a spontaneous shout of pure joy) and got some strange looks from the folks in front of me.

Quick spray with a water bottle and I was as good as new.

Then I kept thinking... did I remember to pull my nutrition bottle off the seat tube? I think I did... but did I?

learned a valuable lesson that day though.... rinse/scrub/disenfect/baking soda your bike shoes as soon as you can afterwards. Don't wait a day or two.

Weirdest thing was as soon as I brought my bike in the door the dog bolts over to the bike instead of me and goes crazy sniffing it and gives me this "Dude! Someone totally pissed on your bike" look. It was pretty funny.
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [timboricki] [ In reply to ]
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i like my shoes too much, and going sockless already makes them not smell too well, so adding piss on the bike is probably not going to help without running it through the laundry....
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [mgalluzz] [ In reply to ]
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mgalluzz wrote:
Ive been trying (unsuccessfully) to do this for so long now. I had to stop 3 times during IMFL (probably lost 5 mins or more) because I just couldnt do it on the bike. I'm guessing the 22 years I've spent teaching myself not to piss myself is sort of getting in the way.

I can only seem to do it when it's raining and everything is already soaked.

But 5 minutes for three pee stops? What the hell were you doing, a testicular cancer self exam? Glance around to make sure no race officials in sight. Slam on brakes. Clip both feet off. Pee like you mean it. Shouldn't be more than 30 sec stopped (assuming you have a human sized bladder), should be more like 15. Click in and accelerate. Off you go.

-Colin

------------------------------------------------------------
Any run that doesn't include pooping in someone's front yard is a win.
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [timboricki] [ In reply to ]
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Like you I thought I would never piss on the bike. Well my A race rolled around and prior to this I made the decision that this would be my last half for awhile, with 3 kids 5 and under and a busy job I was sacrificing to much time to training. It was a beautiful day on race day and the swim was awesome, I had a PB and felt awesome getting out of the water, jumped on the bike and within the first 15km my chain popped off twice. Now I am a little choked as this is it, six months of training and I am losing time. About halfway into the bike I had to pee and went for it as there was no way I was going to waste any more time. The only thing I learned is pissing on the bike is like taking the first piss when you are drinking beer, its constant after that. I ended up going two more times on the bike and figured since I had peed myself already on the bike I might as well try it on the run. Now I can say I have peed while swimming, biking and running, there is nothing for me left to achieve in triathlon.
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [chewy123] [ In reply to ]
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I didn't try it on the run.
I came into T-2 and my bladder was feeling a little full. I made a quick change of shorts (from bibs to tri shorts) and for a second I contemplated charging the run with a piss on deck. I decided that since the porta-john at T-2 had no line, that I should use a bathroom.
I didn't have to pee the rest of the way.

As far as losing time to stop and pee. If I had stopped, it would have been at a race approved toilet/aid station (I may piss all over myself while riding a bike, but I am no law breaker). Each aid station only had 1 or 2 port-a-johns at it. There was at least 4 people in line at each of them. Chances are 1 of them was taking a dump. If each of the pissers take 30 seconds and the pooper takes 2 minutes - then you are at 3:30 just for waiting in line time. Figure slowing down and speeding back up to 20ish MPH + the hassle of getting my wang out of the bibs I was wearing, I figured that 5 minutes per stop would be about right.
Last edited by: timboricki: Aug 5, 11 14:09
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [timboricki] [ In reply to ]
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Good work...welcome to the club! IMO, the only real downside to peeing while on the bike is that it seems to shrink my biking shoes for a day or two...must be some kind of science behind it. Other than that, I'm good...training, racing, whatever. Go ahead, judge me.

_________________________________
Steve Johnson
DARK HORSE TRIATHLON |
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [darkhorsetri] [ In reply to ]
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I have a bladder that is so bad I've been known to pee 4-5 an hour; I've even gotten tested for it and the doc said I just have a overactive bladder. I probably go about once every 20 miles during rides, so if I ever want to put in a decent time, I'm going to have to learn to do this. I'm glad its not so bad.
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [timboricki] [ In reply to ]
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Why get off the bike? Either pull your bibs/shorts/skinsuit down or hike the leg on whatever you are wearing. Its weird for the first couple times but once you get the hang of it you will wonder why you ever stopped to take a pee. Give a little shake (3 or more is just playing with your self...) and put everything back in the right place then smash the pedals again! Plus I couldn't imagine the smell of your shoes the next day/month/year.
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [Ohio_Roadie] [ In reply to ]
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Ohio_Roadie wrote:
Why get off the bike? Either pull your bibs/shorts/skinsuit down or hike the leg on whatever you are wearing. Its weird for the first couple times but once you get the hang of it you will wonder why you ever stopped to take a pee. Give a little shake (3 or more is just playing with your self...) and put everything back in the right place then smash the pedals again! Plus I couldn't imagine the smell of your shoes the next day/month/year.

Thank you.

Geez guys, WOMEN need to pee in their pants, YOU have a friggin' hose for chrissakes. How hard is this?
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [Painless] [ In reply to ]
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As "triathletes" we are known as poor bike handlers. I probably fit this description. My main goal on each ride is to keep the rubber side down. I don't need to be trying to pull my weiner out with one hand while trying to steer with the other. I'll just soak my shorts on long races. Training rides- I'll stop somewhere. Shorter races - I can hold it.

"How did you crash your bike?"
"I had my dick in my hand while I was trying to piss over the top/side/bottom of my shorts. I was almost done and ready to give it a good neck-wringing to remove the last drop...when out of nowhwere I ran over a wild beaver. Goddamn beaver made me crash into a parked car. I am lucky that all I did was break my collar bone and orbital socket. The doc said that if I didn't have a handful of penis, I would have been a goner."
Last edited by: timboricki: Aug 4, 11 22:46
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [timboricki] [ In reply to ]
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 Weekend warrior athletes pissing all over themselves to save a few seconds then congratulating each other about it. What a weird sport.

_________________________________
I'll be what I am
A solitary man
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [last tri in 83] [ In reply to ]
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last tri in 83 wrote:
Weekend warrior athletes pissing all over themselves to save a few seconds then congratulating each other about it. What a weird sport.

That^

geez, freaks.
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [timboricki] [ In reply to ]
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timboricki wrote:
As "triathletes" we are known as poor bike handlers.

And the more I read of this board also poor swimmers and piss poor runners.

Be proud dammit!!!! bwaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaaaaa
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [Ohio_Roadie] [ In reply to ]
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Ohio_Roadie wrote:
Why get off the bike? ....

If you are on for a win or qualifying place then fine. If not then the ans to the above question is because you will stink of p!ss for the next few hours. Recently I did an IM without managing to go before T1 during the bike race at T2 or during the run (despite trying a couple of times, in the end I gave up and embraced the pain), to be honest the joy of going after the race was something I will not forget! I'd have gone in the porta loo if I could have but mid bike on the go is just a no no for me, call me old fashioned :-)
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [spagoli] [ In reply to ]
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"If not then the ans to the above question is because you will stink of p!ss for the next few hours."


Actually, doesn't stink at all. The thought of people paying $5K+ for a bike, in theory to shave a few seconds off the time they would get with a $500 bike, but then being willing to give up many times that amount of time because they are unwilling to get a little pee on themselves is comical to me.
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [Murphy'sLaw] [ In reply to ]
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Murphy'sLaw wrote:
Quote:
but I might take my bike out in the yard and piss on it just for fun.

Chris G or tetsuoni - picture please!! ;-)
(you know the one I'm talking about)

Sorry, only have the iPad at the beach and can't find that rr for some reason.
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [timboricki] [ In reply to ]
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timboricki wrote:
As "triathletes" we are known as poor bike handlers. I probably fit this description. My main goal on each ride is to keep the rubber side down. I don't need to be trying to pull my weiner out with one hand while trying to steer with the other. I'll just soak my shorts on long races. Training rides- I'll stop somewhere. Shorter races - I can hold it.

"How did you crash your bike?"
"I had my dick in my hand while I was trying to piss over the top/side/bottom of my shorts. I was almost done and ready to give it a good neck-wringing to remove the last drop...when out of nowhwere I ran over a wild beaver. Goddamn beaver made me crash into a parked car. I am lucky that all I did was break my collar bone and orbital socket. The doc said that if I didn't have a handful of penis, I would have been a goner."

first post of any website that actually made me cry from laughing. great job!
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [spagoli] [ In reply to ]
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spagoli wrote:
Ohio_Roadie wrote:
Why get off the bike? ....


If you are on for a win or qualifying place then fine. If not then the ans to the above question is because you will stink of p!ss for the next few hours. Recently I did an IM without managing to go before T1 during the bike race at T2 or during the run (despite trying a couple of times, in the end I gave up and embraced the pain), to be honest the joy of going after the race was something I will not forget! I'd have gone in the porta loo if I could have but mid bike on the go is just a no no for me, call me old fashioned :-)

Okay if it really came to it I would get off the bike and pee any day over just sitting in pee for the rest of the event. But really now...Learn how to handle a bike (at least hold it in a straight line) and just pee off the bike (NOT IN YOUR BIBS!)
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [timboricki] [ In reply to ]
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Nice. Think I'll try this on the next training ride. Nothing new on race day right?
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [CCF] [ In reply to ]
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Not worth the chance of getting DQ'd, so i stopped at porta johns, which takes a little bit longer since you have to stop and put your bike down
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [mgalluzz] [ In reply to ]
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Awesome thread. On the run it took me 47 seconds to p.

Almost spit my coffee on th keyboard reading this.

Josh
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Re: I Pissed my Bike and I Liked It [timboricki] [ In reply to ]
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This skill can also be usefull if you have some pesky drafters behind you that just won't go away ;-)
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