The journey to this Ironman has been tough. 4 Ironman in 18 months, I am a bit burned out. I enjoy training and being in shape but I really had a hard time focusing on training and was very sporadic and inconsistent. I think it's a lack of desire and drive, a lack of having a great goal and not enough time ha past since the last one. Lesson learned. But even with all that, I was positive and felt really good in the week leading to the race. I know I am fit but definitely lacked IM specific training. I didn't really have a goal, I knew I did not want to go to kona this year.
I woke up at 3:45 after not sleeping much at all. I had a bfast cookie at 4am, a boost at 5am and one at 6am. I sipped Gatorade pre race. I got nervous driving down; I had Sergio, Paulo and Jen with me. I was determined to give it a good shot, really not sure what to expect with the lack of fitness.
The SWIM. Well I positioned myself completely on the left, first row. I was watching the pro's swim and couldn't get why everyone was drifting right. I kept trying to look to see where I would go, the glare from the sun made it impossible to see buoys. I was confused and we hadn't even started yet. I heard the 2 minutes warning and first thing I knew the gun went off. Sort of took me off guard, I was expecting another warning. I started fast, sprinting to make my way out, very easy this time, unlike Kona. However, nobody is near the buoys, I don't get it. I am following people and see the buoys far left, I am not sure why this is going on. I slowly work my way to the buoys, thinking if I follow them, even if no one else is, it HAS to work. I really didn't draft a whole lot, but stayed focused. It got crowded under the Rural Bridge; I swam to the turn around and looked at my watch: 27 something... I knew the way back was longer but I thought I was doing well. I decided to pick it up a bit, this time I am hitting the buoys straight on. I kept thinking that I wanted to give it a good effort and didn't want to be TOO relaxed. After the last turn around buoy, I looked at the watch again it said 58 and I still had to swim to shore. Oh wellˇK Not so good for me, but swimming 1-2 week will do that to you. It's funny because I kept thinking while swimming that it probably didn't matter much if I was in swimming shape or not, I just had to swim straight.
I head for the stairs, and smile. I was so mad last year; I refused to be mad this year. 1:01 it was and I was moving forward. The wetsuit was hard to take off. I laid down and someone stripped it off. I remember laying there tired. I jogged easily to T1, and had opted to keep the same outfit all along which worked out great. I exited and someone had my bike ready, here we go, I am excited.
I leave town and am surprised to be riding with a head wind, very rarely does the wind come from the east. It didn't matter either way, I am focused. HR is in the 144-148 range, I like that. It is so hard for me to keep it up there; I was excited that it just was there. I am riding well, staying steady and keeping HR above 142 up the beeline. Right there, I decided I was going to risk this. I have always wondered about riding a bit harder, I keep thinking I ride too easy during IM and that I could have tried pushing harder. Well this is it. Why not try it this time? So I go for it. I come back down the beeline, 30mph, hitting 145 HR again, I feel good. I remember pretending I was Natasha. I am keeping up with nutrition but that lemon lime Gatorade sure does NOT taste good. How nasty. I am enjoying the tail wind and I am track for a 6 hours pace, with the goal being to pick it up on third lap. I easily biked 5:56 in Kona, this should be a piece of cake. I was going to try racing harder. I come back thru town, I am SOOOOOO excited. I see friends, I am smiling, and I feel great. I head out for second loop and am surprised to have a tail wind. Wind must have shifted oh well.. I keep up the pace but HR is slowly coming down. I am thinking its ok; I get a bit scared and tell myself to keep it at 140, which would still be great. Then I am not sure even today what exactly happened. I had a stitch which wasn't bad and my bottom bracket was squeaking. I didn't think it was slowing me down but it sure was annoying. I tried my best to ignore those 2 things. I come back down the beeline with a head wind. There are lots of girls in my age group passing me, I try to not let that affect me but it sure is hard. I stopped counting after 10 and have to work really hard at chasing the negative thoughts. I come back towards town, I am hot, my shoulders are burning, I am very nauseous, I have a stitch and HR keeps dropping steadily. My goal is now to keep it at 130. I got really down. I feel bad, I have no energy. I am eating as planned though. At least until 4 hours mark, I ate as planned. I have no idea how in the world I would do a third loop. I am really depressed; I still don't know what happened. I remember going under the 101 with the idea of quitting but somehow thought about Rich, my coach, , and his daughter who has leukemia. I thought of all the people that are sick and probably would give so much to even be in my shoes at that point and have the opportunity to even ride. I told myself right there that no matter what I was NOT quitting. I kept going thru town, not smiling so much this time.
I head back out for third loop, energy less and start having problems breathing. I can't inhale fully, it makes me cough. I just stay aero and bike. HR is less than 120. I am discouraged, sort of drifted off the nutrition plan, the perpetuem is so warm and taste terrible and the lemon Gatorade makes me more nauseous. I eat my blocks, take the salt, and ate the 2 gels but skip the perpetuem. I drank lots and lots of water. Maybe 5-6 bottles? I am thirsty and craving cold water. I pour some over me, it helped some. At that point, I just wanted to get off the bike, finish the darn bike. I know I am out of the game and I feel terrible. I don't even think about the run, I saved that for later. I am not sure why I thought I could just race hard without training for it. All my long rides had been at 117-125 HR, it had been a struggle all along to train at higher HR. Big mistake. Sure I want to race IM at 142-144 (raced at 140 in kona) but I have to train to do it if I want it to pay off.
I exit the bike, take my shoes off, my left foot is killing me. I walk very slowly thru T2, get my bag, go to bathroom. Kevin worked on my toes, I laid on the table. I go in the tent, I start crying. I have no idea how I would run. I still can't breathe; a deep breath induces coughing, still nauseated and sore. The girl in T2 says you don't have to do this. Not quite encouraging, I ignored the comment. I see Lauren in there, and am happy to see her. I knew this was her first IM and I thought she was doing well. I am given an ice bag, the girl tells me to put it in my bra, I ask for 2 of them saying it would make me look really good! Well I got a bit of humor; I think I was cheering myself up. So there I go, I head out with 2 ice bags in my bra, walking with my head down.
I walked out and started jogging. Easy.. Coughing.. nauseous... Coughing.. 26 one mile repeats, all I had to do is make it to mile one. I made a deal with myself; I'd walk the aid stations, that's it. I am far behind my goal; it is very hard to redefine goals. The only goal I have at that point is the next aid station. Lauren comes by and asks me if I want her to run with me. I kindly say no but can't believe she would be kind enough to offer that. She needed to run her own race, I was proud of her. I see Paulo right before mile 1, he yells at me to freaking focus. I just want to hit him, he just has no clue how bad I feel, I am focusing. He is trying to help, I know. I walk thru the first aid station, the orange COLD Gatorade tastes really good. I drink and take a gel at mile 2; I need to keep up nutrition. Somehow, I am running and the stitch is gone, the breathing is better, I am still tired. I do this over and over, like a robot. I come back under the bridge, see people, still just shuffling and jogging, steadily at 10:30-11min/mile. Actually I tell myself at that point that if I can keep up that rhythm, it wouldn't be so bad. I feel better than on the bike. At mile 6 or so, I see a pro girl walking. I ask her to run with me, she says no. But then, there she is, jogging next to me. I told her I was from Quebec and tell her that I had done so well last year, it was really hard for me to find a goal at that point. I knew I wasnˇ¦t going to qualify (not that I wanted to) podium or PR. So WHAT then? Finish??? I have finished before; I am struggling defining a goal. I am not sure how to go about it. She responded briefly that she knew exactly how I felt. We ran together for the next mile, I notice we both picked up the pace and I found comfort knowing that we both felt the same way. THAT girl knew exactly how I feltˇK she walked the next aid station, I just kept running. I think the faster pace made me realize I could get done sooner than later.
Then somehow things unraveled. I was feeling good and absolutely no one was[passing me. Most are walking and I am definitely running. Not jogging, running. I am yelling "excuse me", "on your left".. Unbelievable. I feel like the only one running out there. So I start playing mind games. What really got me going were the inspirational quotes on the mile markers. What a great idea, it hit me hard. At that point, I decide to keep up that pace to mile 15, start the coke and do 10 x 1 mile repeats and see how fast I can do them. I figured I can use the recovery in the aid station. I am suddenly excited. I feel strong, I feel tough. I am running in the 8:30-40, it feels good and easier. It doesnˇ¦t take long for people to notice I had changed my attitude and was fighting this one hard. I shouted things like I am tough, "you watch me", "I feel good",I am digging deep". I was mad at myself for giving up half way thru the bike. It is one of my weaknesses to give up, I have a hard time working thru the tough times. Definilty need to work on the attitude and I decided I was going to start NOW to work on it and challenge myself to push through pain. It is what I need to become a better athlete, no need to wait to work on my weaknesses. I started hurting again at 24, I played more games and ran a 9:01 for the last 1.2 miles and negative splitted the marathon by 7 minutes. I enjoyed the cheering, the crowd and the sense of accomplishment that when I fall down hard, I CAN come back up with a vengeance.
What could have been a sub 11 race or a 12 something race ended with 11:34. By far not my best performance or time, and by far not my proudest accomplishment. But I crossed that finish line with a big smile, feeling like I have found in me, what it is that I was looking for to be able to further improve in this sport and in my life: determination, mental toughness and persistence. I also finished with the desire to train harder some day to accomplish my goal of going sub 11. Not for now, I am taking a break and training for shorter distances races. But I will be back, stronger and tougher:-)
I woke up at 3:45 after not sleeping much at all. I had a bfast cookie at 4am, a boost at 5am and one at 6am. I sipped Gatorade pre race. I got nervous driving down; I had Sergio, Paulo and Jen with me. I was determined to give it a good shot, really not sure what to expect with the lack of fitness.
The SWIM. Well I positioned myself completely on the left, first row. I was watching the pro's swim and couldn't get why everyone was drifting right. I kept trying to look to see where I would go, the glare from the sun made it impossible to see buoys. I was confused and we hadn't even started yet. I heard the 2 minutes warning and first thing I knew the gun went off. Sort of took me off guard, I was expecting another warning. I started fast, sprinting to make my way out, very easy this time, unlike Kona. However, nobody is near the buoys, I don't get it. I am following people and see the buoys far left, I am not sure why this is going on. I slowly work my way to the buoys, thinking if I follow them, even if no one else is, it HAS to work. I really didn't draft a whole lot, but stayed focused. It got crowded under the Rural Bridge; I swam to the turn around and looked at my watch: 27 something... I knew the way back was longer but I thought I was doing well. I decided to pick it up a bit, this time I am hitting the buoys straight on. I kept thinking that I wanted to give it a good effort and didn't want to be TOO relaxed. After the last turn around buoy, I looked at the watch again it said 58 and I still had to swim to shore. Oh wellˇK Not so good for me, but swimming 1-2 week will do that to you. It's funny because I kept thinking while swimming that it probably didn't matter much if I was in swimming shape or not, I just had to swim straight.
I head for the stairs, and smile. I was so mad last year; I refused to be mad this year. 1:01 it was and I was moving forward. The wetsuit was hard to take off. I laid down and someone stripped it off. I remember laying there tired. I jogged easily to T1, and had opted to keep the same outfit all along which worked out great. I exited and someone had my bike ready, here we go, I am excited.
I leave town and am surprised to be riding with a head wind, very rarely does the wind come from the east. It didn't matter either way, I am focused. HR is in the 144-148 range, I like that. It is so hard for me to keep it up there; I was excited that it just was there. I am riding well, staying steady and keeping HR above 142 up the beeline. Right there, I decided I was going to risk this. I have always wondered about riding a bit harder, I keep thinking I ride too easy during IM and that I could have tried pushing harder. Well this is it. Why not try it this time? So I go for it. I come back down the beeline, 30mph, hitting 145 HR again, I feel good. I remember pretending I was Natasha. I am keeping up with nutrition but that lemon lime Gatorade sure does NOT taste good. How nasty. I am enjoying the tail wind and I am track for a 6 hours pace, with the goal being to pick it up on third lap. I easily biked 5:56 in Kona, this should be a piece of cake. I was going to try racing harder. I come back thru town, I am SOOOOOO excited. I see friends, I am smiling, and I feel great. I head out for second loop and am surprised to have a tail wind. Wind must have shifted oh well.. I keep up the pace but HR is slowly coming down. I am thinking its ok; I get a bit scared and tell myself to keep it at 140, which would still be great. Then I am not sure even today what exactly happened. I had a stitch which wasn't bad and my bottom bracket was squeaking. I didn't think it was slowing me down but it sure was annoying. I tried my best to ignore those 2 things. I come back down the beeline with a head wind. There are lots of girls in my age group passing me, I try to not let that affect me but it sure is hard. I stopped counting after 10 and have to work really hard at chasing the negative thoughts. I come back towards town, I am hot, my shoulders are burning, I am very nauseous, I have a stitch and HR keeps dropping steadily. My goal is now to keep it at 130. I got really down. I feel bad, I have no energy. I am eating as planned though. At least until 4 hours mark, I ate as planned. I have no idea how in the world I would do a third loop. I am really depressed; I still don't know what happened. I remember going under the 101 with the idea of quitting but somehow thought about Rich, my coach, , and his daughter who has leukemia. I thought of all the people that are sick and probably would give so much to even be in my shoes at that point and have the opportunity to even ride. I told myself right there that no matter what I was NOT quitting. I kept going thru town, not smiling so much this time.
I head back out for third loop, energy less and start having problems breathing. I can't inhale fully, it makes me cough. I just stay aero and bike. HR is less than 120. I am discouraged, sort of drifted off the nutrition plan, the perpetuem is so warm and taste terrible and the lemon Gatorade makes me more nauseous. I eat my blocks, take the salt, and ate the 2 gels but skip the perpetuem. I drank lots and lots of water. Maybe 5-6 bottles? I am thirsty and craving cold water. I pour some over me, it helped some. At that point, I just wanted to get off the bike, finish the darn bike. I know I am out of the game and I feel terrible. I don't even think about the run, I saved that for later. I am not sure why I thought I could just race hard without training for it. All my long rides had been at 117-125 HR, it had been a struggle all along to train at higher HR. Big mistake. Sure I want to race IM at 142-144 (raced at 140 in kona) but I have to train to do it if I want it to pay off.
I exit the bike, take my shoes off, my left foot is killing me. I walk very slowly thru T2, get my bag, go to bathroom. Kevin worked on my toes, I laid on the table. I go in the tent, I start crying. I have no idea how I would run. I still can't breathe; a deep breath induces coughing, still nauseated and sore. The girl in T2 says you don't have to do this. Not quite encouraging, I ignored the comment. I see Lauren in there, and am happy to see her. I knew this was her first IM and I thought she was doing well. I am given an ice bag, the girl tells me to put it in my bra, I ask for 2 of them saying it would make me look really good! Well I got a bit of humor; I think I was cheering myself up. So there I go, I head out with 2 ice bags in my bra, walking with my head down.
I walked out and started jogging. Easy.. Coughing.. nauseous... Coughing.. 26 one mile repeats, all I had to do is make it to mile one. I made a deal with myself; I'd walk the aid stations, that's it. I am far behind my goal; it is very hard to redefine goals. The only goal I have at that point is the next aid station. Lauren comes by and asks me if I want her to run with me. I kindly say no but can't believe she would be kind enough to offer that. She needed to run her own race, I was proud of her. I see Paulo right before mile 1, he yells at me to freaking focus. I just want to hit him, he just has no clue how bad I feel, I am focusing. He is trying to help, I know. I walk thru the first aid station, the orange COLD Gatorade tastes really good. I drink and take a gel at mile 2; I need to keep up nutrition. Somehow, I am running and the stitch is gone, the breathing is better, I am still tired. I do this over and over, like a robot. I come back under the bridge, see people, still just shuffling and jogging, steadily at 10:30-11min/mile. Actually I tell myself at that point that if I can keep up that rhythm, it wouldn't be so bad. I feel better than on the bike. At mile 6 or so, I see a pro girl walking. I ask her to run with me, she says no. But then, there she is, jogging next to me. I told her I was from Quebec and tell her that I had done so well last year, it was really hard for me to find a goal at that point. I knew I wasnˇ¦t going to qualify (not that I wanted to) podium or PR. So WHAT then? Finish??? I have finished before; I am struggling defining a goal. I am not sure how to go about it. She responded briefly that she knew exactly how I felt. We ran together for the next mile, I notice we both picked up the pace and I found comfort knowing that we both felt the same way. THAT girl knew exactly how I feltˇK she walked the next aid station, I just kept running. I think the faster pace made me realize I could get done sooner than later.
Then somehow things unraveled. I was feeling good and absolutely no one was[passing me. Most are walking and I am definitely running. Not jogging, running. I am yelling "excuse me", "on your left".. Unbelievable. I feel like the only one running out there. So I start playing mind games. What really got me going were the inspirational quotes on the mile markers. What a great idea, it hit me hard. At that point, I decide to keep up that pace to mile 15, start the coke and do 10 x 1 mile repeats and see how fast I can do them. I figured I can use the recovery in the aid station. I am suddenly excited. I feel strong, I feel tough. I am running in the 8:30-40, it feels good and easier. It doesnˇ¦t take long for people to notice I had changed my attitude and was fighting this one hard. I shouted things like I am tough, "you watch me", "I feel good",I am digging deep". I was mad at myself for giving up half way thru the bike. It is one of my weaknesses to give up, I have a hard time working thru the tough times. Definilty need to work on the attitude and I decided I was going to start NOW to work on it and challenge myself to push through pain. It is what I need to become a better athlete, no need to wait to work on my weaknesses. I started hurting again at 24, I played more games and ran a 9:01 for the last 1.2 miles and negative splitted the marathon by 7 minutes. I enjoyed the cheering, the crowd and the sense of accomplishment that when I fall down hard, I CAN come back up with a vengeance.
What could have been a sub 11 race or a 12 something race ended with 11:34. By far not my best performance or time, and by far not my proudest accomplishment. But I crossed that finish line with a big smile, feeling like I have found in me, what it is that I was looking for to be able to further improve in this sport and in my life: determination, mental toughness and persistence. I also finished with the desire to train harder some day to accomplish my goal of going sub 11. Not for now, I am taking a break and training for shorter distances races. But I will be back, stronger and tougher:-)