Klinggi,

Yes, I am that insecure. So insecure that I get all dressed up in skintight spandex every weekend so I can go strut my hairy pale body around on the beach in front of a bunch of strangers, then procede to have my ass handed to me by them. It's the pinnacle of insecurity, really it is.

The plus side to my terrible, burning insecurity is that I now have huge neck muscles. Whenever I am not strutting around in spandex I am strutting around with every medal that I have ever won strung around my neck. I tell EVERY single person I meet that I'M a triATHlete and that I'm AWESOME and that MY shit smells like lavender and lilies. I ask them how many medals THEY have won and I let them know that I've won MORE medals than they have. Putting the little people in their place really gets me off.

WTC changed the name of their half-iron series to "Ironman 70.3". So really, now that I've done a HIM that must make me an IRONMAN, right? Shit, I guess I can just quit training for a full IM because really, technically, I've already DONE one. God, why am I going to bed early on St. Paddy's day so I can train tomorrow morning when I could just be down at the bar getting piss-drunk and showing off my medals some more? Hell, I'm going to get the IM tattoo on my arm now so I can show that off too (right next to my Navy SEAL tattoo and barbwire armband tattoo, because since I met with a recruiter one time I figure I am basically a Navy SEAL and POW also). Really, whatever WAS I thinking?

I don't care if people swim 1.2 miles, 1 mile, half a mile, or choose to not swim at all. Let them do whatever they are comfortable with. But if you give them their medals and tell them that they finished a HIM, then let's mail the medals out to the 19% of IMWI participants who DNF'd last September, along with a letter of apology, because really it was just too hot and too windy to hold a whole IM race that day, and in retrospect even though they didn't complete the 140.6 mile race in the time allotted, we now realize that they really don't have to do the whole race in order for them to be an Ironman.

I didn't create the Ironman mystique, but I want to be a part of it. And I want to EARN it. No shortcuts, no handouts, no pussification. Like I stated originally, it's supposed to be hard.

Now, go smoke a pole.

mm