My solution - I married a Pro-Triathlete/Road Cyclist 7 years ago. Never happier! :)

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Steve Fleck @stevefleck | Blog

How badly can she kick your tail?

But you paid for the tickets to American Sniper, right?

John

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John H. Post, III, MD
Orthopedic Surgeon
Charlottesville, VA

ditto; my wife's not a pro but is also a triathlete and nordic skier in the winter; she's my primary training partner.

My wife has a plan. She said that this year is the year of Pat (me). Next year, it's a Viking River Cruise.

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What I do: http://app.strava.com/athletes/345699

My SO isn't an endurance athlete but, lucky for me, is a PT :) Best of both worlds!

We don't have kids and don't plan on it. We make it work - we both have our respective hobbies and need for "me" time. Ironman training gets to be a pain in the ass at times, especially towards the end, but in the end she knows it's something I love and need to do for myself. I honestly don't think I would enjoy being with another hardcore endurance athlete. Triathlon is fun but it's not exactly interesting - I need someone who has the capacity to be interested in/talk about other things. There are only so many ways to talk about "darrr I biked 300 miles this week look at me I'm so tough darrrr."

Or you can always marry a horse person like my wife is....takes up more time than Tri and costs more ! No issues with buying new equipment :-)

Re: Or you can always marry a horse person like my wife is....takes up more time than Tri and costs more !

Sounds like the ideal hobby for a spouse. You can spend unlimited amounts on tri related "necessities" and not have to feel guilty about it at all. Wow, a new species!

Watch it, you'll make everyone jealous.

John

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John H. Post, III, MD
Orthopedic Surgeon
Charlottesville, VA

Bit dramatic. Most spouses could care less & are not sitting around waiting for you. There are trade offs. Sometimes she does her thing Friday evening and I get half a day Saturday for example.
... The thing people don't admit is that you simply CAN'T be a great employee spouse parent & train well all at the same time. Not enough hours in the day. so some days or weeks you're a better employee. Other days and weeks you're a better parent. Sometimes you get in good training but don't impress your boss much or see a lot of your family ... Priorities. First World issues ...

I guess there is more than one of us on this forum...

i tend to agree that somewhere you make sacrifices... but what kind of parent are you if you don't show your kids an active lifestyle? Isn't that part of being a good parent too? What kind of spouse are you if let your health slide and cut short your life? Everyone has hobbies, they keep us sane. I don't see how mine, while time demanding for sure, are any more relationship inhibiting than golfing, hunting, fishing, etc.

What about not being a good employee coincides with triathletes in general? Face it, the majority of people in this sport are AT LEAST upper middle class, with most being upper-class 6 figure guys. Usually people in that stratosphere don't get to where they are by not being good employees. So while I know I personally will set a meeting for 1 hour in the middle of my day to get a mid-afternoon run/ride in, I am also the guy working 12/14 hour days on top of 2 or so hours of training. I would wager many here do the same thing.

The gist of the article is fine, but I think I do a decent job of balancing these three pillars of my life.....just don't ask my wife.

I found being in a relationship with a fellow triathlete the worst thing ever. Everything to do with being a triathlete just about seemed to revolve around her training and the events she was preparing for. To the extent when she would get pissed if I went into my 'zone' 30-45 mins pre-race and just wanted to focus on getting ready. Going overseas to support her doing an ironman was the worst holiday I have ever been on. Everything had to be about her and what she wanted - to the extent I was 'ruining her holiday' by feeling incredibly ill the first few days or the fact I needed to take a dump when I got off the plane and therefore took 'too long' to get the bag collection as she was worried about her bike getting stolen. She would sometimes also burst into tears when I was training with her, or pack a sad mid ride. She also didn't like riding any closer than the legal draft zone during training, so it was somewhat ironic when she got pinged for drafting in a race. hah.

She had all of the obsessive tendencies triathletes have, and this combined with some large insecurities made for a bit of a disaster zone.

I'd rather be in a relationship with someone who has slightly different interests but is also interested in supporting mine (as I am hers).

Good for you. The best employees where I work certainly are not committed to a serious hobby & few are in good shape. And Im " just" a teacher (slacker job).

Those who really strive at my school (the best coaches also) also seldom have spouses who do the same rather they have "support" spouses with less ambitious careers (I'm more one of those. My wife is more ambitious as a Principal.).

Soo ... 13 hour work days & 2 hours a day training leaves how much time for spouse & kids? Chores & errands? Sunday afternoon perhaps?

Pity me... for I am both a triathlete AND a horse person. lol Granted, the horses have taken a back seat the past couple of years.
Saw a trailer the other day, that said "Horses -- as addictive as cocaine, and twice as expensive."

Your problem wasn't being in a relationship with a triathlete, it was being in a relationship with a complete bitch.

No offense intended, of course.

My spouse isn't a triathlete, but she's a way faster runner then I will ever be. Trains more frequently, but the nature of triathlon means I have more hours in per week then her when I'm training hard (long rides). While she "gets it" in terms of need for training, her patience wears thin if I'm not super careful about putting triathlon in front of, you know, life in general. It's a balancing act for sure. While I would like to really push myself and realize my potential in the sport, at the end of the day, it's just a hobby and needs to be treated as such.

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Long Chile was a silly place.

As a former horse person, I absolutely agree that triathlon is both less expensive and less time consuming. Having horses is like training for an IM every week of every year!

Respect!

So the question is; If someone is working 12-14 hour days and training two they may be a good employee/athlete but can they be a good partner/parent? IMO something has got to give.

This is an interesting thread and an issue that I have been struggling with for a while. I'm currently training ~15hrs/week for HIM while working close to 12 hour days and trying to spend as much time with a fiance who maybe works out 2-3 hours per week. No kids; if/when that happens I'll be lucky to train for a sprint, which is OK by me.

Here are a few things that have helped me thus far:

1) Get majority of training time in between 5:30-7:30 am every morning. Most of this is biking; 2x week I swim masters 6-7:30 am. I feel rested on 6.5 hours of sleep so getting to bed by 11 has worked thus far.

2) Run commute home (I live 3.5 miles away) - saves a bunch of time I would normally spend crowded with a bunch of smelly people on the subway. Plus, it doesn't give me any time pressure at work at night - if I have to stay until 9 pm, fine. I just run home after.

3) Adjust "long days" - my 3 hour bikes are not on Sundays, because Sunday is rest/quality time day. Tuesday is my "Sunday". I am on the trainer by 5 am and off by 8. If possible I take some conference calls from the trainer.

This may not work for most of you but there are probably some subtle "time optimizers" that can make all of the difference. I'd be interested in hearing any others.

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Strava

I would be very surprised if the 'majority' of participants in Triathlon (even if you looked only at Ironman events) were that affluent. I know Messick makes these noises, but >50%? I kindly doubt it.

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29 years and counting

Well, the good news for me is that the kids are all out of the house and my wife is retired. Her philosophy is "if it makes you sweat, it is bad". But, if I want to, that's fine. So, she does her thing and I do my workouts as I want pretty much. We'll go out for a Latty on the weekends and as she is retired (recently), she is more into cooking (in fact, my weight loss program has been sabotaged) so we end up eating together and maybe watching a bit of TV. I'll get in noon hour runs (when it is nice out) pulse evening workouts.

And, I figure I'll retire in about 14 months (who's counting) so it's not like I'm attempting to climb any corporate ladder by working longer days than required to get my stuff done.

But, 20-40 years ago, it was a totally different story and it would have been tough to get much workout time in beyond the 3/4 hour morning run I was doing at 5:30AM.

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BC Don
Pain is temporary, not giving it your all lasts all Winter.

Educated & middle to upper-middle income? Yes. Of course.
More well off than most people? a bit, but not by a wide margin. Similar to golfers, skiers, mountain bikers, people who camp a lot.
Runners come from a bit bigger spectrum, though.

For a week maybe, but you are probably misestimating or have a 30 hour day.

12/14 hours a day at work plus 2 hours of training (plus 1/2 hour of getting to/from pool/gym etc.), plus the commute (hour estimate?), plus 2 showers, eating, bathroom etc (another hour) you are at 16 1/2-18 1/2 hours before even mentioning anything outside of just work and training. What about paying bills, going shopping for food, talking to any-one etc....

I should clarify, I am the guy willing to work 12/14 hour days at time to get my job done. And yes something does suffer... the last line should have been in pink hence the "don't ask my wife"

I still think though, that its possible to be pretty good at all three. I bet most people here are.

Efficiency and overhead reduction at both work and at play and also with family are key to being able to juggle all three. Most people have way too much wasted overhead in their lives, working on non impactful things super inefficiently, or they split hairs on tasks on all fronts that can be done 50-75% faster and still get to 95% impact. Think like a real estate agent...sell the house at 97% of the final value in 75% less time, and move on to selling the next house and so on and so on.

I coach many athletes and get a window into how different people manage life outside training and how they manage overhead related to training. I can see which guys and girls jam in more into the same 168 hours per week that we all get than the other person does. A "CAN" do attitude is most helpful.

Having said, that, we usually can't be awesome on all fronts all the time simultaneously which brings me back to the 168 hours per week that we all get. How do we priority manage those 168 hours to be awesome in sequence in different aspects of our lives, over the week. Not over the day, but not over the month, but over the week. If one can crack that nut, then it is possible. Over the day, some days family get priority, some days it does not....some days are all about work....other day, everything gets out of the way for sport....and managing the expectations of the people who interface into our lives from all angles on what gets prioritization and when. One month is too long to de prioritize anything.....something will break....no one including yourself has patience for that.

Having said that, coming back to what John Post said, when we were younger, my wife and I did a lot of active things together. Now she does, not and I do. I do miss doing some of the stuff together, but at the same time she sees the positive impact of my active life on our 18 year old and his friends who are athletes that I have coached.

In the end, I don't thing we can be awesome at everything on a given day, but we can and MUST spread over a week. Let any aspect slide too long and something will break....and yes, it probably sucks to be my spouse and have me for a dad on many days, but hopefully it balances out on the good days. That's life I guess.