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Opposite gender training partners
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Okay ladies I need some quality advice here. I have been fine-ish with my boyfriend training with this girl for a while but it's starting to become a problem. Increased time, more texting, and they've gotten too close for comfort. She's a bit older than he is and completely disrespects me and our relationship by being a huge flirt. He is so amazing and I know he would never cheat but he did lie to me about her being single for a while, told me he didn't want to "fuel the fire" which I understand. She's clearly in love with him but I guess is apparently dating someone now. How would you go about this situation? Should I just let it go? I've talked to him about it before but I'm kind of on the look out for signs something happened. He's moving in a couple weeks. But I feel like she might try something in the last week he's there. Would you talk to her about it? How do you deal with opposite sex training partners who are clearly crossing a line?
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Re: Opposite gender training partners [hangryallday] [ In reply to ]
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I don't have a ton of relationship experience, but I think I'd ask him to ask her to stop the flirting.

Proud member of Fishtwitch and the ST Grammar Police
disclaimer: I am a PhD, not a medical doctor. The closest I get to surgery is topology.
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Re: Opposite gender training partners [hangryallday] [ In reply to ]
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hangryallday wrote:
he did lie to me about her being single for a while, told me he didn't want to "fuel the fire"

hmm I suspect he *loves* the fire -- a hot training partner, a reasonably understanding girlfriend, having his cake and eating it too. Even if there's nothing going on now, the current path leaves the possibility wide open.

My advice would be to find a similarly attractive training partner (or equivalent) immediately, with lots of texting, time away, planning of meet ups, etc. Help him understand what you're putting up with.
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Re: Opposite gender training partners [hangryallday] [ In reply to ]
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I would deal with the training partner by realizing that your boyfriend is the problem. He is the person interacting with this woman. Since you are not there, you really don't know the nature of their relationship.

The purpose of dating is to find out if you two are a match. From what you have written, he appears to have more tendency to stray and make you uncomfortable; not a good candidate for a long-term relationship. Again, the problem is your boyfriend and his behavior. How he reacts to others is all on him...

Wag More, Bark Less
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Re: Opposite gender training partners [SallyShortyPnts] [ In reply to ]
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^^^ What Sally said.

"Ain't no shortcuts to the Opry."
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Re: Opposite gender training partners [SallyShortyPnts] [ In reply to ]
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SallyShortyPnts wrote:
I would deal with the training partner by realizing that your boyfriend is the problem. He is the person interacting with this woman. Since you are not there, you really don't know the nature of their relationship.

The purpose of dating is to find out if you two are a match. From what you have written, he appears to have more tendency to stray and make you uncomfortable; not a good candidate for a long-term relationship. Again, the problem is your boyfriend and his behavior. How he reacts to others is all on him...

I absolutely agree with this. This is all about his behavior, not hers. I had this same situation with my boyfriend (now husband). He was coaching a woman that was sending him texts that were highly suggestive - definitely crossing the line between "coach" and personal. He just ignored them and assumed she would stop. I explained that for some women the lack of a clear "not interested" was interpreted as he was, in fact, interested. It was his responsibility to set the tone for the relationship. No woman is going to continue acting like that if she is being shot down. It just makes her look pathetic. He saw how his actions (or lack of actions) were viewed as passive encouragement and stepped up and actually stopped training her because of how I felt about the situation. If your boyfriend doesn't see that this is a problem and work to address it so you are both satisfied with the outcome, then it's time to find a new boyfriend....you do not need someone in your life that is insensitive to how you feel about these scenarios. There are just too many wonderful men out there
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Re: Opposite gender training partners [hangryallday] [ In reply to ]
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I agree with the others, your boyfriend is the problem and it sounds like he likes the attention. When a man communicates with me in a manner that I feel is too suggestive, then I stop communicating with them or make it clear that I feel its inappropriate. I would never hide information about it from husband.
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Re: Opposite gender training partners [hangryallday] [ In reply to ]
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I think you need to have a good long chat with him about how you are feeling. If he's sensitive to your feelings he'll stop training with her. I'd never train with someone if it upset my husband.

I hope this all works out for the best :-)
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Re: Opposite gender training partners [SallyShortyPnts] [ In reply to ]
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This.
If he's lied to you, and you're uncomfortable, it's time to have what my mom calls a "come to Jesus meeting."

Hope you're well. :)
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Re: Opposite gender training partners [hangryallday] [ In reply to ]
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Just stumbled across this after deciding to peek into the women's...

As a guy who found himself in this situation about 10 years ago I'll give you my take.

My marriage was not great at the time and the girl was someone completely opposite to my wife. Confident, athletic and also a flirt (like your story). I found her fun to be around and found reasons to train more and communicate more. I developed feelings which I was honest to my wife about when she asked. You can imagine how that went. Ultimately nothing happened but I wont lie and say that at the time had real opportunity presented itself I would have resisted. He lied about being single and he may well be lying about her dating.

I think one on one training with the opposite sex whilst in a relationship is dangerous, at least if the person in the relationship finds the other one attractive. You build a relationship of sorts with your training partner at the expense of your one at home.

Only you know if your relationship was healthy at the time. You need to be brutally honest with yourself. The training could be his escape from issues or a grass is greener moment. Is he giving you enough quality time? Is he overdoing it? All questions for yourself.

If things are great between you then you probably would not have a problem with it. He probably wouldn't be doing it so frequently. You should be able to talk about it calmly without him getting defensive (possibly a sign of having his cake and eating it). If things were great he should not have a problem winding it back either.

I wish you well.
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Re: Opposite gender training partners [hangryallday] [ In reply to ]
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Dump him! Immediately!
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