An Ironman Race… or… When it is considered OK to French Kiss your tire
You know what? I’ve done hundreds of triathlons over the decades of being involved in this sport… and,, just when you think you had seen it all… well, then this thing called “Ironman “ shows up and it redefines what someone will do to for the sake of going faster.
Now… I am NOT MAKING THIS UP… (And (as a back up), Roger from Landis Bike shop can verify - thank goodness)… but, I experienced this…
I am biking along during IMAZ and I look to the side of the road to see a biker working on a flat… over looking his efforts is Roger (one of the sag wagon volunteers from Landis Bike Shop)… Then, low and behold… I see the guy fixing his flat LICKING HIS TIRE…. And, I don’t mean some sort of little lick… I am talking French kissing kind of tongue action. I took a double take… and, thought to myself – WTF?
I couldn’t believe what I saw and was wondering if the heat had not started to effect my vision… so, I decide to catch up to the bike in front of me… came up to his side and asked if he saw that guy licking his tire. I got no response only a strange look – go figure? Then I suddenly realized… I don’t think he spoke English… he started to look at me as if I was crazy… he looked around and actually started to brake as if to say… go ahead - PLEASE! I can’t imagine how the question “Did you see that guy licking his tire?” must have translated.
Later during the bike… as luck would have it, I got a flat… and, within minutes there was a sag support willing to help me out.
As I was fixing my flat, I just had to ask… Did see a guy earlier licking his tire?
He said, “yep”. Thank goodness I had not been hallucinating.
I also asked… Why was he licking his tire? He said, “he was looking for a leak.”
I said, “…hmmm… well, it’s a good thing cause I wasn’t sure that he didn’t need to get a room.”
Flat fixed (thanks Roger), I was on my way hoping to make up for lost time.
The next morning after an IM… or… What it feels like to be a cadaver
I am not sure how many have ever woke up the following morning from doing an Ironman… but, rest assured if there is a correlation between what it is like to be a cadaver… well, this must be pretty close.
When you're 48 yrs. Old, you sometimes hear a small voice inside that says: "just because you reach the point which is defined as half-dead, that doesn't mean you should not take on a new challenges and seek new adventures. And, for me, that meant moving my eye lids this post-IM race morning. Yes, that voice is satan and my body was his temple that morning.
I know this because my body felt like it had been through 140.6 miles of hell… of which the toughest was when I blew up at mile 12-14 (memory is a bit fuzzy as to when I fried) of the run. Now, I was in bed and a simple request to MOVE THE EYE LIDS went unanswered by the body... Ugh!
Exactly, how tough can that be? Well, let me say… a herd of clydesdales couldn't have made it easier… it was tough going but, I got my eyes open. Only now, it was the next big move… moving my jaw… then my head… then, (drum roll please) my legs. Ugh! I got it done… but, It was only the start of a new morning… a new morning as a cadaver.
Delayed Onset Muscular Inflamation (DOMI)… or… HOOOLY! … MARY! …Mother-of-God (HMMG) - I'm Sore
Thinking that the morning after the race would be the toughest part of a post-IM race, I naively thought the next day would get better… especially since… as the prior "cadaver-day" went on, I felt waaay better. Boy! - was I wrong.
As I see it, walking and standing are important aspects of living. And, without a doubt HMMG/DOMI limits that ability. As they say, IM's are not for every one… especially sane people… especially people who like to have feeling in their legs other than pain.
Flashback to the Bike… or… Why Is It that Every Profile Yellow Plastic Thingy For Aero-Bottles I Saw On The Road Were Neatly Rolled Just Like They Came From The Factory?
It's because 40% of the participants at IMAZ were first timers for an Ironman… and, I would guess that 40% of those had never used a Profile aero-bottle.
Flashback to the Swim.. or … Who said you can't feel like a whale and still come in with a pod of good swimmers.
Drafting during a 2.4 mile swim is king… nuf' said.
Wetsuit strippers sometimes have a hard time finding a zipper and even ask where it is… ON A DeSoto T1? How dare them to expect me to think when I'm still trying to figure out if I'm walking with legs instead of fins. I am sorry I confused the girl and said just pull it off over my head. After about 20 seconds and 3 layers of skin removed from her pulls on the wetsuit, I was clear of my neoprene.
Road (The Bike) Hard and Put Up Wet… or… The NEW Run Strategy: Start Out Slow and Then Tapering Off.
Good swim… Good ride (despite the flat)…BIG! problem with run.
At mile 12,13,14 or something around that point in the run my legs checked out… or, Should I say the legs checked the body into "Hotel Hell".
Yep, … hell is running an entire marathon after a 2.4 mile swim plus a 112 mile bike without urinating. Yea… Yea… I know… it meant I was dehydrated… So… what am I suppose to do? Drink another 60 Zillion gallons of water and electrolytes? Sorry, but I tried that strategy… didn't work. Next option - Plan B.
Plan B - start pathetic shuffle… save energy for finish line… then look good for finish line photo (VERY important)… and in the process, hope you don't die or destroy your intestines in the process.
I am glad to announce Plan B worked. Mentally, the hours of dehydration hell was made more bearable thanks to Red Horse (yea… I said, Red Horse… hint: search IMAZ entrant name list). She was a fabulous running buddy… as they say, "misery loves company". And based on the amount of puking we saw during the run, I would say that dehydration was more of a problem than most expected (and, it seemed the pukers were not the 40% beginner group… looked more like the more experienced triathlete were having the biggest problems). I for one was a lucky non-puking competitior… considering my dehydration, I was surprised.
What does finishing an IM mean? … or… What my wife thinks…
My wife seems to think that she needs ask the sanitation depart to move the alley's garbage container about 140.6 miles away from the house… at least then, the household garbage would stand a better chance of being taken out.
As I see it… an IM is just another excuse to wear sun shades because the futures so bright I gotta wear shades (hmmm… I like that old song). Full recovery looks very good… 4 days after the race… Absolutely no soreness or joint pain… I am in bio-mechanical heaven and waaay ahead of last years recovery.
Final Notes… or… WTF do you mean you've never French Kissed a bike tire?
I like IMAZ as much as I did last year… the debate is whether I should do it again… I have my eyes focused on IM Canada for 07… I wonder if my body could withstand 2 Ironmans in a year? … hmmm… the great question… the great ying vs. yang… the great pain vs. good judgement debate leaves me with more questions than common sense… hmmm… so what's new?
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU….
Thanks Bets for hanging around during the race… you’re a real champ and super spectator. Congrats to everyone that started the race… Good on ya'… and, like I always say- IRONMAN'S ARE ALWAYS ABOUT THE STARTING LINE.
And, Jeff … no offense (as I said the days before the race) … but, glad I didn't see you the day of the race… no med tent for me…. Thanks for volunteering. Same goes to all the volunteers and locals... fabulous people.
Now it is time to fatten up this pig for slaughter at my next IM venture - BSLT 70.3 in late June. Yep… just what I need… more heat and dehydration… YE' FRICKN' HA!
Special Note (and to those that suffered through this novel): DID YOU KNOW THAT THE LOGO ON THE RIGHT SLEAVE OF THE FINISHER DRY- FIT T-SHIRT FOR IMAZ GLOWS IN THE DARK… HOW COOL IS THAT?
FWIW Joe Moya
You know what? I’ve done hundreds of triathlons over the decades of being involved in this sport… and,, just when you think you had seen it all… well, then this thing called “Ironman “ shows up and it redefines what someone will do to for the sake of going faster.
Now… I am NOT MAKING THIS UP… (And (as a back up), Roger from Landis Bike shop can verify - thank goodness)… but, I experienced this…
I am biking along during IMAZ and I look to the side of the road to see a biker working on a flat… over looking his efforts is Roger (one of the sag wagon volunteers from Landis Bike Shop)… Then, low and behold… I see the guy fixing his flat LICKING HIS TIRE…. And, I don’t mean some sort of little lick… I am talking French kissing kind of tongue action. I took a double take… and, thought to myself – WTF?
I couldn’t believe what I saw and was wondering if the heat had not started to effect my vision… so, I decide to catch up to the bike in front of me… came up to his side and asked if he saw that guy licking his tire. I got no response only a strange look – go figure? Then I suddenly realized… I don’t think he spoke English… he started to look at me as if I was crazy… he looked around and actually started to brake as if to say… go ahead - PLEASE! I can’t imagine how the question “Did you see that guy licking his tire?” must have translated.
Later during the bike… as luck would have it, I got a flat… and, within minutes there was a sag support willing to help me out.
As I was fixing my flat, I just had to ask… Did see a guy earlier licking his tire?
He said, “yep”. Thank goodness I had not been hallucinating.
I also asked… Why was he licking his tire? He said, “he was looking for a leak.”
I said, “…hmmm… well, it’s a good thing cause I wasn’t sure that he didn’t need to get a room.”
Flat fixed (thanks Roger), I was on my way hoping to make up for lost time.
The next morning after an IM… or… What it feels like to be a cadaver
I am not sure how many have ever woke up the following morning from doing an Ironman… but, rest assured if there is a correlation between what it is like to be a cadaver… well, this must be pretty close.
When you're 48 yrs. Old, you sometimes hear a small voice inside that says: "just because you reach the point which is defined as half-dead, that doesn't mean you should not take on a new challenges and seek new adventures. And, for me, that meant moving my eye lids this post-IM race morning. Yes, that voice is satan and my body was his temple that morning.
I know this because my body felt like it had been through 140.6 miles of hell… of which the toughest was when I blew up at mile 12-14 (memory is a bit fuzzy as to when I fried) of the run. Now, I was in bed and a simple request to MOVE THE EYE LIDS went unanswered by the body... Ugh!
Exactly, how tough can that be? Well, let me say… a herd of clydesdales couldn't have made it easier… it was tough going but, I got my eyes open. Only now, it was the next big move… moving my jaw… then my head… then, (drum roll please) my legs. Ugh! I got it done… but, It was only the start of a new morning… a new morning as a cadaver.
Delayed Onset Muscular Inflamation (DOMI)… or… HOOOLY! … MARY! …Mother-of-God (HMMG) - I'm Sore
Thinking that the morning after the race would be the toughest part of a post-IM race, I naively thought the next day would get better… especially since… as the prior "cadaver-day" went on, I felt waaay better. Boy! - was I wrong.
As I see it, walking and standing are important aspects of living. And, without a doubt HMMG/DOMI limits that ability. As they say, IM's are not for every one… especially sane people… especially people who like to have feeling in their legs other than pain.
Flashback to the Bike… or… Why Is It that Every Profile Yellow Plastic Thingy For Aero-Bottles I Saw On The Road Were Neatly Rolled Just Like They Came From The Factory?
It's because 40% of the participants at IMAZ were first timers for an Ironman… and, I would guess that 40% of those had never used a Profile aero-bottle.
Flashback to the Swim.. or … Who said you can't feel like a whale and still come in with a pod of good swimmers.
Drafting during a 2.4 mile swim is king… nuf' said.
Wetsuit strippers sometimes have a hard time finding a zipper and even ask where it is… ON A DeSoto T1? How dare them to expect me to think when I'm still trying to figure out if I'm walking with legs instead of fins. I am sorry I confused the girl and said just pull it off over my head. After about 20 seconds and 3 layers of skin removed from her pulls on the wetsuit, I was clear of my neoprene.
Road (The Bike) Hard and Put Up Wet… or… The NEW Run Strategy: Start Out Slow and Then Tapering Off.
Good swim… Good ride (despite the flat)…BIG! problem with run.
At mile 12,13,14 or something around that point in the run my legs checked out… or, Should I say the legs checked the body into "Hotel Hell".
Yep, … hell is running an entire marathon after a 2.4 mile swim plus a 112 mile bike without urinating. Yea… Yea… I know… it meant I was dehydrated… So… what am I suppose to do? Drink another 60 Zillion gallons of water and electrolytes? Sorry, but I tried that strategy… didn't work. Next option - Plan B.
Plan B - start pathetic shuffle… save energy for finish line… then look good for finish line photo (VERY important)… and in the process, hope you don't die or destroy your intestines in the process.
I am glad to announce Plan B worked. Mentally, the hours of dehydration hell was made more bearable thanks to Red Horse (yea… I said, Red Horse… hint: search IMAZ entrant name list). She was a fabulous running buddy… as they say, "misery loves company". And based on the amount of puking we saw during the run, I would say that dehydration was more of a problem than most expected (and, it seemed the pukers were not the 40% beginner group… looked more like the more experienced triathlete were having the biggest problems). I for one was a lucky non-puking competitior… considering my dehydration, I was surprised.
What does finishing an IM mean? … or… What my wife thinks…
My wife seems to think that she needs ask the sanitation depart to move the alley's garbage container about 140.6 miles away from the house… at least then, the household garbage would stand a better chance of being taken out.
As I see it… an IM is just another excuse to wear sun shades because the futures so bright I gotta wear shades (hmmm… I like that old song). Full recovery looks very good… 4 days after the race… Absolutely no soreness or joint pain… I am in bio-mechanical heaven and waaay ahead of last years recovery.
Final Notes… or… WTF do you mean you've never French Kissed a bike tire?
I like IMAZ as much as I did last year… the debate is whether I should do it again… I have my eyes focused on IM Canada for 07… I wonder if my body could withstand 2 Ironmans in a year? … hmmm… the great question… the great ying vs. yang… the great pain vs. good judgement debate leaves me with more questions than common sense… hmmm… so what's new?
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU….
Thanks Bets for hanging around during the race… you’re a real champ and super spectator. Congrats to everyone that started the race… Good on ya'… and, like I always say- IRONMAN'S ARE ALWAYS ABOUT THE STARTING LINE.
And, Jeff … no offense (as I said the days before the race) … but, glad I didn't see you the day of the race… no med tent for me…. Thanks for volunteering. Same goes to all the volunteers and locals... fabulous people.
Now it is time to fatten up this pig for slaughter at my next IM venture - BSLT 70.3 in late June. Yep… just what I need… more heat and dehydration… YE' FRICKN' HA!
Special Note (and to those that suffered through this novel): DID YOU KNOW THAT THE LOGO ON THE RIGHT SLEAVE OF THE FINISHER DRY- FIT T-SHIRT FOR IMAZ GLOWS IN THE DARK… HOW COOL IS THAT?
FWIW Joe Moya