Training for triathlon can be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. In your situation, it probably be best to take some time off of your rigorous workout routine and place yourself in a more comfortable environment. Take it easy for a while, your mind and body may need rest (or less strenuous activities) to recuperate from all the stress happening right now. You may be training alone, in that case it might be best to surround yourself with a good group of friends and family for consolation. Or maybe you have some other indoor or outdoor activity that steers away from the burdens of a triathlon routine. For me, whenever I am just not motivated for triathlon, I turn to indoor bouldering as a means to keep my motivation up. Time will heal you, friend. My condolences to your father.

Everyone is different and will have different reactions and what is right for one person may not be right for another.

When I knew my father didn't have long left I set myself a goal of completing a challenge, which was a point-to-point style record, rather than an event.

It motivated me to train and push myself as I knew that its what he would have wanted.
Sadly he died before I had a chance to do it, but when I did it spurred me on and I thought about him a lot.

It might not be the right approach for you, but some sort of event/challenge and dedication might help?

I'd keep things as close to the same as you could. I went through some serious emotional trauma and I was a numb zombie for months... the worst for me was work. I was incredibly unfocused and not very productive. For me my training is what helped me not go off the deep end, even though my performance was off. Otherwise talk to your friends, set up counseling if you need to, pray and do whatever it is you need to do to help you through a very difficult time. I also ended up on depression meds eventually... tough to say what might or will work for you, just tossing out there what helped and/or worked for me.

 
sorry to hear about your situation.

i went through a somewhat similar thing last summer. in fact just a week before a race i'd been preparing for all year i stopped because my partner was diagnosed with cancer.

after the initial shock, in which i did not train, i would go out only when i felt like it, for much shorter and much more intense sessions. i needed physical activity, but i had to change how i was doing it for a while because i was so stressed. i'm a cyclist. i was afraid of road riding at first, i think because i just felt generally vulnerable. so i'd ride on the track, or on my cross bike, or on a little loop that is safe that i use for tt intervals.

thankfully, things slowly started to look better, and my training become more normal.

a year later, i'm left with a few changes:

- all of the negative feelings i used to get when racing are gone. i'm grateful to be at the start line, i accept this as a certain but partial aspect of my life, and then i empty myself out.
- i'm much more careful when i ride
- i'm more chill about skipping workouts
- i'm faster

 
Sounds like you're aware that your body and mind are signaling that maintaining your full training schedule is not the priority. That the emotional stress of grief and loss is impacting you physically. And you're aware that doing at least some physical activity and maintaining some normal routine is helpful.

Be kind to yourself. Do what is important and meaningful for you at this time.

Grief and loss can take different forms depending on the person and context:
http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/types-of-grief/

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Advocating for research & treatment for Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME).
http://www.meaction.net/about/what-is-me/

"Suck it up, Buttercup"
(me, to myself, every day)

Stress comes in a lot of forms and it is normal for it to affect training. Sometimes I do a recovery ride because I'm recovering from life, not the bike. Other times an external stress engages my angry legs and I belt out an unusually hard ride. The funny thing is that before I clip in I probably could say which is more likely so I just try to listen to what my body is telling me. It says what I'm ready for. If you are working from a strict training plan this could cause additional frustration because nobody pencilled in "grief over my ailing family member" this week, so like many things in life you sort of route through it. The external stress is real and I've generally had better outcomes lowering my training stress when external stressors ramp up.

When my sister was dying (I moved in with her to help care for her), I switched from training to simply exercising. No plan at all, just got out for runs, rides, swims when I could or when I felt like it. Not sure on the math, but probably went from training 12ish hours per week to 2-3. I can't say whether the drop in activity affected my mood, because obviously that period was so overwhelmingly difficult anyway. I do know that I needed to get out periodically. The way I was doing it, the athletics felt like a break, not an obligation, and I'm sure it helped me get through that period. Looking back on that time is still very painful for me, but at least I know I had a balance that let me be there for my family and take care of myself enough to get through it.

I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. It is torture watching someone you love go through that. But take care of yourself, too. I always try to keep in mind what my sister would want for me.

I am sorry to learn of your father's status. I hope that your grieving will be brief and you can move to the stage of remember what you had and not what you lost.

After I made the decision to turn the machines off for my Mom, I fled the office with tears streaming. I got home before my kids were out of school, told my wife, got on my bike and rode. It helped me immensely.

I needed it.

In grad school. The love of my life just left me (which we are now back together), I was taking 5 grad school classes and working, was not sure of the future, going through extreme anxiety and panic attacks, lost 30 pounds or so in 6 months, and quite a few other things. It was to the point I was collapsing in tears in my shower almost every day. Worst thing ever.


I fortunately had enough money to not work the entire year and just do school - so that is what I did. However my day would be something like;

Wake up at 7 and go run, weightlift and swim until about Noon. Then force myself to eat lunch. Then few hours of class. Then run, bike, or swim again until about 8. Force myself to eat dinner. Then go for another run until about 10. Then go to bed.

I put myself in the pain cave everyday because it was the only way I could escape my own head. If it hurt bad enough - that is all you can focus on. Then at night, I would be to tired to lay awake and think about it.




I was in the best shape of my life physically. Then I graduate, got a stellar job, the lady came back, and now I am 30 pounds heavier with a higher heart rate but a big ass smile on my face most of the day. Just getting back into the swing of the training stuff.


So it works for some people and some it does not.

My sincere sympathies to you during this time--I can only imagine the pain of losing your dad.

I actually came to endurance sports in part as a way to cope with the stress of my divorce a few years ago. I think it's good that you're trying to give yourself a routine and goal in the midst of the chaos, but as others have said, release that pressure & drive to train normally or perform up to a particular standard. Real training usually requires a mental focus that you just won't have every day (possibly for a while). If you can, definitely take time to regularly get outside, but I recommend that you work on some longer, slower distances, and let your mind and emotions carry you where they need to go. If some days that results in a hard, aggressive pace, great, but if you just need to amble along while you focus on processing things, then do that. You can't predict how the grief will hit you, but the exercise may give you a safe time and place to work through it. Think of it a bit like healing from an injury: eventually, things will stabilize, and you'll still have a base to grow your training from, but you'll also be stronger mentally & emotionally if you give yourself this time to recover.

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"Test everything, cling to what is good." - St. Paul

I went through this for 6 weeks with my Mom as she died from a brain tumor. The good news is it gets better, the bad news is it may get worse before getting better.

Everyone's situation is different. I worked out sporadically during that 6 weeks, about half those workouts were with friends or the local HS xc team that a friend ran with. The week after her death I did nothing since I was executor and was pretty busy wrapped up in that and some other family matters.

For the rest of the summer after her death I found myself working out 2-3x per week. I'd run 1-2x and mtb bike 1 night per week. It was probably ~ 3mo after her death before things became more normal.

I've had athletes go through deaths of parents or kids. It seems some people need a routine, even a strict routine and others need to wing it. I've yet to encounter any 2 people who need to same thing during this time. Some people are away for 1-2 months some 12+ months.

What you're going through sucks. day by day it'll eventually start to get better

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Brian Stover USAT LII
Accelerate3 Coaching
Insta

The way you describe it, perhaps you are are sleep deprived? Likely not helping the workout situation...

As DD said, it will get better over time....

i don't know about severe emotional stress. i tend to live in the land of denial i think. i was dx'd with cancer in december. moved to the USA for a clinical trial 2 weeks ago. i've been running. that's about it. it is the only constant in my life right now - one of the few things i can control. so i go with that. i tried setting some goals and got a little hung up on meeting them and the last couple months that has gone out the window. so i run to keep myself sane but do not tie myself to a schedule. and i think that helps the most. when it is helpful but not an obligation.

i wish you peace in accompanying your father on his last journey. i will keep you in my thoughts.

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http://harvestmoon6.blogspot.com
https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/katasmit

The tough thing about emotional stress is that it wears on the body/immune system and your body needs to rest and repair from the daily stress of it. I wouldn't "train" for anything, but if you need to get out for a run/bike/swim to gets some stress/anxiety out then go for it.

Losing a parent can be really tough, just do what you need to do to get through it in a productive way.

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer a while back before I was really into racing, but I was working full time and going to night school to get my MBA. I was a emotional mess, there was no way I could train to race during that period of my life.

Sorry to hear about your father

Thank you all for your support. I asked for training tips and got so much more.

Apparently in my case it was a problem of me having remorse of not being with him when I trained. I could not help him but every part of my body demanded that I should be there for him.
Now when its all over grief has little to no impact on training. It sometimes even works as a distraction from physical discomfort and allows me to push beyond my limits.

Yesterday I took my dad's old bike for a ride. It was was quite a transcendental experience.

I'm really sorry to hear about your father. My father died at 49 from cancer. Riding my bike was the only thing that got me through the year and a half watching him suffer. It was after he passed when I bought a fast car and turned into an alcoholic wreck. A bad moment woke me up and I turned things around.
My advice is to keep riding and maybe seek some counseling. I certainly wish I did.

I tried to keep a normal like as my Mom got cancer, and then got, died from ALS. Was a 4 year battle where I was there everyday doing things to help that no child should have to.
I am just so thankful I was retired so I could spend the time. Now it is taking care of my Father and Mother in law while they are still here.

For me, since my training is for health and a lifestyle, I just tried to keep at it the best I could. If I missed training so be it.

I had set trying to do IMLT 2015 again but my Mom passed away a week before the race. I knew she and family would want me to race, but no way, I had to be
with family for the various funeral activities. There is always another training day or race.

As others have said, this has impacted me such that I take nothing for granted anymore. I do not assume I will be able to train or race or even be alive tomorrow, so I try
to do the best I can for today.

At the end, all one has is family. Spend the time with them, training and racing means nothing on our death bed.

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Dave Campbell | Facebook | @DaveECampbell | h2ofun@h2ofun.net

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