First - totally not my place, and I obviously don't know you, but calling you an idiot, narcissistic shithead, asshole, etc - NOT OK. This is totally my button, but if someone is supposed to be a loving partner these words should not be associated with you. Sounds like those adjectives may describe him pretty well though.
As far as the shirts - when fashion starts F-ing with men's sizing they way they do with women's sizing, men will begin to understand the frustration. Whether at an event or charity ride it is frustrating to have a shirt that doesn't fit. Here's the logical and IMO non-narcissistic reason: when I do a charity/in honor of ride I want to be able to continue to promote that cause past the event. Wearing the t-shirt is a conversation starter. I can't tell you how many people will come talk to you if you have a Team in Training; Breast Cancer, Blazeman, etc shirt on. So it is not about swag for most of us. When doing a charity event I choose my charity carefully and with thought about what is important to me, how much gets donated to the charity etc. I would like to continue to raise funds by continuing to display my support - hard to do if their 'branding' material doesn't fit. We all have to face the reality that this 'swag' is marketing and branding for the race/charity/company.
Finally about this - if the female organizers ordered different shirts just for them, I don't really see how it is 'saving' money. Most orders are piece orders: if you order more pieces the price per piece goes down. If you only order 3-4 women's shirts they are going to pay a lot more for them. If you truly want to save money, don't get t-shirts! Do branded water bottles, key chain, re-usable grocery bag.
Back to race shirts - FRUSTRATING because at IMCDA 2 years ago K-swiss was the sponsor. Got a small...fit, but a tad bit tighter than I normally like. Fast forward to IM Boise 70.3 based on my CDA experience I ordered a medium - HUGE! Different vendor. They were willing to exchange the shirt, so no problems, but my issue is women's sizing in general. I wish they would just truly standardize it!
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