Yes, you got had.

I suggest you just let it go, and chalk it up as an inexpensive learning experience.

It is always harder to give money away than it is to make it.

Weel you gave it away, so it's not totally your business anymore, but she is a jackass for doing that. Personally I would ask her if she did swap the parts, if so tell her you think she took advantage of the situation or your generosity and ask her to never ask you for anything again.

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______________________________________________________

Proud Founder of the Jamis Mafia- Daring to be different.

Thanks, I think you're right. I'm such a dumb-ass sometimes...poor people in Cuba now riding 105's when they could have had Ultegra ;)..

I'm going to hope she was just joking, otherwise it's too sad to contemplate. Check her bike at the next race and see.. If she really did it, ask her to donate the value of the components to a charity of your naming, maybe CAF.

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"It is a good feeling for old men who have begun to fear failure, any sort of failure, to set a schedule for exercise and stick to it. If an aging man can run a distance of three miles, for instance, he knows that whatever his other failures may be, he is not completely wasted away." Romain Gary, SI interview

Seems like a real cheesy and inconsiderate thing for your friend to do. Your generosity was taken advantage of. I would mention it to her.

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_________________________________
I'll be what I am
A solitary man

yes, she's taking advantage of the situation. But she outright told you what she was intending to do, and you let her do it. So just move on, and the next time something like this happens, speak your mind.

I only wish she was joking, too. Her husband was standing there all embarrased, too. I asked some people at swimming and they said it was a tough call. Can you believe it? To me it's like someone collecting for a charity and taking the money themselves.

Is there alot of value to those parts, does anyone know? I bought the bike as a whole several years ago so don't know what the value of just the groupo would be.

tell her that it's a little tacky on her part and you hope that she donates the difference in $$ to the Cuban Triathlete Club.

good answer!

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_________________________________
I'll be what I am
A solitary man

Thanks - I agree, they will be totally elated to get anything they can, but I just wish that as someone else mentioned, she didn't take advantage. Someone else did point out that I let it happen, which is true - I think I was just too stunned to really absorb her words at the time and now I'm stewing over it......

Very tacky move on her part. Your tentative acceptance of her idea didn't help though. It would not be tacky of you to tell her that what she did was tacky and not totally unlike raising money and keeping part of it for herself.

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Elivis needs boats.

There will always be weasels like her. But, she has now burned her bridge with you.

More importantly though. Kudos to you. A donation like that is great for you to have done. There is now some Cuban out riding your bike. I tip my hat to you.

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http://www.speedtheory.ca

Thank you..I think that is what makes me the most upset, is that it was meant for someone who has nothing, not for someone who has a full time job and rescources and means to get these things. I think maybe that is why I am being so sensitive about it. Obviously I was fully prepared to say goodbye to the bike and not get any money for it but some weird part of me says that I now I should get money from her for the parts. Arrggghhh...

My friend sent me a new waffle iron to give to some mutual friends for a wedding present. I looked at it and decided it was a lot better than my waffle iron. So, I kept the new waffle iron and gave our friends my old one.

Not really--but what's the difference? Someone said cheesy and inconsiderate? You got that right.

It's called "regifting."

Don't you sometimes wish you could be as shameless?

Exactly how was she a) planning to visit Cuba; and B) bring extra gear and give it to a local organization? There are some pretty strict rules about everything from who can actually visit cuba to what you can do when you get there. It isn't exactly like going to Canada to train with Dev...

Might be interesting to test her story a bit about her trip. It doesn't seem totally checked out in the first place.

I don't think she purposely set out to swindle you; she just saw an opportunity and took it being a little selfish/inconsiderate of course. (She should have at least asked you if it would be okay to switch out the Ultegra parts.) But you shouldn't fret about it because YOU HAD GOOD INTENTIONS. Don't sweat the small stuff in life. Life is too short to do that.

And you can still write the bike and other things off on your taxes if she can give you the name of the charity in Cuba. Or just put you gave it to the Salvation Arm or something because you did donate it.

Chicks. Man, I'm glad I pee standing up. If it were me and especially if my "friend" were a dude he would have gotten his ass choked out. Well, or at least I would have berated him, called his manhood into question and made fun of him for not being able to afford a decent grupo on his own and has to resort to stealing from some poor 3rd world schlub.

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t

Well, I'm Canadian so I think it's easier for Canadians to travel to Cuba and I think she may be of Cuban descent and have both passports. She said she was able to bring 130lbs. of extra stuff with her. I think the trip is legit because she was trying to recruit other swimmers from the masters to go - I also think somehow she makes money from it.

After reading everyone's advice, I really think that I should at least say something. It's really bugging me.

Does anyone know what the value of the parts would be? I could most definately suggest a charitable donation since that was the original point.

(a) If MagicGirl lives in Canada, I don't think there's a moratorium on travel/trade with Cuba in that country. I haven't been there in ages, but the last time I was in Vancouver, there were airline advertisements for vacation trips to Cuba. Even if she's living in the U.S., I suppose it's not out of the question that a charitable organization could get special permission to do this kind of thing in Cuba.

(b) See the last sentence in (a) above.

If I give someone something to donate to a cause, and they turn around and give the cause something of lesser value instead, I don't care what you call it--it's LOW CLASS!

a) Good point. I don't think we should let Canadians visit there either.



I think she should ask for the bike back and donate to somewhere/someone that isn't going to a) strip it for parts and b) make a profit off the trip.

This chick sounds like a real winner.

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Father Kevin

http://www.churchofcycling.org

Worst part is - it's too late to get the bike back. She was leaving the following morning (this was Friday) and I've been pondering it ever since.

I think a nicely crafted email now and a "fireside chat" when she gets back will do well...Oh, but the good news is that I was invited to her "Cinquo de Mayo (sp?)" BBQ. Actually..now that I think of it, maybe that's my chance to check her garage....

I'm with you. At the very least, I wouldn't donate any of my stuff to her causes anymore.

If the party requires any kind of pot luck, I'd be sure to bring my dish in a very cheap, ugly bowl/plate. You never know, she may want to trade-up her dinnerware.

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Father Kevin

http://www.churchofcycling.org

so you're saying she should lie to get the bike back? then what? The cuban tri team has no bike.

I might have agreed with you if your recommendation was for her to call her up and say she should send the bike intact.

let it go, not worth your time or energy. Things like this always work themselves out--she will one day come to know the term Kharma. Fortunately, you will too, just on the good side for generously donating.

You know, she is collecting to help others out, which is very cool. She is building good karma. If she then did swap components, which is not coll, then she is losing karma. I would not worry about it. If she really did do it, just let it go because she was doing something good to begin with.

Now if it was good Campy gear, then it would be understandable!

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"Remember: a bicycle is an elegant and efficient tool designed for seeking out and defeating people who aren't as good as you."

--BikeSnobNYC

I once donated my Trek to a friend who didn't really have a nice bike. It was in very good shape but I figured he could use it more than me since he was wanting to get into triathlons. Less than a year later he sold it for about $200. That really steamed me but in the end I figured it wasn't worth screwing up a good friendship.

Just let it go.

What is it with all these people mentioning "karma"?!

I'm sure it's a beautiful concept but... AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN... Get off fantasy island NOW!!!

Thanks and I agree with you martinc...and the real reason that I have turned to the forum for advice is because I am notorious for being "too nice" and letting things go to easily and was wondering if this was yet again one of those times.... I think the major assburner is that she took advantage of my "niceness". So low budget on her part...

Well, I am pretty diplomatic. I would politely ask her if she did change the components. If she said yes, I would slap her across the head with a swim paddle.

I don't know of anyone going to Cuba but I likely have some gear I could get rid of. Anyone know of a cheap way to get it to the needy? I am in Vancouver.

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Adrian in Vancouver

Good example - I feel that I should point out that I really don't know her very well, except for from swimming and we don't swim in the same lane so we don't chat much...I find that is what is the wierdest part. If it was someone I really knew, for sure I could tell them that I was bummed out but it's tricky because she's not in my "circle of trust"...;)..

Not one single one of my good friends would ever even remotely consider such a move.

Ah, yes, karma doesn't work as well as it once did. It used to be that the karma police worked slowly, but they would eventually catch up with you. But now people get all pissy if they start questioning anyone engaged in an unusual or suspicious-looking activity, so they've pretty much given up.

Go to the Cinco de Mayo party and if you see her bike with the Ultegra gruppo do one of two things:

1) Sue the woman for millions

2) While eveyone is drinking take some of the Ultegra parts back.

Ok, so I am not serious, but I do think you should confront her about it. Not necessarily to be an ass, but to let her know that you disapprove. Who knows the women might have made the comments in hopes that you would give your approval and when you didn't she did not swap the parts.

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______________________________________________________

Proud Founder of the Jamis Mafia- Daring to be different.

How assertive are you? If she really did take the good parts for her bike, I would tell her that "I am very disappointed that I thought I was donating my bike to a good cause, and you took advantage of that."

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

I'd speak to her in front of the husband let his conscious come into play. First ask if she has mounted the Ultegra on her bike. It is possible that she came to her senses and realized how tacky it was. Then, if she acknowledges that she did make use of them, Let her know that you won't be donating anymore and will advise others not to, either.

Since she likes swapping things out, she might understand this... you could always swap out her nice clean water bottle for one with pee in it.

If she was assertive she wouldn't be posting ;-)

[reply]If she was assertive she wouldn't be posting ;-)[/reply]

Very true.

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______________________________________________________

Proud Founder of the Jamis Mafia- Daring to be different.

not necessarily. I'm very assertive, but would probably be pretty anxious-assertive in a situation like that.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

I'm sure I would be very anxious as well as I said "Give me my bike back bitch!" ;-)

Thanks, tigerchik. Exactly how I feel.... Ultimately, I should have said something more right then and there but it was sooo awkward (crickets chirpring filled silence and all). I felt outnumbered because her husband was there, too. I am a wuss for sure but was also confounded by this behaviour - it just took me so aback that I had nothing to come back with.

you're not a wuss. That's a hard situation.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

I went to a benefit once and donated $100. Now I know that a portion of that went to the paid organizers of the event, a portion to the rental and other expenses, and a portion got to the intended cause. Appears that she may feel that she is entitled to a cut since she gathered the donations, probably had costs associated with getting the goods to the intended, and took the time to deliver the goods. I wouldn't have done it. You wouldn't have done it. But maybe she felt it was okay.

You could have sold the bike on EBay or somewhere and sent cash. But that would have taken time and EBay gets their cut too.

Either way it doesn't diminish your kindness and generousity.

Who knows? If you see her in 3 months she might tell you that the ultegra stuff fell apart and she wished she had the 105 back.

Wow, the world is turning! I AGREE W/MARTIN! ;-)

Excellent response here:

"Hi Shirl. How are you? Good, good. Hey, listen, I'm a little uncomfortable with the fact that my Ultegra components aren't included in the donation like I intended them to. I think I would like the bike back, I think I've found someone without a bike who could really use it. Can I come by and get it? Let me know when the best time would be. Thanks so much for all your help. Have a wonderful trip. See you at the pool!"

clm

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clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

Remember the Jonas post. Oh, it will happen.

Seems like mostly two schools of thought on this -

1. Let it go, but don't donate to her again.
2. Mention it to her.

I say #2. If she did do something this uncharitable, then let her know, so she doesn't do it again (re: shame her). Refusing to donate again might hurt the charities themselves - at least this gal is out there picking up donations; that's better than nothing. I think the best response I saw was to ask her to donate the $$ difference to the Cuba club. Win-win-win.

Maybe I'll flat on a race using your tire, is that the sort of thing your thinking?

"Exactly how was she a) planning to visit Cuba; and B) bring extra gear and give it to a local organization?"

I'd assume these people are not Americans. American citizens are the only people in the world prohibited from visting Cuba. My wife and I (Canuks) have been there a few times on scuba diving holidays. Lots of Euros, Canadians and South Americans visit Cuba. In fact, I've even met Japanese tourists there.

I know a guy who does something similiar with used baseball equipment. He takes down a bunch of donated equipment every time he visits the island.

Leaving Castro and politics out of it, the Cuban people are very nice and their island is a wonderful place to visit.

Friend: "Hi, I'm collecting for the Cancer Society, would you care to make a donation?"

MagicGirl: "I'd love to....here's $15."

Friend: "THANKS! I was only hoping for $10...maybe I'll just stop and get a drink after work with the extra $5!"





What's the difference. There aren't varying degrees of scum.

At this point there is no way to know if the bike will be donated at all... Maybe it is on Ebay.

If I were you I would probably as for the bike back.

I only wish I could get the bike back - unfortunately she's already there with bike in hand.

maybe her 105 is newer than your ultegra grouppo and by switching she does a poor cuban a favor :)

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�The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.� -Michelangelo

MoodBoost Drink : Mood Support + Energy.

YOU RULE for giving to what you thouhgt was a good cause, pat yourself on the back and move on.

Next time maybe look for a local KIDS Triathlon club to help out instead of adults as you may have just learned adults have there own agenda's and kids just want to PLAY.

t~

Tell her you forgot and need a receipt because the bike is fairly valuable and you are planning on deducting it. Make sure she includes a tax id number.

btw, this chriStmas i'm going to organize A toys for tots dRive. i'd like to have everyone send me some good presents. Then I'm going to keep the best ones for my kids and give a bunCh of their old cheAp crap to the other kidS. cool? They won't know the dIfferenCe right?

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Don't hold back

btw, this chriStmas i'm going to organize A toys for tots dRive. i'd like to have everyone send me some good presents. Then I'm going to keep the best ones for my kids and give a bunCh of their old cheAp crap to the other kidS. cool? They won't know the dIfferenCe right?

Wow, that's just like The Da Vinci Code.

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______________________________________________
Father Kevin

http://www.churchofcycling.org

Very good idea about the tax reciept thing - a couple of others suggested that and I think it's a good start to the conversation. Then I can kinda just say "so what ever happened with the bike - do you switch the parts?"...and then..say my piece. I won't be able to be an ass, just not in my nature and how I got into this pickle in the first place but I really think that I should let her know that her actions were out of line. Anyone wanna come and say it for me? Only jokin'....

You could mention that the value of your donation has been deminished by her plundering. IF she wants to devalue the gift she needs to repair the value...IE give money (and have proof of the gift) to the Cuba Triathlon Community.

This won't be fun but she will no that your gift was not intended for her benefit.

good luck

Dusty

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Push your Passion!

Yeah, what she did was lame, but to me it seems fair as an admin fee for taking the time to get all the other stuff to Cuba. She is making it happen and deserves a couple of slightly newer parts. And what's more, the newbie who is getting her parts instead of your isn't going to notice the slight weight difference.

There was no written agreement, so chew her out if you'd like, but at least she is doing something good, and kudos to her for that.

Well, I can see your point, but just not sure why the "admin fee" had to come at my expense. I realize that the Cubans won't be aware of what they were supposed to be getting - and wouldn't notice the weight difference but that's not the point. I definately won't chew her out - but I would like to have her tell me what exactly she did and then maybe ask her why she felt that she should have done it. I agree, she was doing something good, but I was also trying to do something good...

I'm starting a charity for poor Portuguese triathletes.

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_________________________________
I'll be what I am
A solitary man

How does Magicgirl know if there even IS a Cuban tri club?

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clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

At least they don't drink gin...

Friggin' lame if you ask me.

If I had to see this person again, I would definately mention that it bothered me that she swapped out the parts. You'll find out a lot about her character based on her reaction. Maybe afterwards, she realized how lame it was and is too embarrassed to apologize.

At least get it off your chest....otherwise, you'll have a hard time forgetting about it.

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__________________
JP

my twitter feed

Why is everyone so enraged over this? Just take it as a lesson learned (and cheaply as well). Once you donate something to any "charity", you lose ownership of said item(s), and you can't feel one way or the other about what happens to it. Who says anyone in Cuba is more entitled to Ultegra than someone here? At least they're still getting 105, which I'd be happy to take for free any day of the week. Beggers can't be choosers. The bike would've never been headed toward Cuba if it weren't for the girl spearheading the trip, why argue over ownership of a few parts? It seems overall she's still doing a good thing.

If you are that concerned with it, then don't donate (it's kind like gambling-if you can't afford to lose then don't play). I think at least the girl should have asked if it was OK to swap parts, but nonetheless once the bike was handed over, ownership and any say-so of where it's going to end-up is pretty sketchy.

Fuggedaboudit!!

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Have you hugged a Clyde today?

This is one of those situations where the person representing the charity saw an opportunity for her own personal gain at the expense of the truly needy. This is the definition of bad taste, fraud and misrepresentation. The audacity of even attempting pull off a stunt like this in front of the person making the donation is unforgiveable. I would have her assassinated.

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**All of these words finding themselves together were greatly astonished and delighted for assuredly, they had never met before**

While I certainly applaud the good intentions behind the donation and donations in general, I have to say I have become very leery of organized charities in general, and this girl's behavior simply reinforces the bit of human nature that causes my reluctance to donate.

I worked in a youth centre for a time, which was a United Way funded agency. All along we had to do up reports, or whatnot, so we could submit to the United Way why the centre should get more money(talk about the kids, etc.), but when funds were awarded, the use would be only partially for the kids, but someone's office got spruced up, or ther was a raise for the executive director(when others more greatly deserved it). When I questioned a United Way person why the agency held more funds in reserve than they brought in in an entire year, I could not get an answer that made any sense. Let's also not forget the uproar when the Red Cross wanted to put 25% of the money sent in for September 11th victims into a "reserve fund" for "the next attack". Just like MagicGirl, people did not send that money to sit in a reserve fund, and the uproar got them to stop that and send it to the victims. And why do we need 700 different cancer agencies, with the accompanying offices, overhead and other "administration" that eats up money that could go into research?

I find that if I'm going to do something, I would much rather give my time, or like another poster said, give it directly to someone who can use it. Adults have their own agendas, and the only way to ensure your donation goes as intended is to do it yourself. That's my humble opinion.

Having said that magicgirl, don't lose the desire to give to someone less fortunate over this episode. Like they said, lesson learned. Just see if there isn't a better way next time for you to be able to do it a little more directly rather than giving a "middleman" an opportunity to benefit for themselves.

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"I can endure more pain than anyone you've ever met. That's why I can beat anyone I've ever met." Steve Prefontaine, Without Limits

I would call it bad Karma

How did YOU get swindled? You gave the bike intending it to go to someone in Cuba. Someone in Cuba is getting the bike. Maybe it doesn't have the same components on it, but they still get a bike.

YOU have suffered no harm.

I think the question here is was your friend tacky for swapping parts off a bike intended for someone else.

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Lewis

I wonder how much other stuff didn't make it to Cuba?

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~ A penny saved is a government oversight.

oh...who fucking cares!? honestly...grow up.

you were donating the bike anyway. you really think a cuban guy riding a donated bike is going to give a flying f*** if it's 105 or ultegra?

it's a donation...i don't go into the salvation army looking for a record equipped colnalgo.

stop worrying about what the other person is doing. be happy with yourself for making the donation. it's not your job to run her life, it's your job to make an attempt to be a better person. if someone else ruins their chance, the onus isn't on you to fix it.

leave it be. if nothing else...she owes you one for nicer components and the cubans are still getting a bike anyway.

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"Anyone can work hard when they want to; Champions do it when they don't."

Bad day? :-)

2 flats, one snake that i almost ran over, a bee sting, mechanical problems like crazy, and chafing...

and i still have exams left...and it's raining this weekend.

short nerves...that came out worse that i had planned it i suppose. ;-)

after living with a huge bitch all year...i've gotten to the point where you just have to stop caring about what other people do around you. the world is full of morons and idiots and assholes...you can't change them, you just have to live your life positively and not let what they do affect you.

is it really worth your time/energy/stress to obsess about what someone else is doing? in the long run...no.

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"Anyone can work hard when they want to; Champions do it when they don't."

MagicGirl is not the "huge bitch", right? ;-) See where I'm getting? ;-)))

no...the 'friend' would be the one considered the 'bitch'.

but antagonizing the situation isn't going to make her feel any better...it's just going to stir up a whole new pot of trouble.

if it's not a life or death situation (it's not...), just leave it alone...

we have this standing joke in our house that 'everything is a big deal' when it comes to this one girl's live...ie crying over a flat tire, someone eating one of her bananas, etc

not really a huge deal...most people can deal with it, but she flips out. When she does that to anyone else, we just brush it off...it's not worth the effort of getting annoyed and stirring the pot...fun as it might be sometimes.

i don't see where approaching the 'friend' and getting mad at her is going to get magicgirl? it'd be even funnier if she was joking and she was actually getting slandered on an internet forum for having totally honest intentions and just making a joke. how'd everyone feel then...esp. with the 'how much other stuff is missing' comments.

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"Anyone can work hard when they want to; Champions do it when they don't."

The solution to this problem is so obvious that I can't believe it hasn't already been said.

1.) Hydrate the hell out of yourself before your Master's workouts.

2.) Move into her lane.

3.) Swim in front of her and piss away.



You're welcome.

A few hundred years ago St. Augustine wrote that in order for a war to be just, it must be winnable.

You'll never win this war. The other person won't see your point, you'll never get the bike back, she's not going to donate $100 to CAF.

She's a crook. She stole something from the intended recipient - and she knew it - and she had no qualms about talking about it to you in front of her husband. He knows her, and doesn't care.

You, on the other hand did what most of us would - just stand there dumbfounded, waiting for her to tell you she's joking.

But she wasn't.

I would let it go - rubbing her face in it won't change anything. It won't make you feel better. Really, it won't, because in the end she'll stare at you like you're from Mars.

I'm glad your real friends (in your circle) wouldn't do this to you. A number of years ago I told my sister that if she needed anything to call my buddy who lived around the corner from her. She couldn't believe that I could trust him like that. She asked how I had such good friends..."Because if I can't trust them, they aren't my friends any more, and I have nothing to do with them."

My advice, chaulk it up as a lesson learned, and move on, train hard, and do great at your next race.

On behalf of the person who got some kind of bike over in Cuba - Thanks!!

mike

Heee heeee...

give her the link to this thread and let her read all the wonderful comments about her