First, there's all kinds of science that concludes children of married couples do better on a variety of levels. Second, it's stupid to suggest that the kids not even enter into the decision. And that's the only way to ensure you aren't staying together for the kids. "Yeah, we had kids, but fuck it if their well being is going to enter our minds when it comes to such an important decision."
For me it would actually be the other way around. Staying together for the kids is -- by default -- the best decision for the kids unless you've got extreme circumstances that would warrant a different decision. In other words, unless you were getting divorced for the kids.
Look up the research and/or books by Judith Wallerstein
Yes - an intact and great marriage with two loving parents with great communication is the best situation.
Surprisingly to many, a not very good situation is when the parents stay together for the kids. The parents THINK it helpful - but the long term negative consequences of this on the kids can be particularly not very good.
Kids fair reasonably to very well in the, "good divorce" - very similar to the fully intact marriages. But a "good divorce" may be one of the hardest and most challenging things you have ever done - believe me, I went through it. What kept me going was ALWAYS putting the needs/feelings of my son first and having my Ex act/behave in the same manner ( I was rather lucky in this regard - I know it's not always the case), and keeping in good, open and honest communication with her*. We both had to give-up a lot of things. We both had to put other things aside. We both had to bury some pretty strong and powerful emotions, and move forward. It was hard!
*The problem with divorce, and if you want one of those good divorces is that when there are kids involved, the post-divorce communication, actually has to INCREASE - both in the amount of communication and the quality of it and it has to stay that way for YEARS!
Steve Fleck @stevefleck | Blog
For me it would actually be the other way around. Staying together for the kids is -- by default -- the best decision for the kids unless you've got extreme circumstances that would warrant a different decision. In other words, unless you were getting divorced for the kids.
Look up the research and/or books by Judith Wallerstein
Yes - an intact and great marriage with two loving parents with great communication is the best situation.
Surprisingly to many, a not very good situation is when the parents stay together for the kids. The parents THINK it helpful - but the long term negative consequences of this on the kids can be particularly not very good.
Kids fair reasonably to very well in the, "good divorce" - very similar to the fully intact marriages. But a "good divorce" may be one of the hardest and most challenging things you have ever done - believe me, I went through it. What kept me going was ALWAYS putting the needs/feelings of my son first and having my Ex act/behave in the same manner ( I was rather lucky in this regard - I know it's not always the case), and keeping in good, open and honest communication with her*. We both had to give-up a lot of things. We both had to put other things aside. We both had to bury some pretty strong and powerful emotions, and move forward. It was hard!
*The problem with divorce, and if you want one of those good divorces is that when there are kids involved, the post-divorce communication, actually has to INCREASE - both in the amount of communication and the quality of it and it has to stay that way for YEARS!
Steve Fleck @stevefleck | Blog