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When a friend lets you down big time
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My family and I spent a week in the Outer Banks last week in a rental home. This had been planned for many months. Well we have 2 large dogs and 3 cats. Normally we have a pet sitter that comes by 3 times a day to tend to our pets. However, since we were going to be gone 9 days, we thought about asking a friend to house sit. We are lucky enough to have a very nice home with pool, media room etc. Kind of house which would be a nice place to hang out.

All is agreed and she comes by the evening before we leave to go over a few things. She is familiar with the house but wanted to cover media room instructions and pool stuff. Well we hang out for a couple hours and then she leaves since we have to get up very early. She asks if she can use our SUV and we readily agree. So she backs out of our driveway and proceeds to plow into our neighbors mailbox, destroying it and denting up the back of our SUV. Her first response was, "Nobody saw that, lets just pretend it didn't happen". I was stunned. She leaves and I go across the street and assess the damage. I tried to fix the mailbox by replacing the neighbors with my own, but to no avail. Well its after 9:00 and there is no way to fix it. So we write a note explaining what happened, apologize profusely, and leave $200 with the note hoping that it will be enough to fix the damage. We also tell her that if its more, we will cover the cost.

So, we have to leave at 5:00 am to go to the airport and I check the neighbors house and it looks like she got our note. So at least we aren't skipping town without trying to make amends.

Well upon returning on Monday, we find that this 38 year old woman has basically been acting like a fucking teenager. She invited all her family and friends over to hang out. Several even spent the night. We told her about the $200 we gave the neighbor, but she has not made any attempt to reimburse us. Also upon our return, we discovered that the collision resulted in some nasty damage to the SUV. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see it either, so apparently she has no intention of taking responsibility for that either.

I guess I am not so much asking for advice as I am just venting. Neither my wife or I am the kind to get in somebody's face and make demands. I think we are both just totally stunned that an adult would act in this way. We have lost all respect for the friend and sadly I am pretty sure our friendship is pretty much over. If not over, its forever changed.

The really sad part is 6 weeks earlier, another set of friends visitied from out of town for a weekend. They pretty much treated our home like a hotel with us being the staff. That was bad for sure, but now it seems trivial in comparison.

So in retrospect the old adage of choosing your friend wisely is really ringing true these days.



"It takes courage to do it, to be a runner. We all found that out a long time ago. Because it's about more than fatigue. It's about pain, and dealing with it for a long time. And its about resolve." - Quentin Cassidy
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Re: When a friend lets you down big time [Locke] [ In reply to ]
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People are odd...

My wife and I went on vacation once and had a friend house sit for us. We had a cat and VERY large dog. We were gone for about a week or so.

We came home to find our dog locked in the back room, floor covered in pee and poop. When we contacted the friend he said. "Well I stayed one night and then my allergies started bothering me so I left." Well luckily he stopped by long enough to feed and give the animals water, but couldn't stop by often enough to let them out.

Basically the animals were fine other than some grooming. But the floor had to be torn up and replaced.

~Matt
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Re: When a friend lets you down big time [MJuric] [ In reply to ]
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Well the pets were well taken care of, which is a relief. Not only for the sake of the pets, but for the sake of the housesitter. Basically, if somebody fucks with my wife's animals, she would fuck them up. I would hate to have to add legal cost and bail the the cost of this little vacation, lol.



"It takes courage to do it, to be a runner. We all found that out a long time ago. Because it's about more than fatigue. It's about pain, and dealing with it for a long time. And its about resolve." - Quentin Cassidy
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Re: When a friend lets you down big time [Locke] [ In reply to ]
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Sounds like more of an acquaintance than a friend.

.......and a pretty damned immature acquaintance at that!



"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."

Theodore Roosevelt
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Re: When a friend lets you down big time [Locke] [ In reply to ]
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very sorry to hear about this. it always amazes me how bad things like this can happen. sorry you got this end of the stick. it sucks, but your "friend" sucks more.

at the end of the day i suppose you could ask your "friend" if she plans to address the deductable to repair the car. i would send an email in writing so you have a record. when she responds, you will at least have her response in writing.

probably, you will have to cover her mistakes and (i would) probably never speak with her again.
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Re: When a friend lets you down big time [Locke] [ In reply to ]
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I like the expression "my home is my castle". That's probably why we don't have people over all that much, except for people we really know and trust. As for our dog, we're lucky to have a friend who also has a dog, so we just take turns keeping them over whenever one of us is out of town.
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Re: When a friend lets you down big time [Locke] [ In reply to ]
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Whoa! You just made me appreciate our house sitter even more than I used to, and I love that girl! I once came home from an extended weekend to find the house sitter never showed up. My cats had gotten into some cookies that were packaged on the counter in order to survive, luckily, the dog was with us, otherwise it would have been even worse. I also had another person invite people to stay over while she was house sitting and when we got back our sink was backed up and the dishwasher wasn't working. I think she made spaghetti and put the dishes with pasta attached in the dishwasher. My husband was pissed but it turned out fine.

I try to spoil our current house sitter as much as possible, giving her extra money and stuff from my web store, renting her movies etc. I wouldn't let her use my car though, I think that's a bad idea.

Don't count on your house sitter to pay you back. Sorry!
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Re: When a friend lets you down big time [Locke] [ In reply to ]
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I hire a pet sitting service and have found a good after one bad one.

The bad one freaked out over the big spiders we have. We live in the woods, so she didn't come over every days like she said she would. She shows up at our door and we'd gotten home early. She fessed up to not coming by daily and I ended up not paying her. I also disrecommended her to several other cat owners.

I now have one that is licensed and bonded so if anything goes wrong I have the contract to fall back on and have legal recourse. They are great, reliable and the kitties all seem to be in good health when we get home. Bowls are clean and full of food.

We kennel our dogs. They'd get into too much trouble if we didn't :-)

Good sitters are hard to find.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce
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Re: When a friend lets you down big time [Locke] [ In reply to ]
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Well I hope you learned your lesson and have begun backing your vehicle into your driveway so that it does not have to be backed out into the street.

Her insurance should cover the damage, not yours. If her insurance is inadequate or won't cover it, don't let her get away with just paying your deductible. You need to get it repaired without any interaction from your insurance company so that your rates don't increase.

My wife side-swiped a concrete pillar in a parking garage with a van we borrowed. While it sucked to pay $950 to repair the dent and paint, at least the owner's van was returned in better condition than he gave it to us in. And we're still friends. I don't think either of us even thinks about the incident anymore just because it was taken care of properly. In your case, it sounds like it may be too late for that to happen.


Steve
Last edited by: sestivers: Jun 11, 08 14:26
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Re: When a friend lets you down big time [Locke] [ In reply to ]
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I have a rule and its based on feel and I will put it in terms of the Sopranos. If someone is a burden more than most, if they don't bring joy to your life, if they aren't considerate and do nothing but cause problems, then you have to come to a Vito Spatafore situation. There are two sides the Phil Leotardo or the Tony Soprano. If you take Phil's side they have to go and never be seen again. If you take Tony's side then maybe they could work in Atlantic City and you don't see much of them at all. But's its obvious the situation will never be the same again. Personally, I'll quote Carlo, in this situation "He's got to go".

hey, hey, hey, don't forget- Stan Yablonsky never cold cocked no woman.
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Re: When a friend lets you down big time [Locke] [ In reply to ]
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My petsitter problems pale in contrast to yours. A friend from college, owner of two cats, and a police officer, routinely feeds my dog and cat, takes in the mail, watches the house, and is very dependable. Unrelated, my pets' weight has occasionally crept up, so I started measuring out their servings, tweaking down the dog's serving in the summertime when he was less active, and monitoring their weight more closely. My vet told me I had their weights at a good level, though my friend thought I was starving them (his cats are fat). Before one trip I put a container that had the exact serving size they needed in each of their bags, and left explicit instructions on how much to give them. A week later when we returned from our vacation, my dog had put on 5 or 10 pounds and my cat looked like a basketball. I was shocked. My friend ignored the instructions and gave them as much as they wanted. And they wanted alot.

The next time he sat for us, I left just enough food for the week thinking he might ration it somewhat. When we got back from our trip, both animals were heavy, and there was note telling me that he ran out of dog and cat food so and went out and bought more. Can't win.
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