Do you mean practicing gratitude, or expressing gratitude?

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"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."

I got a book for Christmas. The Gift of Thanks, by Margaret Visser. Only have read first chapter but she is a talented writer. I think practicing gratitude is like helping people, 90 percent is just showing up.

You may think what you are doing is easy but it is big. Think of how you would feel if you received a gift unexpectedly with a note of thanks. Another way to give thanks is to encourage people. Sent someone a note saying you saw what they did and thought it was great.

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They constantly try to escape from the darkness outside and within
Dreaming of systems so perfect that no one will need to be good T.S. Eliot

I think both. Practicing gratitude seems like the foundation out of which expression will become more natural. Eventually I'd like expression to just flow more freely, because clearly I'm in a place where I feel like I have to think about it. Right now it feels like those early stages of learning to cast a fly, thinking about every part of the cast, a little bit jerky; the goal would be to develop consistency where none of it is a thought anymore, just a natural motion when I'm in a situation where it needs to be expressed. Make sense?

It's not that I'm curmudgeonly or anything right now or even unappreciative, just something that I know would make me a much more fulfilled and engaged person.

This is pretty much what you're looking for. The simplest gestures of engagement make a huge difference in how you're perceived, and I don't mean that in the sense of vanity, but rather in the effective communication of your personality.

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"The right to party is a battle we have fought, but we'll surrender and go Amish... NOT!" -Wayne Campbell

I think they're related but separate. Ideally, the expression would match the internal practice, but in practice, I think it often doesn't. (And sometimes it might not even be necessary.)

I think a big part of practicing gratitude is internal, which sounds like it comes relatively easy to you. Appreciating what you have, putting your problems in perspective with your blessings, and so on. Expressing gratitude is, obviously, more external.

For the first, maybe you can just set aside a few minutes a day to reflect on those things for which you are grateful, and why.

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"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."

Awesome. Thank you for the suggestion!

This is something I've thought about for a long time, but just felt ashamed that I'm not great at it...which coincidentally becomes the self-fulfilling prophecy of being even worse at it. What finally precipitated my desire to take real action on this is because a friend gave me a gift last week, nothing big, but of monumental symbolic value to me, and I realized that a verbal "Thank you" just doesn't feel sufficient. Even a mailed, handwritten thank you card doesn't feel sufficient, but might at least express a deeper thanks and feel sincere.

Do you feel like you have changed as you get older ?

Recently I have been described by more then one person as stoic. Not sure that really fits me and definitely not the younger version of me. As I have gotten older I did notice I tend to say less and think out replies before speaking.

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"I think I've cracked the code. double letters are cheaters except for perfect squares (a, d, i, p and y). So Leddy isn't a cheater... "

Funny that you mention this. Becoming more organized is something I've started to put emphasis on recently -- daily to-do lists and the like because otherwise I tend to have shiny object syndrome and 100 half-completed projects simultaneously screaming for attention. A planner/journal I picked up to start in January has a daily evening reflection page in addition to the practical goal & list components, with one of the lines being to write down what you were grateful for that day. Noticing those is somewhat natural to me, but the acting on & expression of the thanks is the next step, which this could help with. So, great suggestion. Thanks!

If you're looking for something secular, look into metta meditation. There's quite a bit of information out there, including lots of material written from a secular viewpoint. Most often, it's something that is incorporated into a daily meditation (vipassana or mindfulness) practice.

It seems a bit weird and new age at first, but if you look at meditation as a way to train or exercise your brain, it can make sense. Basically, the idea is that 10 to 15 minutes a day of metta meditation can train or rewire your brain to be more mindful of others throughout the day. (A neuroscientist might disagree with my terminology but most likely not with the impact.)

A good introductory book is Dan Harris' "10% Happier." He also has a new book "Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics," but I haven't read that yet.

I'm not sure that I've changed in nature so much as I'm becoming more comfortable with who I am and what matters to me. Learning the word "No" has been a revolutionary part of that. It's taken me from committing to a million good things that I have no real passion to be involved with to a small handful of things that I can go all-in on. Example -- I work in financial services, so everyone things that just because you're in that industry you enjoy or care about financial matters, but I don't any farther than being responsible in my life, so I had to get out of every half-hearted non-profit involvement I had around finances and focus on volunteering in areas that really stoke my fire so I can be all-in and help people more fully.

It's in a lot of areas of life that I'm doing that saying "no" to the simple expectations of others and accepting who I am and what it means to me. Flannery O'Connor wrote of a mother's influence on her son in a short story, "It wasn't that she ever forced her way on him. That had never been necessary. Her way had simply been the air he breathed and when he at last had found other air, he couldn't survive in it." Maybe for me it's being introspective enough at this point in life to recognize what that air is and thrive within it, being more grateful for it along the way.

I've been trying to do practice gratitude as well.

One of the podcasts I listened to pointed out that you should also practice gratitude of yourself. Think back on the day and think of things that made you smile, or happy. it can be as easy as "i'm wearing this yellow shirt and I really like it, I'm thankful for that" or "I'm grateful I had the opportunity to meditate today."

if you are experiencing a setback, find a reason to be thankful for it. Crappy job at work, it's motivated you to put your resume together and find a new job (as a side note, putting a resume together should provide lots of little opportunities to feel grateful..."I'm grateful I had the opportunity to work on this project" etc),

Expressing gratitude is also good (but in the end, for most people, sending notes etc, make others happy, but they also make us happy with our actions), but practicing gratitude is something else because it's all internal and there isn't a 'reward' for doing it.

I've had quite a crap year, and practicing gratitude really has kept me afloat through most of it.

Do you have a spouse?

If so, get a card and hand-write in it, and also on separate paper enclosed with it, a weekly letter telling that person how much you appreciate them, as well as what you are thinking about (the week past, the week ahead, whatever is in your head).

Mail it.

Do it on the same day, every week, for a minimum of 10 weeks so it becomes a habit. Put a reminder in your calendar for that day so you don't forget.

That one gesture of gratitude to the most important person in your life can establish the most important gesture you can have in a relationship, and it will be the basis for more gestures you'll build upon (such as hand-writing Christmas cards to friends every year, in advance of Christmas (duh), letting each and everyone know how important that person is to you). Christmas cards, thank you cards, birthday cards, just....cards that say "thinking of you" build the basis of more charitable acts of gratitude you'll develop after that habit. Those subsequent acts will show up as soon as you start the habit with...just...one...person.

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Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb