The terrible two age actually happens in the threes. It's a tough age as they start to look like more mature little kids but they're still little little kids. What worked for us was understanding what , when and how it would happen and avoid those things. All of our kids napped until about 5, so spending a day out and about, with no nap was sure to be a problem. Our day would often revolve around naps and eating, as they're not good at articulating need for either.

We now have 6/8/10 and we're still conscious of it. Hungry, or late (8pm+) or a full day and you're on borrowed time...

Pick them up and leave. No talking to them other than to calmly say you are leaving until they calm down.

They want a reaction and (hopefully) it gets old fast.

And the usual, make sure they aren't tired/hungry etc

That is where i am at

Father of 3 boys.

You have two options:
1) give in and give them what they want, which may or may not end the tantrum. But sets a precedent that is hard to break.

2) pick them up and carry them out while talking to them in a calm voice that this behavior is unacceptable.

As others have said. Try to read the signs. If possible leave them at home. I have found that going shopping with even one of my boys practically doubles the time spent in the store.

We went through this with my older boy, who is now 6, and our policy was not to negotiate with terrorist. We told him we cannot give him what he wants when he throws a tantrum. Mama had to abandon her grocery cart a few times but if you stick to your guns it gets better. Each battle you win helps them learn that the behavior doesn't work. I was always thankful for the temper tantrums at home because I thought they were easy victories.

I called her a terrorist in the shop this morning. A south london multi cultural environment- not sure how that went down but we need to be rigorous in our enforcement

Believe me little kids are emotional terrorist! They try and take your happiness hostage and you never know when they'll strike.

There's a third way, and it's my go-to now...

Firmly tell them that you don't have time for their tantrum and aren't going to be chained to the store all day just so they can throw a fit, remind the kid that they know better, and they'll receive a strong consequence if they don't follow you. Then walk away, out of their sight, but close enough to where you can still see them and make sure they're safe. Don't pay attention to the strange, judgmental looks people will give you because they expect you to just give in and pacify the kid; just stick to it.

At least with my 2 kids, they'll come running within 30 seconds because they're afraid of being left alone. Occasionally it doesn't work and I have to go back and get one (well now just my 3 year old, 7 year old just has to see me give him a stern look and do the silent countdown on my hand from 5, 4, 3, 2, and he's at my side); if I have to go get her, it's a guaranteed consequence...like going ahead with the planned ice cream stop and then only getting it for the kid that behaved, or for myself if both misbehaved or it's just me and one misbehaving kid.

My kids have a lot of rope and get treated like little royalty, but my practice is that they don't get the opportunity to have me walk out and them essentially deciding that we're not going to be there. That said, smart planning is necessary with mine as well, like not going out for really lengthy errands, setting expectations of where we're going, for how long, and what they get to do when we get home. But sometimes they're not naughty, sometimes it's just kids being goofy kids, which makes everything take longer like you point out.

Like several others have said, turn it into something they won't like. I'd go with a stern talking to and leaving. I like the "walk away" method suggested as well. Punish it, don't reward it, and it will go away quickly. Kids respond remarkably well to basic rewards and punishments as long as they are consistent and fair. It's shocking to me how few parents can execute that kind of training, however.

Good advice given, just a little to add. When I went to the stores with my kids, I told them we're buying what's on the list, nothing else. So they knew they could look, touch stuff or push the cart, but the are not getting anything. This helped a lot in stores with toys. They could touch and look, press the buttons on toys, but it wasn't a buying day for them. I also would tell them when it was a buying day for them, when they could expect to buy a treat or toy.

I also would put them in time out anywhere by having them cross their arms. Sounds weird but it worked. They'd be at a store or someones house or in the car and have to keep their arms crossed until it I said so.

This is where we are. Leaving the pool yesterday after 5 & 8 yo's were there for 9 hours and the 5 yo hadn't really had much to eat we knew it could happen any second. I misheard what she said coming out of the bounce house and it was on. Fortunately I had grabbed her a burger for the ride home. It was like a snickers bar commercial with the change in attitude after some food.

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"I think I've cracked the code. double letters are cheaters except for perfect squares (a, d, i, p and y). So Leddy isn't a cheater... "

We do the walkaway thing everywhere else

I just say goodbye and hide

Problem in store yesterday was i had both and was outnumbered

Need a new forum for raising kids

I forget how old the kid was but on one blog the mom was so fed up with the kid doing it she laid on the ground on floor next to them in the store and had a tantrum. The kid stopped because they were so embarrassed.

Thats a great idea

My daughter is only 11 months so I haven't had to deal with it but I'm guessing on some level they make a scene because they know if they are embarassing enough their parents will fix it.

But kids once they hit a certain age hate with a passion being embarrassed or not fitting it, so just out embarrass them haha.

My wife and I have found you need to get em where it effects them.

We have tried time outs, taking things away from the almost 4 year old. The one thing where it seems to be VERY effective is wearing a dress or skirt. My daughter is the complete opposite of my wife and is the girliest girl you will ever meet. She wants her nails painted, wear fancy dresses, play bakery, baby dolls, barbies, etc.

She throws a tantrum, begs, says something, etc. We threaten and if needed (only one or two warnings) do not let her wear a skirt or dress the next day. If it doesn't work, next step is to wear denim shorts/jeans. She hates and can't stand denim. The next day, she knows it and doesn't put up a fight not wearing the skirt/dress. We have been amazed how effective this is. Now when we make that threat, she stops whatever she is doing wrong.

I was around some folks I don't know yesterday. The kid asked for a Coke. The dad said no. The kid asked why not. The dad said because I said so. The kid started to ask again and the dad said that's it and I don't want to hear another word. And that was it. The kid moved on and continued to play in the pool.

I hear that type of exchange far too infrequently these days. You do not have to explain a fucking thing to your kids when it comes to this stuff.

Option 1: Pick up the screaming, tantruming child and say "We cannot stay in the shop, at the playground, etc. while you are behaving this way." and LEAVE. Do not continue talking to the child, don't scold and try to keep your cool as much as possible. Do not negotiate, offer bribes, etc. as you will only reinforce your child's behavior.

Option 2: This is for parents with advanced behavior management skills only if you are in the middle of doing an errand that needs to get done... Step away from your child, make sure she is safe and allow her to tantrum. Every once in a while say "When you have calmed down, we will finish shopping." Once you allow your child's tantrum to control your activities, she may learn to use this "skill" to her advantage. The people giving you nasty looks have all been there themselves or will be there one day.

I think the sleep issues and now these tantrums, are your child's way of pushing to see how firm your boundaries are. Never try to reason with a child in the middle of a tantrum. When it is over, offer a hug and a kiss. The best time to talk about it is later, when you are both relaxed and far away from whatever triggered the situation.

Agree with all of that. My child is stressed. She is in the process of moving twice in 8 weeks through 3 different countries..

However attempting to maintain routine and discipline is a stretch target

That explains everything. Poor thing, I would be stressed too. Given her stress level, I would try to maneuver situations so you have win/win outcomes. If you think she is going to want something in line at the store and have a tantrum, offer her something before she has the chance to think about asking. Or bring along a special snack that she gets to have while you wait in the check out line. I work with young children who have severe behavioral disorders and sometimes we just need to stop the tantrum pattern. You aren't giving in to her, because you are offering her a preferred item before she has made any demands. You won't have to do this forever, but right now she is probably too overwhelmed to process any delayed gratification. You must be stressed by all the changes too. Take it a day at a time.