He either feels incredibly guilty and is avoiding the subject or is incredibly callous and doesn't care.

He's probably worried about legal exposure. My four year leaned back too far in his chair at pre school and they sent him home with a boo boo note letting us know what happened.

I ran over a kid alpine skiing once, the mother was a swimming mentor through my work at the time. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't even talk to her for months after that. He might not know how to deal with the situation.

 

Maybe it's a little odd.

But he apologized to you once. And it sounds like he's communicating regularly with your son. That checks all the most important boxes.

As a former youth coach myself, I did not seek out regular communication with parents. At that age (14+) I treated the athletes like I would adults, and handled problems through them. E.g. explaining lineup decisions, monitoring injuries, etc. Communication with parents was only if there were problems or for fundraising. :) I tried to avoid become "friends" with all the parents. Though I occasionally did anyway.

Good points.

You could also look at the wife "not knowing" as another sign he worried about being sued or really embarrassed. I might try to play off not knowing something if it was a sticky situation for my wife.

---

"I think I've cracked the code. double letters are cheaters except for perfect squares (a, d, i, p and y). So Leddy isn't a cheater... "

Not long ago, I walk up to the grocery store and the auto door starts to open inward, when I notice there's a little (3yo?) kid goofing on the other side of the doorway (with his mom just standing there watching), but since it's opening away from me I can't block/grab it before it opens into him and knocks him on his ass. Mom immediately reaches down to pick him up and glares at me while he's bawling his head off. Of course I felt bad and apologized, but at the same time I wasn't guilty of anything other than walking up to the front door of an open business. What I really wanted to say instead of "Sorry, are you OK?" was "Hey you stupid bitch, why the fuck are you just standing there watching your kid play in the doorway where people are coming through?" (Yes, I'm a parent; I would scold my own kid in that situation for being a dumbass if he were any older, but at that age I would have owned the blame myself.)

OK, rant over; point is ~ yeah, it's a little weird even if it was a total accident that he doesn't feel/show a bit more empathy. I guess I like the liability answer above, though... I've read never to apologize to another driver at the scene of an accident even if you're just trying to be polite and diffuse hard feelings, because it can be seen as an admission of guilt/culpability.

In the 8th grade I broke my wrist at football practice. No one aoplogized. I went home, delivered my paper route. Mom got home and freaked.
Showed up at school the next day with a cast. No apologies. None needed. It's football. Injuries happen.

Been there. Battled that approach. Not a fan of it. Treating 14 year olds like adults is appropriate. But they are not in many areas, especially finance, scheduling and travel. Dealing with the parents only when there is a problem (the coach is unhappy with something, not when the player/parents are unhappy with something) or when you need more money (you always want more money and don't really like to explain why), is not wise. College recruiters use the same approach. They much prefer to negotiate with a teen instead of an experienced adult. Just consider us parents as their legal representatives who handle the negotiations and logistics of non-playing issues.

What you would really prefer is a team full of wealthy orphans.

if i was partly responsible for breaking a kid's wrist, i think i'd be doing some serious self-evaluation.

i mean, i'm all for the explanation-by-awkwardness. i've no idea what i'd say in that situation. but i'd start wondering how as a grown adult i'm still gearing up and running around a field with a bunch of kids, let alone injuring them. i've got as much of a peter pan syndrome as almost anyone, but it's got its limits...

My senior year in college I returned to my HS to play in the annual varsity-alumni soccer game (I ran track in college, not soccer). I was the goalie, and my coach was playing with the varsity as a forward (you can see this coming). He had a breakaway (and happened to get past my fullback who was his son!) and I came out to "greet" him. I was much faster than he realized, and got to the ball just before he did. Result: he had a broken tibia and fibula, and broke one or more ribs when he hit the ground.

(the next year I worked in the area and helped coach the team, especially when the coach took time off to have surgery to finish fixing his leg. The team was impressed when they found out who injured him...)

---

----------------------------------
"Go yell at an M&M"

I have a similar story only I was the coach. I've coached lacrosse for 7 years. The son of a good friend of mine got his feet tangled up with a teammate during a drill, fell and hit his head on the ground. Turns out he got a concussion. I was accused and put on the spot later after they diagnosed it. Why didn't I stop practice (they fall all the time), why didn't I tell the parents (they fall all the time)...etc. Lacrosse is a contact sport. We as coaches suit up for our own safety. You ever seen how hard kids can stick check?

My guess is he has that, "injuries happen mentality". You said it yourself, he is a good guy.

I'm a huge fan of it. I think I got through all my own high school sports without my parents ever once talking to my coaches. Included a lot of travel.

It's great preparation for college, where the coaches almost uniformly tolerate zero contact with parents.

I think you're wrong about the "wealthy orphan" part. I had parents on the team's board of directors. A dedicated position of "coach liaison" for parents to communicate issues. But we tried to avoid regular day-to-day communication. It also helps protect all the coaches from a certain class of parents who feel the need to micro-manage every issue in their children's lives. It's helpful to ween the kids off that, and help them learn to navigate life's problems on their own.

When I coached Little League (10-12 year olds), I was the only left-handed throwing coach around so I would pitch practices before games against lefty pitchers. We had a couple of really good kids, like scary good who were not afraid of any pitch, loved the heat. One practice each kid got 10 pitches from me, one kid kept asking me to throw hard, and harder.......to the point I was pretty much throwing as hard as I possibly could. As you can expect, one pitch got away from me and drilled the poor kid right in the kidney area. Poor bastard dropped like a stone, I freak out and ran up to him. He had tears in his eyes but was standing up just as I got to him, looked me right in the eye and said, "I have 5 more pitches". I looked at his mom (I'm sure with a horrified face) and she just smirked and shrugged her shoulders. I apologized profusely to him and her, and gave him his last five pitches, with a lot less heat on them, dude tagged everyone of them too. At the next practice I asked how he was doing, like nothing ever happened, he just wanted to play baseball. His mom said he never complained about getting beaned.

I got the sense the mom and more importantly the son understood the risks and accepted them as part of the game. But damn I felt horrible.

---

--------------------------
The secret of a long life is you try not to shorten it.
-Nobody

In all fairness, he plays adult lacrosse and he was actually getting the kids moving pretty well on offense until my son who was playing middie defense tried to get in his way.

That'll teach him not to crowd the plate.... /pink

Coaches suiting up for practice in contact sports?? Put me down as a wtf? I have never heard of a coach suiting up and getting in on football drills, I don't know shit about LAX, but it is a contact sport, why would a grown man be suiting up and practicing? At the peak of my adult athletic life 21-35 I could have destroyed my high school self in every imaginable way. In my first 2 years of college, playing baseball I gained 20lbs of solid muscle. No chance I would have played a contact sport against a high school kid. My 22 year old self could have killed my 15 year old self.

Throwing "heat" to a 10 year old is dangerous also. You have to know how kids develop. I don't know how hard you throw, but anything more than 65-70 probably isn't smart at that age and if the kid is that talented use the pitch machine to bring more heat. My sophomore year in high school was the first time I saw a pitch over 80mph. Only 2 or 3 guys ever touched 90 in high school when I was in the box, its pretty rare.

Did you get a card?

Coaches suiting up for practice in contact sports?? Put me down as a wtf?

I've had the exact opposite experience as a school-aged athlete. I've never participated in a sport where the coaches weren't active participants on the team. They get in there and show the kids how to run a pattern, where to place their feet, and so forth and so on. I've had cross country coaches running with the team. Track coaches on the oval doing drills and demonstrating technique. Swim coaches in the water (even for the game days when we were playing polo or sharks and minnows). Baseball coaches at bat, on the bases, and in the field. Volleyball coaches playing all positions to show different locations. I prefer the show, don't tell approach to coaching. Otherwise, you've just got some guy/ gal yelling at you.

---

---

---

Take a short break from ST and read my blog:
http://tri-banter.blogspot.com/

Our HS coaches didn't put on pads. Our RB coach who was in his late 50's or 60's just got in the backfield and leveled our 6'5 250 D1 to be DE. Turned to the RBs and said that is how you pass block. We all loved him.

Why would he do it. Maybe he just wanted to dominate.

Yes, none of those things require a grown adult banging into an adolescent child. I played golf with and against my high school golf coach. My baseball coach threw batting practice and worked the fungo like a king. That is how you get involved. You don't pad up and relive your glory days.

Reminds me of something I witnessed at a BMX track.

Little kid was at the whoopdedoo section and tried to double up but instead augered into one of the whoopdedoos.

Kid stood up and tears were about to flow. Mom was running to him. Dad sprinted past and 2nd base slid to the kid, high fived him, said "awesome job" and put him back on his bike. Kid did not cry and he continued on with practice.