ok, if you insist, a few more:
Larry: I have a tendency to nod to black people.
Larry: You know who wear sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.
Man in Airport #1: I don't have your ticket.
... What's the name written right here? Is it your name? No, it's mine: Chris Darga. See, if this were *yours*, it would say: Fucking Douchebag. Asshole.
Larry: What's in this latte?
Starbucks employee: Milk and coffee.
Larry: Oh my god. Milk and coffee. I never would have thought of that. That's so brilliant.
Larry: [
to various passerby] You know anything about changing a tire? Wanna help me change a tire here? No? I could use a little help. I need a little assistance. I never took a shop class, and I need a little help. Ok, I'm just coming flat out and saying 'help me'. Anybody want to help a semi-retarded individual change a tire? 25, 30 dollars. 30 dollars to change this tire. 35 dollars to change this tire right now.
[
People are ignoring him]
Larry: I'll give you 10 dollars for a verbal response. 10 dollars. Anybody want to make 10 dollars and respond verbally? No?
Larry: I am not obsessed with asses.
Wanda: Ok, assy. And what is all that shit all over your shirt? You been scrounging around, looking for ass?
[
Larry has realized he made a bad joke about Wanda's butt]
Larry: Ok, Wanda...
Wanda: Oh, you know who I am, ok. I thought I would have to turn around and show you my big ass.
Larry: OK, you completely misinterpreted that...
Wanda: How am I supposed to interpret it? You shouted out 'Hey, Big Ass Wanda'.
Larry: I didn't say big ass, I was just saying hello.
Wanda: Is that how you say hello?
Larry: Uh, well...
Wanda: 'Hey big ass' or 'Hey assy' or 'Hey I know your ass'. What is that? That's not how you say hello.
Larry: Perhaps not.
Larry: Nice house.
Susie: Yeah, come on. I'll give you a tour.
Larry: Naw, it's ok.
Susie: No, come on.
Larry: No, it's ok. I-I get it.
Susie: You get it?
Larry: Yeah, it's a house. It's new. I get it. It's nice.
Susie: You get it? Ok, you know what? Get the fuck out of my house, Larry.
Larry: Alright, let's roll!
Rabbi: What? "Let's roll"? What did you say?
Larry: What?
Rabbi: You knew my brother-in-law died on September 11th! How dare you say something like that!
Larry: With all due respect, wasn't that just a coincidence?
Rabbi: Oh, what the...
Larry: Alright, poor choice of words...
Rabbi: What the hell kind of a...
Larry: Alright, that's long gone...
Rabbi: You know, I don't wanna do this. Forget it. Forget it.
Larry: Oh, I didn't know, I didn't know that if you, that if you, you died
UPTOWN on 9/11 that it was, that it was part of it, uh... the tragedy.
[Susie
shows Larry a gawdy, sequined shirt she has made]
Larry: Not quite my cup of tea, but... y'know, uh, it's nice.
Susie Greene: All right, you know what? Fuck you... and fuck your tea.
Jeff: You're just a big bowl of wrong.
Larry: My name is Todd, and I'm an incest survivor.
Larry: I don't tell my wife anything. I don't confide in her. I don't trust anybody. I just treat her like an acquaintance.
__________________________________________________
What a drag it is getting old. -- Stones