Just wonderng how many of you are married or dating coach potatoes and if this is a negative in any way on your relationship?
Obviously there are a lot more important things in a relationship than just doing triathlons, but I feel much more tuned in with my second wife than my first because we have the same hobbies - triathlon, scuba diving. My ex and I had very few of the same recreational interests. I never thought about it with the ex, but now definately feel that’s a big plus for my relationship being into the same things.
Both my hubby and I were couch potatoes prior to 2003 (when I started on this long crazy road called triathlon) I definitely influenced him to start exercising and later to do tri’s with me. He did my first HIM race with me (his second tri ever, crazy boy) and wants to stick to short-course stuff now, but gained a much better understanding of why I train the way I do, etc. (Prior to this, he would “helpfully” encourage me to be doing more speed-intervals and whatnot.)
Lately, he’s become more of a runner/cyclist and is way less structured about his training, but I really appreciate having someone that will run, ride or swim with me when I need the motivation/company. It also makes it much easier to plan a long ride on Sunday when I’m not sacrificing precious “us” time. I definitely don’t think couples have to spend every second together or even have the same hobbies, but I do think it’s helpful for them to at least understand the other person’s hobbies - in terms of what needs those hobbies fulfill.
My hubby doesn’t do anything. His idea of biking is riding his Harley. We got a treadmill and for the first couple days he tried it then his shins hurt and he refused to get new sneakers. He can’t run 5 minutes without stopping. He is super supportive of me, though. I admit I’d rather have him with me on long training days and not come home to him napping on the couch, though. Worse, he hates housework and won’t do it so coming home after a 100+ mile ride and seeing dirty dishes almost send me over the edge.
I try not to give him a hard time though. My athletic endevors came 5 years into our marriage. So far, he has run/walked 3 5ks with me in the last year and I’m hoping to get a couple more out of him this year. He is incredibly stubborn and won’t do something merely because I asked him to so I don’t bother anymore.
We’ve been married for 11+ years and we are happy. I’d still like him to have a better understanding of what I love about this but he goes to all my races that I ask him to and only complains when we have to get up at some ungodly hour and drive 50 miles. But, as soon as we get there he is all smiles and is a very good sherpa. He know how important it is to me and would never ask me not to race or train.
To be fair, he does stuff I have no interest in either. Specificly he is a gamer. Very different hobby!
I consider myself incredibly lucky. My husband and I were 100% couch potatoes when we met in college. We both had brief on-again/off-again 5k-running-and-walking careers before I discovered endurance sports. My husband got bored being alone on weekends and decided to follow in my footsteps. He of course quickly surpassed me in speed and skill and became a very fast marathoner. Now he races road bikes and dabbles in cyclocross. Between us we’ve lost over 100 lbs over the years, too.
Our lives could very easily have turned out differently, and I can’t imagine what it would be like. We have pretty different circles, me with my triathlon people and him being el presidente of his racing team, but we can obviously relate and discuss and understand each other’s “hobby” very well. And when there’s cycling on TV, there is no argument about what channel to watch.
My husband and I were both avid rock climbers when we met, so we had that in common. Pervious to that I had been a swimmer all my life, though I wasn’t swimming at that time. I picked it up again on a local master’s team and started doing tri’s soon after, but we still always climbed together, I’d ride my bike out to the crag and we’d climb and put the bike in the car and go for beers after, for instance.
Now we don’t climb as much but he’s taken up mtn. biking and has a passion for that, so though we don’t do the same things all the time anymore he understands that this is what I love and I understand that’s what he loves, so we make time for each other to do our own things, and time to hang out together.
So I guess that while we don’t always enjoy the same exact things, we’re similar types, if that makes sense, so it works out well. I don’t really think I could be married to a couch potato, though…
We have pretty different circles, me with my triathlon people and him being el presidente of his racing team
But there’s a little bit of overlap
My boyfriend of 6 years was a swimmer when we met and got into triathlon with me. We took soem fun trips to races together. Since I’ve begun dating again it seems like I’ve been dating non-athletes. Not couch potatoes per se, but none of them would be out running at 5 am. One cited falling off his bike at the age of 4 as a reason he doesn’t cycle now. 25 years and he’s still not over it…kj
I think it would be pretty difficult. My wife is a long-time swimmer and a good one. Even still, she started to resent the amount of time I spent on training when I first started triathlon. Two years ago, she did her first tri, and has been hooked ever since. Now, we both go out of our way to hold down the fort (with the kids, dinner, etc.) so that the other one can train. It’s the best.
i really can’t imagine dating someone who didn’t at least recreationally work out. it is just too hard for me to wrap my brain around people who literally don’t give a crap about taking care of their body, getting outside etc. I train enough that someone who did not also do sports, would probably get resentful of the time i spend out there, since i don’t do the training at 3:30 am nonsense. My boyfriend won’t train with me most of the time (we have different coaching schedules around different races), but often we are training at the same times, so we’re not taking time away from eachother.
well, he’s no couch potato, but he thinks I’m nuts, affectionately so. His main focus is Karate – at a very serious dojo, not the strip mall variety where they hand out black belts like candy.
He’s coming around to the tri stuff but it was almost world war III when I got my new tri bike. He just can NOT wrap his brain around the expense of triathlon. He also can’t wrap his brain around the fact we’re not poor. (i’m still de programming from warped, mentally ill mother)
While I can understand him not wanting to participate in tris, I wished he was more interested in cycling. He’ll go out for a shorter ride, but nothing more than 20 miles…
My BF doen’t workout, but he’s no couch potato. His thing is dirt track racing, which he is very passionate about. He supports me, but doesn’t come to my races (I don’t ask cuz he races on weekends too). The good thing is his hobby is WAY more expensive than tris, so there’s no problem with my getting a new Guru crono (yippee!). Overall he’s a great boyfriend, and I wouldn’t trade him for a tri-guy!
My husband…I’d call him a motorized athlete. Me I’ve always been athletic (I was gymnast until mid 20’s).
We used to have fun with our snowmobiles, quads & chainsaws. But as friends divorce those activities diminish. He loves yard work & helps maintance of my family’s 96 acres. He’s currently rebuilding a 1968 Mustang. He’s busy 3 seasons of the year… He’s not athletic…but he loves physical labor. But pretty much a couch potato in the winter.
Together… we watch NASCAR , yard work, hike, etc. He’s not what you’d call a “fun” person and I struggle with that sometimes.
He’s very proud of me and supports what I do. He doesn’t run/ride or swim with me …BUT …He’ll drive to find me on country roads in the summer to bring me water on long run days.
Most important …he accepts my many hours of training, traveling and racing with my male friends.
So to answer your question… are you married or dating a couch potato…I’m married to a winter couch potato Is it a negative in any way … 20% yes…80% no
My ex was not much of an athlete and quite overweight when we were dating and throughout most of our marriage. I was a runner then found triathlon very soon after our wedding. I didn’t think much of it as he was mostly very supportive of my athletic playtime. And, I’ll say it then get me some Meowmix, I think he really liked having a thin and fit-looking wife. During the last couple of years of our marriage, he decided to lose weight and got into cycling. I was so happy for his improvement in health and self-esteem and was really looking forward to having a cycling buddy. Good Lord was I wrong! He became very competitive, aggressive, and downright mean about trying to outsprint me up the driveway at the end of our rides. He became very frustrated that he couldn’t climb as fast or ride as long as I could and made our riding together no fun at all. I couldn’t do anything right. If I “beat” him up the hill or at the “finish line”, he would be terminally sulky. If I didn’t, he’d say that I was patronizing and let him win and would be terminally pissy. Obviously, the problem ran deeper than not being compatible cyclists but our inability to communicate and work through an insecurity.
My fiancee is a fellow triathlete who swims, bikes, and runs faster than me. I really don’t care because I’m just happy to have someone who is emotionally stable and secure with themselves who will also train with me. In fact, I think it’s been really good for me to train with him because I push myself to try to keep up.
Ultimately, I don’t think you HAVE to engage in similiar hobbies to make a relationship work. Bringing together two people, their baggage, their different wills is work enough. When it all clicks, it IS awesome when that person will go riding/running/swimming with you and got you a pair of gorgeous Ksyrium SL with carbon hubs instead of an engagement ring!
I personally could not be in a relationship with a non athlete. I did my first tri the year we got married, but that didn’t really change anything. Extra points to my DH for his patience though. He has dealt with a lot of nervous pre-race nights, and done his fair share of spectating.
17 years later, he is looking for a tri of his own this year.
I would have a hard time living with someone with whom I did not share recreational interests. At least, some???
Yes, and increasingly after 10+ years of trying to make it work, yes.
Although I was athletic as a kid, neither of us were active when we married 15 years ago. 3 years into our marriage I was diagnosed with a severe case of sleep apnea. After corrective surgery I regained enough energy to start exercising again, and it became a way back to a healthy life for me - I lost 40 lbs, kept it off, and gradually worked up to doing my first Ironman last year. She grew up on a farm as a non-athlete in a family of athletes (both parents and siblings) and was dragged to an endless series of races. Since I know she’s been a bit burned out on attending races of any sort I’ve never asked her to come with me to one except for IMC last year.
She is an extremely devoted mother /grandmother to her two 2 kids and their kids, to the point of neglecting her own life, interests, health, etc. As her kids have grown and moved out I’ve tried (with some success) to suggest that some interests of her own would be a good idea. To the extent that she has any energy (no exercise + gross overweight don’t help here) she does a bit of gardening and some other light yardwork (activities I burned out on as a kid), and a work-related professional organization.
7 months of marriage counseling has been a mixed bag. The good is that we think a lot of each other as people. The not-so-good is that it has served to clarify how little we now have in common. We don’t fight about anything, but at the end of the day there just isn’t that much to talk about either. We’re roommates with largely separate lives.
While my Hubby doesn’t do Tri’s, he is very active. He is great about helping me with me Tri stuff…scouting out new routes to run/ride. He is my main support. We work together and are together most of the rest of the time. So my training time is my me time and also gives him a break from me We do other stuff together hike, camp and just stuff. He does come to my longer races but the shorter stuff is just me, that way he gets a break from tri talk and I can just focus and get ready to race. So it works for us that only one of us is in this time and money consuming sport.
So a couple weeks after I started college, I ended up dating this metalhead art major who had a real distrust of organized sports and athletes. He didn’t understand why I ‘wasted’ so much time in the pool.
But he knew what I was doing was important to me, and he didn’t miss one of my home swim meets in four years of college.
We’ve been together 17 years now. (and damn, that makes me sound old)
Working out together isn’t essential; understanding isn’t even essential. What is essential is that you support the other person even if you don’t quite get what they’re doing.
These days, the art guy is a runner, and we’ll do an occasional run race together. I love those times because after all the time he’s sat around at meets and races on my behalf, it’s nice to feel like I’m doing something with him.
Jill, that is a cute story. I’m glad you guys can share the sports now.
My DH had a “social” sports background (LAX, baseball, basketball) but had a similar amused disinterest in endurance sports at the beginning. He doodled around the periphery of me and my running friends until someone offhandedly commented that they didn’t consider him a ‘real runner’. A 3:18 marathon soon followed, and the rest is history.
But he is only now facing down the swim and the idea of tri’s. It is hard for him to deal with results not coming easily to him.
Chris E - that is kind of sad. You seem so discouraged. Since you have gone through the effort of posting the history here on the forum, do you need some ideas? It sounds like your wife might need to feel like she is more a part of things. I do not think two spouses ahve to share the exact same sport or recreation to be happy. But if I try an dput myself in her position, it seems like she might need to find some validation to ‘equal’ all the cool things you do.
OK, this might sound nuts, but since you mention she is a bit overweight this is what comes to mind. is there any way you guys could swim together? Maybe make it a goal to relay an open water event this summer? Or tell her you are sick of swimming, you need her to step up to the plate and swim the tri leg of a race with you. Support her through her learning and cheer her on as she saves the day and saves you the trouble of doing a swim leg. Age , gender and weight are not necessarily limiters in swimming so that is why I am suggesting the swim idea. plus , see “body image” thread, swimming helps build body confidence.
Just some ideas, i don’t expect you to drop everything and implement them, but just an example of a line of thinking you might be able to adopt, and brainstorm accordingly. good luck.
my dh is a 6’3" disabled Vietnam era Marine. he did his athletic thing forty years ago when he was a kid on Parris Island and those silly F14 phantom jets or whatever number/letter they were. couldn’t love him more now if he had both feet & a terrific ticker. i love him for who he is, not what he can or can’t do. it’s not about the wrapping, it’s the gift inside. he’s the one for me!
