My husband played sports in HS -football and baseball. But now just plays on a softball team in the spring and summer and is starting to take up golf. He occasionally goes jogging…although I am trying to get him to do that more. He encourages my tri training and what’s great for me is that he does most of the housework and all of the cooking 
Currently, I’m single, so no one to worry specifically about this question with, but in the past I mostly dated gals who were athletic. My last girlfriend wasn’t really athletic (unless you counted getting drunk, flirting and text messaging other guys a sport! But really, I’m not bitter.)
My problem with a lot of gals I have dated is trying to convince them that they don’t have to be rockstars in whatever sport or exercise we would do together. I look at it as time spent together. If I’m faster than they are (in swim/bike/run), I can still go out and do those with them and enjoy it. If they are faster than me, all the better! To me, it’s about the time spent together, talking, laughing, etc.
I’m heavily into golf these days. I would love to meet a gal who golfed well, but mainly one who understands golf and appreciates it. Again, I take it seriously when I play (meaning, I’m always trying to improve), but I love to go out and play with someone, even if they aren’t that good, because I want to enjoy their company.
I don’t really like it it when a gal I’m dating say’s, “no, I don’t want to go do “x” because I’ll slow you down or I’m not any good, etc.” I don’t really care if you are fast or play a sport well - to me it’s just something we can do together and enjoy the time spent.
Overall having a mate that does the same sports/exercise you do can have pros/con’s, but I think the most important thing is that the mate understands the sport you are in (or vice versa) because if they can appreciate what it takes (to do an ironman, to run a marathon, to shoot bogey free golf … or whatever it is you are doing), then they don’t resent it so much.
Also, I think if you are the "sports’ person in the relationship, you have to realize that the “non” sports person may not want to hear about your training, racing, etc. every second of everyday. Find the ground that bonds you together the majority of the time and your own individual hobbies won’t seem so monumental.
- Dennis
…best post I have seen in a long time.
I was a runner when I met my husband, a slowly deteriorating runner; he encouraged me to try cycling and now I love it. (Swimming maybe not so much : } ) Anyway he is so much better than I am, he’s a fast runner; fast cyclist and above average swimmer. While we could never run together, even on his easy days he can’t run that slow!, we do cycle together. When he’s training for an IM, I do 80% of his cycling workouts with him. We manage it by having him pull me and by working my schedule so my hard days are his easy days. It works out pretty well although there have been times when I’ve gotten alittle frustrated with myself if I end up getting dropped. I have to remind myself that there are plenty of guys who get dropped by him regularly.
I think if you meet someone who really enjoys the sport then you can workout the issue of working out together sometimes. I must admit that at first I did feel threatened by the women who can run with him, there’s about 3 local athletes who can do that. He runs regularly with the same group. But he assures me that he feels exactly like dream~big says, it’s the gift inside that really counts. Being able to share a love of endurance sports at least allows a level of understanding that is helpful when it comes to the time and focus needed for IM type training, it isn’t as necessary to be able to do it all together. I think however, reassurance can be a wonderful relationship builder.
When I met my booyfriend I wasn’t that much of a “mover.” I grew accustomed to being rather lazy due to illnesses that kept me down a lot. I told him that I wanted a bike because I don’t care to drive so much. He thought that was a great idea and took me to the bike shop on one of our dates. He gave the idea of biking some thought. I bought a bike and about two weeks later he did the same. I was stoked because I thought “finally I have a man who wants to be active with me.” Together ee rode at least once a week in the summer (I ride at least twice depending on the weather and work). Summer ends and since then, we have gone riding once…back in October. I think he gave his bike away.
Now that I am trying to get back into the fitness craze, he does NOTHING! I got him to do one 5k walk on the beach. He did but he had to take a bunch of snacks along the way. I ran the entire distance and waited for him. I run races, half marathons and do fun rides. He stays at home to do nothing. He is a golfer and doesn’t golf unless someone calls. The calls come once every few months. I encourage him to get out and do more. It is too much to ask of him. I just let it be.
I am not his mother and can’t tell him what to do. I just do my own thing and try to set a positive example. I hope that one day he will catch on but my fingers are not crossed. I always stated that I wanted to date an active man who was going to kick my butt out on the playing field. I still want him. I want him to be my current boyfriend because he is a gem. Sad to say, a lazy gem.
WeRide,
Any suggestions gratefully accepted, and yes it has been a pretty discouraging time. Once the kids are grown and gone and it’s just the two of you, then you learn exactly what you still have left between the two of you. In our case it was something of a shock to discover that dealing with her 2 kids was so time-consuming that it effectively masked our lack of connection outside of them. She used to be Special Olympics swim coach (her daughter was in it’s swim program for many years), so she knows how, it’s just exercise that she is unwilling to do in any form. Having her look at my swim technique ( or lack of technique ) might be a good way of trying to reconnect. Thanks for the inspiration.
Chris
Yes. But a lot of my tri mom friends are jealous that I can pick my times for training around kid watching without having to schedule in the spouse’s training also. I do wish he would do something. But he is my biggest $ponsor.
I spent 5 years with a guy who had little interest in exercise. he thought training was stupid and that i was wasting my money on shoes, gear etc. in the last year of our relationship he started coming to the pool with me but would get upset that i was faster. we tried running, same thing. he had issues with my desire to improve whether it be in sports, education, financial stability etc. his lack of interest is not what doomed our relationship, it was already a sinking ship.
my current boyfriend is a varsity swimmer at our school. he trains 3x more than i do! we’re very supportive of each other and its great to have someone who understands the ups and downs of balancing training with school/work, although Im not as into training as I used to be. im happy that we dont swim together anymore because he swims down the middle of the lane!
it is strange that i wound up with a man who doesn’t really “workout”. after a history of dating rowers, runners, etc.
the part that is so maddening, is that when we go on a hike or something, he really kicks my ass. i can’t keep up with him! even walking across the parking lot to go to the grocery store, i can hardly keep up. he is a bonafide mountain man, so when we go on a hike i lagg and he is king of the forest. lol. so it is more appropriate to say he is very “athletic” but not into tri (although i did buy him a road bike in attempts to “make him” like it or attempt it. he said it hurts too much to sit on the saddle, which i understand…it does hurt!).
i think it’s great to have someone to “do things with”, but it’s just as important to “be with” someone…there is a difference.
also, my husband’s job is very physical–he climbs smoke stacks, and ladders, etc. i just want him to be healthy, that is all that matters to me.
also, in dating someone of the same sport, i found that without the sport there wasn’t much there. it got old after time.
my husband, regardless of sport, is a great supporter and friend. he is a big fuzzy bear and i love him dearly, i would never be as happy as i am without him. i wouldn’t change a thing in our marriage (except maybe having him fart less).
I can’t imagine being married to a non-athletic type. My husband and I are both active, but he doesn’t do tris. He does a lot of cycling - road, mt., cross. He used to bike with me a lot before we were married, and now not so much. I think he gets frustrated that I’m slower than he.
One solution we did training-wise was we would go to a local park - he’d do the mt. bike trail 2 or more times while I did my long run. Then we’d go for eats.
He is super supportive though - won’t let me do an IM without him being there.
I do have a good female friend that we travel to local or short weekend away tris and have a good 'ol girls tri weekend time.
Ya Know…I’m probably in for a bigger test than what I’m prepared for this year.
My wife is non athletic…although looking at her you would never guess. She’s 43, slender and smokin Hot. I’ve returned to my racing athletism after more than a two decade sabbatical. (pre marriage, HS, Army, College) I’ve always been active with pick up basketball, casual biking, softball, hiking through out our marriage but I was not into competitive racing when we met or for the 1st 15 years of our marriage. It started again with a local 4 mile race and has progressed from there. So the daily training thing was not part of our life until 6 years ago.
Although I try to get her to, she has only ever attended two of my races. A sprint Tri and my 1st Marathon. This is just one part of our life that I don’t see us sharing…which for now is alright. BUT…And this is a big BUT.
I’m doing my 1st Ironman this year. (IM moo) My training is just starting to ramp up. It kills me to miss or even cut short a training session. Like the 1st marathon, she has no clue what training is required. I did kinda blow up at her last week when an afternoon expectation was dropped on me requireing me to drop a brick work out. I try to remind myself of the SAU’s and how they are just as important. Thats a whole lot easier if I blow of the morning swim for a little…er…cross training 
I’ve aready put up with the sarcastic comments about some of our vacation plans for the year…Like the training weekend in Wisc…Hey, there’s shopping close by.
Then there is the food isssue. Our eating habits don’t quite mesh there either. But I think I’ve got her coming around on this. We do almost all of the grocery shopping together and plan out the weeks meals together. She cooks some nights and I cook some nights. We’ve worked hard at trimming our grocery budget and eliminating the meals of convience, boxed frozen, crockpot etc. That was a huge savings and makes you eat better.
I would love for her to experience that zen like state during a 10 mile run or the euphoria that hits when you know you put it all on the line and just racked up a PB. I’m not looking for a jogging partner or a biking partner but it would be nice to have a bigger supporter. A little bit of an understanding of what this means to me or why my eyes well up during the Kona re-runs on TV.
As nice as that would be though what would even be better is that when I’m 73, to know that she’ll be at home waiting for me after what ever race, tri, masters I just did and she’ll still ask me how I did when I get home.
Thanks for thread.
My GF doesn’t do tri’s or run but is into tennis big time. She has a real passion for it and plays several times a week, which I think is so cool. And since I played a bit of tennis when I was younger we often hit around together or I’ll help her practice a particular aspect of her game. I enjoy going to her matches too (I can bring beer:) )
And she gets my triathlon obsession and is very supportive. She even likes to hear about my training! I’m a lucky guy.
I’m also quite lucky…It is almost anti-this-post in our household. We are both very athletic, both do tris and don’t have any kids. We each have a 12 - 15 hour workout week (though mine will get longer this month). So our question is almost one of total harmony, and our ‘vacations’ are really quite fun and full of exercise without any hassles! She’s been a gym rat since age 15 or so, and comes in around 8% body fat year round. I blossomed to 235 pounds and have since dropped to 155 and 14% body fat over the last 5 years (we’re both 40-ish). The only real issue is that we both got into triathlons about 3 years ago, and the competition started. We can’t do the same races! This is mostly because she is way more competitive than am I, and I’ve responded to training better (translated: faster).
Definintely different than some of these posts, though sometimes just as trying.
Our key has been to each have our own training groups. We dont’ swim in the same master’s groups, and only ride adn run together about once a week. Seems to work, as we both ‘get’ the need to exercise.
always dated athletic guys, but not triathletes for some reason-even though I have been involved in the sport 21 years and it is such a huge part of my life. I would not date someone no-athletic. It is nice to have a real, outside life other than triathlon. It gives me a balance. Funny how every boyfriend I had would watch me race and be jealous of the triathlete guys-always thought I would run off with one. I am now actually interested in a triathlete for the first time in my life-however he lives far away. When I visit, it is so much fun that we have this in common. Maybe it will wrok this time…