I may be at the end of a 2 yr relationship over the time spent training. My girlfriend acts like I’m seeing another woman for chrissakes! I make sure to spend quality time with her, movies, dinners, beach, affection, etc but she is not supportive of my new addiction for a healthy, active lifestyle (I was formerly obese and now at goal weight).
She is beautiful and great in every other way. She’s 16 years younger maybe that could be an issue? How can a woman be jealous of an inanimate object that has dramatically improved my life? She does not want to share in my successes in any way! And don’t recommend any physical activity. She refuses to run 10 ft let alone swim or bike. She’s a genetic freak that can eat all day long and remain skinny! That’s how I ballooned up to obesity.
Time to bail? Please share your experiences if any. It’s really stressing me out.
"She’s 16 years younger maybe that could be an issue? "
Bingo! You need to date more in your age range to get the same life view. I am 32 and in 10 years when I get over this divorce bitternes and start thinking about maybe dating again I will want a babe my age with enough baggage to know the world is not all about her. The sad but wiser girl for me.
is she insecure about the solidity of your relationship? if she is the fact that you’re now at a goal weight (and thus became a lot more desirable for other women than you were before) and spending a lot of time around other attractive gals (via training) might make her feel uncomfortable and worrying that you might dump her for somebody “better”.
Have you tried telling/showing her that she’s still #1 for you and that she has nothing to worry about regarding your level of committment? OTOH if you’re posting this on a message board ending with “time to bail?” I guess your relationship might not be as solid as it maybe could be after two years.
I will hazard a guess that the problem is not triathlon training. That is just the vehicle at hand to vent frustrations. If it weren’t there, some other vehicle would be used.
Just a guess. Good luck with it.
She won’t be able to do the eat all day and stay skinny bit forever. Count on that.
At the same time, Dr. Phil’s Relationship Rescue pretty much nails this situation dead on. People do grow apart over time, but yet you need to remain true to your committment…providing you actually made one. Life is a series of decisions.
If you’ve turned the corner on your new-found fitness, my guess is that you’ve already made the choice not to include her. You’re now a different person than when you met…so that is grounds for discussing the future. When you started your “new life”, did you tell her about it and ask for her support? I bet not. It’s now “your” deal rather than a team goal and that is why she doesn’t want to share in YOUR success.
Perhaps time to move on, but IMO…you’re the one that screwed up for not communicating effectively.
Time to increase your training by 50%. If she puts up with it and supports it you are good to go. If not, she will walk away. On my second date in 1991, I told my wife that I was not the type that was generally available. I was training for Ironman Canada, working full time and doing my MBA at nite school. I laid the cards on the table and told her that was the way it was, and she could walk away then or accept it. We’re still together now, through thick and thin. Put the cards on the table and give her the option to support you or walk away.
All good advice guys, thanks. And diesel, I hear what you’re saying and I do assume some of the blame here. Ending any relationship is not gonna be fun. Plus when you’re in the 40-44 age group, it’s all downhill in the dating game. Except in triathlon where maybe my times get faster?
More than one relationship of mine has tanked b/c of an unsupportive dude when it came to my training.
And I always made it a point to be totally honest from the get-go about my training. And I even forfeited many training sessions to do relationship-y stuff, to, you know, be fair, (and always secretly was miffed @ myself for giving up those sessions).
So, yeah - having tri in common is the way to go, I think. And if you can’t have that - then at least try find somebody who supports you and the lifestyle that you LOVE and that makes you HAPPY and HEALTHY!!!
