welcome to my world… well, actually, the world of many of us here. That 16 year gap is not helping that’s for certain. What are your long term goal wrt this relationship? do you think about marriage? kids? mortgage? etc.? If not, then end it now. Why prolong it…
Is IronDeb hot? lol. Already got a new bike…and I know…I’m a kid in a candy store! 
Why dont you ask IronDeb if she is hot! At least she wont be on your arse about training!
Ultimately this is a choice.
When you make a choice to be in a commited relationship everything is subordinated to that relationship. Everything else is second most important and so on. you have to put the relationship first.
Now, that sounds like a major compromise. However, if the person you are with is on the same sheet of music, i.e., they hold the same set of values and beliefs about the significance of the relationship and its role in their lives- if that is in place, then there is no cmpromise really- it is only benefit or upside.
Certainly, getting used to making every decision with another person in mind is an enormous shift and one that takes some effort. However, if the match between the two people is right, then saying it is worth it is an understatement.
Don’t let age difference be an excuse. Chronological age is not an insight into maturity, experience and values. Especially as you get older- into your 30’s and 40’s, if you are an athlete few peple in your age category will share you level of vigor and/or your values. Other people will always critisize relationships where there is a large age discrepancy. Don’t listen. Their criticism usually amounts to envy and jealously and a latent desire for them to have what you have.
That said, if the match isn’t right for either of you it may be time to shake hands and go forward together as friends. That is possible and often times desireable and beneficial.
But ultimately, it boils down to a choice for both of you to make as a couple. Remember that the significance of a relationship transcends the significance of a sport that you may only be involved with for a few decades. A commited relationship is forever. The sport will serve us well until we can no longer do it.
Either way, I wish you luck My Friend. Affairs of the heart are never easy.
Tom replied, now we’re cooking’…
Yeah, Tom replied, but his relationship advise is not as entertaining as it used to be…
Well I’m glad he’s happy, but the angry (& slightly misogynistic) Tom was a fun read!
Mark
“slightly”… you’re too kind 
That’s pretty damn funny. Was she out there on the course?
The sign was posted on River Road. No sign of her. At least I hope it was a her.
It was good laugh.
It looks like geargirl was otherwise occupied, so I don’t know if she was out there either.
Time to increase your training by 50%.
Yup, that should do it.
carumba.
don’t listen to people who say the age difference can’t work or isn’t a factor ??
this from a dude who took a H.S. child to the prom when he was 30-something or whateverthehell and older than the teachers chaparoning the event. . . . . . . uhhhh, yeah.
i have a buddy who was 40-something and divorced, and picked up a little 20 y/o or somesuch and started insisting she was his soul=partner ( puking . . . ) - his daughter was, at the time, a friend of the 20 y/o or friend of mutual friends or something. anyway, dude kept dragging the child/GF/" soul-mate " around with him, and would get miffed when adults tended to not address her, include her in conversations, etc. one day, he was lamenting that fact to his daughter at breakfast and the daughter asked him " dad, do you know the meaning of the word pedophile ? "
now THAT, is what you call having a bad day, when your 18 year old daughter asks you if you know the meaning of the word pedophile, wouldnja say ??
no word on whether or not he triied that lame " oh, but she is so value/mature/old-soul in a young shell" horse-shit on the daughter. the things that a middle age guy will try to convince himself of . . . . . . . . . . . honestly. whatever.
the sad but wiser girl, indeed. right on tibbs.
“I will want a babe my age with enough baggage…”
lol. You want a babe with baggage? I’m tryin to find a babe without baggage. Wanna trade? Mine’s hot with plenty of baggage!
Sorry to hear about your divorce. Most of my peers are divorced and the ones that are married tell me to stay single, never get married!!! How’s that for advice?
Thank you Tom. Good luck to you too.
Dev Paul,
Not only will I soon be putting some of your training theories to the test, I am also putting your relationship “theory” to the test. And this is a long distance thing where she lives 400 miles away and we see each other every other weekend. She’ll be back for a 3-day weekend: So far she is cool with me leaving to go running for an hour (nice break I guess), but I may pull a 3-hour ride on her next weekend. Or kick her out a couple hours earlier on Sunday so I can ride … We’ll see how that goes over.
She lives 400 miles away and sees you every second weekend!..No wonder she is pissed that you train when she is around…Think about it…
For the record: Me…hot tri-chick with minimal baggage but lots of wisdom…
She’s not pissed (yet), but my training has been less-than-average since mid summer and its still early days for us … Should I just train every second weekend now that I have a girlfriend? If I train long distance in the spring should I do 100 miles one weekend and zero the next? Just preparing her for what I’m all about (a boring triathlete). I’ll change my schedule and moderate my training, but I won’t quit.
I don’t know the details. Odds are it is mostly your fault. I remember one of your post saying that on a scale of 1-10 of competitiveness you rate yourself a 9.4
http://forum.slowtwitch.com/gforum.cgi?post=549091;search_string=search_string;guest=5282325#549091
I don’t care if you tell yourself that you don’t let competition get in the way of your relationship odds are it does. You are probably competitive with your GF, you probably let your drive to be really competitive in triathlon, work, etc. get in the way of your relationship as well.
You need to assess what is more important to you.
One other thing, spend more time with your GF and less time posting to the forum.
Get two girlfriends, and train every third week.
“Bingo! You need to date more in your age range to get the same life view. I am 32 and in 10 years when I get over this divorce bitternes and start thinking about maybe dating again I will want a babe my age with enough baggage to know the world is not all about her. The sad but wiser girl for me.”
It isn’t necessarily just down to age. I have a very good friend 15 years my junior (i’m 40 in a few weeks) who’s seen more heartache and pain in her short life than most of us will ever have to deal with even if we lived to be a thousand. That she’s not just sane but someone who is devoting their life to the betterment of the lives of others is nothing short of remarkable.
As someone who’s marriage is falling apart because we have grown to want very different things, and who just don’t share the dreams and hopes we had so many years ago, if I ever get to the point of wanting to share my life totally with someone again, age would not be much of a factor, but I would look for the deepseated beliefs and goals in someone, their lifestyle choices and such as being more important.
Just something to bear in mind.
J.
“Welcome to the single triathlete club.”
Hey, I never got my membership card, what gives?
And if you think your GF thinks you spend too much time training, try a full time 40hr job, plus a sole proprietorship, and 20 hours a week of riding
Pass me the butter