I signed up for lake placid with a friend and her brother. I have a coach and since november, she has been using my training plans and following them. I thought that was good, that way we can do the same training. However, she doesn’t train with me and is absolutly not supportive at all and not even being a good friend anymore. So I now that I am really fed up with this one way relationship and she knows about it, she is forced to get in touch with me to get my plans. This is her first I ronman. Part of me feels like it’s late in the game to let her be on her own but part of me wonders why I should be nice and let her have my plans when I get nothing in return… What’s the opinion on what I should do here? Give her my coach’s phone number???
Be courteous give her the plan. You don’t want bad kharma for your IM 
You are a lot more patient than I would be. (and probably a better friend.) That said,
I’d tell her that since you are paying the coach, it’s probably not right for you to be giving out the coaches product for free. Let her know she’s more than welcome to tag along on your workouts, but if she want’s more free-bees, she’ll need to mooch directly from the coach.
giving her the cold shoulder is a quick, but cheap and hollow solution. Just like a glazed doughnut, it’ll feel good, but not for long. The right thing to do is to continue giving when she asks (doesn’t hurt you in any real way) and the satisfaction of doing the right thing will last much longer. Vindictive people are consumed with hatred and vengance, often against the wrong target. A true triathlete rises above all that and lets his/her actions show their character. The essence of our sport is self-sacrifice, and the lessons you learn about yourself along the way. “My only religion is kindness.” - Dalai Lama
Good point - although I’m not a coach, my take is this: if your training buddy wants to join you for some (or all) of the workouts that you’re paying a coach for, fine. However, the dissemination of the coaches’ product without their consent just seems wrong, and bordering on theft (o.k., maybe ‘theft’ is a bit over-the-top). My wife is a coach, and recently had this type of situation come up - seems one of her clients was forwarding her e-mailed workouts to her health club, where they were printed out and posted on the public bulletin board. My wife contacted the client, the club, and her lawyer (just for some advice) and put a stop to it - turns out that, apparently, any written/printed material (i.e., the workouts/plans) is, by default, copyrighted.
yeah, of course there’s all the copyright and money issues… you shouldn’t have been giving her the workouts in the first place. if you retract, make sure it’s for that reason, not for spite.
You know you are right on that. I thought it was ok to pass along if we end up doing the same anyway, gives me people to train with and all that. Do you guys think that asking my coach what I should do is a good idea and base my decision on that? It has been going on for a couples month, and I felt that I shouldn’t get low and not not supportive because she has. I didn’t want bad karma, figured what goes around comes around and if I am nice, it will come back. It is part of the problem, I am just too nice sometimes.
Since you asked, do what is right regardless of “karma” bs or the feelings of you or your friend. Call up your coach (assuming coach is remote, otherwise do it in person) apologize for giving away his product. Tell the coach that your intention was to have a training partner and tell him of your future intentions with this regard. Work something out that protects his income and is reasonable for you.
Possibly your coach doesn’t care and gives you permission to share with your friend. Otherwise, explain the situation to your friend along with the invitation to workout with you in line with the discussion you put had with your coach.
After this, tell anyone who will listen how great your coach is.
I hope it didn’t sound like I was coming down hard on you about sharing your plans…I didn’t mean it that way. Sounds like you had nothing but the best intentions in sharing your workouts with a friend - I can certainly understand the benefits of having a training partner/friend to workout with, especially when you’re training for the same event. As I said, if I were the coach, I’d have no problem whatsoever with your friend joining you for all of the workouts I was providing, but I wouldn’t want my work being passed around (and it sounds like you weren’t abusing it, just keeping your training relationship going). I’d talk to the coach - the mental/emotional aspects of racing/training can’t be overlooked, and they’re an important part of your plan - your coach should be kept in the loop. I’d also mention that you were working out together, but that you’ve started to move in different directions, and that you feel some degree of obligation to help keep her training structured and focused (i.e., workout plans) - ask the coaches’ advice, and ask if they’d recommend that your friend contact them directly. With a little luck, it’ll be a positve-karma win/win for everybody. Sounds like you’ve got a good heart - hope this works out well for everybody, and best of luck in your training!
Here is what I would do b/c I am somewhat self-centered when it comes to being able to sleep at night and not constantly get annoyed with the situation.
Call her / send her an email or letter and tell her that you will continue to provide the training plans until the event because you don’t want to ruin her IM experience. However, you have noticed that the friendship has changed, which you guys could openly discuss or just accept the status quo of non-friendship and not discuss. Hence, you will not be able to send her any more training information once LP is over and you recommend that she starts looking for her own coach / new source for training plans.
Whenever you get a new training plan, make an effort to send it to her immediately so that you don’t have to listen to fake smiles and small-talks over the phone that will just bring up the issue for you again and again.
This way, you can rest assured that you have taken “the high road” and there is no substantial cost for you doing that - so why not for the sake of good night sleep and no distractions from your race prep.
I am undecided on the copyright issue… Since it was not an issue of ethics at the beginning of the program I would not use that as reasoning but maybe decide for yourself how to deal with that going forward - sort of like a principle.
Hope that helps,
Christina
Hmm, Well, I agree with Ann Arbor Jeff. Taking the higher road speaks for itself.
It may be worth re-evaluating the relationship after Ironman. -Kind of a shame. I feel sorry for you. Remember, you still have all your slowtwitch friends.
If it makes you feel anmy better I had a girlfriend take advantage of me for years- free stuff, bike service, free bikes, she even had the nerve to complain about it sometimes (collors of tires, work not done fast enough for her taste even though it was, like, done instantaneoously). She still rides the bike I gave her, wears all the clothes I gave her, goes on the rides I introduced her to.
Funny thing though, she has never been a big enough person to say “I’m sorry”. Probably the biggest reason is, because she isn’t sorry- and that is the scariest thing of all.
Some people are better left alone.
yup, you should always do what’s right and then you’ll never have messes to clean up. I had a nasty habit of telling white lies when I was 10-13 years old. my parents put me through the wringer and made me suffer for it big time. I eventually adopted a habit of never lying, ever… and eventually to ALWAYS doing the right thing. it’s actually not a difficult life to live and the karma is awesome. when people know you’re a good person and trust you, the kindness you receive is well worth it.
My buddy was mad at his flat tire the other day and threw the tube down the hillside, deep into a ditch covered with thorny ivy. I said “hey, don’t do that bro!” and went down after it. he couldn’t believe it. I packed it in for him and when I got back to my house and checked the tube out. I called him to let him know that the hole was in fact due to a piece of glass or something, not the valve going bad, and he better check his tires again for that shard so it doesn’t cause another flat. A couple of days later, he offered to take my truck to get my brakes fixed since I couldn’t get away from work to do it myself. Very nice gesture on his part.
I’m not sure I’d call the coach and nark on myself though. I’d just be honest and tell the chick that you giving her his lessons is not cool towards the coach. period, the end. she already got a big gift from you up til now, anyway.
Great advice!
Maybe your friend is actually just a bit scared of the whole IM thing. “Maybe if I ignore it, it’ll go away.” It may have nothing to do with you. Just a thought, especially since its her first IM. That’s quite a daunting task to bite off.
But I’d definitely rethink on the sharing the coach’s info. Sharing a bit of what you are getting is one thing. . .workout for workout. . .if I were a coach, I’d be a bit concerned if folks made a routine of this.
My advice is to talk openly with both friend and coach. As long as you are coming from a place of honesty and forthrightness, you will come out just fine. When we hide behind things and try to figure other folks’ motives out. . .that’s when we often get off on the wrong track. Suppose you just go with your assumptions about your friend and they turn out to be 180 out from the truth. You’ll have allowed it to affect that relationship for no good reason. Try this with me. . . say to your friend “when you xxxxxxxx i feel xxxxxxxxx because xxxxxxxxxx” And don’t put any expectations on the outcome of the conversation.
Start re-writing the plans with some really odd workouts. Like, 47 minutes of plyometrics followed by a 13 minute run. A run/bike brick, in that order (why??). 200 situps followed by a fast 50 meters in the pool. See if she really does them. This makes me feel evil…
She’d probably catch on to that, too obvious. Rewrite them so there is no run longer than an hour, no bricks, and a max ride of 50 miles. “Coach says it will work, trust him. He says this IM thing simply isn’t very hard”
I would just explain that the plan now is taking into account your particular strengths and weaknesses and that as it is tailored specifically for you she should go to the coach to get a plan tailored for her that would optimise her abilities also.
Heh, I wouldn’t actually want to do anything to harm her training, you know? Add in a few harmless bogus workouts, then after the race find out if she did them…“that situp workout really helped me decrease my time in T2, what about you?” or “that reverse brick really helped my bike split”…etc
One,I agree with Christina. Two,
“wonders why I should be nice and let her have my plans when I get nothing in return” Because being nice is something you do for yourself,not something you do to receive. I am a firm beleiver that if you let another person’s action change what you would normally do,you give them power over you instead of you being in control of the actions that change your character today and in the future.
Call her / send her an email or letter and tell her that you will continue to provide the training plans until the event because you don’t want to ruin her IM experience.<<
I totally disagree. You PAID someone for their time and expertise and you are giving it away to someone else without permission. You’ve already blown your karma. I’d tell her that you made a big mistake in the first place by forwarding YOUR training program (which I assume was tailored to you) without permission. Unless of course, the coach is cool with it, but the only way to find out is to fess up and see what he/she says.
clm