Everyone is different and every relationship works in its own way. But the advice about being ruthlessly efficient is the most important. Aim to fall asleep moments after your kid. If you are asleep by 8 you should be able to get in workouts of almost any type done before 7am. For weekends, start early on the trainer. Being in the house is going to be better.

• Coffee and nutrition pre-made and ready to go in the fridge
• Recovery breakfast pre-made and ready to consume. I like overnight oats, raisins, protein powder, chia seeds, cinnamon, maple syrup.
• Clothes laid out, it always sounds like it only saves a minute. But in the morning you need all your focus.
• When your kid goes to bed, you go to bed.
• Ditch all group rides and exercise until it is not a thing, but start with no group rides for this season, or just one.
• The tough part: when you are beat after hard sessions, you really can't take the rest of the day and recover, you need to be there, entertain, play.

When in doubt you need to organize your time to help your family.

My 2c, combo of several points already...

Always been an S/B/R guy since before we got married (met wife on college swim team), so that didn’t change when we had kids, BUT...

Early on, training was far less structured. Still did some group rides for enjoyment, and races too, but much more ‘opportunistic’ as openings presented themselves. Pretty much the opposite of scheduling out a structured training plan and then trying to fit wife/fam time into/around that (and if yer wife isn’t even working yet, that hill is about to get vastly steeper than you even think now). Mostly shorter stuff, and as I had a couple biking buddies available I did more just riding and far less swim/run/tri. No way signing up for IM a year in advance.

Once kids got into skool and I had a little more time, I finally got around to the full IM thing. For that, the training did get more focused, and I shifted into ‘Lone Wolf’ mode as someone else said so there’s no more fussing around anyone else’s schedule/constraints (mentally, I think that’s also a good space to get comfortable in for long-distance racing when you have to grind through those inevitable valleys of doubt and suffering). For running, I’m a big fan of the BarryP ethos of building total weekly volume through more frequent shorter runs vs fewer longer runs; besides the idea of reducing injury potential from one much longer run per week, it makes it easier to break it up and fit more chunks elsewhere in the sched (sometimes even twice in a day).

Add those up, and I’d try to get most of my runs in early before everyone else gets up. 5:15 is plenty early for a decent run, neither crazy early nor a really long run. Most swims are squeezed in at lunch, or sometimes a swim/run brick. Like someone else said, it’s usually easier to stay a little later at work to cover an XL lunch than it is to fit in another session after work.

With most of that squeezed into the cracks during the week, I could still get a pass for a long ride most weekends. We’d often ‘trade’ w/ each of us getting one day while the other had the kids; which day would be flexible if she had something going on, or maybe I signed up for a century ride once in awhile. If we were traveling for a weekend that might wipe out a long ride, so those would be the times I’d bring along the running gear and substitute a longer run than normal for a typical week.

Additional short runs are also tacked on to most rides. I know there’s a school of thought that bricks are overrated for training specificity, but I used them a lot just cuz it’s logistically a lot simpler on the prep/cleanup overhead to just leave the house once rather than try to squeeze in one more separate workout.

1. Do your workouts early.
2. Use a trainer.
3. Full IM and young kids ain’t compatible.
4. Be creative.

Enjoy time with your young kids. Triathlon will always be there, your kids will never be today’s age again.

Just curious, why did you not run with a stroller? I trained for my last 2 Ironmans with a Bob stroller. 18 miles and he doesn't need me to stop. Do I just have a cooperative baby? I have a 2nd on the way so I'm wondering if I was just lucky with the 1st one loving it. I also live next to a bike path with great weather year round, so that helps. I see a lot of parents on here never mention strollers so wondering if it's a climate thing or not near running paths...

just want to add one thing, i have also dropped group rides, but my wife prefers that i do not do my long rides alone (for safety),
so find a couple of buddies, set up a whatsapp group or whatever platform you prefer and use it to schedule "long" rides. much more efficient than group rides

since we had our first kid 5 years ago i only get a handful of 3+hour rides in in total. I have redefined long ride to 2 hours. Much better for the family

Andreas

Sorry, I have to comment.
-A 2 hour ride can not be called a "long ride".
-Tell your wife that group rides are more dangerous than solo rides. Accidents mostly happen between members of a group.

Since this is a discussion forum, I would like to comment.
First of all I fully agree with your last statement. And with point 4.
But not with points 1-3.

concerning your point 1:
If it is possible, sleep enough, it will make your life and shape better. So do not train early. I used to do my long ride on Saturday: getting up at 5:00. Horrible. Not only you do not get enough sleep, but you miss the important weekend-breakfast with the family. I changed this, see post #18 here above.

concerning point 2:
If you are on the trainer, your family is around. If you train outside (possibly as commute after work) you're just not home yet. I have the feeling this gets more acceptance as getting home and go straight away to the trainer with a bad conscience.

concerning point 3:
Depends. If you can organize it, you can do IM having kids. Not with a 60 hour work week, but certainly with a 40 hour work week.

Fully agree that 2 hours is not a "long ride", but it is the longest rides i can regularly schedule into my training plans. hence the "redefine" comment.

Riding with 1-2 friends does not trigger any of the unwanted group ride dynamics...

Andreas

I'm with others that mentioned you need to ditch the rigid structure (for the most part) and be opportunistic about things just because EVERYTHING will constantly change with a 1 year old, especially if your wife is going back to work in 2 months. That's a big transition and you don't really know how it will work out. I'd suggest figure out what workouts you don't want to miss and prioritize those, make deals, whatever is healthy for your family, but at least from experience (8, 4 and 2 year olds here) things will inevitably get messy with a 1 year old and both parents working. If you can still structure things exactly the way you want and everyone is happy then that's awesome, but if you're the type that gets upset about missing a workout and thinking it will derail you, etc etc, then it may be best now to accept the fact that you will most likely miss a workout (or 2/3/4) and be prepared not to lose your focus and drive if that does happen.

You are at a really difficult stage with a 10 month old.
To be honest, there is no easy balance. This is a difficult time for your wife as well with sleep deprivation and all sorts of other things that come with having a baby (physical and psychological).
I only found triathlon when our youngest was 5-6 years old, by that stage it is a lot easier and even better now that the kiddies are old enough that I can leave them all at home and train if my wife is working etc.
The answer you probably don't want to hear is that you have to make priorities in life and this time, as much as it might seem ideal for Taupo, might not be best for the family and it may be better to put it to one side or challenge yourself to see what you can do on the minimum of training. You honestly cannot get these years back and you will most likely regret not having this time around your family (compared to what you may get out of a qualification slot etc....).
If you do want to try and smash it in March (remembering you may then need to smash it again for the Worlds), discuss it with your wife now, explain why and what it means to you and how you will make it up. Be a bit more selfish with your group rides (I met my group, did a bit, but would never stay back for coffee etc, I was home as soon as the work was done).

Thanks for the suggestions everyone.

My wife liked the idea of training on Mondays instead and keeping a weekend day as an off day. What I could do I guess is push back my routine by a day so I do my long(er) run Friday morning?

Another option was to begin my weekend long ride when my daughter goes down for her midday nap, as that is generally her longest nap (2 hours or so)

In terms of getting up super early, that might not always work either as I am quite often up between 5.30am and 6am with our daughter before doing some training. And I can't see myself getting up at 4am to train.

Longest I have gone for in morning is 1.5 hours, which usually just means I get in to work a bit later than 8.30am, which is not a problem as I am a self employed lawyer/barrister so can turn up when I want, unless I have clients or court, but court doesn't start till 10am.

For example, this morning, I was up around 5.45am, changed nappy, fed her a bit then when she didn't go back to sleep, brought her to our room, then began to get ready for bike and put her into this play stroller thing to watch me on my indoor trainer.

This allowed my wife to sleep a bit (she got up at 4am to feed her) more and meant she did not have to worry about having the sole responsibility for our daughter whilst I trained. Daughter just watched me, pushed herself around in the garage and played with the knobs and buttons on her stroller thingee, although she was starting to get a bit grizzly towards the end...

In terms of maximising my time with my family, the weekend long ride is probably the biggest hurdle to that, so another option could be to do some of them on zwift, with my daughter watching for a while.

In my case, with 2 and 3yr olds..

1. I schedule just one weekday morning per week that I like to pretend is non-negotiable. My wife knows it's my morning to do whatever I want. I give her the other four mornings of the week. So, Friday mornings I meet my friends at 5:30am to run. We can get in 20 miles if needed and be at work by 9am. I've been doing this since my first son was a month old. My wife is happy to have Mon~Thurs to herself.

2. Then Saturdays are long rides, starting earlier than I'd like. But, we are done by 10am and the rest of the weekend is for/with family. I will say, my wife has never objected to me taking the kids out for a run in the stroller for an hour on the weekend either.. she likes the quiet time.

3. I do pretty much everything else at lunch. I'll take a longer lunch and work 20~30min later each day, but all said and done it's 10~12hrs per week with only two instances of being gone. Occasionally I swim on the way home from work, or go to the gym at 9pm to swim when everyone is in bed.. but it's not common.

4. No off days during the week. In general, if there's time to train which will not affect the family life (say, Monday during lunch), you gotta capitalize on it!

And yes, a lot of the luxuries are gone, which I admit is not fun, even three years later... no stops for coffee. No breakfasts with friends after long runs/rides. Walking in the door after a 3hr ride and getting right into the action is brutal some days, but that's the only option. Kids don't care if you are tired from your long run. I crave the days where we would ride for 5hrs, then watch movies all day Saturday on the couch.. but whatever. More people have a busy or family lifestyle than don't.

Regarding the invisible part. Sometimes that works, sometimes not. If your wife finds out you are running 60 miles a week at lunch without telling her, that could result in the "Oh wow, you're out running while I'm at home pulling my hair out with the kids". I prefer to just give her every opportunity possible to have a break, do her own thing, hang out with friends etc. Sometimes the best breaks are when she goes out with friends and I can just lay on the floor and play with Legos with the kids. And whether I like it or not, do as much as I can around the house and with the family. It is exhausting, but the kids do see what we are doing with the running and cycling and catch on quickly.. in our minds, it's important for them to see it.

I would try the longer run on Friday.

I have an 18 month old and what I've learned is his schedule changes all the time. So what may work today may not work in a month. So just try it but be open to changing again or adjusting on the fly.

What's working for me now is swimming or running at lunch and then zwifting at night after our son goes to bed. He goes to bed at 6:30. My wife usually wants to do her own thing at night during the week. The weekends are what she gets pissed about. She's also a light sleeper and doesn't want me to wake her up early in the morning. So the night it is.

Sometimes I'll squeeze in a zwift ride during one of his weekend naps but it's not always a slam dunk.

Similar here: Wife is not happy when she has to deal with both small kids alone. We both work. I raced 70.3 Worlds last year. Generally, this is of course very complex and you need to find an individual solution. She's frustrated when you go out training. You are probably frustrated if you do not get proper training in. Having a clear structure helps a lot, having a joint plan and schedule, and most important: Being reliable on that schedule. Go to bed early or make sure that you can take a short nap around noon on the weekend.

My schedule typically looked like this in the last two, three years (incl. 70.3 Worlds, two Ironman races, one KQ), 10~12 hours:
Mo. - late night indoor trainer session
Tue. - early morning run; late night swim session (eventually with a run before the swim)
Wed. evening - bike ride (my only day skipping family dinner)
Tue. - off
Fri. - early morning run
Sat. - early morning bike ride; from time to time afternoon bike ride instead
Sun. - early morning long run (plus open-water swim in summer)