Since I buy so much bike swag, I’ve resorted to lying and cheating to get what I want! If I admit to my wife I’ve bought new stuff…I get the hammer. It’s easier to lie (about the true cost, paying part in cash with the balance on VISA, telling her the wheels are borrowed, etc., etc.) If you’re busted later at least you’ve delayed the inevitable tongue-lashing! I’m more interested in how you married guys pull it off, rather than why because I know you do. Let’s talk technique.
First rule of fight club is - There is no fight club.
How about hiding bike/tri purchases from your husband? I’m sure there are some other ladies out there who do this too, but it’s still a little funny. Most women usally try to hide clothing purchases while I’m worried about $250 aerobars! Not that it’s okay to lie to your spouse or anything…
“It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than itis to ask for permission.”
Hope this holds true as my new Lucero and shoes, pedals, computer and Hed Alps arrive in two weeks… otherwise I will be giving homestay a whle new meaning.
Weeman
I don’t lie… I just don’t tell her. This winter I bought Assos Tights and the Assos Airjacket. I didn’t tell her, however, the first time she saw me in them she’s like “There new, eh?”
Now the devil in me started showing her prices out of performance for new tights and jackets, so she probably thinks I spent $200.00 on jacket and pants… If she new I spent 500 she’d kick me out of the house…
Thank god for paperless AMEX bills that I only see…
Actually, the first rule of Fight Club is - you do not talk about Fight Club.
And the second rule of Fight Club is - you DO NOT talk about Fight Club
- Only buy bikes that are the same color.
2.Store bikes in several places so the herd don’t look so big.
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All bike parts look alike so… Deny everything, admit to nothing, and leave no receipts.
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Choose a very loving and understanding wife, take good care of her, and she won’t complain too much.
the key phrase here is “too much” 
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I was once told to always say “I traded for it”. That always sounds better with the implied benefit that some other bike stuff has gone away.
Just don’t add the detail that you traded money for it
Just leave everything at work. My coworker does that with the computers he buys.
Start our by talking constantly about bike stuff, especially over morning coffee and while laying in bed at night. Talk about aerodynamics, rolling resistance, gearing, wattage, tubulars vs. clinchers, et cetera. After a few weeks of this your wife will ask you to quit talking about it and she’ll also quit paying attention to the bike shit you have all over the house (aside from asking you if it’s so hard to put it away when you’re done with it).
Then, begin amassing your inventory. At critical mass, everything look alike to a non-cyclist. Granted, getting to the requisite inventory size can be a financial challenge, but I think it’s somewhere around four or five bikes, at least six wheel sets, and a few boxes of odds-and-ends. I’m still amazed my wife hasn’t noticed the new Cosmic Carbones hanging around the house. They look nothing like the Zipp 404s.
she is cool with it as long as I buy her something of equal value for her bike.
I wish i could hide anything from my wife. She should work for the CIA…the woman knows EVERYTHING. That is just completely aggravating. And when she finds out something that she doesn’t think I know she knows, she will ask me about whatever “IT” is in this innocent, little schoolgirl voice. I love her but when I hear that voice I just brace myself for the inevitable…
Uhh … what those other guys said about fight club
Schuba
Listen, man, there’s no excuse to ever not lie to your wife.
Frank
Been a while since I have had time to post here. On topic, I have been known to write “spouse receipts”. This goes over huge. That is the retail end of my life. Personally…fight club rules apply.
Shawn Spencer
What did UPS bring you today honey?
“Awe, just some water bottles and some swimming earplugs…”
i hide my bike purchases, and yarn purchases, and most other purchases from my husband. he doesn’t even know what the groceries cost…let alone the wine and beer. it’s just better this way. sure, alot of people bitch about this philosophy…but generally those are the ones that have their marriages on the rocks or aren’t even married.
and, for the record, my husband, the classic car gearhead, gets packages everyday. i have no fucking idea what’s in the boxes or how much it costs–and I know the car restorations ain’t cheap. i don’t even ask because the details kill me…i’d rather be in a comma then listen.
my policy for purchases is: don’t ask, don’t tell, have a happy marriage.
( BTW, i have a ball of yarn that cost over 100 dollars. does he know? I’m sure it’s not hard to guess the right answer here.)
My wife spends more on bike stuff than I do since she always insists upon purchasing new, while I’m the secondhand man.
If your wife finds out remember that when dealing with women it’s always a lot easier to beg for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.
"i hide my bike purchases, and yarn purchases, and most other purchases from my husband. "
KC,
A word to the wise. So did my ex wife. That’s one of the reasons she’s my ex.
Wife no.2 has never hid anything from me. Or if she has I’ve never found out about it. 