Couples that train together stay together…
Before my husband and I had kids, training together and apart worked out really well. But now that we have two kids, the fact that BOTH of us are into endurance sports is a real pain in the ass. So yeah, while we are totally on the same page in terms of “understanding” the need to train and being able to talk for hours about all triathlon/ironman/race stuff (not that we get much talking done with kids around), the truth is, I feel like life would be so much more “convenient” if my hobby was “parenting” like it is for many young moms around me. But for all those moms with small kids that I know who are not into any kind of sports or hobbies, many of their husbands have given up their hobbies as well, either by choice or by “force”. Those that gave it up by “force” look pretty miserable. So on the one hand, two triathletes in the family is fun, on the other hand, it is so challenging to manage the time for both of us to train (and we usually just take turns) and it leaves both of us exhausted, and this is on top of the exhaustion of having small kids. On the other hand, we would be miserable if we just gave up training/racing. And while we have not done any full ironman races after baby #2 (just did a couple of 70.3s here and there), focusing on just sprint triathlons is also kind of boring because we have done MANY MANY MANY sprints over the many racing seasons in the past, so they are almost not even worth the bother…
How do two triathletes in a household train and have an “interesting” goal to train towards while balancing full time jobs and kids and not being totally MIA?
It’s not my situation but we have a young local family here in The Woodlands where both parents are VERY talented athletes. She mainly focuses on Oly’s with some sprints and he does some tri’s but races bike (road and MTB) at a very high level. For them the key has been a babysitter (plus of course running stroller). They ride long together (with the cycling group) just about every Saturday since their first kid was born. They’ve made it a priority to have a standing babysitter each and every Saturday morning.
focusing on just sprint triathlons is also kind of boring because we have done MANY MANY MANY sprints over the many racing seasons in the past, so they are almost not even worth the bother…
Unless you are winning the overall race, perhaps that could be your goal and it won’t be so boring.
Personally I’ve found the goal of trying to win is a lot more fun that just completing a long slow day.
focusing on just sprint triathlons is also kind of boring because we have done MANY MANY MANY sprints over the many racing seasons in the past, so they are almost not even worth the bother…
You could focus more on the children and slowly start getting involved in activities they are interested in. It may expand your interests away from triathlons. There are a lot of things you can do with kids, that will give you excellent exercise, you don’t have to do triathlons to be fit.
Or, just continue with sprints and work on improving your time.
It starts by signing up for something together. The training part just gets figured out along the way. To many variables in life to plan to far ahead. IMO.
It’s just a matter of building your life and schedule around training AND your kids. I have three small kids. My wife and I both train. She’s a long time runner, but is getting into tris now. My wife and my training is largely invisible to the kids. The kids go to bed at 8 and so do we. I get up between 4-5 and do a 1-1.5 hr workout every day during the week, then do a 30 minute workout at lunch. So during the week, I’m home by the time the kids are up in the morning, and also in the evenings I’m home right after work. My wife doesn’t work, and we have a gym that has a daycare. So she either goes there (the daycare is really nice and the kids love it) or does a trainer workout or runs on the treadmill during nap/tv time in the afternoon. On the weekends I get up at 4:30 and I’m back from my long ride/run by 10 then the my wife and kids all have swim lessons, then the rest of the day is ours (typically spent swimming). On Sunday my wife gets up at 5 and does her long run, then I do a brick after she gets back. We’re all home by 10am and the rest of the day is the kids’.
So for a 10-12 hr/week baseline training schedule for me, and 7-8 for my wife, and the only time away from the kids is before 10am on the weekends. And in that time one of us is with them, so it’s just not BOTH of us.
Things get a little dicey during IM builds, but that’s really only the Saturday long ride and that only keeps me out until 12-1ish.
I don’t see why so many people think it has to be either or.
After my first baby, I gave up IM training and have since focused on road racing. It’s been a blast and although I miss S/ R, dedicating 100% of my time to cycling has allowed me to be pretty good at just one sport, as opposed to going into IM and not seeing my items improve.
After our twins and three kids under 18 months… am okay not being pretty good at anything for some time.
My reco is to readjust your goals. There is life after IM. It’s actually a lot of fun.
My wife and I are into cycling (don’t do tri) and it was a part of our lives before having kids and we both still ride but it is challenging as we have three kids. It helps immensely to have a partner who understands why you get satisfaction out of endurance exercise, but you still need to work out how to make the time for it and there are so many things pulling at you already. Sometimes we trade off but then it makes it hard to do things together as a family because one of us is out riding. A baby sitter enables us to ride together and that becomes our form of “dating” on an endurance ride.
But we are talking about just riding and not racing. We are both at the pointy end of the fitness and could be reasonably competitive (we both used to race) but we also know that the demands of racing would add another dimension to the whole thing. Deciding to be fit but choosing to not compete has been a stress relief. So much of this depends on your family dynamic, which is a way of saying if you have helpful family support and your kids roll with it okay. We have virtually no family support and at times our kids are in a phase were baby sitters aren’t working out, so it is just another dimension to observe and accommodate. The big challenge is that every time we think we have the formula down stuff changes, which isn’t conducive with being a semi-elite athlete.
Wife and I used to go on running dates when we were first together. Then did a bunch of races together, 3 70.3’s and an Ironman in 2013. She just ran in 2014 and found out she was pregnant the day after setting her marathon PR.
Our daughter is a year and a half and we have another girl on the way. I tried to keep racing and found it made me a worse husband, dad, employee, and triathlete than I wanted to be. Now I am focusing on doing less and doing it better.
I love our family hikes with the dog + baby in a backpack. I run a few days/week and ride when I have time. This will be my first year not racing a triathlon since 2008. And I’m ok with it. Took a while to get here, but I am finding much more enjoyment doing fewer things and doing them better than trying to do everything I/we did before kids.
Obviously every situation is different. We are eyeing 2020 as our “big comeback year”! Maybe I’ll even try to KQ in 2021 before I turn 40. Maybe not.
Not me, but I’ve heard of Iron Couples who alternate “big race” years. They both still train, but let one person go for an Ironman or “A” race that requires more time each season, then switch the next season.
Damn, i was going to send my wife this thread and say “look, i can still train and race long course”. Then i saw your response.
My husband and I do this. We currently have a 6.5 and almost 4 year old. I start racing again when the younger one was an infant. The most important thing we do to manage training with two kids is alternate “Ironman years” (as in, he does an ironman one year, I do one the next). Racing ironmans together is a giant logistical pain that will probably never happen again.
Echoing some of the other posters, we also (1) have a sitter for Sunday morning long rides, which we consider our “date mornings” (2) train early before the kids are up (3) train at lunch (4) train after we get the kids to bed. We can both train for 70.3s and mostly stick to our schedule, and not have too much kid juggling. For reference, I average something like 8 hours a week, and will build to 15 in the couple months before a 70.3, and am competitive but by no means “pointy” (i’d call it FOMOP or BOFOP). My husband is less dedicated to training, and it shows in his results.
It is a little exhausting, and we do sacrifice some of our together time and/or downtime. And the house is constantly a mess. But we are both happy, and we always have something to talk about.
My husband is less dedicated to training, and it shows in his results.
Ouch!
Lots of good replies here but having my 4 children grown up now I would recommend what Sanuk said "You could focus more on the children and slowly start getting involved in activities they are interested in. It may expand your interests away from triathlons. There are a lot of things you can do with kids, that will give you excellent exercise, you don’t have to do triathlons to be fit.
Or, just continue with sprints and work on improving your time.** **
**And what ****kjmcawesome said "**Wife and I used to go on running dates when we were first together. Then did a bunch of races together, 3 70.3’s and an Ironman in 2013. She just ran in 2014 and found out she was pregnant the day after setting her marathon PR.
Our daughter is a year and a half and we have another girl on the way. I tried to keep racing and found it made me a worse husband, dad, employee, and triathlete than I wanted to be. Now I am focusing on doing less and doing it better.
I love our family hikes with the dog + baby in a backpack. I run a few days/week and ride when I have time. This will be my first year not racing a triathlon since 2008. And I’m ok with it. Took a while to get here, but I am finding much more enjoyment doing fewer things and doing them better than trying to do everything I/we did before kids.
Obviously every situation is different. We are eyeing 2020 as our “big comeback year”! Maybe I’ll even try to KQ in 2021 before I turn 40. Maybe not.
I did sprints and oly’s when they were young/growing up. Probably trained about 5 hours per week. Their mother ran a few road races.
my wife and I both are into triathlon, endurance running before, and we have a 9 and 7 year old both into sports. Besides that, I also manage my son’s baseball team. It’s really about time management. My wife is not a morning person so I’m up at 4 am getting my workouts in before work on the weekdays and before the family gets up on the weekend. Saturdays are usually my long bike days and Sundays belong to my wife. I’m able to get things done and be home by noon and that still gives me the rest of the day with the family. It will be a bit tougher in a few weeks when soccer starts for both kids, but I’m sure we’ll manage.
Last year my wife and I both did our first full IM, Tahoe, and this year we are training for IMAZ. It’s definitely not easy, but manageable if you just plan with your spouse and work around all the other activities, including work.
ParentCareerIronmanSpouse
Pick two, or maybe three if you are superwoman, that you want to be good at.
I hope that your first three priorities are 1) parenting, 2) parenting, and 3) parenting. Having kids is not about “convenience,” of course.
(I missed the entire 40-44 age group after my first daughter was born)
My husband is less dedicated to training, and it shows in his results.
Ouch!
I know 
It’s a running joke in our house - “Why are you training? You know that’s cheating”. My ironman PR is about 2.5 hours faster than his (where the training dedication really shows), 70.3 PR is 35 minutes faster, but we’re pretty much tied at Oly and below. He would blow my PRs out of the water if he ever managed to string together 3-4 months of dedicated training!
Fwiw it sounds like your kids are young. Once they start activities it becomes a different balancing act
I am in a very similar situation - both me and my wife are into some sort of sport hobbies. I have been training and racing since 2012, she has been exclusively running for the same amount of time. We have a 9 year old and a 3 year old. She actually ran a Half Marathon 4 weeks after delivering our second one. And when she isnt running she is lifting and Crossfitting (is that even a word?)
Both of us have demanding jobs, and to top it off, the older one started select soccer last year - so thats 3 practices a week plus school plus tournaments and travelling on the weekends. To add to that this year, both the spawns are doing swim and the little one is starting her own sport.
To be honest, last year was horrendous, she was trying to get to the CF regionals, was trying to run 3 half marathons, I was training for an IM, son was playing soccer- we barely made it through the year with our sanity.
Our schedule is based on division of labor - I train in the mornings, while she deals with getting the kids ready for school. She trains in the evenings, while I deal with driving them back from school and taking them to practices, and dinner, and homework and bed.
Starting this year - we finally arrived at a happy middle - alternate years - for instance, this is her year - she gets to train and race to her hearts content, while I hold down the defenses. Next year, we swap - I train and race, and she holds down the defenses.
Its hard - there are no illusions around that - it will take a lot of planning, and a lot of being on the same page. Being able to keep the shit at work isolated and not bringing it home, lots of communication and being able to read minds, because believe me, there are going to be some days - when you just want to burn the place down, but if both of you work at it together- it is possible.
It’s just a matter of building your life and schedule around training AND your kids. I have three small kids. My wife and I both train. She’s a long time runner, but is getting into tris now. My wife and my training is largely invisible to the kids. The kids go to bed at 8 and so do we. I get up between 4-5 and do a 1-1.5 hr workout every day during the week, then do a 30 minute workout at lunch. So during the week, I’m home by the time the kids are up in the morning, and also in the evenings I’m home right after work. My wife doesn’t work, and we have a gym that has a daycare. So she either goes there (the daycare is really nice and the kids love it) or does a trainer workout or runs on the treadmill during nap/tv time in the afternoon. On the weekends I get up at 4:30 and I’m back from my long ride/run by 10 then the my wife and kids all have swim lessons, then the rest of the day is ours (typically spent swimming). On Sunday my wife gets up at 5 and does her long run, then I do a brick after she gets back. We’re all home by 10am and the rest of the day is the kids’.
So for a 10-12 hr/week baseline training schedule for me, and 7-8 for my wife, and the only time away from the kids is before 10am on the weekends. And in that time one of us is with them, so it’s just not BOTH of us.
Things get a little dicey during IM builds, but that’s really only the Saturday long ride and that only keeps me out until 12-1ish.
I don’t see why so many people think it has to be either or.
Just wait’ll the kids get a little older and you have to start planning your schedule around their activities…