I know I usually post this back in February or March, but I never got around to it this year. Here goes:
In my hopeless quest for finding a tri-babe soul mate who truly understands what I am doing and why, I hopelessly wonder the bike racks at the local triathlons looking for that special someone. So far, four years and zip, zilch, nada. You know why? Because my tri pick-up lines are lousy (and the fact you dang tri-babes are so friggen hard to find.)
Now before you wonderful married ladies jump in and tell me pick up lines don’t work, and Tom tells me I’m a dork and I haven’t learned anything from the last two years, hear me out.
I’ve broadened (okay poor word choice) expanded, there that sounds better. I’ve expanded my search. I’m no longer under the dillusion of finding a girl who only does triathlon, I also keep a cassual eye on members of the opposite sex who just swim, bike, run, compete in a sport, look really hot at the gym, ect…
My definition of a “pick-up” line. I’m not trying to bang them in the transition area, so I don’t want any of Record10’s wonderful cheeks turn red, start to blush, and then I get smacked with a frame pump kinda lines. I’m looking for something classy, yet stylish that starts a conversation in the right way.
Yes they work. Whether or not some ladies care to admit it, 9-out-of-10 girls love for someone to drop a clever line. I’ve had great success talking to/gettign someones number, when I use a whitty attention getter. The problem is, while I’ve got a boat load, none of them pertain to sports or competing. (or spelling. anyway…)
So this year Slowtwitch, we are keeping it slightly cleaner, being a little mroe clever, and posting liens for someone involved in any sport (aside from female body building. I’m sorry, I just refuse to go there.)
In my hopeless quest for finding a tri-babe soul mate who truly understands what I am doing and why, I hopelessly wonder the bike racks at the local triathlons looking for that special someone. So far, four years and zip, zilch, nada. You know why? Because my tri pick-up lines are lousy (and the fact you dang tri-babes are so friggen hard to find.)
Do what I did … marry someone who really almost likes you; doesn’t understand what the hell you’re doing on your bike for hours on end; or why you get up at 5AM to run a few miles; or why you always smell like sweat and / or chlorine.
After a few years of this, without even the slightest use of a “pick-up line,” your “tri-babe soul-mate” will reveal herself and her longing to you at happy hour while a power ballad plays in the background … six months later, she’ll move to Virginia.
Chips Tips: Never try to hang your wet suit on a womans nipple before a race on a cold morning. Especially if you dont know the woman. Though it may look like it will, a nipple will not support your dry cleaining or wet suit. Never point out “camel toe” in transition. If you spot a woman taking a “nature break” on the run (in weeds, trees, or what ever) dont go behind her and say “sweeeeet!” Never ever say - You think IronMan is long? I can go longer…with my little “IronMan”. This only causes most Tri women to cramp up from sever laughter and possibly DNF from diaphram pain. Never offer your “seat post of love” as a W-Pro passes you on the bike…she will spit at you. Never pull your pants down exposing your penis - that is still shrunken from the cold swim (5 houra prior) for the woman who holds the jar of Vaseline on the run.
Okay, at the post-race feeding frenzy, bump into them at the food table, excuse yourself, then say, “Hey, how did you like XX” – the XX being whatever feature of the race that you choose.
Or how about THIS creative one: Hi.
And get in the art of starting conversations where ever you go with whomever is there. Male or female. It’s all about starting conversations, not pick-up lines. And the more practice you have at it, the less awkward you’ll be when you want it to count.
Hi, my name is X. I just want to tell you you are so beautiful and hot. You burn my eyes out. Really, look at them…they’re stinging like hell and all red from the heat of your gorgeous looks. I couldn’t help but notice how strong your inner thighs look. I bet you could strangle a man with those things. Just so you know, one of my most favorite things in the world is a pair of hot thighs wrapped around my head. Have you ever had your hair washed in rose petal water? Baby, I would love to touch your hair, wash it for you, and put scented oils all over your body to make you feel like a queen. Then I’ll rub your feet for you, and cook you a special dinner with champagne…to celebrate our love.
Who in the heck would have done that??? PM me and let me know how your race went buddy. Wish I could have spent some time with you and the wife afterwards. It was good to see you and meet your father. By the way, my Tri Naked shirt was dirty!!!
I like open minded guys!