Training with young kids

Triathlon Forum
1

I’m a decently fast long course triathlete / marathoner struggling to get my long workouts in, since making the jump to two kids in December. When / how do you do it?

We have a 3.5 year old son and 4 month old daughter. When we just had our son, my wife was generally happy taking our son alone Sat/Sun AM to the park for a couple hours while I finished my long workouts. But with two, it’s beginning to create friction in the relationship. She feels like a “house elf” and taken advantage of. And I don’t blame her. When I’ve taken both kids myself for 2-3 hours to create space for her to do her hobbies it’s really really hard. Inevitably there is at least 15 minutes when they are both melting down and need attention.

Weekday workouts up to 75 min are do-able. I’m on the bike/treadmill by 5:30 and out of the shower by the time our 3.5 year old wakes up at 7am.

Weekends are the problem, even dropping to a spring marathon and 70.3 distance this year and lowering my expectations (no earth shattering PRs) . When/how are you getting your 2-3 hour long workouts done on Sat and Sun?

I’m thinking for the sake of our marriage, maybe I should just focus on the half marathon for next 1-2 years with some moderate swim/bike for cross training. I think it could be fun/motivating to try to break 80 min for the 13.1.

Or maybe my mistake was training for the marathon (In 2 weeks) while also the 70.3 whixh necessitated a 2+ hour Sat brick workout and Sun long run up to 2.5 hrs.

2

Cargo bikes and Bobs my friend - you’ll have license to be out all day!

3

I tried that. I just don’t feel safe riding with the kids on bikes except short rides on path. Too many distracted drivers.

I just can’t get a good run in with the jogging stroller. Fine for a 30 min easy/unstructured run or something. But they just can’t sit still for longer than 30-45 min and I haven’t been able to do quality sessions with intervals/tempo work often around 6 min/mile. I also feel like the stroller negatively impact my form and I worry it would lead to injury. But maybe it’s better than nothing?

4

It’s not easy and certainly about as un-sexy as training can go. It may require a lot of loops covering the same ground. Here’s an example of a long ride I do followed by the stroller run. For me it’s an opportunity to do deliberate long slow work.
BIKE:
https://strava.app.link/vA1TiDqo5ob
RUN:
https://strava.app.link/Xs7aIQBo5ob

And magically I am ENCOURGED to do something like this the following day:
https://strava.app.link/x9pTRBKo5ob

I use a Butchers and Bicycles MK1-e cargo bike. Two kids side by side, put an iPhone on a gorilla grip and get some snacks. Fun all day.
https://www.butchersandbicycles.com/

5

My kids are 15 and 13, so time training now is not a problem. I still cap my training at 9 hours per week so I don’t miss activities. Early morning wakeups are key. Unfortunately, that usually means bedtime when the kids go to sleep which reduces personal time with your partner. And not just time in bed, but just time conversing and acting like adults instead of only being parents all day. This takes a toll over time.

I suspect there are some here who have navigated working out extensively and remaining married through the younger ages. I doubt I could have if my training any more than half of what I do currently. The kids and their care simply took too much time.

My recommendation would be to figure out what you can do on a weekly basis consistently and still be a good partner and parent. This is the time you can bank on. Over time, this time will increase and you will get better at finding spots to get training in, but there is no replacing the time you have to spend with your kids when they are young. Yes, they will melt down, but this is what you signed up for. Believe it or not, you’ll look back on these days fondly and you get better at caring for the kids the more you do it. Don’t run from the fire, run into it!

Lean on early morning sessions.

Get a solid jog stroller.

Leverage your trainer:

Have your bib and shoes right near the bike trainer, and the computer at the ready. At nap times get your 45 min workouts in: Anaerobic, sprint or even 2 x 20 sweet spot. Same thing can be done if you have a TV in the pain cave and the 3.5yo can watch a show while daddy does sprints.

Put the bassinet across the room and that will let you keep the baby while she is sleeping. Do your zone 2 rides while she is napping. That way your wife has the 3.5yo and you have the baby. Just knowing the baby is being looked after will reduce her stress. That also means you may have to jump off mid ride sometimes. But something is better than nothing.

Set aside dedicated time with the kids so your wife can decompress. Do it every week like clockwork and they will look forward to Dad time(depending on nursing this can be a bit iffy early on but the sooner you make it a routine the better).

I’m watching couples divorce all around me. The common thread: selfishness in one or both partners.

Family first. Any hobbies like this have to take a backseat. An active lifestyle and parenting need not be mutually exclusive. But don’t let this sport or any hobby for that matter cost you your marriage and family.

Good luck. This post was intended to be helpful. I hope it was.

6

I made the switch to run only 2 years ago when my wife was pregnant with our 2nd. Just made things so much easier even with one kid. I did a lot of my running on the weekend with my daughter in a stroller and weekdays before work or at lunch. Now my daughters are 4 and 1.5 so I’ve been pushing both on weekend runs but now that the younger one can do more my wife doesn’t mind me running longer in the weekends because it’s not so taxing.

Seems like you need to have that talk with yourself on what you really want. I just didn’t want to train that much and if I took my tri training down to a sustainable level I would not have liked the results so run only was a great option. I love it. So much easier to get the training in but I also enjoy running the most by far.

Edit to add I was not willing to wake yo at 4:30 everyday to train. Tried that for one season and it was awful. Hated it. Some can do it but I could not nor was I willing to do that.

7

“When/how are you getting your 2-3 hour long workouts done on Sat and Sun?”

Before everyone else is awake? It is a little harder getting in 4 - 5 hour rides, but still very doable.

Our 3 kids are now 19, 21, 23 BUT life’s logistics are still crazy. I did IMs all through raising our kids and managed to figure things out. Not always easy of course but it can certainly be done. All those years I did it with any indoor (except swimming of course workouts). I blogged on a lot of it way back then, although I haven’t really kept up in a few years. Link below.

YES, it can be done . . . you just have to figure it out. Lots of good tips from others.

8

tbh, you just do the best you can while staying fully engaged with kids & family. It gets easier. That said, I have ptsd if I see a BOB. So many early long runs pushing a BOB. Tweaked traps and weird should pains when I was pushing those things for 10+ miles.

9

Honestly, when they are that age it’s tough. Yes you can do some runs with a stroller and some workouts when they are asleep, but longer weekend sessions are always going to end up with your partner taking on more of the childcare load, and with toddlers and babies it’s a pretty exhausting load.

I would accept that you need to ease up for the next couple of years at least and put family first. Once they can make their own breakfast and turn the TV on themselves it gets way easier and you can go back to longer morning rides and runs.

10

5 a.m. and rarely more than 9-10 hours a week total. No z1 anything. All quality.

11

Maybe it is time for working on your speed and strength through some shorter workouts and races, perhaps more single sport. You can run a half off a 10 mile long run and even fit that in during the week. You may end up a better athlete for it.

I raced cyclocross with my daughter for the last six seasons. She will be heading off to college this fall and I will miss our time together and building relationships in the car driving off to races. I have been struggling with some health problems and she has to wait for me at the top of hills now which feels like the circle of life.

The time you spend with your children goes by so quickly and is so magical. My vote is to not squander that time in service of a sport that you probably already have mastery of.

12

Most realistic options have been discussed. I switched to running only once my second arrived and picked up triathlon again ~5yrs later. But one additional thing to consider given your location… join Lifetime in Framingham … you can kill half a day driving there, putting the kids in the daycare, doing a swim and/or treadmill run, picking them out of daycare, going swimming with them while your wife gets a break. I’m unsure how old your newborn has to be though.

13

@OP - your assessment is right. It’s really hard for one of the spouses to get ‘stuck’ watching very young kids while the other goes and ‘has fun’ or does their own thing.

Simplify your life and goals, especially in tri. I felt like I was pretty diehard committed to tri with only ONE young kid (she was high maintenance though) and I could barely get 5-7hrs a week to prep for an Oly. (They went weirdly well though.)

The good news - things do get better for tri training, once the kids are like 12+. It seems like forever, but it’ll go surprisingly quickly after age 5 or so - definitely prioritize it and don’t miss out. I’m so glad that I didn’t try for an grand IM or other aspirations during those early years, as as annoying as they can be, once they’re past, they’re gone. Tri will be there waiting for you even when the kids are gone, as long as you don’t have a major health mishap.

14

I have a 4yr old son, 9month old son and 9yr old stepdaughter living with me, plus 2 kids living with my ex.

Basically all my training is done after dark. The long weekends are a chore but I go out after 7 and can still get up to 6hr sessions in, just have to make sure I can nap the next day.

For double days I take a long lunch and eat at my desk.

Usually in the final few weeks before a race I’ll ask the Mrs if it’s ok if I can go out for the long sessions with a very early morning start. This is usually ok for a couple and then I take the kids out all day.

Recently I’ve started doing long runs with the baby, I’ve had him up to 2hrs but I think he can handle more, he likes sitting in the stroller and watching so I think I could get up to 3hr running with him.

I also have a double running/bike stroller that I plan to take both young ones out in, I think I’ll be able to get up to 2/3hrs total cycling with them. Not exactly a quality session, but I can find plenty of hills and hit different cadences and gearing to get some variety.

15

Another thing to consider is having a season in the year for training and racing. Race shorter distances. The rest is off-season for being a dedicated parent who workouts, not train. Take the kids camping. Put them in a Burley trailer and ride and/or run to a park, play, and ride home. Head out to a half day or full day event of drive, activity, drive home and bring the kids’ bikes with you. Do half-day and hike and plays. Take the kids’ friends as the they get older as the friends’ dads may (or should) invite your kids with them in return. That gives you and spouse some really free and welcomed solo time. It’s these activities that I remember more enjoyable as a parent than the races and hard workouts I did. It’s these activities the kids (now adults) talk about as some of their best childhood memories. Race shorter during this 4-6 year period. Yes is tough, but that’s what parents do. Then as they get older, take them to races and let them gain some independence volunteering as you race. Start to race longer distances again. Take the family to racecation destinations and create an adventure. No one will care about your training or super-premium bike in a few years. But they will talk forever about the places they went, the things they experienced, and the fun they had with your as a parent.

Combine this approach with the ideas other had. Time will seem to pass slowly for awhile but it sure as sh*t speeds up as your life’s time line reaches its end. And also realize and accept that most people regret what they did not do, not what they did do. Consider not regretting they time you spent as a parent with your kids while still budgeting time for your races that feed your competitive spirit and desire to stay healthy for life. Both of which set examples as a role model for your kids to adopt as they mature into adults.

16

My experience was structured training went out the window. Be prepared to be flexible. Sprint and oly are your friends.

Flip side, in retrospect now that mine are 14 and 16, your days will go by slow but the years will go by too fast. Enjoy them while your are still a hero to them. They inevitably become teenagers and you will fall off your pedestal and know nothing, ha!

Best yet, inspire them to love your sport. It only hurts a little when they drop you for the first time.

17

Just don’t give her socks

I backed off my expectations, youngest is 5 now and things are easier so I’m trying to find a new balance.
Will only be a couple of years before we can do decent family mtb rides, Miss 8 goes 2hrs on Grade 2 (or easy 3) trails. They’ve never been forced to ride but may have been conditioned to view riding as part of life…

You’ll have to be careful though, if you back off cycling too much you’ll end up only riding each bike once per year.

18

“When/ how are you getting your 2-3 hour workouts done on Sat and Sun?”

I didn’t. And, yeah, I slowed down. But not a shred of regret. Kids are now 13 and 15. In the summer, I run with one boy and I go to the gym with the other. In the winter, we ski together. Along the way, we enjoyed forays into sports that I would not have otherwise chosen: soccer and rock climbing, go figure. Be at peace during these infant/ toddler years. The future will be a pleasant surprise.

Otherwise, I second everything noted above.

–Understand your obligations and goals. They are many and they will conflict.

–Respect the hierarchy of priorities. Probably something like 1 kids, 2 wife, 3 personal mental health, 4 kids, 5 wife, 6 personal physical health, 7 family function, 8 career, 9 sports, etc

–Temporarily contract your athletic ambitions. There were times my daily goal was simply 100 push ups and no ice cream. You sound tougher than me; you can probably do better. Opportunities will open up in the future, but it might not be for a decade.

–Your weekday habits are solid. If you maintain that through infancy and toddler years, then you are way way way ahead.

–Weekend sessions. For the time being, you might want to give yourself completely to your spouse on the weekend (it will pay off later in so many ways) and then be ready to snatch a micro-session for yourself when the opportunity arises. Our go-to plan was me leaving the house with the kids on an extended adventure at every opportunity with diapers, snacks, extra clothes, pocket cash, a loose agenda and low expectations. We had the best days; lots of sticks thrown in the creek, bottle of milk warmed up in my armpit, cheerios and prunes, picking up litter, watching big kids. Happy fresh wife upon return.

Best wishes.

19

“When I’ve taken both kids myself for 2-3 hours to create space for her to do her hobbies it’s really really hard. Inevitably there is at least 15 minutes when they are both melting down and need attention.”

This was an important statement and I over looked it.

This is key. It is “really really hard.” For everyone.

You can do it. And it will make you stronger. And it will cement you and the kids together like nothing else.

And it will get better. This is a challenging stage of parenting.

There is no sporting event as hard or as important.

20

I took 11 years off from real training since it was too hard to get it in after our first. We have three kids now (5, 8, and 11). Lots of early morning bike rides on the trainer and a whole lot of compromise. I couldn’t imagine doing as much trainer work 11 years ago. I also had to cap things at 70.3 and just deal with 10-12 hours as being enough. Long days are hard on everyone. All about finding your balance. It was great to have my older ones do their own tris - that was a proud dad moment, better than my own results. Good luck!