This is a test of the irony broadcasting system:

NEVER SAY TO A COP (Say with irony, please):

I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer (OK to do this in Texas).

Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.

Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?

Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 130 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?

Hey, I pay your salary!

Gee, Officer, that’s terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around… That’s how far ahead of me they are.

When the Officer says “Gee …Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?” You probably shouldn’t respond with,“Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”

Cop
Give me one good reason why you were speeding…
Driver
Well my wife ran off with a cop and I thought you were trying to bring her back!!

NEVER SAY TO A COP (Say with irony, please):

I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer (OK to do this in Texas).

Uh, yeah, not anymore. We never get to have *any *fun!

We’ve got cup holders for the beer,
We’ve got gun racks for rifles/shotguns,
We’ve got racks to hold our cowboy hats,
I want to know when are we going to get pistol holders mounted on the dash board of our trucks?

Another thing, why don’t the drive through beer stores sell ammo too? It would save me a stop every Friday night.

Hey Ponch how is John?

Cop : “Now what would you do if I put you in jail

Suspect: “Well, first I would fuck your father in the shower, then I would go have a snack

name that movie…

And I know the fensters down…

That’s great, cause I live in Queens. What, do you have a team of monkeys working around the clock on this one…