The Starbucks Rave/Rant 2006 Edition: Wussification of Coffee goes Global :-)

Triathlon Forum
1

So this post is on topic. Why? Because every real endurance athlete should have 2 vices The need to be on a bike, lifting weights, on a trail running or in a pool whenever possible The need to be drinking coffee if not doing one of the above

This pretty well covers it :-). Since Kona, I’ve been doing a bit of business travel in Asia, namely in Shanghai and Shenzhen in China.

When travelling on business, I always bring one piece of home that is indispensible. No matter where I travel in the world, most hotel rooms have a means of heating water. In Asia, pretty well all reasonably quality hotels have kettles. So with me, I have my Starbucks Bodum Coffee Press. I can heat a Kettle, and have cup of French roast every morning. A little piece of home that gets my day started the right way. No instant nescafe of folgers drip crap. Then I head out for a 20-40 min run, plus 10-15 min in the hotel pool working on Dr. Tommy approved swim drills and I am good to go.

Anyway, that usually addresses my coffee fix in the morning. Strong black and thick…the only way coffee is meant to be consumed. But every so often during the day, there is a need for another good quality cup.

In the midst of the chaos of travel, the venerable Starbucks offers an oasis of high quality coffee for the weary businessman/triathlete. In any large city you will eventually find a Starbucks. You can count on the quality of a large black coffee. It is the same worldwide. I like companies that do good marketing and I study how they “package” their offering.

But while I praise Starbucks for what they offer the dude who wants his coffee, thick strong and black, there is the troubling issue of the export of the wussification of coffee.

Sadly as is the case in Seattle, San Francisco, Lake Placid and likely Louisville (the latest recipient of the Mdot brand), the wussification of coffee has made its way to Shanghai and Hong Kong. Yes, even here in Asia, where men are men and women are women, the populace has succumbed the all powerful brand. All the decaf low fat, lattes with cream, sugar, cinnamon and chocolate are quickly consumed here. In an upper class neighbourhood in Shanghai, I was witness to entire Chinese and expat families, devouring these marketing creations. The young lady that served me was almost bewildered that I wanted a large (I won’t call it with the Starbucks Marketing name…god forbid) Sumatra Bold (or whatever they had), that was black.

Anyway, it is good to see that the triathlete liberated from the post Kona coffee fast can still indulge in high quality stuff at Starbucks, and if the global wussification of coffee ensures that the real stuff is available, all the better.

OK, the whiff of Starbucks is coming from downstairs as I await my Cathay Pacific Flt from Hong Kong to Tokyo, where no doubt, I will be greeted with more global dominance by the good folks from Starbucks! Gotta top up!

Personally, I think that Starbucks needs to advertise on ST…or maybe I can start the QR-Starbucks coffee/tri team :slight_smile:

Dev

2

Coffee sucks. Drink tea.

Sometimes I think I’m the only person in the world that doesn’t drink coffee.

3

So, I am all fired up and in a shitty mood about a clients practice management system not working properly…so, into Starbucks I go…

Talking to the woman (with a nose ring) and her hair dyed black (did you all see South Park last night?)…I order a “Double Latte in a small cup”…she was mystified. Looking at me in a bovine fashion as if I was holding a bale of hay trying to get her to walk into slaughter house - she proclaims that “We don’t have that today”…and proceeds to adjust her apron in a fashion that let me know she was not happy (I would have to assume that her nipple ring was catching on her fishnet bra - as I would also assume that her bra is matching her leggings).

So, I digress and try to start over with new communication level…“okay, I would like two shots…in a small latte”. At this point she proclaims “Oh, you want a Vento!”…instantly (and seriously) I thought no, I have Shamals…no need for a Vento. But, agree that infact I need a Vento…and a 16oz bottle of filtered water…for $6.57. After paying I am asked if I would “like that skinny”. Judging by the look I gave her, she knew that I was the un-witting victim of a public school system and clarified by asking “What kind of milk”. So my simple answer “white” really made her insane. Again with the “What kind of milk?!”, “White”. And more frustrated faces. I thought to make it easier; I told her that any milk was fine…“Even if it meant I was to suckle from the teets of another creature”. Again…she was a cow after a handful of hay.

Waiting at a counter as I listen to the ever so trendy Starbucks staff speak in a code (much akin to Cherokee Indians in “Windtalkers”) Latte Frappe Vento Skinny Moo Moo Whipped Hummma Humma Nukka Nuuka Aaapuaaa aa. I now know for certain, I #1 am not cool, and #2 am turning every day more and more like my grandfather - being disenchanted with society. Then they announce “Vento”…of course, I don’t respond as this is more gibberish crazy talk, I may as well have tried to order this drink in Bolivia, I could not communicate. Over and over “Vento, Vento, Vento”…and another woman with hemp woven jewelry all over came out and handed me my drink with a mad look on her face and said “Vento”…and then, cocked her head like a dog trying to understand what someone is saying (you all know the look).

Here I am…lost in a subculture of society that I can’t understand. I only want caffeine. I have no desire to learn yet another Ebonics style way of life…and I would like a “Double latte in a small cup”, the cup in my hand is CLEARLY not small…and the luke warm fluid inside tastes like warm milk, with the “essence” of coffee…Now I like my coffee the way I like my women…bitter. I tell the woman (moo) at the counter that I wanted a “Double shot in a small cup”…she takes my cup, gives me a rapid exhale to show her displeasure with my inability to communicate and pours about half of my drink into a small cup, throws the rest (with the cup) into a sink behind her. Handing my drink back to me, she said “Tall”. So, I now paid more for a “Tall” meaning “Small” and have less of what was not right to begin with. My ratio of caffeine was off, and now I get less of it to boot. I asked her how that was a “double”? “Vento IS a double shot”.

“Okay, but, um…well, see…a *double *would infer that there is a higher ratio of espresso to milk than a larger drink”. She responds - “no a double shot is a Vento”. So, I tell her “You know what, why not just add another shot of espresso to THIS drink”, pointing to the drink in my hand. She takes the drink, pours in some more espresso and then hands it back to me…“That will be eighty cents”. I about lost it. I told her she was nuts, let her know that she should possibly consider trying out the GED class that is offered at the local community college, and that I would NEVER again go to Starbucks as I am certainly not up the standards of what they hold their customers to on a educational level…

4

white, rooibos, green, oolong, herbal, black…

Favorites:
Rooibos Ginger
Adams Peak White

That’s it… I’m opening a tea house…

5

Put it right next door to the bath house:)

Just kidding; when I’m not drinking coffee I love rooibos - in South Africa (where rooibos is from), I grew up on it. Must be black with no sugar.

6

YoYo has some Rooibos here in his desk… he does not like it… it tastes like dirt…

Mate of mine once worked at a coffee shop that wouldn’t serve coffee on skinny milk… no “weak mocha choca soy double decaf frappe latte…”

'cino

flat white

latte

long black

short black

Any coffee you want, as long as it’s one of those.

7

A friend of mine got me hooked on Mocha Valencias at Starbucks.

Valencia (orange syrup) and an extra shot of espresso. It’s not really on their frequently-ordered drinks list, so some of the new folks have trouble with it. I’m probably getting the right drink about 30% of the time, with various problems like “we are out of valencia” “that Valencia is jay’s” or having someone not mark the cup properly, etc., etc. Last night this at least got me a free drink.

http://www.illwillpress.com/coffeehouse.html

8

hey world traveler, please tell me that you do not use tap water in shanghai or shenzhen to make your morning coffee. if you are, you’re getting a very nice dose of delicious heavy metals.

(for your safety, this post has been checked to be free of any comments about PEDs.)

9

Coffee sucks. Drink tea.

Sometimes I think I’m the only person in the world that doesn’t drink coffee.

I’m with you.

10

So this post is on topic. Why? Because every real endurance athlete should have 2 vices The need to be on a bike, lifting weights, on a trail running or in a pool whenever possible. The need to be drinking coffee if not doing one of the above

Okay, I’m with you on this. Since I started using a french press at home, I find it difficult to drink coffee when out and about, just not the same taste. I’m not nearly the world traveler as you, but my personal favorites have been coffee in Italy, and on a two week surf trip to Costa Rica. GREAT STUFF!

11

“Sometimes I think I’m the only person in the world who drinks coffee.”

No, you’re not. I don’t drink it either! Ick. I like Espresso flavored Gus, though.

12

Another fine example of someone who figures they’re above the rules set by the owner/moderator. Well done. He’s even so full of himself to tell you in advance that he has declared the post to be on topic. My mother always said that even a bad example is a good example.

13

there was a show on npr a few months ago, where the guy proposed some sort of starbucks-meter system of rating the economy. basically, the stronger the economy, the worse the service at starbucks.
the rationale is, when there are few jobs available, bright intelligent people are going to wind up doing jobs that they wouldn’t take otherwise, like working behind the counter at a starbucks. when the economy turns around, those people will be able to find better, higher-paying jobs.

i go sometimes. there’s one on campus now. and while usually i prefer spending money at non-chain stores, that’s trumped by my preference for spending money at places that aren’t rude to me. limited options on campus…

but really, i’m pondering bringing in my coffee maker to work.
a good alternative to a french press: the plug-in version of the bialetti stove-top espresso maker. costs around $50, sturdy as all get-out.
http://www.bialettishop.com/MokaEasyMain.htm
-charles

14

Another non coffee drinker here.

15

As a good brazilian, I am a huge fan of coffee. We drink the stuff by the jug down there.

So after moving here, I realized pretty quickly they don’t sell coffee here. They sell some other junk and advertise it as coffee.

I have mine sent here via my mother from Brazil. Organic, Mountain grown, real Brazilian coffee. Once you have this stuff, then you’ve had real coffee. Aside from a few other, such as Colombian coffee, that I respect after trying it in Quito, not much else out there does the trick for me.

And even though, every once in a while, I like some creamer, sugar and other means that wussify my ciup of coffee, it’s still much more coffee than anything you can get at Starbucks.

If you happen to be heading south, make sure you try out cappucinno. It’s the best thing you will ever drink. Last time I was there I was on a diet and limited my consuption to 6-7 shots/day. it’s hard to pass. More addicting than coke, but you can get a fix in public :slight_smile:

Ciao,

16

Great story. Damn coffee snobs.

Two thumbs up for Costa Rican coffee. And Costa Rican beer.

17

hmmm… this makes my daily trip to the double D (Dunkin Donuts) seem overly simplified… especially when the one girl that usually works the counter, sees me pull in the parking lot and has my coffee waiting for me…

and… as the cup says… “America runs on Dunkin”… (just to stay “on topic”)… :slight_smile:

18

I suspect (read…have no evidence to back this up) that they are likely using less beans in each pot of coffee now to maximze their profit margin. Someone probably came up with this “solution” to make more money.
I hardly ever drink starbucks because it is too expensive and just plain gross but I had one the other week and I even noticed it wasn’t nearly as strong as usual.

19

I’m with you on this one… I’ve found three excellent “non” chain coffee bars in my area. Don’t think I’ve been to a Star Butt’s since March. And they usually have it made by the time I walk in the door!!!

20

I had a similar experience this past weekend while visiting a friend out in Colorado. I drink Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and I’ll occasionally visit the Peet’s around the corner from my office, but since neither were available where my friend lives, we went to a local Starbucks for a coffee fix. All I wanted was just a small black coffee, plain and simple, and the girl behind the counter said twice “So what your saying is you just want the coffee and nothing else?” I said yes. “And what size?” “A small, please.” “What size?” I was about to say forget it and leave and my friend explained to the girl in Starbuck-speak what I wanted. I hear her saying something to the other guy working there and he says “That’s all he wants?” and when she said yes he was like “Okayyyyy”. It was as if they didn’t know how to just pour coffee in a cup without doing all the other stuff to it.