The British have better insults than we muricans do

ETA - obviously, “your father smells of elderberries” is the best

there’s a reddit thread about favorite British insults and wow do they top US insults. A sampling

bellend - (had to look up)
inanimate objects seem to be a thing - “you’re an f****** suitcase” or “you’re a banana”
muppet, f*****ing muppet, absolute muppet
you’ve got a face for radio
twat, wanker (had heard these)
the c word is popular, and used more often, it seems
nonce
throbber
face that’d frighten a police horse

I don’t even know if I can list that many in the US. The b word and c word are all I can really come up with off the top of my head, and the r word (which is not okay as is definitely not politically correct, or nice at all). “Harlot” and “trollop” should be used a lot more, those are good words.

Anyway, the reddit thread is funny.

numpty
twat
minger
pillock
gormless
knobhead
fuckwit

…

And there are subtle differences between the insults so they can be used for very specific circumstances. Being gormless has a sense of naivety, while being a twat is just acting like a jerk. Being a pillock means you’re probably trying to be clever but failing (often used against someone more upper middle class), while being a fuckwit is normally referring to someone who’s done something really thoughtless. A numpty is a softer insult you might say to a friend who’s doing something dumb, while a knobhead is a much more derisive term. There are many more…

numpty
twat
minger
pillock
gormless
knobhead
fuckwit

bellend - (had to look up)
inanimate objects seem to be a thing - “you’re an f****** suitcase” or “you’re a banana”
muppet, f*****ing muppet, absolute muppet
you’ve got a face for radio
twat, wanker (had heard these)
the c word is popular, and used more often, it seems
nonce
throbber
face that’d frighten a police horse

Dickstain
Dig Dag
Wazzerk
A face only a mother could love
Shit for brains
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the American one I may like the most isn’t really an insult, but “f*** all y’all” is exactly the right phrase sometimes. It certainly is the best use of y’all, IMO

“he’s thicker than a submarine door”
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the American one I may like the most isn’t really an insult, but “f*** all y’all” is exactly the right phrase sometimes. It certainly is the best use of y’all, IMO

“all y’all” is always a great combination because you know an insult is about to happen or just happened.

Most of those are used here in Oz as well, though must admit I had not heard bell end until a few years ago. Was managing a design project for a rural highway upgrade and discussion turned to drawings for major culverts under the road. The concrete pipe have male and female ends for slotting together. A contractor was having an online discussion with us and referring to problems trying to accommodate the bell end in the head wall. An older guy from the UK was trying very hard not to lose it. He filled me in later.

I’ve seen the f word paired with the back end of the r word a bit.

Going off on a tangent, the use of y’all really irks me. My Canadian ex has been using it around our kids a bit (in banter) and I shut that shit down hard every time!

A contractor was having an online discussion with us and referring to problems trying to accommodate the bell end in the head wall. An older guy from the UK was trying very hard not to lose it. He filled me in later.

A friend of mine named his Fantasy Football Team “Plum-Headed Warriors”

Dickstain

On his podcast a few months ago, Jim Cornette used Vince Russo’s real name “I want to apologize to my listeners for accidently using Shitstain’s real name instead of properly calling him Shitstain. I promise you that this mistake … an error in judgement, if you will … will never happen again. Thank you.”

I always liked “Thicker than a whale omelette”.

Members of another forum I used to visit, now long-defunct, were quite found of saying “Douche Canoe” when someone got out of line or inappropriate
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“he’s thicker than a submarine door”

filing that one away for use
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Going off on a tangent, the use of y’all really irks me. My Canadian ex has been using it around our kids a bit (in banter) and I shut that shit down hard every time!

How’d she learn y’all if she is Canadian?
I don’t tend to use that one in sentences, I came to OK with my speech already formed.

Toerag is another Britishism that made me pause and admire when I first heard it

I like some American compound/nonsense curses though.

Twatwaffle

Douchenozzle / douche canoe / bag of douche

Skid mark on the underpants of life

Mouthy bag of blivets

Going off on a tangent, the use of y’all really irks me. My Canadian ex has been using it around our kids a bit (in banter) and I shut that shit down hard every time!

Y’all is not used in Canada, don’t blame that on us.

I always liked “Thicker than a whale omelet”.

“That boy is as sharp as a bowling ball” - Foghorn Leghorn
.

Going off on a tangent, the use of y’all really irks me. My Canadian ex has been using it around our kids a bit (in banter) and I shut that shit down hard every time!

How’d she learn y’all if she is Canadian?
I don’t tend to use that one in sentences, I came to OK with my speech already formed.

Come to think of it it started appearing not long after she found Twitter and started talking basketball with a lot of your good citizens. Yet another reason to loathe social media. Oh how I do love a good loathe.

Going off on a tangent, the use of y’all really irks me. My Canadian ex has been using it around our kids a bit (in banter) and I shut that shit down hard every time!

Y’all is not used in Canada, don’t blame that on us.

Ha. Isn’t blaming Canadians a hallmark of this place? When in the LR, do as the Lavendarians do.

as a note, I’ve edited my original post to include my favorite, which is “your father smells of elderberries”
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You just need to land in Heathrow and jump on the Piccadilly line to Cockfosters to know you are in a land of humor.