no vitus, but if a household is in a state of disrepair–serious dysfunction because of a bad marriage, that is a bad environment for young impressionable minds, and it sets a bad model of love, marriage and relationship function. a loving whole environment is healthier regardless of being married or not. two screaming, angry married parents is hardly ideal. what matters is the health of the unit, not a damn document that says “married”.
we are also talking about grown ups having sex outside of marriage, how you feel that is wrong and how others do not. so we’re not only talking about 14 year olds and blow jobs. out of over 100 posts, the topic has easily become more expansive than that.
i asked you if you ever had sex outside of marriage, because I think it’s hypocritcal of someone to suggest such rigidity when they didn’t follow the same practice theirself.
and not being able to enjoy sexuality on a personal level is horribly repressive. if i’m a 30 year old woman, not married, it would be unhealthy for me to not express my sexuality, and have fullfillment on that front–all because I’m not married. as humans, we desire sexual function, and it is natural. also, putting the pressure on sex in this way (can’t have it unless i’m married) then puts pressures marriage. if people had to wait to have sex, i bet alot more people would get married sooner, then divorce because the primary motive of getting married was to have sex. it is absurd on many fronts.
I think you misunderstand what kittycat and I are saying. Just because we advocate open discussion and knowledge does not mean we are encouraging teenagers to have sex. We are simply saying they are young adults and many of them are capable of making good decisions given the opportunity. I am an example of that. I went to a high school that at one time had the highest pregnancy rate in the nation, the girl that walked in front of me at graduation was ready to go into labor at any moment. Yes, I was sexualy active with my long term boyfriend at that time. I did not end up a statistic or emotional basketcase. I am not promiscuous.
Kittycat is not saying all marriages are unhappy and repressed. Contrarily she speaks quite fondly of her husband. But there are unhappy marriages that make unhappy kids. I’ve seen it in my friends. One girlfriend of mine actually said “I wish they wouyld have gotten divorced years ago”. Not that divorce is fun for anyone, especially not kids, but sometimes the misery of staying together is worse.
I am 32 years old, in a long term monogomous relationship, there is no way I think there is a moral lapse in me having an intimate relationship with the man I love…kj
Not replying to any individual post here, just opining generaly.
I just read the whole thread from top to bottom. My head is going to explode. I totally swear. I’m pretty sure teens are going to continue giving\getting blowjobs regardless of national policies or other outside agendas. At least I hope so. Can you imagine a country full of supressed, hopped up, testosterone leaking 17 year old young men roaming the streets with no outlet for all that craziness building up? Especially factoring in the skimpier and trashier looking clothes teen girls are wearing nowadays, the belly out, the ass out, etc. Forgetaboutit. Why people waste time tracking, polling, surveying or othewise studying this is beyond me. I’d rather count how many salmon get to fuck this season than kids.
Marriage. I have no idea how this got morphed into the teen thread, but I am really sick of the whole thing. People suck. (No pun intended). I lived with my crazy girlfriend for a few years before getting married and guess what? She’s still crazy after we got married. Arguably more so. As I type this I am operating on maybe 2 hours of sleep over the last 48 hours. When I was married I had to be the peacemaker between my wife and daughter, and now that I’m remarried I’m mediating the sibling like rivalry between my new wife and my daughter. Last week we’re happy, going on jogs together. This week I’m getting emails from the Mrs. calling me an asshole for absolutly no reason that I can possibly imagine. I find margaritas help. I guess my point is that people are who they are, be it married or dating.
if a household is in a state of disrepair–serious dysfunction because of a bad marriage, that is a bad environment for young impressionable minds, and it sets a bad model of love, marriage and relationship function.
Obviously. But you seem to be leaping from that to the conclusion that marriages are at least as likely to resemble that model as live-in relationships, and it simply is not true.
i asked you if you ever had sex outside of marriage, because I think it’s hypocritcal of someone to suggest such rigidity when they didn’t follow the same practice theirself.
In the first place, you don’t know whether or not I’ve ever had sex outside of marriage, because as I recall, I haven’t said.
In the second place, it wouldn’t be anymore hypocritical than if I advocated a healthy lifestyle after years of living as a couch potato. The point is not to criticize any individual’s choices, it’s to point out that one choice is objectively better than the other.
The point is not obvious at all. Here’s me, saying that you shouldn’t have sex outside of marriage, as a moral issue, and he’s me, saying gays should not be allowed to marry as a societal issue, and here’s you, saying . . . what, exactly?
“…I think it’s hypocritcal of someone to suggest such rigidity when they didn’t follow the same practice theirself.”
Would you think it hypocritical of a convicted bank robber to tell his children not to rob banks? It is only hypocritical if you try to excuse or justify your own bad behavior while telling someone else that their doing the same thing is wrong. I tell my kids all the time not to drink and drive, even though I did it when I was young. But, I acknowledge I was wrong to do it. Am I a hypocrite then, by your definition?
Bank robbery and drunk driving are criminal acts, not natural. Moreover, sex is driven by hormones (which are going crazy during the teen years). Its like comparing apples to oranges. Its far easier to resist robbing a bank than it is to resist sexual gratification…kj
Uhhhh uhhhh one is moral and the other is societal…yeahhhhhhh.
Uh . . yeah. I don’t suppose you’ve heard me say that extramarital sex should be criminalized, have you?
You have an extermely warped values system…lecturing KEJ to marry her partner telling her its the best thing for her kid, and at the same time you maintain that gay parents shouldn’t be allowed to marry…bad for society.
vitus, ya were sexually active pre-marriage, enjoyed it, and are now saying that everyone should not have the same experience until they get married. that is bullshit.
(I’m not talking about bank robbery, murder, couch potatos or any other damn thing, I’m talking about sexual activity).
and i think that it is more likely that a dysfunctional unit comes with marriage than just living together, yes.
and yes, i know there are healthy marriages out there–plenty of them, just as well as horribly dysfuctional marriages that negatively influence kids. Just as well as there are healthy family units where marriage isn’t even a part of the equation because the parents don’t want to marry for whatever reason.
You have an extermely warped values system…lecturing KEJ to marry her partner telling her its the best thing for her kid, and at the same time you maintain that gay parents shouldn’t be allowed to marry…bad for society.
Don’t forget that in the meantime I shouldn’t be having sex because we are not yet married…kj
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