Given the choice between being involved in a relationship with a sporty type girl who is invloved in this sport or some other, acknowledging both the attendant advantages and drawbacks, or someone not involved in endurance sports, and the attendent advantages and drawbacks, what do you prefer?
What are your perceptions of the advantages?
What are your perceptions of the draw backs?
Discuss please.
Beggars can’t be choosers… :-p
I choose not to participate.
My wife is non-sporty, unless you count yoga as a sport. I guess I better stick with that.
I think knowing me, if I had a sporty wife, interested in the same things as me, eventually it would become a competitive situation. Once that happened any good there once was by having the same intrests would be destroyed by bickering and jelousy.
is there really any doubt for peeps on this forum? must be sporty - but probably better something other than triathlon - say beach volleyball or skiing or straight swimming or running, or even “outdoorsy” sporty like climbing or trekking/camping. Drawbacks to non-sporty type is that I generally cannot relate to and certainly am not attracted by sedentary individuals. But as long as she was open to trying outdoorsy sporty stuff I would rather date a fun intelligent “normal” woman than a cranky one-dimensional jockette.
All one big hypothetical right now due to pretty large commitment phobia plus highly shy personality plus ultra-commitment to training… Hey, wasn’t Dan going to set up a ST dating forum?
Advantage: Can completely understand the need for a $2000 wheelset.
Disadvantage: Will also want one for herself
I have to say that I would say it is better to date/marry a partner that also participates in endurance sports. But the real clincher is that they understand the training and comittments that go with it, without that you are headed for trouble.
Well, I can say when I was involved with someone not that “sporty” for about 3 years during high school and college, sometimes it sucked. Most of the time you can get someone, who never really trained hard for something, to understand why you are training so much or why you have to wake up to go run. Now I have been with someone who is “sporty” (distance running about 75% intensity) for a little over 2 years, and some little things just work out better. She is much more understanding about time commitments, money spenditures, and perhaps the biggest thing is that I have not heard the “which is more important to you?” question yet. I don’t think you necessarily need someone who is sporty, but maybe someone that understands. It just helps keep the bickering down.
Nick
That’s too narrow a set of criteria. You can talk all you want about boobs and butts, but the bottom line is this: will this person be a loyal and true friend? (I"m assuming you don’t want to just get laid, in which case, this view is obviously meaningless.)
My wife is my best friend. I can tell her anything and ask her advice about the wildest ideas. She does the same with me. We do not share my love of physical pain, but we do share a lot of other interests and values. And we also fight like cats and make up like rabbits. 
Having said all of that, I don’t think who we pick for mates is much in our conscious control. Too many variables, and the WOMAN always picks the man. She does it by rejecting all others. You can pursue MaryJane until your nuts are blue, but until she says yes you are just another JOHN, er, TOM.
Regarding the two (?) women in your problem, I would always go with BOTH!
-Robert
Being a sporty girl, I gotta vote for the sporty girls. We’re more fun, happier, fitter, better bodies, more goal oriented, have more frequent release of endorphins, and can be equipment geeks if we want. What’s not to like?
And, as a sporty girl, I gotta vote for a sporty guy. Sedentary guys have nothing to talk about except stuff that they watch, but don’t participate in (like life, generally). Plus, they aren’t as fit.
Doesn’t matter. What does matter is compatibility in life, not hobbies. Sure, we take tri seriously but it pales to irrelevance next to a marriage or similar committed relationship.
What matters more is that she/he/whatever supports you/me in my life choices, which right now includes tri. In the future it may not. I would be surprised if my lifestyle changes so as to not include tri or some such sport, but you never know.
The corollary is that I/you provide the same level of support for your SO’s life choices. It’s imperative that it goes both ways. I think this is where it is lacking in many tri relationships.
For example, my wife is a practicing veterinarian. She decided that private practice is not fulfilling or making her happy. So, she, and we, decided to go back to school to pursue a board certification and PhD. This will be a sacrifice for both of us, meaning another move, and 5-6 years of more school for her. But, it will allow her to achieve a dream: professor of vet med at a vet School.
I think this is the crucial element of a relationship: asking what you can do for them, not what they can do for you.
Re: Sporty v Non-Sporty. My girl is sorta sporty, but not obsessed like most of us. She thinks I’m a little weird, but she still looks at the pretty pictures of the new Lucero’s and listens to my pointless ramblings about what tri bike I need and why my swimming sucks so bad.
So I guess she’s a keeper.
My (2nd) wife is into the same things that I am - triathlon and scuba diving. I feel it’s great for the relationship.
Most of the women I’ve been with previously have been more wild & crazy types than sporty. They all looked great and were slim, but non of them were athletes like my wife, but then at that time, neither was I.
I probably still could date a non sporty woman just as long as she looked good, ate healthy and above all, doesn’t smoke, but after being with a sporty woman like the one I have now, it would be hard to go back…
What’s not to like?
-Don’t take offense to this, it is NOT directed at you, it is a statisical, or more accurately, personal observation:
My experience, and the expereince on my male friends who have dated female athletes, is that infidielity among female athletes (and, to be fair, proabably males too) is many, many times that of non-athletic females.
I will theorize that it may be because of some of the exact same reasons you point out: “fun, happier, fitter, better bodies, more goal oriented, have more frequent release of endorphins”
Another spin-off of the goal oriented female mindset is this odd contraditio9nc that exists in female socialization now. At an early age women who are now in there 30’s were brought up with largely traditional female socialization: Play with dolls, wear a dress, be polite, go to parties, learn to take care of children. Then the role of the female in society begins to change: Be independent, be strong, be self serving, be ambitious, being subserviant in any degree in a relationship is a betrayal and insult to the gender and wrong. Add to this that with these changes roles there is no “rule set” inculcated into the gender.
Men’s roles in society have changed little since the dawn of the species. There are additons to the role of men, but largely not changes. And there has been a rulle set of “honor” in place since early civilization. One characteristic of female culture is there are few rule sets other than protect your child above all else and look out for yourself…
Oh no, now I’m gonna take some shit…
"now I’m gonna take some shit… "
No. But you’re explained why you’re still single
True, I don’t like gray areas.
My partner is kind of sporty, just not as obsessive as me. Just this season she has started biking with me when I do my long runs, and that is kind of cool. But certainly heading out for long rides/runs, being grumpy through too much training, obsessing about weight…all those things are difficult for a partnership.
But I think that the sporty/non sporty thing is kind of a category error - good people and bad people could be into both. You just gotta work out how to pick the good from the bad. Not easy, though.
Yep, you’re right, I am generalizing. However, in my experience, I have found that I prefer to spend time with guys who are sporty, ie participate in sport, rather than not. It does not matter the sport. In fact, I have had the most enjoyable experiences with guys who are involved in sports that I am not (more to learn/teach, more adventures to have, etc).
I think you make a good point: narrow obsession to one category (tri, work, tv, whatever) makes people boring. However, I just add that the commonality of being active (in balance with the rest of life) makes the relationship more durable.
Those are interesting observations. Might they be referred to as the “masculinization of women”, ie, internalizing traditionally male gender roles, but only the “negatives” (don’t know what else to call it)? I think of this in the same way as the “feminization of males” in the last decade, ie more passive, subservient, and as others have pointed out in the past on this board, in grooming habits such as “metrosexuals”. It will be interesting to see the next generation of females, a significant proportion of whom will grow up in single parent (predominantly female) households, and how this balance of aggression v. healthy self-actualization plays out without a well-adjusted male role-model.
I agree that female culture is experiencing a huge shift in it’s traditional foundation. I just think it is interesting that it is manifest in the two primary competitive forums: business and sports. Let me add a third and perhaps most powerful: gender relationships (sexual or not).
Wow. enough blathering from me for today.
I like the Athletic/Sporty girls, but it does come with a disclaimer, that is that they MUST have something upstairs to support what they have going on everywhere else, having said that, I do think that it is a win win for both sides to be very compatible athletically with each other but the bottom line is how secure are you with each other. There are many advantages, people who are in tune with their bodies are sex machines, I love knocking the back out of something when given the chance, plus you have a great partner that you can train with and push each other and make each other better. The draw backs, well, I cant realy think of any other than the mood swings when dieting, it can lead to some real cat fights but as someone posted above as long as you can make up like rabbits then its all good.
Those that are not athletic can and will understand if you give them the time, ive dated my fair share and most where very supportive, the drawbacks where partying all the time which I like to do and eating like shit which I dont like to do, theres nothing worse than going on a 50 mile bike ride on sunday morning after waaaay too many mojitos the night before.
Give me a sporty woman. You can have the lets go to the mall or I can’t do that because I might break a nail of muss my hair types anyday…
My wife is a hard core competitor in 3 or 4 sports plus work…she pushes me to get out there and play hard at everything I do…
besides what can you say when your spouse buys you a new Colnago to train on?