USAT South Mid West Region Update
Dear Mr. Rand:
Thank you for signing up for “Your Own Personalized USAT Email Letter” for your USAT region.
It would be at this point here where we would provide an otherwise marginally average triathlete with a link to a long list of athlete rankings in your region, from last year, and then advise you about future USAT activities and events in your region.
However, in researching our database and viewing your results, we figure you are no marginally average triathlete, that you are neither interested in solid news, racing tips, nor rankings of any kind, given that it would take a move up of 4,415 spots for you, just to be listed, as the very last ranking in your age group.
So, we decided that here’s a guy who probably doesn’t need to read anything other than safety tips, how to flag down an official to DNF, how to stay home from a race when its too cold or raining, or how to tread water for longer periods, to avoid drowning.
Our records indicate you only participated in two triathlon races and finished middle to the back of your age group in this region. The times were so bad, and we hate to report this to you, but its for your own good, that we had a meeting and decided to contact the county sheriffs covering both races this year, to stop you from doing even those two again.
We ask you to stop training or whatever the hell you are doing.
Here’s your money back for dues.
Sincerely,
Your USAT Regional Update