But one thing I’ve learned in 43 years is that in our current culture and society, the cost of a one-on-one heterosexual, intimate relationship is realistically too high in terms of emotional, time and financial cost versus the potential returns.
Additionally, based on statistics and my experience, the odds or chances of a relationship being “successful” (i.e. enduring for the remainder of your lifespan) are relatively slim as compared to the chances of there being a divorce, cheating, abuse or some other significant problem developing.
I’ve never been certain if I want to be married, but I am *positive *I would never want to be divorced. I’ve seen the toll it takes on people’s lives. With such poor odds for success and such high risk, I suggest it is not a good bet.
That said, and with the two current threads about sex and training and dating while training, I gotta ask:
It’s a highly individual thing, Tom. For you the cost may be too high versus the potential returns. For others, not so much. It all depends on your own personal priorities.
Why bother? Because for many of us, it’s worth it.
Why bother? Because I have an awesome wife/partner. I encourage her in her endeavors and she does likewise for me. We have a mutual respect, admiration, and love that I cannot imagine having with anyone else. Does that mean that everything is roses all of the time, no. Relationships like businesses take lots of work to make them successful; even with the requisite amount of work and attention there are no guarantees. However, I would rather have taken a swing then never have stepped up to the plate.
The cost of my current, long-standing, “one-on-one heterosexual, intimate relationship” has been immeasurably high, and has included even a few of the pitfalls you listed.
However, my overall “return” has been threefold: First, I’m a better person for it. Second, his name is Ryan, born almost three years ago. Third, her name is Emily, born in May of last year.
The enormity of this return is equally immeasurable.
If you are thinking relationships and love in terms of time and financial cost, then i guarantee its not for you. There is a lot more to life than managing your time the most efficiently and shielding youself from taking any emotional risks.
Very true. When one sits and puts a pencil to the time/financial commitment then they aren’t ready to be in a meaningful relationship. That outlook will doom a relationship.
It’s interesting hearing that from a triathlete. Most of us, maybe not you Tom, struggle along in training. We race and know that we’ll never win. And the whole effort and expense sometimes seems stupid. But in between the pain and suffering, there are moments of transcendence that make it all worthwhile. You can’t achieve those unless you pay your dues.
Or, as they say, you can’t win if you don’t show up.
Marriage, relationships, etc., are the same.
I would think that triathletes would be the last to dismiss an enterprise that will almost certainly cause (at least some) pain, will cost a huge amount of effort and money, and will hold out a rather small chance of payoff. That’s the whole sport in a nutshell. We’re idiots when it comes to calculating risk/reward ratios.
But one thing I’ve learned in 40 years is that in our current culture and society, the cost of competing in endurance sport racing is realistically too high in terms of emotional, time and financial cost versus the potential returns.
Additionally, based on statistics and my experience, the odds or chances of a race career being “successful” (i.e. hitting the podium, turning pro, getting sponsorship) are relatively slim as compared to the chances of there being a serious injury, burnout, emotional trauma or some other significant problem developing.
I’ve never been certain if I want to be triathlete, but I am *positive *I would never want to be couch potato. I’ve seen the toll it takes on people’s lives. With such poor odds for success and such high risk, I suggest it is not a good bet.
That said, and with the current threads about nutrition, training and cost of equipment, I gotta ask:
We still hang out. I don’t have the energy for all that. I want two things from the relationship: Someone to eat with about once a week. Someone to go to the movies with about once every two weeks.
We still hang out. I don’t have the energy for all that. I want two things from the relationship: Someone to eat with about once a week. Someone to go to the movies with about once every two weeks.
If I have that, I am happy.
I’m feeling your vibe Tom.
what’s life without love? it’s the thing that makes the world go around.
personally i think alot of people need to work on theirself before they get married. most people don’t do this, and it creates problems later. or they don’t have their own interests, so inevitably one person feels let down by the other.
i didn’t get married to get married, or because society wants me to. i got married because i loved somebody so much that i wanted to share vows with them. he has his thing and i have mine but we always meet in the middle to share life. it’s wonderful. i know my own life wouldn’t be as good without him. i’m thankful for it indeed.
It’s like a trainer vs. the road. You have to put your time in on the trainer over the “crappy” months to perform well during the season. You don’t necessarily like the trainer as it may not be very exciting nor flashy, but you need to use it.
Marriage/partnering does have valleys emotionally as well as mountains. But to be successful you need to commit to puting time in during the less exciting moments because it is that shared experience that make the exciting times more elevating.
I have only been married 10 years now and there have been some real deep valleys, but for the most part, my wife and I enjoy each other immensely because of of shared experiences, both good and bad.