The Naming of Cats - TS Eliot
The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,
It isn’t just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I’m as mad as a hatter
When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First of all, there’s the name that the family use daily,
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo, or James,
Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey—
All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter—
But all of them sensible everyday names,
But I tell you, a cat needs a name that’s particular,
A name that’s peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular,
Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat,
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum—
Names that never belong to more than one cat.
But above and beyond there’s still one name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discover—
But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular name.
Some years ago - nevermind how long precisely - when I was living with the misdiagnosed bi-polar coke whore* , we took a vacation to The Poconos. We asked a couple of friends of ours from The Gayborhood to watch our cats: Frank and Bert
Frank was named for Dirty Frank’s, the bar at the end of our block
When we returned, she was so very happy to see her beloved boy again, but every time, she called “Frank!!! Come to Mommy!!!” he would ignore her, or even walk away
This upset the girl greatly
Distraught, she asked our friends what was up
“Well” Boy #1 started “To be honest, he never* really* liked the name ‘Frank’”
"For now on "Boy #2 continued “He wishes to be called ‘Francois-Michel’”
- It was recently revealed to me that she is now “an intuitive reader, energetic healer, spiritual teacher, and non-denominational minister” Seems to me that she should’ve known what name Mr. F preferred