I was lucky to have parents that were always there for me. I knew if things got rough in whatever way I could count on them. My daughter has been dating a guy for a couple of years now and his parents really don’t do much of anything for him or his brothers beyond a place to live and food. They are all footing all of the cost for college, but recently it went to another level. They are nice enough middle class people but have issues. The mom was convicted of fraud at some point (double charging customer’s credit cards at a restaurant she owned), and the dad is an alcoholic who is now “retired” after getting fired from his job despite being only in his 50s. The mom is making money in some sort of pyramid scheme getting stores to sell some sort of product and she’s now at a level where she has a bunch of people under her doing the selling so just manages them. She could work from anywhere. They’ve just been told they have to be out of their rental by July 1st as it’s been sold. So their plan is to buy an RV and travel the country. This leaves the 3 kids with no where to live until they go back to school in the fall, and their attitude seems to basically be “they’ll figure it out, see you later!”. Daughter’s boyfriend has said he doesn’t know if he’ll ever see them again once they’re gone. Needless to say he’s pretty pissed off and upset by the whole thing. Good chance he’ll end up storing his stuff at our house and living with us on and off.
One of my son’s friends has also said he felt like growing up that him and his siblings were really just inconveniences to his parents who were doing their own thing (both working professionals) and he didn’t understand why they had kids.
What are your experiences, anyone grow up with parents like that?
My mom and dad were solid, flawed parents and humans. I’m grateful for their sacrifices and I think they did a great job raising my brothers and me, and I could always count on them, except when I couldn’t.
This is mostly a devil’s advocate response, probably overly kind to your kid’s boyfriend’s parents, and unfair to my own parents. But just for discussion on a Tuesday morning:
parents really don’t do much of anything for him or his brothers beyond a place to live and food. They are all footing all of the cost for college
Sounds baseline adequate, and even generous in re: college, in terms of practical basics. The implication is that they’re not doing much on the emotional/caring front, which is not good. But it’s better than a lot of kids get in this world.
are nice enough middle class people but have issues.
Who doesn’t?
The mom was convicted of fraud at some point (double charging customer’s credit cards at a restaurant she owned
That’s bad. Ethically, morally, and poor example for her kids.
dad is an alcoholic who is now “retired” after getting fired from his job despite being only in his 50s
Also bad, and a poor example for his kids. Maybe I’m biased, but I have more capacity for sympathy for addiction failings than fraud failings. But some addicts don’t seem to help themselves much and don’t care about others at all. I don’t know where on the spectrum the dad you’re describing falls.
mom is making money in some sort of pyramid scheme getting stores to sell some sort of product and she’s now at a level where she has a bunch of people under her doing the selling so just manages them. She could work from anywhere.
Multi-level-marketing stuff is shady to me and not a good example to set IMO - borderline fraudulent. Flip side, ‘supervising a sales team selling product’ is pretty much the job description of countless suburban mid-level sales managers at legit companies all over the world.
They’ve just been told they have to be out of their rental by July 1st as it’s been sold. So their plan is to buy an RV and travel the country.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, if kids are out of the house and there’s been some advance notice to them. Even if there isn’t much advance notice, if the expectation that’s been set with kids is that once you’re in college, we’ll pay for school but otherwise you’re on your own…it’s not the experience I had and it’s a bit “shove them out of the nest”, but I don’t think it’s that uncommon or inherently bad.
This leaves the 3 kids with no where to live until they go back to school in the fall, and their attitude seems to basically be “they’ll figure it out, see you later!”.
Could be super shitty if the expectation (whether explicit or implied) was that the parental nest would always be there to return to if needed. If that wasn’t the expectation once kids are out of high school and off to college or wherever…still not great, but I’m not sure it’s awful parenting either.
Daughter’s boyfriend has said he doesn’t know if he’ll ever see them again once they’re gone. Needless to say he’s pretty pissed off and upset by the whole thing.
“Don’t know if he’ll ever see them again” is pretty messed up. That as much as anything seems like an indicator of lackluster parenting. Some parents may kick kids out of the nest more firmly than others, but I would expect any competent, caring parent to not leave their kids wondering if they’ll ever see them again.