OT--coping with work related stress

Triathlon Forum
1

gang, i struggle in coping with stress and anxiety on a work related basis. granted, I’m working without a net, and running a small business that I’ve started up from scratch, but it’s doing well and logically i shouldn’t be worried. but it seems like everytime i turn around I’m worried about one thing or another, and I get myself totally overwhelmed, and my chest hurts from anxiety.

like right now…I’m paying off my bills and have a nice chunk of change left over…I should be happy and relieved. But no. Instead, I’m worried about getting the next placement, or if my clients will pay me on time, and am already stressed out over taxes that aren’t due till freaking next April!!

what the hell is wrong with me?

I believe the majority of this is self induced…wanting to achieve, do well, fearful that it could all go away, etc. Also I have a hard time with things that are out of my control…for example, I cannot MAKE a client pay me on time. I cannot MAKE a candidate accept a job, or not take a counter offer. These seem to be the things that, at times, literally make me sick (upset stomach, headache, chest pains, etc)

i’ve been at this for 3 years solo now. some days i could care less. but most days i feel a pain in my chest by 10am.

how can i overcome this? should my husband just ship me off to the looney bin now instead of waiting for when I really crack up?

kitty

2

I have a lot of respect for anyone who goes out on their own - I’m sure it’s very stressful, not knowing if the money will keep coming in. Try to use those thoughts to drive you to be successful, focus on the fact that you’ve been making a living at this for some time, keep telling yourself that your worth it, that you know your business, and that you deserve it.

“I’m paying off my bills and have a nice chunk of change left over”

and celebrate by getting that bike THAT YOU EARNED!

3

You could take a nice stack of Cervelo catalogs, some candles…ah, nevermind.

4

helpful book on the topic by dale carnegie…i forget the exact title, but something on the lines on reducing stress and worry. one of his bits of advice which sums it up nicely is to “live in daytight compartments”, basically to focus on the now and what you can control, and isolate yourself from the things in the future you can’t control. also, if something goes wrong, you have to leave it in the past and not let it affect what you are doing now. those lessons have been helpful to me in reducing the amount of work-related stress and anxiety. while some of it might not be totally avoidable, it helps to take a step back and assess things, and sometimes you’ll realize that the situation is not as bad as you might have perceived it to be.

i can follow up with more, as i have the book at home. this is something much more commonly experienced than you may realize and can also be controlled by trying to keep your focus in the right areas and staying positive.

5

Oh the joys of self employment. :slight_smile: Been there, done that.

There are a number of good books about dealing with the exact problems you are experiencing. “The E Myth” and “The E Myth Revisted” by Micheal Gerber come immediately to mind. They’re both a good read and could help you quite a bit.

6

KC, you know you’re my main ST chick, so I feel for you.

What about a networking group of people who are in a similar situation? Like an informal group of people who are new, small business owners. Surely they are experiencing a lot of what you are. I’d guess that you could talk to them about what you are feeling/experiencing, and find out that you aren’t alone in in this. You could talk through some of your problems/concerns with others similarly situated. See what works for them, etc.

Just a thought.

7

Just remind yourself that you have more control over your life than most and you have much more control than those who dwell in the land of the cube. You have created your own path and that provides great security. Based on what you mention in your post I would suggest creating a plan and system to help relieve your stress about the taxes and your “net”. Setup a plan to set aside the money weekly or monthly for those things if you haven’t already and if you have then stop worrying:) Think of it as your training plan, write it down and then follow it.

As for your worrying, remember you are not the only one out there with those concerns. Do you meet with other business owners in a leads club or similar where you can interact with others in your situation? This article touches on your worries

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/0,4621,311314,00.html

Just remember, many of us would gladly take your problems over working for the man:) Hang in there and be happy, enjoy where you are!

8

i appreciate any good reads with techniques to help me on this. just as an example, I have a client who I’ve done alot of business with this year. I was to get paid yesterday on one deal. the check wasn’t there, so naturally, I’m sick over it. the stress def comes from things I cannot control. and, as soon as I woke up this morning my stomach hurt over my worries of not getting paid. in addition to this, i have two more invoices to send to them…i haven’t even sent them and I’m already worried about not getting paid. it’s ridiculous. i do it to myself, and need to develop other ways of thinking.

please send me the name of the book, i could certainly use it.

thanks,

kc

9

KC: That second paragraph of 5280’s is pure genius. :slight_smile:

10

“what the hell is wrong with me?”

Nothing. It sounds like you are a good business person who maintains a high degree of tactical and strategic situational awareness. Good. That is one reason you have a chunk of change left over; because you care- you’re dilligent and vigilant.

Worry is a big part of what we get paid for- business owners. We’re paid to take risks others aren’t willing to incur. We put our financial well-being on the line every single day to a greater or lesser degree. Few people really have the stomach for that degree of risk. We are the pointy edge of the economic spear.

The truth of the matter is, the only real security anyone has is their own ability. Your own ability has secured success for your business. Give yourself credit, but don’t back off. Good for you. Well done.

11

The good doctor prescribes one Felt S22, taken first thing in the am on an empty stomach.

Repeat as necessary.

:wink:

12

thanks for the advice and kind words everyone. i’ve called a financial firm to handle my finances…we meet at the end of the month and that will help to reduce some stress. beyond that, i’m going to work on my internal dialogue, check out some of the reading recommendations, and look into a business group. my goal for the second half of this year is to get a grip on this and be less stressed out. i forget sometimes that I’m only 30, and I don’t have to achieve everything this instance.

deep breath, deep breath.

thanks again,

kittycat

13

I wish I could offer some words of wisdom for both of us. For my entire life I have been a laid back, relaxed, care free guy. I felt like a misplaced beach bum, and I was just fine with that description of me. I just passed the one year mark of owning my own small business, and most nights I wake up at 4:00am with the worries of making payroll, rent, f*ing taxes, etc. And of course having enough left over for my family to live nicely. I haven’t yet adjusted and it is very out of character for me.

14

the first year is def the worst. it gets better, but there is always something to worry about. read that link…it’s sooooo good. sad thing is that i subscribe to the mag, but have been so in my own world that i haven’t read it in months. it’s like an anthem for the self employeed…such validation.

15

I was there for 3 years too… it can be such a stressful haul, but it’s worth it (I’m contemplating doing it again post IMWA).

Have you had a REAL vacation in the last year? Have you hired staff to handle some of the tasks you shouldn’t be doing (clerk, office manager, etc.)? Are you a good delegator?

You need to LET GO, which is the hardest part of being the owner. You are emotionally attached to this company but you need to slowly break those emotional ties and hand over day to day things to someone else.

My 2 cents.

AP

16

I suggest “Whip It’s”…do you have a Whipped Cream maker? Just get that out…take out some NO2 and have at it…Ready Whip at the Quick mart is okay too…if you are fast you can inhale the NO2 in the isle and not ahve to buy the spent can of sweet delight.

17

I feel your pain… I am so stressed right now with my business, it’s affecting training tremendously… but in my case, money IS the problem… I do’t know what to tell you but if you find out the answer, let me know. Right now I wish I was employed, working 9-5, just leaving with a paycheck, punching IN, and punching OUT… of course if that was the case, i would be complaining about just that. Balance i guess is the key…

18

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. ~Mark Twain

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened. ~Michel de Montaigne

If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you. ~Calvin Coolidge

When one has too great a dread of what is impending, one feels some relief when the trouble has come. ~Joseph Joubert

Some men storm imaginary Alps all their lives, and die in the foothills cursing difficulties which do not exist. ~Edgar Watson Howe

How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened. ~Thomas Jefferson

When I really worry about something, I don’t just fool around. I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something. Only, I don’t go. I’m too worried to go. I don’t want to interrupt my worrying to go. ~J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained. ~Arthur Somers Roche

There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them. ~Josh Billings

Only man clogs his happiness with care, destroying what is with thoughts of what may be. ~John Dryden

Love looks forward, hate looks back, anxiety has eyes all over its head. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

Worry is interest paid on trouble before it comes due. ~William Ralph Inge

There are more things, Lucilius, that frighten us than injure us, and we suffer more in imagination than in reality. ~Seneca

We are more disturbed by a calamity which threatens us than by one which has befallen us. ~John Lancaster Spalding

We are, perhaps, uniquely among the earth’s creatures, the worrying animal. We worry away our lives. ~Lewis Thomas, The Medusa and the Snail, 1979

Grief has limits, whereas apprehension has none. For we grieve only for what we know has happened, but we fear all that possibly may happen. ~Pliny the Younger

Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime and too sleepy to worry at night. ~Author Unknown

Do not be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there. ~Author Unknown

Real difficulties can be overcome, it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable. ~Theodore N. Vail

19

Can you take that “nice chunk of change” and do soemthing wise with it - like investing it? It sounds like you would like to have to comfort of knowing that if someone didn’t pay you on time that you wouldn’t have to sweat it. A few wise investments could help give you a little extra security… just my thoughts…

20

Kitty

I’ve been self-employed for 13 years. Years 1-3, I was worried about surviving and making ends meet. Year 4-7 I was stressed out from building the business, joining professional organizations, marketing the business and all the while keeping my billings up. Years 8 - 10 we grew and added staff. I had training, running the business side and keeping my billings up. Years 11-present more growth, more staff, amazing demand for our services and keeping my billings up.

The consistent part has been that you are always worried about something. Not enough business, too much business, not enough staff, too much staff, pension plans, medical, vacations, getting sued etc.

Good suggestions by others. The networking aspect is an important one. I have several guys in my business I can call to vent and visa versa. Other suggestions: get good help with bookeeping and tax planning. Take your vacations. Get away from the business for lunch. I know I don’t have to tell you to get good exercise.

Self-employment is not for everyone. There are many times I think working for someone else sounds pretty good. But at the end of the day, if you take a step back and look at what you have done, it doesn’t seem that bad. I’m too independent now to work for someone else.

Good luck, sounds like you are doing great.