I signed up for a free profile for one of those online dating sites a while back. Despite my dashing photo and enticing profile, no luck. One of my friends recently asked me for recommendations for sites for him to try, and I didn’t really have any. I haven’t even ever met anyone who has had success with these sites. Has anyone tried any of these sites with any success? I know there are religious specific sites, interest specific sites (athletic or hobby related), and there’s plenty of generic sites. Not looking for any personal info, but if anyone has a success or horror story to share, I’ll pass it along so he knows what he’s getting into.
Okay, I’m replying even though hubby just saw me surfing dating sites and is even now more suspicious of Slowtwich than he was before (if that’s possible). One of my very best friends is engaged to a wonderful guy she met through AmericanSingles.com (if your “friend” is Jewish, jdate.com may be more up his alley). She was a member for about three years. Many of the guys she met didn’t work out, but she said it was an interesting way to meet people.
maybe you should have played the race card
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“if your “friend” is Jewish, jdate.com may be more up his alley”
I knew the suspiscion would be coming, but it really is a friend. I don’t have enough pride to make up an imaginary friend for dating advice.
Hmmm. I’ve looked through the people on Yahoo! Personals when we discovered the friend of one of our employees wives was meeting guys through a personals site. I came away with this eerie feeling of desperation. Weird. Very weird.
When I saw a commercial on TV for E-Harmony.com that included a sound bite from a girl who said, “I just placed an order for the man I want and I got him…” I could just picture women knocking over furniture to get to their computer to sign up. It is the gate in the fence to the place where the grass is always greener for some people.
Interesting. I’ve heard success stories, I doubt we hear much about the horror stories. It’s weird, basically, you are meeting strangers. Weird.
Tom–This is just another way for women to be vultures–I have seen women I know on the Yahoo personals, some have been up for years. Free dinner. Free movie. Laying the trap for some rich guy.
“I just placed an order for the man I want and I got him…” <<
Is that how it works??? I’d like to place my order for an Ironman please. Multiple bike owner is a plus.
Seriously, my old roommate used to go out with dudes she met online. All were kind of wierd, IMO, but she’s now living with one.
clm
I really believe that the internet has ruined everything. In the old days you placed ads in the personals of the local newspaper. One reply and you met in person fairly quickly with no 6 month online distance love affair.
When I got divorced in 1993 I was a fish out of water having been married for fourteen years and off the singles market for a long time. My best buddy suggested putting an ad in the personals of the local newspaper. My response was “what kind of a loser advertises in the personals”.
He then told me that’s how he met his wife.
He told me to make your ad humorus. In other otherwards “boy wants to meet girl” ads don’t work. Also don’t describe yourself physically since it only conjuors an imaginary image in the readers mind that you may not live up to.
So I reluctantly placed my ad, made it humorous and talked about my golden retreiver coming along as chaperone.
Had no expectations but dang if I didn’t get 23 replies. You could weed out the better ones. I eventually met with three of the women and they were all winners.
Also liked golden retreivers. 
Was too soon after my divorce to get seriously involved, but did a lot to restore my confidence after being off the singles market for a long time.
I am a bit embarassed to admit this, but I am probably an online dating expert by default. I have tried or looked at Match, Yahoo, Tickle, Matchmaker, Austin360, runningsingles, bikingsingles, etc…you get the point. The main problem with online dating is that it is backwards dating. You meet online with a few pics and some common interests, you get to know the person via emails or phone calls, but then when you meet, there is no spark. That’s what 90% of the dates have been like, and its very upsetting and discouraging. I always feel like such an ass when I would go to meet someone, and from the moment they said hello, or I realized who they were from across the room, I didn’t have that spark that I need to start a relationship. Its like all the time spent getting to know them goes out the window, and I sit through the date wondering how I am going to get out of this one.
Ironically, the only meaningful relationships I have had in the last few years have been through girls I met at our local triathlete club, and I think that says alot about the chance for success between virtual dating and the real thing.
I admit, I am a picky bastard when it comes to dating, but I have a right to be. No, I am not perfect, and I don’t expect perfection from anyone, but people deserve to be happy and I want to have a happy life. My profiles are very specific about what I am looking for and what to expect from me, and I have found that that has helped weed out the women that were just looking for a firefighter or athletic guy. However, it will amaze you how many women will write and start by saying " I know I am not what you are looking for, but…" That pisses me off. Please waist my time some more.
Without saying names, I did find someone on Match that is also on here and posts regularly. She is a great girl from what I can tell, but when you live a 1000 miles apart, its kind of hard to get to know someone. I am not giving up on online dating, but its not as “fun” as it used to be.
Here are some bits of advice and why you should follow them:
Post a picture, several recent ones: you are going to expect it of them, so you might as well post a few too. Don’t post one of when you were in shape or had more hair. Don’t take pictures with your kids for safety reasons, but include your dogs and cats (Tom) if they are important to you.
Don’t start talking to someone without a picture of them first: You can reply to them, but ask them right away for a pic. Chances are, you won’t be impressed when and if they send one to you, but its harder to stop corresponding with someone after several emails and then they send you a fugly picture. Just say “you sound nice, send me a pic and we can go from there…”
Meet in person early: but, don’t go all out just to meet them and don’t build them up to be wonder woman. Just arrange something casual. meet at the park for a walk, or go to lunch. Dinner is too formal and you have too much time to kill if its not working out.
Have a way out: Have a friend call you at a certain time to give you a reason to end the date early if you need it. It sound mean, but you will be happy later. My favorite excuse is that my roommate is calling to tell me that my dog got out and I have to go find him. Works like a charm.
Good luck to all that decide to try the online thing, you never know what you are going to find.
Go to a bar, then meet the woman of your dreams. That’s how I met my current wife.
excellent post tex!
I myself just created a free profile on match.com sort of on a lark. I checked my account the next day and saw that I had been “winked” at by 4 women. 2 I could immediately tell were “not my type” but the other 2 (picture and description) were both, frankly, pretty damn cute and interesting. So I ponied up for a 3 month subscription and we’ll see where we go.
Back in the day I thought like Tom that internet dating was weird and maybe a bit desperate. But I was amazed to find over 1000 man/women profiles in my zip code alone, and this included many who were at least very photogenic and who had interesting and dynamic profiles (proficient in languages, phd’s, world travellers, athletes etc.).
Definitely better to meet someone through perhaps a tri club or when you bump into them carrying a stack of books (poetry of course), they stop to help you pick up, your eyes meet, then the director yells cut. But I think many of those on match.com figure that they are tired of (or never liked) the bar scene, simply don’t feel that their current lives offer the opportunity to meet the right person, and finally feel… what’s to lose? This at least applies to me.
Anyways, I have really enjoyed the site so far, because everything is at that flirty stage of heady expectations. The entertainment value has already justified the price of entry! I get winked at, I check profiles, I fret over creating mine, I imagine based on 3 grainy pics and a few lines of text that “rlinaustin” might just be the perfect woman…. 2 downsides that I have noticed so far is fear of rejection (duh) but also that, for me at least, I think it will be hard to follow any contact through to a real meeting because I tend to always look for flaws in women, reasons why I shouldn’t commit, why it won’t work out… wait those are my own hang ups and insecurities, not match.coms!
But I never thought ahead to appreciate the idea of internet dating as reverse dating. That concept really is what I would call an Idea with a capitol “I” – IOW its an original (i assume) non-obvious idea of the sort that could be developed into publishable article. Now that I read your post of course it rings dead true – the initial spark of attraction, the first glance, is so key in making a lasting and significant real-world relationship.
I am already signed up for 3 months though so I will see where it leads. I still feel that for $50 it is a small investment with little risk, a fair amount of entertainment value, and at least the potential of turning up something really good. I am also moving to a new city so a date or 3 will be nice just to meet people and explore the town. Probably will get a dose of reality though in terms of how many frogs you will have to kiss, so to speak, to even have the remote chance of finding your true match on match.com. (I remember thinking it was funny that match.com offered discounts for long-term membership!)
ps. I told my best friend about this and she said she knew 3 couples that had married after meeting on match.com. Can’t argue with that…. Or maybe there are paid hacks out there propagating the match.com myth (oh sure I know a friend of a friend who found his wife on match.com….)
I have a solution - Since all of you are triathletes - how about have the bodymarkers at races “mark” you above your race number with S (Single), DWC (Divorced with children), JP (Jewish Professional) etc - then all the eligible singles can see each other in action during the race and afterwards get a chance to meet each other if there is a spark/chemistry
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“It’s weird, basically, you are meeting strangers. Weird.”
isn’t everybody you meet a stranger?
But then you would have to lie about your age on your calf.
I am not sure I really want to admit this but…here goes. I moved to NYC a couple of years ago for work. Going to a bar to pick up women is really not my thing and tri clubs and such are very few and far between here in the land of concrete. A large proportion of the women here have are basically unapproachable, not all but most in my opinion. I lived in Austin prior to NYC and it was a different story there. A lot of the men here are pretty bad as well. So, I signed up on match. I went out on a bunch of dates. I dated on girl for a month or so but it just did not work out. I pretty much knew it wouldn’t but we had fun hanging out for a while. I went back in the que went on a few more dates. Most of the dates were like the poster above discribed “no sparks.” I think in person meeting eliminated the no sparks problem as the first step, not so in online stuff. Anyhow, I met another fine lady on match about a year or so ago and pretty much knew she was the one right away, as did she. Now I am engaged and very happy I did the match thing.
Some warnings- Many people here in NYC use online dating to get free meals etc and will go out with almost anyone. Many guys use it to try and put notches in their belts. I tried to meet up early. MAybe a couple emails than meet for coffee or a drink nothing to involved. Keep it casual and fairly inexpensive. In NYC meeting for a run or ride is not really posible but it might be elsewhere. If the first date goes ok go out again. Try not to play by the rules and call him or her back. Just some thoughts. Oh yeah, of course meet in public places for the first couple dates until you get to know the person.
The problem (at the time I was single) with trying to meet women when doing multisport stuff was that the numbers of people doing them was so small the last time I was single. The women I met were either married or dating other women. I had quite a few wonderful drinking pals, but we would fight because we would hit on the same women.
That was then. If I were single now, I would be meeting all sorts of women in tris and dus. Sometimes, I am reminded that if a sporty girl was what I could not live without, I could have waited a few years and had my pick. But my wife, who is non-sporty is just wonderful for me.
I actually think sushi bars can be a good meeting place. I could have been more like my namesake if I weren’t a good rabbit when I go to a sushi bar by myself. I had to get stop those women from stroking my ears and looking at my tail… What is it about sushi in my geographical area?
I"m getting married in June. To a girl I met 1 1/2 years ago on Match.com. I tried internet dating on and off for about 2 years before I met her. I’d do it for a bit, get sick of it, try again.
Someone earlier posted great advise: Meet the person as early as possible. Treat dating sites as a place to meet people for lunch. Not to find the love of your life. 99% of the time, there will be no spark. So why bother spending months developing some type of strange “online relationship”? Waste of time. I moved to a large metro area and it was a great way to meet people. Some weird folks out there, some desparate, but the majority seemed like pretty cool, normal singles. Like me!
I had the best luck with Match.com or yahoo.com. There are others, like date.com, etc. But those two are the most mainstream.
Good luck.
This is a bit late but we recently did some research into online dating and the triathlete. You can find our results at:
Nobody recommended OKCupid yet?
http:/www.okcupid.com
Spend some on the site, it’s great.
Years ago when I first moved to Chicago I did Matchmaker.com and I had a lot of fun, met some interesting women, and even dated a few for a while. Like meeting people in bars or wherever, you’ll meet some that are odd, but overall it was a good experience.