Lost a good friend

Triathlon Forum
1

My friend Shar Anderson died this week. She was only 56. Shar was diagnosed with cancer just 3 months ago. 3 months and this vibrant, strong, wonderful woman is gone. I’m still struggling with it. The fragility of life. The cruelty of life. The utter random unfairness of life.

In January of 2000 Shar started out on the adventure of a lifetime. She was one of the Odessey 2000 riders. Shar spent that entire year riding her bike around the world. She did 18,000 miles in one year. In 50 countries, in every kind of weather, and on roads that varied from Germany perfection to African rubble Shar never got a single flat tire. Amazing but true.
I met Shar shortly after she returned in 2001. While on her trip Shar was in Austria and witnessed the Ironman there. She decided she would do one when she got home and signed up for Ironman Lake Placid. She needed to learn about triathlons (having never done one) so she joined my tri club. Shar quickly became a regular member of my training group and an active member of IITC. If something needed done, Shar was always there helping out, doing whatever she was asked, and smiling all the way.
Just about 2 weeks before IMLP, Shar had a minor bike crash and fractured her wrist. She was not about to let that stop her so she swam with a brace on her wrist. It must have been very painful, but Shar never complained. She finished that Ironman and several more since, with a smile.
Shar never owned a bike before she was 40. Prior to that she was a wife and mom. Her childhood did not include sports or other typical kid activities. Shar made up for lost time. After her marriage ended and her boys were grown, Shar really started to live. She ran marathons and ultras. She is a Western States 100 and Angeles Crest 100 finisher. She rode her bike across the US unsupported. Then her year riding around the world, many Ironman race, and many other adventures. Early in 2005 Shar became one of 3 people known to have bicycled on every continent.
In June Shar went with us to IMCDA. She was there to cheer for her teammates and be our sherpa. After the race, all of our gear was back at the house. That was nice. The next week Shar was to have knee surgery. She felt ill and told her doctor she thought she had a fever. The doctor ran some tests and thats when the world fell apart. Shar had advanced cancer of the liver. The prognosis was not good. The doctor gave her 2-10 months.
Shar made plans. She spent time with everyone she knew. She set her afairs in order. She told us not to worry, her faith was strong. She was prepared for whatever God had planned. She stayed around for the birth of her first grandchild and then she went to her reward.
I am not a person of faith. Its just not something I have in me. Today I hope that I am wrong and Shar is right.
Shar taught me that life is an adventure. Doing great things and facing new challenges is a gift. No goal is too high, no distance too vast, no fear too great. I will take what Shar has taught me. I will go further, go higher, go faster, go longer, than I believe I can now. I will live as if I am never going to die and I will think of my friend Shar.

Thanks for listening,
Gary Mc

2

wow. kind of puts one’s own life in perspective, doesn’t it?

3

I’m sure she will be missed by many. It sounds like she lived life the way it ought to be lived. Thanks for sharing.

4

:frowning: its tough huh
.

5

F**k. You never know why that stuff happens, but have faith that Shar was right.

I am very sorry for your loss.

6

I’m sorry for your loss. I am going through the same thing with my mom who was diagnosed with a fairly advance cancer just last week. It seems this stuff is everywhere. It is unbelieveable to see the almost instantaneous decline in a once strong and vibrant person upon being given the news. It is a very sad thing.

Haim

7

Gary. So sorry! A very inspirational story.

8

Feel blessed to have the acquaintance of such a wonderful human being! Thanks you so much for sharing this wonderful tribute, and know our prayers and thoughts are with you. Might I make on comment though, perhaps try living as if you WERE dying. Sounds like she did and that’s why there were so many rewards. Appreciate every moment, and every touch by someone else. Thanks again to have shared.

9

Life is so short and fleeting, sounds like she lived a full life as short as it was!!!

So sorry for your loss, this is very sad!!

http://www.ironm4n.blogspot.com

10

wow, so hard to believe Gary. I met Shar just 6 months ago when she roomed next to me at IM Arizona, then met her again at your club meeting the next month. So hard to believe that someone so full of life has to be taken away like that. Thanks for sharing your tribute.

11

Gary: thanks for sharing that. Three months from diagnosis to passing away…wow. And here we thought we had made such giant leaps forward in treatment, diagnosis, etc.

As another has posted, certainly puts everything going on around us in very clear perspective. So sorry for your loss—but do as you are doing, which is remembering and honoring all the good times and the good that she brought to the world. Keep her memory alive, always.

12

Thanks, I do feel blessed to have known Shar. She was one of those people who made you want to be a better person. Not because she preached to you or told you how to live, but because she showed you by her example.

During these past few months I have thought a lot about how unfair this is. A great person like Shar is cut down while so many a-holes go on living their happy lives. Why can’t they get cancer and die? I realized that those thoughts won’t help, but that if I try to be less of an a-hole myself maybe the world will be a little bit better. So if you catch me acting like an a-hole, its OK to say “Hey, Shar wouldn’t act that way and you shouldn’t either”.

Thanks

Gary Mc

13

Gary, I’ll offer some comments and hope that, out of respect for Shar, this doesn’t turn into a religious debate.

The cruelty of life. The utter random unfairness of life.

Man, it sure seems like that sometimes. But, if one always wears sunglasses they never see how bright it is. I understand you are feeling down, and that is normal and expected. Perhaps, sometime when she’s in your thoughts, you’ll notice things that she enjoyed all around you, and think “Shar would have loved/laughed/joked about that”, and you’ll have a greater feeling of celebrating who she was.

She told us not to worry, her faith was strong. She was prepared for whatever God had planned.

From a religious perspective … You can’t start your life without being born. Likewise, you can’t start the next phase (your heavenly life) of your “life” without dying. I am not going to deliver the familiar cliches and expressions, but when you think of Shar, realise that she viewed this Earthly life as a mere temporary situation.

I won’t go on further, because I don’t want to lay it on, or cross the line between appropriate and inappropriate, nor do I want to say anything that could be interpreted in an offensive manner, as I realise this is a delicate situation.

Gary Mc … Thanks for sharing. I am sorry for the loss of your friend, and I am hoping that you, her loved ones, and her friends feel a sense of comfort as time goes by. Maybe on your next long ride, you can think about Shar and how great she was, and how much she enjoyed the very activity you are performing.

Perhaps, this weekend (or a year from now) we can all dedicate our long weekend ride to Shar Anderson … to celebrate her life and her passion.

14

Nice tribute - God’s plan for her quite possibly was fullfilled (as a person of faith might say/think). I would have liked to have known her, but she just touched me too after reading your post. That is how these people’s lives go…

15

“The fragility of life. The cruelty of life. The utter random unfairness of life.”

So true. I am very sad for your loss, and my sympathy and best wishes go out to you.

It is our constant grasp of mortality that gives our life urgency and purpose. Loss is hurtful and seems senseless.

I hope that you conjure healing and strength from this in good time. I imagine that is what your associate would have wanted.

She was lucky to have you as a friend, and you her as well. This friendship and the memories created from it live on, vibrant and vital: They never die. Care for those and re-live them as you live yourself.

Sincere best wishes.

16

Gary,

Words can never say what words can never say. Shar was an inspiration to me. Before I came to the tri club meeting and heard of Shar’s journeys, I didn’t know that people actually went on adventures like riding a bicycle around the world. Every new adventure, every excerpt from Shar about how she lived her life, every glimpse into the many friends that she made along the way gave me insight into who Shar is. She’s going where?..Antarctica?..Doesn’t surprise me…I thought to myself.

Gary, my friend…Shar had a very profound effect on me as well. The effect she had caught me completely by surprise. Sometimes in life, I’ve been “stuck” in a certain place or “stuck” at a certain stage of growth in my character, etc. Shar unknowingly got me “unstuck”. After Shar got sick, I understood that life is too short to put up with poor behavior from other people. After Shar got sick, I understood that the only things standing in my way are mostly the thing that I imagine in between my own ears. After Shar got sick, I understood that it’s never too early to treat people well and that it’s never too late to make amends. Shar taught me that we get one shot at this life and we make it count…so, when I next go on some crazy trail run, or triathlon, or adventure in another country, I know that my mind will drift and I will think of Shar and imagine that this might have been something she would have liked and I will know the gift that she has given to me. Shar will live in our hearts and minds for a long time. To be human is to experience great joy and great heartache.

17

Gary

So sorry to hear this - I am shocked and am hoping that in time - the greatness that Shar represented will become clearer to all that were touched by her while she was with us.

She will forever be with you and many others and will be there for you in so many ways over the coming years - ways that you cannot comprehend.

My sincerest condolences

AJ