Hi gang!
After coming back from years of chronic illness and finally being back on the bike, my bike rides have become quite therapeutic… My friends often find my ride reports inspirational so I wanted to share this one with you…
Yesterday, my training plan called for doing a 50-60 mile bike ride. I had some doubts because for the last week I had felt such an energy drain - apparently due to an allergic response to the unusually hot and humid weather here in San Diego lately. But I was too excited about the ride I had planned to not give it my best shot…
The route follows the San Diego coastline from Carlsbad through Oceanside turning inland at Camp Pendleton and then on to the San Onofre Nuclear Plant - and then back to Carlsbad. The last time I did this ride was almost 10 years ago. I especially liked the long stretches of open roads going through the base and the uncrowded bike paths along the coast leading to the San Onofre campground. It’s the kind of ride where it’s just you and your bike - a time to crank it up and cruise…a time to leave the noise and distractions of everyday life behind… and a time to clear your mind and just enjoy being alive…
As I began rolling through Carlsbad on the Rocketwing, I wondered how today’s ride would go… My longest ride so far was the 50-miler I did on the 4th of July, but in the last 4 weeks since then my longest ride had only been 20 miles. Was I really expecting to do 50 or even 60 miles today? Was that realistic considering how much I had been dragging all week because of my allergies? But I had already waited far too long to do this ride again - years of struggling through chronic illness - there was no way I would or even could wait another day…
The first few miles were a less-than-relaxing task of maneuvering cautiously through the city streets of Carlsbad and then the crowded beach avenues through Oceanside. Finally, I reached the south gate of Camp Pendleton. Unlike the ‘old days’, I had to get off my bike, have a sentry check my license and then finally be allowed to proceed. I felt a jolt of excitement as I reached the first stretch of open road…
“Ok Jimbo, it’s time to crank it up and cruise! Hey! Look at that! You’re cruising into a headwind and maintaining 23mph! Looks like all systems are ‘go’ for today’s ‘mission’! Take it in buddy…let’s just make the most of this ride…”
After a few miles I approached one of the few climbs on my route. I remember always getting amused beginning this climb because there used to be a sign"Reduce Speed Ahead" and I would always laughingly say out loud “No Problemo!” - like I was going to have to be careful not to go too fast! Yeah right! Near the top of the climb I looked down at the pond on my right…it looked just like I remembered…
"10 years Jim…10 years…I’m sorry buddy…That’s a long time to be off the bike…but what could you do? Maybe you should stop wondering if you could have handled the illness better…Sometimes buddy, just hanging on is a miracle in itself…Remember your brother Jerry… He fought so valiantly to live - to overcome his heart problems… But for whatever reason, he’s gone and you’re still here…and you’re riding your bike…
And do you really think those years were a waste? Did you not still have some good times? Did you not always believe that someday you’d be back on the bike? And didn’t you always tell people that you believed God was using this adversity as a ‘spiritual boot camp’ to mold you into the kind of man you really wanted to be? And did you not grow and become a better man? A stronger man? A kinder and more compassionate man?
It only makes sense Jim that you would experience a tremendous sense of loss and sadness from the impact chronic illness has had on your life. But that long winter season in your life has finally ended… It’s no longer about what you used to do or who you used to be…but rather about who you have become and what you know you must do… Your journey is no longer focused on the place you left behind but rather where the road is leading you now…
So pedal on buddy…and don’t look back…Live not only for yourself, but to honor those who didn’t make it…You’re heavy burden turned out to be a blessing after all…There are so many in this world who need to believe that they too can endure the long winter seasons of their lives… And some of them are looking to you to give them a ray of hope… Could it be that the illness and your comeback were all part of God’s plan for your life? I guess only time will tell… But for now Jim, just keep on pedaling…"
I was now approaching the San Onofre nuclear generating station - my turn-around point. The trip back to Carlsbad was much faster now that I was going with the wind, but I suppose I felt a bit lighter as well. A heavy burden had been lifted. It’s ironic that in this world the people who are victimized by a crime, chronic illness, the death of a loved one or other trauma are often saddled with a heavy burden of guilt. They are made to feel that somehow they brought that fate upon themselves…when nothing could be further from the truth… But finally, after all these years of second-guessing myself, I tossed my guilt on the bike path along the coast…
Riding back into Carlsbad I noticed that I had only gone about 46 miles…
“Jim, 46 miles is great but I had hoped to hit 60. And as you always emphasize, you didn’t come this far to come up short…so keep on pedaling…”
I rode around Carlsbad until I hit 60 miles. After packing up the bike I sat in my van feeling a great sense of vindication and validation… I realized that those years off the bike were when I developed my true endurance… I don’t know what lies ahead, but I do know the best advice I can give myself right now is to keep my faith…and to just keep on pedaling…