One of the comedy podcasts I listen to has people call in with various issues for advice, many of which involve sex in one way or another, and the hosts always talk about being sex positive.
I like to think I’m sex positive in principle, whatever floats your boat as long as it’s between consenting adults, etc., be promiscuous, whatever.
They had a girl call in who fell in love with a guy, leading her to stop being an escort, and she was wondering when she should tell the guy about her past. Hosts seemed to think it was fairly reasonable to expect the guy not to have a problem with it. I’m thinking 99.9% of people are not going to be OK with finding out the person they are dating was a prosititute. But maybe I’m too old fashioned.
As far as a relationship with a former prostitute, I think it would depend on where I am in life’s journey.
The sex for pay part of dating a sex worker isn’t so much at issue, it’s the backstory and baggage that comes with it and that can vary quite a bit from sex trafficking as a child victim to S&M entrepreneur and everything in between.
To quote George Carlin, I don’t understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal. Fucking is legal. Why isn’t selling fucking legal? You know, why should it be illegal to sell something that’s perfectly legal to give away?
But it would definitely make me take a good look at whether I wanted to be in a relationship with them. I don’t think it is the sex part that would bother me. I think it is all the things around that. And there are a lot of things. Abuse, drugs, mental health, more abuse, self-esteem, lying, stealing, conning, …
Found this definition, “Sex-positivity generally refers to having a positive attitude about sex, respecting others’ sexual preferences and consensual sexual practices, and treating sex as a normal, healthy part of life rather than a taboo topic or something to be ashamed of.”
I’m positive that I like sex, if that’s what you mean.
I dated a girl for 18 months who said that her mother sold her to men for sex when she was a young teenager. She said that her father had molested her too. Looking back it seems that she told some lies about herself during our relationship, so I don’t know if that was true or not. But it would be strange for someone to lie about those things.
The fact that she had supposedly been forced to have sex with strangers didn’t bother me in terms of our relationship, but it bothered me for her.
If I dated someone and she told me that she had previously sold her body for sex because that was the only way she could provide for her kids - I would have an easier time accepting that than if she had had an addiction or did it for other reasons. I think that sometimes people feel forced to do things they don’t want to in order to provide for their children.
If someone thinks a natural and essential part of the human condition is something to feel shameful about, or that the private sexual proclivities of other consenting adults is emotionally or otherwise your concern, that’s maladaptive and unhealthy even if prevalent.
That’s well and good for you to say, but that kind of view towards sex has, at various times and in various segments of society, been the prevalent view.
Your judgment seems to be that everyone in those societies was somehow psychologically unwell, largely because they don’t view sex the way you do in 2025.
I love Carlin, but it’s probably a mistake to use what comedians say as any form of actual basis for a philosophy on real life. Comedians are like heroin addicts. They’ll say anything to get a laugh.
If everyone believes a stupid thing then those who don’t are the outliers who tend to experience emotional distress. I get that.
I’m saying there’s a true north on this issue and being comfortable with a fundamental aspect of one’s humanity aligns with that. To experience guilt and shame for a natural state of being is objectively unhealthy, I think is fair to say.
The people I know who experienced these feelings, like someone ashamed to masturbate or cannot orgasm with their spouse because of their culturally imposed feelings about sex generally, are not living in a head space of emotional wellness on the issue. I know these people. They are repressed, and definitely not Scottish.
Never ask questions you don’t want the answers to.
I know the generalities of my wife’s past, but I don’t need specifics. I don’t need those things rolling around in my head. To break the comedy rule and quote Chris Rock, “Just be happy you are fu&king her now.”
In this situation, if he hasn’t asked, I wouldn’t tell. Get tested, make sure you aren’t passing anything on to him, get off drugs, get yourself mentally healthy, be prepared to talk about it up if he brings it up. If he wants to know about your history, he will ask.
Am I sex positive enough to deal with this? Tough question. I don’t know that I am. As said above part of my concern would be how she got there and history of drug use, abuse, etc. That stuff isn’t easily overcome.
That being said, I played rugby with a guy who dated an active prostitute for a summer. To each their own…
As I’ve told many here before, I hang out with a LOT of freaky people, both through the medieval reenactment scene, but also through the metal/punk music scene.
Would I care if someone I was dating used to be a prostitute? I’m 99% certain we would never make it to a second date, let alone a first date, so the subject would never even come up. The type of person who would have been a prostitute is going to send out vibes that are going to turn me off, or I’m going to send out vibes that are going to turn them off.
And for anyone who says, “you never know,” that’s why I left the 1% there. In theory, I could be dating Mrs Right who happened to be a former prostitute, but again, I’d be shocked if one of us didn’t run into a deal breaker before it ever came up.
The funniest part of her call was she was looking for a way to bring it up casually. I’m not sure that’s how you approach something like, “I was an escort up unto the day I met you.”