My son has been wrongly denied a spot he earned at a national swim camp. The selection criteria is black and white: if your swimmer does this, they will be selected for the camp.
I spoke to the USA swimming event coordinator and they have admitted the error. But they won’t do anything about it.
When do you let things go? Any experiences good or bad about pushing back? Any regret about not pushing back?
Depends on the stakes.
I’m generally one to let things go, unless the stakes are pretty high. That is partly because I have a conflict avoidant streak, and in re: situations involving my only child, I see them as ‘world is not always fair’ lessons that wimsey jr might be getting more regularly if he had siblings.
Mrs wimsey is the other end of the spectrum. Her instinct is to make a fuss, especially for the kid.
Sometimes that’s good and fills a gap where my ‘conflict avoidance’ is really just wimpiness. But it’s also not uncommon for her to tend towards Karen-ish behavior, which I find somewhat embarrassing and not always good role modeling for the kid. Nothing psycho that would end up on YouTube, but it makes me squirm on occasion.
And when she does it in situations where we have regular, ongoing contact with people/organizations on the receiving end of her insistence-that-can-tend-towards-ire, it sometimes ends up backfiring in the medium to long term. She’ll win the immediate battle, but burn goodwill that would have been useful over time.
Get the kids coaches involved and the backing of the team. That way the team looks like the Karen and not you as a parent. As a former kid (and former swimmer), earning those times to make teams and camps are huge goals. Hopefully someone comes to their senses and lets the kid in.
Is it one of those things where they screwed up and mistakenly let in another kid? In which case damage is done, unless the camp # is not super fixed? Would need a few more details to give any advice, but I usually lean towards making some fuss and see where it goes. But not full Karen mode…
You read my mind. That’s what I did after posting this.
If my kid had fairly hit the standard and been denied their spot, I’d go to bat for them every day and twice on Sunday. Not because I think the world isn’t unfair (it is), but because I’d want them to know they have my full support when they’ve been wronged.
And I’d use it as a chance to show them that storming the gates isn’t always the smartest move. Sometimes the better strategy is a calm flank manoeuvre, like you’re executing through the team, building consensus, and applying pressure with poise not fury.
Every cloud, as they say… This could be a teachable moment in more ways than one.
Here are the details:
Background, son is 14. Qualification period ended last August when he was 13.
I posted the criteria below.
To qualify for camp they took the fastest 13-14 for each Olympic event with a roll down to number two to handle duplicate event winners.
He didn’t qualify under that criteria.
They then had 2 wild card spots. Those two spots were AGE specific, not age group. One 13 year old and one 14 year old based on a “rank score.”
The document references age specific twice. “the top 13 year old and the top 14 year old makes will earn a spot to the camp”
Instead they didn’t apply the age specific criteria and took two (then) 14 year olds. When I figured out the error I asked them to explain. I was told he would have earned the spot based on the document but they didn’t select based on how it was written.
How upset is your son about it? It wouldn’t make sense for you to go to the mattresses over something that’s not bothering him that much
In the other hand, if he’s really broken up about it, brush up on your Sun Tzu
Tell them to figure out how your kid gets in
I’d ask how the 14 year old then qualified as a 13 year old
I’d push back
This
good luck to your family. this seems very unfair, especially given the hard work to get those times.