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Letterman: Top Ten Things John Kerry Would Do Differently in 2008
| 11/18/04 | David Letterman
Posted on **11/18/2004 **
From the Late Show with David Letterman, as published in this week’s Late Show Newsletter distributed by e-mail on Monday, an un-aired “Top Ten” list: “Top Ten Things John Kerry Would Do Differently in 2008.” Late Show home page: www.cbs.com
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Don’t repeat rookie mistake of winning every debate
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To seem more presidential, legally change name to “President” Kerry
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Prove his toughness by killing campaign volunteer with an axe handle
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Appeal to Hillary supporters by wearing only stylish pantsuits
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You thought John Edwards was hot? Wait’ll you see the man-meat I’ve got planned for 2008!
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Less flipping, more flopping
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Select as running mate remains of President Harry Truman
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To raise campaign funds and win Florida: wrassle a gator on pay-per-view
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Try to get that valuable Osama endorsement a little earlier
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Amp up the Botox, baby!