My company is participating in the corporate challenge again this year. One of the people who has been organizing it, asked me (the only person she knows who runs regularly) to answer some general questions on how to prepare for a 3.5 mile run in the days leading up to the race ( I use the word “race” liberally in this case )
So I wanted to put together a kind of sarcastic, tongue in cheek, kind of response to these folks who have asked questions like what do I eat to keep from puking. I thought some of the wise insightful people here at the peaceful tribe could offer up their bits of wisdom and wit for me to pass along to in order to educate the masses.
Only completely smart ass remarks will actually be used. I’ll edit out any non-office friendly language.
i would wait mile .5 before started drinking beer. Then every half mile, go for a pint and say ‘woa, zwoa, gsuffa!!!’
if you puke, you have to move back half a mile. if you drink an extra beer at half mile, you can skip a half mile.
you should arrange for transportation after the race.
Make sure they don’t wear sunglasses (could reduce visual acuity), carry on conversations (could reduce concentration), or sneeze (temporarily impairs all defensive senses, opening them up for a collision of major proportions).
“Be sure to eat a bannana about 30 minutes before the race. It’s not for the potassium, but rather they taste the same coming back up as they did going down.”
Make sure they buy the coolest, flashiest running shoes they can find, and don’t even think of wearing them till race day. Break them in? Nah, they might get dirty and lose some of there flash!
They will also need at least 5 GU’s or similar item. Two 15min prior to race start, and then one every 20min, oh wait, they might need 12 then!
Go as hard as you can, as soon as the gun goes. You might fade towards the end, but you’ll look like a hero out front for about 10 seconds.
Ladies, lots of hairspray, keeps you looking fresh as a daisy for the finish line, and a nice hair helmet cuts down on drag too!
I recommend the Denny’s Grand Slam - choke down one of those about 30 min. before the start and chase it with a big ol’ chocolate milkshake. If they’re really serious runners, they’ll get an extra side of Hollandaise. I hear it’s what all the Kenyan studs do, and it’ll look great on Michigan Ave. I’ll be down there as well…mostly for the beer and food after the run. You’re in Chicago, right? I should be in about 20:50…maybe I’ll see ya’ at the finish.
Yeah I’m in Chicago, and I’ll be down there but not running because of an ankle injury that is like a bad rash and won’t go away.
I was thinking of sending a few over to Perry’s Deli on Franklin for the ruben sandwich that has to weigh in at about 4 lbs. I think that guy put the entire briskuit on two peices of bread.
Layers lots of layers of really tight clothes and no underware the (lines might show in the photos)., It might warm up and you want to be aerodynamic, spandex bella clava (sp) keep your hair in place (for the non hair spray crowd)
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Sorry to hear you’ve got a bad wheel. If I see someone hobbling around down there that might be you, I’ll come say howdy and buy you a beer. We usually camp out just SW of the fountain, right near Columbus Dr.
Runner don’t wear baggy shorts. The shorter the better for aero purposes. You need either 4" tri short or Dolphin shorts with slit up the sides. A skin tight lycra singlet. Large Oakley sunglasses also reduce the drag created by your eye sockets. Think Steve Scott.
