Great/funny work related stories

The Coffee Shop
1

Can you tell I’m sick of posts that talk about how much Obama does or doesn’t suck or how we are all going to end up eating in soup kitchens?

We have several emergency personnel amongst us including firefighters (slowbern), hospital techs (xraycharlie), EMTs, Doctors, police, etc.

I’m sure you all have some incredible stories to tell, funny or otherwise. I prefer funny, of course, but if you have on that is warm and fuzzy I’ll take those as well. Nothing sad or tragic, we hear enough of those on the news.

Who’s first?

2

I assure you that nothing funny ever happens in radiology departments.

3

One of my first jobs out of college was working in a bank branch as a teller, and I used to hear some good robbery stories (along with some scary ones). Best was a homeless guy who stuffed the money in his pants along with the dye pack, so of course once he got outside the pack went off and he had purple smoke billowing from his pants. To make matters worse, he shit himself all over the money as a result and some poor bastard from the banks’s operations department had to count it afterwards.

4

How black is your sense of humour??

5

Things I Learned From My Patients

This should keep you busy for at least a day while you’re unemployed.

6

I have told this story before on this forum, but it is a true classic and deserves to be in it’s appropriate thread.

My partner and I received a 911 call that came in as “a woman with a pain in her back side.” We knew that this was likely either a BS call or something indescribably bad like a vaginal bleed or rectal bleed (trust me, nothing ever good comes out of calls like those).

When we arrived, we knocked on the door and we heard a woman yell for us to come in. So we entered and announced ourselves. She called from a room on the other side of the house beckoning us to find her.

When we turned the corner of the hallway and entered the kitchen we saw a woman “of size” bent over the kitchen table. Her head was resting in her arm and she was smiling slyly at us. She looked us over and said, “Hey boys, I’m sort of uncomfortable down here (pointing to her butt). Is there anything you can put in there to make it feel better?”

Unfortunately, I will never be able to purge this memory from the system.

Bernie

7

I just puked a little in my mouth.

8

Oh My God!!!

I could not distill an alcohol strong enough to help you - you have my deepest sympathies.

9

Argh! Not one of the better parts of the job.

I have a pretty black sense of humor as long as it doesn’t involve dying a horrible death.

10

That story is QRgirl’s favorite!

Bernie

11

Since i work mostly in an office, humor is left at the door. But in a another life…

An Arleigh Burke class destroyer has two masts, sort of. There’s the main mast, and above the upper yard arm a ‘mini’ mast as most of us who worked on the mast like to call it. Almost all non-carrier class ships moor up at 32nd Street Naval Center. While transisting the San Diego harbor to get to 32nd street, it appears from certain points of the ship, that the mini mast will clip the Coronado Bridge.

To the story. Down in the shop (mid back of ship) the phone rings i answer “ok”. Nosey new guy says “who was that”. I respond “that was the pilot house, they need the mini mast cranked down, we’re coming up on the Coronado Bridge”. So after a few of us convince new guy that the mast does in fact crank down, manually of course, we send the young man racing to the pilot house to retrieve the ‘mast crank handle’. Of course the pilot house recieves a call from us explaining our ruse, and of course they play along.

New guy makes it to the bridge, and gets an ear full from the boatswains mate, and is shown the on coming bridge and mini mast issue. Tells new guy that the crank handle broke, and to go to the engineering to get another. Off the young man goes, and the BM calls engineering and informs them of the situation (engineering by the way is back near from where he came). They inform the new guy, that due to the time and how close we are to the bridge, they sent a guy up there, and that he (new guy) needs to get up there ASAP. Well, he never makes it.

At this point, about 20 people know, and have done their best to slow new guy’s path to the bridge, and once out side as the Coronado Bridge seems less than 50 yards away new guys yells out as he bounds the stairs to the pilot house “STOP THE SHIP!!!”

Of course the ship doesn’t stop and the mast never touches the big bridge. The poor new guy close to broke down as possible, exhausted from his 25 minute race around the ship, is slightly irrated with the guy who started this whole thing. But everyone gets a good laugh, and he’s officially welcomed aboard.

12

I’m fairly new here, but isn’t there a rule about ‘pictures or it didn’t happen’?

13

Nothing like a good quasi-hazing ritual. Hilarious!

Bernie

14

I love it! The time element adds much value to the usual newbie wild goose chase prank - a nautical favorite. Another good one is when you’re at anchor, give the new guy a course to steer, and occasionally have somebody come by and berate him/her for sloppy helmsmanship.

In hospitals, the object of the wild goose chase is sometimes “a set of sterile fallopian tubes.”

15

I like this thread. Years ago when businesses still used those “WHile You Were Out…” notes to relay phone messeges, I left one for a co-worker. She had just got a new furnace for her home. Here in L’ville there is a heating and air conditioning company call Glanz Heating and Air. So I left her a note stating that Harry Glanz from Glanz Heating and Air called her about her furnace. She didn’t understand that it was a joke and called the company back and actually asked for Harry Glanz! LOL…I’m sure they’ve never heard that one before.

16

Being in the computer biz we all have a grand time with each other’s unlocked machines. My husband’s team is always sending out mass emails from their machines, saying things such as “I’m wearing pink underware”, “I think Bill Gates is sexy”, etc.

Way back in the early 90s I was the only person where I worked, at a hospital, that understood our new Windows OS. I was always going in and changing people’s desktop backgrounds to obnoxious stuff.

The clinic I worked at was for disabled kids. It was state funded and families would come in from all over Northern Arizon including the reservation and other remote places. One of our favorite things to do was have wheelchair races with the new wheelchairs that came in. These were pretty darn sophisticated and we could get some real speed going. The parents were always a bit annoyed when they found the staff ripping down the hallway in their kids swanky new wheelchair. The kids always found it funny though.

My favorite trick is changing the key mapping on a keyboard. Its been a while since I’ve done it but you can set it up so that every time someone hits a key it types out something random like A = butt. Drives the newbies crazy.

At Microsoft one of the old-time favorites is to send some new person to Building 7 for their badge and emphasize they need to get back ASAP. Of course there was no Building 7 but the whole campus was in on it and would send said person all over the place. That was back when there were about 1/4 the employees there are now.

17

i used to work for a company where we had to share computer work stations. One day a co-worker left his email open at a workstation and I sent everyone in our department an email from his account letting them know that after weeks of asking he had finally been promoted to Officer in Charge of Afternoon Singalong to please meet him in the foyer at 2pm for the first meeting.

18

Being in the computer biz we all have a grand time with each other’s unlocked machines. My husband’s team is always sending out mass emails from their machines, saying things such as “I’m wearing pink underware”, “I think Bill Gates is sexy”, etc.

Way back in the early 90s I was the only person where I worked, at a hospital, that understood our new Windows OS. I was always going in and changing people’s desktop backgrounds to obnoxious stuff.

The clinic I worked at was for disabled kids. It was state funded and families would come in from all over Northern Arizon including the reservation and other remote places. One of our favorite things to do was have wheelchair races with the new wheelchairs that came in. These were pretty darn sophisticated and we could get some real speed going. The parents were always a bit annoyed when they found the staff ripping down the hallway in their kids swanky new wheelchair. The kids always found it funny though.

My favorite trick is changing the key mapping on a keyboard. Its been a while since I’ve done it but you can set it up so that every time someone hits a key it types out something random like A = butt. Drives the newbies crazy.

At Microsoft one of the old-time favorites is to send some new person to Building 7 for their badge and emphasize they need to get back ASAP. Of course there was no Building 7 but the whole campus was in on it and would send said person all over the place. That was back when there were about 1/4 the employees there are now.
If we ever have wheelchair races where I work, I’m gonna see if I can get the one with wheels that are radially spoked and have rims made out of some sort of hard plastic. (We actually do have at least one like this.)

I’d never tried changing key mapping. For the less tech-savvy but slightly mechanical sorts, you can also pry up the “M” and “N” keys on somebody’s keyboard and swap them. Works best on people who aren’t great typists.

19

When I first started working, we were standing around the lunch room and I noticed this woman had a little string hanging out of her zipper. I was not married yet but having 3 sisters, I was acutely aware of the anatomy of a tampon. I quickly exited the room before laughing to huddle with the other males and discuss it. How that little string made it all the way outside through her zipper I’ll never know but I’m quit sure she died a hundred deaths when she found it.

20

I assure you that nothing funny ever happens in radiology departments.
How about someone throwing up immediately after a barium swallow? That’s, maybe, kind of funny, right?