I post this with all due respect for those heroes who died much younger than me.
A friend of mine would say āAlive is a great way to start the day. Take it from thereā
He died from a heart attack in 2009 at age 37
So it goes
I wouldnāt say I get depressed, but I do think about it a lot. Iām 45 (I know ātri_kidā sounds like Iām 18 or something). I think of aging in terms of life % and how Iām probably half-way (full or empty?). But also, I think about how old I will be or my kids will be when I retire. I recently got married again and my wife and I want to start another family. So Iāll be at lest 65 when my kids are out of the house.
I also think about how old my parents were when I finished university and how close Iām getting to that age. Sure, Iām healthy now, no health problems, but I know in 10 or so years the health scares will start to pop up. I do look forward to retirement though and doing some age group races and joining sr. leagues in baseball and other sports.
No, I donāt get depressed at the idea of getting old. Iām 61. I am old. Iām just too busy actually living to spend any time worrying about being old. Stop gazing at your navel, put on your big boy panties, and get out there and do stuffā¦
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Now that Iām old, no! I can tell you that as I age my body gets older but I still feel young on the inside. I would love to be around for a long time as long as I had my health and fitness. But when those are gone Iāll be ready to move on without too many regrets.
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Is your new wife much younger? I canāt imaging having a newborn right now.
Iām creeping up on 50 (March) and Iām not sure how Iām processing it. Some days I wake up anxious and feel like death is around the corner, some days I wake up feeling as good and strong as I ever have. I generally stay in good shape, work out 4-5 days a week on the regular, and am probably in better shape than 95% of people my age. But I feel it in my bones, not physically but existentially, for lack of a better way to put it. My mental health is mostly good, especially given the stress of my schedule, kids, work (ICU takes a small piece of you every shift, I think) and for sure swings in either direction are felt or seen through the lens of aging.
The unexpected anxiety is worrying for my kids and their future. Itās aging me faster than anything else, Iām sure. Itās hard to let go of that and even more so given that they live with their mother most of the time and not under my roof. Theyāre smart kids, their mother is wonderful with them and our situation, so itās as good as I can hope for, but the anxiety never really abates.
On a related note, I donāt know if this is an aging thing or a me thing, but I have strong negative (I guess?) reactions to hearing music from my late HS/early college years, to the point that itās hard to listen to much of the music I grew up on. The odd thing is that it doesnāt evoke bad memories, but a period of constant change in my life and most of them good, so I donāt quite understand why I have that reaction. My best guess is that it evokes a time when I was young and the world was ahead of me instead of mostly behind, but itās not a conscious thought that brings on the uncomfortable feelings. Itās just a trigger of sorts that I donāt understand. It does seem to get worse as I get older. Best way to describe it I think is a sudden feeling of loss? Lost youth, lost relationships, lost lifestyle, I have no idea honestly.
I have to imagine Iām not the only one who experiences this?
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I had my kids later in life, so I share that feeling. I would love to see my kids grown and happy with families of their own, or not, and finding their own paths.
Iām 49, my wife is 39. Mostly same longevity dynamic, very likely she will spend time alone. Sheās promised (threatened) to put my ashes in an urn on the mantle and talk at me until the day she drops dead. I have no doubt sheāll follow through given the opportunity.
Just reading this now. Thatās one hell of a year, Iām insanely jealous.
Whatās on the agenda for 2025?
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i feel something like that. if itās a song iāve heard a lot since then i feel allergic too it, like i want to shrug it off. In my case because the memories it evokes are never fresh. If I hear something really obscure itās different.
My idea of hell would be being old(er), vaguely demented, and stuck in one of those memory stimulation places that has the Boss and BeeGees on endless loop
Not quite the same perhaps, but old songs do evoke sad thoughts for me in that they remind me of better times when I was more active (competing at a higher level), living with my kids and catching up with good friends regularly. Now I barely see anyone and subtle injuries have stopped me doing the things that I loved doing at the level that perked me up. Many of those songs remind me those lost relationships and how they have gone on to better things.
At least you have your healthy primary relationship. Imagine being alone with those thoughts at night. Itās less fun!
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Maybe that music just sucked? LOL
Do NOT go down that Road; it only leads to Heartache, trust me on this
So if you please, take this moment
Try if you can to make it last
Donāt think about no future
And just forget about the past
And make it last
At 59 I could retire comfortably. But am still working because of a certain sense of duty. Due to the nature of the job even taking vacations takes a fair degree of effort. I vacillate between that and just hanging it up. The connections related to work are quite meaningful and the work is too. Sigh. For now the recipe seems to be take better vacations
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In the past few years Iāve gotten to where I cannot sleep due to the nightly thought tornado, and most of it revolves around anxiety over my kidsā futures, and to some extent the wifeās as well. I canāt explain it, thereās no rational reason for the worry. Being healthy Iām no more likely to die tomorrow than anyone else here. I can only attribute it to subconscious anxiety over aging. But if I donāt start sleeping soon I am gonna die earlier than expected, I just donāt know how to turn it off.
This is going to make me sound like a terrible person, and I amā¦
At some point you have to love your kids a little less. This thing where we all hold on so tight and try to make everything perfect for our kids is ruining our lives and probably theirs too.
My older kid is on the autism spectrum. She is likely to struggle for the rest of her life. I love her. I want to help her. She will never be homeless and never go hungry. But at some point I had to stop making my happiness dependent on her happiness and success. I still worry about her, but I am also living my life and have accepted that I canāt necessarily will her to success.
Anywaysā¦
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I can relate in many ways, as I turn 50 in July and we often share the same day at work. My kids are a bit older at 19, 16, almost 14.
I would say I have been able to harness and pack away my anxiety. Which is minimal.
One of the things I appreciate about our job is that we are constantly reminded about how absolutely chaotic or devastatingly sad some peopleās lives and circumstances are. Not just poor self care and health. But a raw deal from the beginning that never gave them a chance to flourish as a person. Stuff 95% of folks walk around would never conceive one person could go through. I am somehow able to compartmentalize it, do my best to be positive energy every moment I am with them, and then tuck it away when I walk out.
I also know how fragile and how quickly it can turn. I feel good. I could eat a little better, be a bit more dedicate and regimented with workouts. But overall I can do what I want. Ride 50 miles at drop of a hat, race cyclocross, backpack in the mountains. Compared to friends and family back East, I am an Olympian. Haha.
My wife stresses and is consumed with striving for longevity. She takes like 10 supplements each morning. Tells me what diet we are doing next month. Michael Greger podcasts play daily. In fairness, her Mom dies of dementia, and is terrified of repeating.
I totally understand how she ticks. But I canāt waste that energy. I will be extremely disappointed if I donāt make it to 80. Anything beyond is gravy. If something gets me early, like < 60, well I still am proud of what I did, where I got my kids thus far, and many people never even got that.
Lastly. I actually love music from when I was young. My favorite Pandora station I crafted is my Huey Lewis and the News. I used to listen to FORE on my Walkman as my go to when I mowed lawns as first summer job age 12-13. I must have flipped that cassette back and forth 200 times. Now, if I hear Jacobās Ladder or Doing it All for my Babyā¦.I am instantly that boy. It keeps me young.
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Thatās not terrible at all. That said, you have no idea how we raise our kids. Weāve been accused by friends and family of being selfish because we still do stuff for ourselves and our kids are not 100% priority. Making their little lives perfect is so far from the agenda it never had to get crossed off. That doesnāt mean our love for them and desire for a good future isnāt always on my mind.
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Interesting question interesting read.
I sometimes think that Iām closer to my dadās age when he passed (60), than when I was in my āprimeā of doing other forum stuff fast (30s), or feeling the whole world is ahead when I was a grad student (20s)ā¦ Thatās a negative.
Then I think of my mom (now 96+) who is still going, and that sheās living another 30ish years after my dad passed. Thatās a huge chunk of time to still have to live. Iām counting on her good genes. Thatās a positive.
Iāve actually become really OK with getting older. My dad is 99, coming up really close on 100 and still going relatively strong. Iām turning 58 in a couple weeks so Iāve potentially got another 40+ years. Or I could have a heart attack today and be gone tomorrow.
We started taking lifetime goal trips the last couple years. We make more money than we ever have. So I can do what I want when I want. I donāt hate my job so the thought of working past 62 doesnāt irritate me if I decide I want to.
There is nothing that I feel like I would have expected to do by this age that I havenāt.
So no, getting older isnāt depressing me. There is only one cure to getting old and Iām not hoping for that just yet.