I will be staying in a house next week with a family that is originally from China. They have been in the US for some time, but I assume that they still observe some customs so I want to be aware and respect them.
Background - there is a company that is interested in partnering with my company and eventually buying us. The CEO lives in Buffalo NY but he and his wife have rented a large 4 bedroom villa in Orlando area for a month so he can be closer to one of his large customers while they are doing a lot of development for them. He invited me to stay with them so we can get to know each other better and to also make it easier to have extended conversations. We will be visiting some of my customers so we can introduce him to them and taking one or two out to dinner.
I want to be a good guest and realize that some of the things that I may normally do may not be what they are accustomed to.
So, any suggestions?
I know to take my shoes off at the door. Should I wear slippers? Is it considered rude to walk around with bare feet in the mornings when I first get up?
Meals - Is it rude to offer to help with preparation or cleaning? Any other customs that I should be aware of related to meals?
Any other customs that I should know about as a guest?
Upper Deckers are a common prank in China. The host will appreciate your sense of humor.
Well that’s a given. I do that everywhere, which might explain why my guest rating at Airbnb is only a half a star and why Motel 6 has banned me for life. Some people have no sense of humor.
This may be my lack of overall exposure, but Chinese culture/custom seems to be a lot less formal than I expected. In America, I think we have a lot more exposure to Japanese culture (media, etc.) which is FAR more formal and structured.
The shoes thing is for certain and I’d make sure to have slippers.
I find Chinese people to be very warm and welcoming.
Food is very important/central in the Chinese culture from what I’ve been told.
Am I the only one who would find it somewhat odd to be invited to stay at the rental home of the CEO of a company potentially interested in partnering/purchasing my current company?
As to customs and manners, I wouldn’t necessarily assume anything. Ask if there are any specific “rules of the house” you should be aware of. Making you aware of expectations is part of their responsibility as host.
That said, if this is a potential business partner and/or new owner, I would not be wandering around the house in the morning partially dressed, barefoot (unless you’re doing some sort of pool activities), in just shorts or pajama pants, etc. I would get dressed/undressed in the bedroom and the bathroom, and show my face in the morning only after I’d showered, shaved, and gotten dressed.
**Am I the only one who would find it somewhat odd to be invited to stay at the rental home of the CEO of a company potentially interested in partnering/purchasing my current company? **
As to customs and manners, I wouldn’t necessarily assume anything. Ask if there are any specific “rules of the house” you should be aware of. Making you aware of expectations is part of their responsibility as host.
That said, if this is a potential business partner and/or new owner, I would not be wandering around the house in the morning partially dressed, barefoot (unless you’re doing some sort of pool activities), in just shorts or pajama pants, etc. I would get dressed/undressed in the bedroom and the bathroom, and show my face in the morning only after I’d showered, shaved, and gotten dressed.
Sunday is the Lunar/Chinese New Year and traditions and festivities do typically run for 15 days. So, depending on when you start your stay, it would be a good gesture to bring a gift when you arrive.
If you are arriving on Sunday, I would definitely not wear white or black, and observe other CNY customs.
Do not leave your chopstick sticking up from the dish. It’s ok to ask for fork and spoons if you prefer.
Do not write any names in red.
I think that it would be best to have some type of house slippers and not walk around bare feet.
For meals, it is quite a communal affair. The dishes are placed in the middle and each one has a bowl of rice and you take what you want from the spread in the centre.
I believe offering to cook/clean is being a good guest.
If you all end up playing Call of Duty together, make sure your kill/death ratio is higher than theirs.
It sounds like an interesting experience, do post updates.
My 13 year old son and I were house guests last weekend with extended family who my son had never met, and I hadn’t seen in 20+ years. I had never been close to them, so it was almost like staying with strangers. I was a little nervous going into the weekend.
You’ll do fine if you use common courtesy. Ask questions so that you have a general understanding of expectations for schedules/ details for work, food, relaxation & entertainment. Be easy going. Be helpful. Be generous. Be upfront about things that really matter to you, if you have specific needs.
We visited my relatives because I will be the executor of their estate. We had a thorough conversation the first evening and several brief question/answer conversations during the second day. Then we did another long conversation reiterating the essential points and gathering new details on the third day. I emailed a summary of everything after we returned home on the fourth day.
It was really nice to be around each other for multiple conversations. We became comfortable with each other and gained a nice understanding for expectations and attitudes. I was able to gather a lot of information. I liked having the time to think about it— think about gaps in information and practical issues. I think they gained confidence in me. I feel really good about what I will need to do for them.
I think you can gain a lot from your visit. If you discover that you are somehow not compatible, it’s probably better to learn it now than later.
ETA: Be prepared to take notes and be very meticulous during the business moments.
**Am I the only one who would find it somewhat odd to be invited to stay at the rental home of the CEO of a company potentially interested in partnering/purchasing my current company? **
As to customs and manners, I wouldn’t necessarily assume anything. Ask if there are any specific “rules of the house” you should be aware of. Making you aware of expectations is part of their responsibility as host.
That said, if this is a potential business partner and/or new owner, I would not be wandering around the house in the morning partially dressed, barefoot (unless you’re doing some sort of pool activities), in just shorts or pajama pants, etc. I would get dressed/undressed in the bedroom and the bathroom, and show my face in the morning only after I’d showered, shaved, and gotten dressed.
Thanks for the suggestions. He described it as a type of villa with separate areas. He’s had some of his staff stay when they were down to work with the clients. It sounds like he found a large place that could accommodate multiple groups/families while providing some privacy.
We’ve had numerous conversations and we were introduced by one of our mutual clients who said that we both approach business and relationships the same way. I assume that he sees it as an opportunity for us to spend time getting to know me as well as to see if I’m actually the person that our client thinks I am.
I agree that it is a little outside the norm, but I’m comfortable with it. I figure that I can see how he dresses during the informal times and mimic that.
It sounds like an interesting experience, do post updates.
Thank you for the advice. I did some reading and saw that mandarin oranges and alcohol are considered appropriate gifts for Chinese New Year, and also saw that the color of the gift box/bag matters.
This is all great information and will help me show that I took the time to consider a gift that would mean something to him.
Do not leave your chopstick sticking up from the dish.
I don’t understand what this means. I’m sure you wouldn’t pop them vertically into a bowl of rice. Do you mean don’t let them rest on the edge of a plate? What is “sticking up”?
If you do have a family meal, and chopsticks are provided. For some time now it has become the custom for there to be separate chopsticks (often a different colour) used for serving the food. You use those to get a portion for yourself and then use your own chopsticks to eat. You do not use your own chopsticks to get food from a common plate.
Some families may do this, with a guest. It would be rude to use your own chopsticks to serve from a common plate.
Using a fork if you are not competent with chopsticks is not rude, it’s practical and sensible.
You can also use a spoon (instead of a fork) and place food into it with the chopsticks.
